


The 6th Ward

by coldmackerel



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: hospital au, like there aren't a billion of these, lots of introspection and hopefully humor, this really isn't an angst fest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-27
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2017-12-27 19:11:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 93,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/982565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldmackerel/pseuds/coldmackerel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>COMPLETE</p><p>A comedy about being dead.</p><p>Levi is finally returning to work as a nurse after recovering from a car crash that nearly killed him. Nothing says "welcome back" like realizing he's lost his marbles and can see the disembodied spirits of the comatose patients in the 6th ward. He begrudgingly helps them learn how to be dead. Eren, the newest coma patient in the 6th ward, has six months to learn how to be dead. Good luck, kid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A new shift

**Author's Note:**

> Haven't written in a long while, so I'm just trying to get back into it. We're gonna keep this story loose and just role with it. It's a lot of coming to terms with things, but we're going to keep this pretty light and hopefully, humorous. My sense of humor sucks, though, so expect a lot of movie references.  
> Speaking of:  
> -Haley Joel Osment plays the main kid who can see dead people in the movie Sixth Sense  
> -Bruce Willis plays the guy who doesn't know he is dead  
> Just in case y'all didn't know that.
> 
> Fair warning, this is not going to be a very shippy story. Lots of introspection and life observations. Just roll with it. Rated mostly for language.
> 
> Cheers.

_6 months, 0 days_

There was something inarguably ironic about celebrating your recovery by returning to the hospital you had just been discharged from. Congratulations on your discharge, can’t wait to see you back here in a week. The only difference was that instead of his ass hanging out of a hospital gown, he was tucked neatly into nurse scrubs.

Overall, though, he felt pretty good. Or rather, as good as you can feel two months after a deadly car crash. Which was surprisingly good. And as he clocked in and entered the sterile hallways of St. Trost’s Hospital, he couldn’t help but find the pristine white walls and overwhelming smell of sanitizer as anything less than invigorating.

His reverie was abruptly interrupted with a friendly, but rather forceful karate chop to his back. Making a sound like a punctured bike tire, he rounded sharply on the woman laughing loudly at his inevitable anger. “Levi, you old devil. Look what the cat dragged in. Look at ya. Let me just take you in you little survivor, you!”

“Hanji-“ Levi began, before the excitable woman clamped her hands firmly on both of his cheeks. He tried to look intimidating, but as anyone who has had their face squished together, it is a daunting task to strike fear into so much as a small rodent’s heart, let alone a human being. It also probably didn’t help that Levi himself barely made it to Hanji’s shoulder in height.

“You’re back at work so soon,” she gushed, giving his cheeks gleeful pats. “You wouldn’t believe what happened the other day. Mike was trying to get delivery during lunch to the break room but when he called…”

Hanji prattled on, emphasizing her points with various pressures on his cheeks. Levi looked disinterestedly at her from under his eyelids, arms crossed. He let his eyes wander over the bustling hospital, nurses dodging in and out of rooms with clipboards and various packaged tools, doctors glued to their phones, walking bravely through the traffic, placing far too much faith in everyone’s ability to avoid their distracted selves.

“Oi, Levi!” Hanji’s tone turned authoritative and Levi snapped back to her face. “What are you still doing here, you’re supposed to be checking vitals on the coma patients in the 6th wing. Hop to it man-nurse,” she grinned, slapping his back once more before bustling off, straight into a distracted doctor, papers flying everywhere.

Levi frowned in her direction before turning neatly on his heel toward the 6th wing. While it was thoughtful of the supervisors to schedule him to such an easy round for the six-month rotation, he would have rather been anywhere else. Besides being intensely boring, the coma ward’s atmosphere was nothing to look forward to. None of those patients were waking up. The coma ward nurse was a babysitter for dead people. The only difference between the 6th wing and a funeral home was that for some inexplicable reason, the bodies in the 6th wing still had beating hearts. But a heartbeat does not a person make.

After nearly being comatose himself, Levi thought he would have had a more romanticized view of the 6th wing and its inhabitants after his car crash, but dead was dead.

 He was surprised to find, though, that the 6th wing had company that day. As he entered the ward he saw a new bed with two people seated around it. Dr. Smith’s broad shoulders, neatly combed blonde hair, and lab coat were easily identifiable, but the woman with smooth, black hair was unfamiliar to Levi. A visitor, he reasoned.

He pulled the chart for one of the other patients in the ward, distractedly checking vitals and jotting down notes as he listened in on the conversation around the new bed.

Dr. Smith had his I’m-sorry-for-your-loss voice on and was speaking in quiet, deep tones. “…so I really wouldn’t expect much at this stage. I’m not a man cruel enough to give false hope. I don’t want to give you the wrong idea. Eren is brain dead, and there’s really nothing we can do.” The woman in the chair was nodding numbly, her face deathly pale. “Now, here is what I suggest for most families going through this. We’ll give it six months. We will leave Eren on life support and we’ll keep him comfortable for six months, and if we don’t find any change in brain activity, we’ll – ah, I mean, you pull the plugs,” he finished, at barely more than a whisper.

“Aw hell no, do not let anyone near any plugs!”

Levi whipped around, knocking over a magazine rack and a blood pressure reader. A tall young man with disheveled brown hair and a panicked look in his green eyes was gesturing wildly his dissent. “No one is unplugging anything!” the man insisted.

Much to Levi’s confusion, Dr. Smith had continued talking right over the young man, and the woman beside the bed was nodding dumbly at the doctor’s recommendations of organ donation.

“You ain’t doin’ shit with my plugs Doctor Ken Doll. You either, Mikasa,” he said. He was waving his arms with so much gusto, that Levi feared a plane would mistakenly try to land on them all.

Levi looked wildly between the young man and the gathering around the new bed, gears clicking into place in his brain despite his better judgment. “Are you...” Levi trailed off. “How…” He found himself in a rare state of inability to form coherent thoughts.

The young man turned briefly to observe Levi, made to turn back around to the gathering at the bedside, but then did a double take back to Levi as their eyes found each other. He stared openly at Levi. “Staring is kind of rude where I come from,” Levi managed dryly.

“Well call me a believer at last,” the young man finally managed, clasping his hands together in prayer. “Thank you jesus, Mary, Joseph, Tom Cruise, or whoever I’m supposed to thank,” he said. “You can see me. Oh thank god,” he breathed, running a hand roughly through his hair.

“Yeah, eyesight really was a pretty stunning invention,” Levi returned.

“Tell that to them,” the man said, indicating the young woman and doctor with his thumb. He took a few steps closer to Levi, bringing his voice to an unnecessary whisper. “I’m in a fucking coma,” he hissed, gesturing wildly at the bed of interest.

Levi stared openly at the panicked man. After nearly a full two minutes of open disbelief, Levi cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Um,” he announced awkwardly to the bedside gathering.

Dr. Smith turned around slowly and raised his eyebrow questioningly at Levi. “Levi?” he acknowledged.

“Ah, um. Do you-that is. Is he…?” Levi trailed off, pointing gingerly at the man standing next to him.

Dr. Smith shook his head slightly. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Is, um,” Levi tried to change strategies. “New resident of the ward?” He finished meekly.

“Eren Jaeger,” Dr. Smith answered suspiciously. “Here are his charts if you’re in need of them right away.”

Levi’s eyes shifted worriedly between the young man beside him and Dr. Smith. He cautiously approached the new bed, and just as he suspected, the young man panicking beside him was the same man lying in bed, connected to a series of respirators and various vital monitors. Boy did he hate it when he was right. Levi liked to consider himself a rational man, hard to affect, and quick to dismiss foolishness. The site of the doubled man, though, drained the color from his face and left him stuttering uncharacteristically. “I uh-I need, air…lunch-“ he sputtered, grabbing the clipboard from Dr. Smith and rushing out of the ward.

Levi went straight to the nurse’s station where he found Hanji trying to balance a thermometer on her nose. Grabbing the front of her scrubs, he pulled her down to his height and whispered urgently, “Hanji this is some Sixth Sense shit.”

Hanji stared forlornly at the broken thermometer now on the ground. She then narrowed her eyes, appraising his hostile, worried face.

“Hanji I-“ he lowered his voice to barely a whisper. “Hanji I think I’m seeing dead people or some shit.” Levi released his grip on her shirt and stood back a step, folding his arms as if she would have an immediate solution to his problem.

She nodded slowly, one eyebrow raised pointedly at him. After a minute of appraisal, her face turned thoughtful. “So, are you Haley Joel Osment?” She asked skeptically. “Or am I Haley Joel Osment, and you’re Bruce Willis. Because, I mean, maybe you’re dead, and _I_ am seeing dead people, but like, you don’t know you’re dead.” It was hard to tell if or when Hanji was ever serious.

“I am definitely Haley Joel Osment,” Levi hissed.

“I want to be Haley Joel Osment,” Hanji pouted.

“No one wants to be Haley Joel Osment! The peak of his acting career was when he was like, 10.”

“No, he was in Forest Gump and I’m pretty sure he does a voice in some popular video game franchise too,” she returned.

“Forest Gump was before Sixth Sense,” Levi said doubtfully.

“Jesus Christ, then why do you have such a problem being Bruce Willis?”

“Bruce Willis was dead, Hanji! I’m not dead!” Levi was shouting now.

Hanji was laughing openly at him at this point. Her laughter was attracting the attention of the other nurses, so Levi quickly pulled her back down to his height by the front of her shirt, clamping a hand over her mouth. “Listen, you fucking hyena,” he snarled. “I was in the 6th ward and there’s some new guy in there and I fucking saw him standing beside his own mostly-dead body. No one else could see him. He was panicking and shit, and I was the only goddamn one who knew he was there,” Levi found himself babbling. He hated babbling. “He was there, in his fucking bed, mostly dead. But he was also standing beside me, telling them that no one was allowed to pull any plugs.” Levi was panting now, more angry than anything.

Recognition lit in Hanji’s eyes. “Oh, so _he’s_ Bruce Willis.”

“Would you shut the fuck up about Bruce Willis,” Levi said, before thinking better of it. “But, I mean, yeah. He’s Bruce Willis.”

“Damn, does that make me like, Haley Joel Osment’s on-screen mom?” Hanji asked sadly.

“That was Toni Collette I think,” Levi pondered.

“Damn,” Hanji mourned.

“No-just, what the fuck Hanji. Am I losing my fucking mind here?” Hanji straightened her glasses uncomfortably, looking past Levi as if the answer might be somewhere on the wall of the nurse’s station.  “Maybe I came back to work too soon,” Levi thought aloud.

“This is some grade-A sci-fi shit,” Hanji said, regaining her excited momentum. “Maybe when you were in that car wreck, you like, opened some portal to the afterlife. And now you see people who are like, almost dead, but not really.”

She was having way too much fun with this. Even if Levi had enjoyed fun things, which he often did not, this would have been the opposite of a fun thing.

“Alright, alright. Why don’t you go talk to Bruce Willis coma guy? We gotta test this shit out,” she said, a little too excitedly for Levi’s tastes. Hanji looked like she was going to march them both down to the 6th ward to study the new coma patient, before she caught sight of a supervisor marching towards her, an angry glint in the woman’s eyes. “Shit, I gotta make myself scarce, Levi,” she said quickly. “I’m in some deep shit with the supervisor. I’ll see you later, but you better go talk to Bruce Willis.” She scurried off, but when she was about fifty paces from Levi, she shouted over her shoulder, “Not the actor!” before slamming into the same distracted doctor she had collided with earlier.

“Fucking perfect,” Levi mumbled, trudging slowly off towards the 6th wing.

\--

Standing outside of the ward, Levi knew he had to approach this delicately. The kid was probably even more freaked out than he was, and he didn’t want to make the situation worse. Part of him hoped that it had been a stress-induced hallucination and he wouldn’t see the distressed young man again. Walking into the ward, though, banished that hope from his mind. The patient, or whatever he was, was pacing nervously in front of his own bed, where the black-haired woman was holding his body’s lifeless hand silently. Levi tried desperately to remember the kid’s name. Eren, he thought. Irving. Something.

Eren-or-Irving-or-something looked up as Levi entered the room, and Levi motioned discreetly for him to follow Levi into the deserted hallway.

Levi reminded himself mentally to approach the situation calmly and try not to freak the kid out. Stay calm.

The kid closed the door to the room behind him and turned to face Levi. Levi grabbed the front of the young man’s shirt and pulled him forward roughly, an unintentionally threatening tone creeping into his voice. “Listen here you little shit.”

Nailed it.

“Little?” the kid spluttered indignantly. Apparently the fond nickname of ‘shit’ was somehow less offensive than an accusation of being vertically challenged. “Alright, Stubby McMan-Nurse,” he spat.

Levi chose, with much difficulty, to ignore the jab at his short stature. He released the front of the kid’s white shirt grudgingly and stepped back a pace. “Let’s try this again,” he sighed. “Levi,” he introduced himself shortly, extending a hand.

“Eren,” the young man returned suspiciously, taking Levi’s hand. Eren’s hand was incredibly cold. There was a moment of heavy silence before Eren spoke again. “Am I dead?”

At least he didn’t beat around the bush. Levi’s instinct was to affirm Eren’s suspicions, but he faltered a bit on that point. There was a certain droop to the kid’s shoulders, and Levi couldn’t help but feel a bit sorry for him. “Do you want a medical answer?” Levi asked, giving him a level look.

Eren considered a moment. “I want your answer.”

Levi sighed. “You’re dead.”

“My heart’s still beating,” Eren offered reasonably.

“You’re not going to wake up,” Levi insisted, perhaps a little to bluntly.

Eren seemed to take this reasonably well. He was nodding thoughtfully, though with a distinctly exhausted look in his eyes. Had Eren not been pretty much dead, Levi would have warned him that the intensity with which he was distractedly running his hand through his hair was likely to cause early baldness. “How come you can see me?”

Levi shrugged tiredly. “I don’t fucking know.”

“That’s some Sixth Sense shit, right there,” Eren mused.

Being almost entirely done with any mention of the Sixth Sense, Levi made to protest but was interrupted.

“Yoooooo,” a voice broke into their conversation from down the hallway.

“They can’t hear us,” a girl said skeptically.

“No, look, that dude is wearing the same freaky ghost, dead-person outfit,” replied the other voice.

A girl with long brown hair pulled back and a sheepish grin was approaching them with a shorter young man with a shaved head and a toothy smile. “Hey, kid,” he called to Eren, ignoring Levi entirely. “I see you’ve got death-casual on too.” He motioned between the two. All three of them were wearing white slacks, simple white t-shirts, and black belts. “Welcome to ward 6. I see you’ve already got your uniform on,” he joked. “I think the real question is why the higher powers thought the painter’s uniform was a good look for people who’ve failed to die properly. Personally, I think the heavenly imagery is a bit over the top, but what can you do.” He held out a hand to Eren. “Connie,” he offered warmly. “Nice to meet you, but really sorry it had to be here.”

Eren shot Levi a look before taking Connie’s hand. “Eren,” he offered back.

“Sasha,” the girl who had arrived with Connie piped up, raising her hand in acknowledgement. “Also mostly dead, I guess.”

“This day just gets better and better,” Levi said sourly.

Connie and Sasha turned to gape at Levi. Sasha even waved a hand in front of Levi’s face, waggling her fingers to elicit some response, before he shot a glare at her, causing her to retreat behind Connie.

“Holy shit, dude,” Connie managed, gathering the slack from his open jaw. “Are you dead too?”

“I am definitely fucking not,” Levi grumbled.

“You can see us, though,” Sasha said incredulously. She was looking at him with a deep awe that bordered on worship. “You can see us,” she repeated quietly.

“Unfortunately,” Levi returned. They were all just kind of looking at him and Levi desperately wished he had pretended he couldn’t see Eren at all. He had to open his damn mouth. It was just a good thing that the 6th ward was nearly deserted just about all of the time.

“Is this a thing then?” Eren interrupted. “Like, do all brain-dead coma patients do this cheesy out-of-body experience shit?”

Connie shrugged. “From what I can tell. Gotta say, though, science fiction makes it seem a hell of a lot cooler. Reality’s a bit different, though. Honestly, it’s boring as hell.”

“How long have you been like this?” Eren seemed uneasy.

“Well,” Connie paused, making quick calculations in his head. “I guess Sasha and I have been here about two months. Some of the others have been here longer. Time moves in a weird way around here. When you’re not really sure whether you want time to move forward or backward, it has a weird way of doing neither. Until one day you kind of wake up and notice that things aren’t the way you thought they were.”

Eren tried to nod like he understood, but just achieved a seasick sort of look, that made Levi think Eren was more inclined to vomit on his pristine white shoes than anything. Levi felt like he might join him in that endeavor.

\--


	2. A Lot of Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pumped out a new chapter already. Hopefully you're starting to believe me when I say that there is very little plot here. Lots of introspection. Still trying to keep it light. Let me know how that goes, though. I tend to have an unfortunately morbid sense of humor. Anyways, hopefully things make sense here.  
> Cheers.

_5 months, 20 days_

‘Comfortable routine’ wasn’t really a word that Levi wanted to use to describe his time in the 6th ward now, but at the very least, he’d finally achieved the capability of being surprised by very little. To be honest, he thought he had already achieved that before meeting Eren and the rest of the cast of the 6th ward, but he never thought he would have to babysit a bunch of walking dead kids for $22 an hour. Just proof that life can still surprise you.

The past week and a half had proved more turbulent than his entire life up until this point in some respects, but also strangely more peaceful than his life until this point. The 6th ward patients were loud, dangerously bored, and a constant strain on Levi’s nerves. But they were also sort of peaceful in their unassuming existences. They were living because they were allowed to, and there was a kind of melancholy contentment tinged with light happiness at each conversation, each smile, or each touch. It was like a reminder that they were still there. They were dead, but they weren’t. And sometimes Levi couldn’t figure out if they were happy or sad about that. Mostly, though, Levi thought that the 6th ward patients couldn’t figure out if they were happy or sad about that.

After managing to extricate himself from a one-sided argument with Hanji about catheter usage (she had held all of the argumentative sides, while Levi pretended to listen), he began his almost-routine trip to the 6th ward. Normally there would be some flurry of activity by this hour. Whether it was Connie and Sasha running through the halls, or Jean arguing with Eren, or Reiner telling one of his stories – many of which Levi suspected were partially or wholly made up – there was always some sort of nothing happening. They did more nothing than any group of people Levi had ever encountered. They usually did it pretty loudly too.

On this day, though, it was quiet. It was exactly what the 6th ward should have been if Levi hadn’t lost his fucking marbles. But it certainly wasn’t what he had come to expect. He noticed through the window to one of the rooms that there was a visitor today. Ymir, a tall woman with a confident, subtly teasing personality, had a visitor pulled up next to her body. Ymir was easy for Levi to get along with, because neither of them said much. Ymir spoke concisely, conveying only what she wanted to, when she needed to convey it. But if you listened closely, she had a sharp wit and came up with the best insults. She saved her words for when they would mean something. Levi could appreciate that.

Pulled up to Ymir’s body was a petite young woman, with neat blonde hair, and a naïve, but beautiful face. She appeared to be reading from a book out loud. Levi slipped inside the room and was surprised to find all of the other 6th ward patients gathered there as well. It wasn’t loud, though. In fact, the only noise was the petite woman’s voice as she read from the book perched in her lap. Ymir was sitting on her bed, wedged beside her own motionless body. Her eyes were closed, but there was a light smile on her face and she was nodding slightly at the words the woman was reciting. Reiner and his roommate Bertholdt were seated on the floor with their backs against the wall, smiling slightly. Connie and Sasha were seated in chairs on the other side of the bed, leaning forward to rest their chins on their hands, resting on the edge of Ymir’s bed. Their faces were ludicrously similar in their expressions of wonder and rapt attention. Annie, another girl from the ward, was leaning against the wall. She wasn’t a particularly emotive girl, but even her usually stern gaze was softened and she looked infinitely more peaceful than Levi had ever seen her look. Jean had his back to the group, facing the window, but the sag in his shoulders and his relaxed posture conveyed an obvious peace. Eren was lying on his back at the foot of the bed, contemplating the ceiling with a stupidly happy smile on his face.

Levi moved to the corner of the room, trying to be present without actually being present. It felt wrong to disturb the moment.

The woman with the book had a strangely comforting voice. Clear, but gentle. “’Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?’ ‘That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.’ ‘I don’t much care where –‘ ‘Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.’” Levi found himself absorbed in the 6th ward patients, though, rather than the story. It was as if all of a sudden he wasn’t looking at a bunch of adults anymore. Their faces were young again and their eyes had such a homesick look that he thought he was going to be sick himself. Reiner was wiping furiously at his eyes, and Levi took that as a good time to make himself scarce.

\--

_5 months, 19 days_

“Levi,” Hanji whined. “You haven’t eaten lunch with me ever since you went all Haley Joel Osment on me.” She was in full pout, walking practically on top of Levi’s heels as he made his way to the 6th ward.

“I’m trying to lose weight,” Levi replied sarcastically. Well, it wasn’t that he was trying to lose weight. He just kind of _was_ losing weight. It pissed him off, but those god damn 6th ward patients turned him off his appetite. It was too much on his mind.

“Levi, if you don’t eat, you won’t just be seeing dead people.”

“Yeah, I’ll be hanging out with them. Wouldn’t that be weird?”

Hanji dismissed his remark. “They’re mostly dead, they aren’t going anywhere. Come eat a decent meal for Christ’s sake.”

Levi waved her away. “We’ll go get dinner later. We both have shit to do right now.”

Hanji retreated with a few more protests, eventually being forced to dash down a perpendicular hallway to avoid a supervisor who had caught her eye. Levi wasn’t sure exactly what it was that got Hanji into so much trouble with her superiors, but he also wasn’t exactly surprised. Calling her a free spirit was putting it mildly.

The ward had regained its normal activity level since yesterday. No visitors were in the log, and everyone seemed to be gathered in the hallway, sitting or leaning against walls. Eren waved cheerily when he caught sight of Levi entering the ward. Levi spared him a nod of acknowledgement, grabbing their charts and joining the gathering in the hallway.

“Who was visiting yesterday?” Levi inquired, trying not to sound too interested.

“That was Krista,” Connie replied from his position on the floor. “Ymir’s girl,” he added, a stupidly big smile on his face. Sasha snickered beside him.

“Yeah, I wish,” Ymir muttered. “Good friend, though. Pretty much the only one who still visits me. You been mostly dead for a handful of months, and people sort of forget about you,” she trailed off wistfully. “Always reads to me, though,” she added at hardly more than a whisper. They all agreed quietly, seemingly lost in the tranquility of Krista’s visit the other day.

“So what are we up to today?” Levi asked, interrupting the reminiscing. He didn’t really care what they were up to, he just hoped it wasn’t loud.

Eren groaned loudly. “How the hell have some of you guys been here for months. There’s nothing to do.” He was scratching absentmindedly at a scuff on the tile.

“Yes, we certainly have an abundance of nothing,” Bertholdt mused. “Sometimes we just try to pretend like time isn’t actually a thing. That kind of helps me.” He shrugs. “Gives you an opportunity to think about a lot of stuff.” He smiled apologetically. “That can also be a bad thing, though.”

Levi gave the group an exasperated look. Damned kids. “Do you want me to bring in some movies or music or something?” He wasn’t in the business of charity, but he couldn’t deny his rare position. No one else could provide the ward with something to do. Everyone else saw a bunch of lifeless bodies in beds. Of course there was nothing for them to do.

There was an instant uproar as they all began babbling excitedly, talking about their favorite movies, games, and music. Levi tried to keep from rolling his eyes in irritation. He failed.

“I’d kill to see a movie,” Reiner announced to the group.

“Sixth Sense?” Levi offered wryly.

Eren laughed openly. “Damn, you’re like Bruce Willis or some shit.”

“I am _not_ Bruce Willis,” Levi snapped, a little louder than he intended. “ _You_ are Bruce Willis you little shit. I see dead people. You’re dead.”

Eren seemed to consider this point, before shaking his head slowly. “I’m not really dead,” Eren mused. “We really don’t have much proof that you are alive, though. I mean, why can you see us?” He grinned mischievously. “Are you sure you’re not Bruce Willis?”

“No-Fuck no,” Levi spat. He hated getting worked up. “I’m Haley Joel Fucking Osment. You are all intolerable.”

“Then are we all Bruce Willis?” Sasha asked skeptically.

“No one is fucking Bruce Willis!” Levi was at his wits end.

“Yeah, but who would turn down the opportunity,” Ymir snickered.

They dissolved into laughter as Levi stormed away.

Pain in the ass fuckin’ dead kids.

\--

_5 months, 16 days_

Levi was meticulously cleaning his hands, scrubbing furiously at the undersides of his fingernails. The soap had a calming smell of isopropyl alcohol and lemon. Cleaning in general made him feel content. Happy even.

“Levi!” He recognized Erwin’s voice and turned around to acknowledge him as he approached. Irwin was neatly put together as usual, shirt pressed, tie clipped neatly down, pants pressed, lab coat without a wrinkle, and hair gelled perfectly.

“Dr. Smith,” Levi said, inclining his head slightly in greeting. Turning back to the sink, he continued scrubbing at his palms, hoping that Erwin would pick up on his undesired to chat.

“How is the 6th ward treating you?”

Levi could recognize the pettiness in Erwin’s question. “Fine,” he replied shortly. It was obvious that Erwin was interested in discussing a different topic, but didn’t want to rush headlong into it. Rushing headlong into the point would have been preferable, though. Small talk wasn’t exactly Levi’s thing.

“Pretty quiet, but at least they don’t ask too many questions,” Erwin said lightly, rolling up his sleeves to wash his hands in the sink next to Levi’s.

“You’d be surprised,” Levi muttered.

Erwin apparently hadn’t caught Levi’s comment, and instead plowed along in the conversation. “Did you hear about the renovation work that got approved? I mean, it’s not a big deal, really. It’s just weird to think it won’t be there anymore.”

Levi shut off the sink and finally turned to Erwin, suddenly keen on participating in the conversation. Erwin hadn’t noticed his sudden interest, still washing his hands. “What won’t be there anymore?”

Erwin looked over and met Levi’s eyes. “Oh,” he managed. He clearly hadn’t expected the conversation to become two-sided. “Guess you haven’t heard. The board decided that they’re closing down the 6th wing. We’re not going to take on any more long-term comatose patients. We’re going to try to work with the families of the current patients to come up with a better solution than letting them rot there.” He was rubbing absently at the back of his head. “Really, I think all of them that have families to speak for them are going to be off of life support within six months. We have that new patient, who still has nearly a full six months, but most of the others have scheduled shut-down dates before then. All that leaves are the ones without family who give a damn about them. We’re probably going to appeal to the State to take them off life-support sometime in the next few months.” Irwin shook his head sadly. “It’s just not right keeping bodies alive when they’re, you know…not really alive.”

Levi was nodding dumbly, trying hard to focus on what Erwin was saying.  
“I guess it comes down to the hospital’s stance on life-support. I think the goal is to no longer support long-term care for people who are basically dead. If families want to keep comatose patients alive for more than a few weeks, they’re going to have to transfer them to another hospital. St. Trost just won’t do it anymore.”

Erwin shrugged. “It’s probably a good thing. It’s sad to see those patients lay there so long. Families need closure.” With that, Erwin dried his hands and took his leave, tossing a farewell wave over his shoulder.

Levi tried to pinpoint his feelings on the matter, but had an uncharacteristically hard time deciding how he felt. More difficult to decide, though, was how or if he should let the 6th ward patients know that their days were numbered. Most of them had to have known, he reasoned. The hospital had never condoned life support beyond six months, as it were. But as much as Levi knew he should bring it up to them, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread as he made his way slowly into the 6th ward.

Upon entering the ward, Levi noticed that the hallway was deserted except for Eren, who was sitting on the ground outside of his room, legs extended, and hands clasped together, resting contentedly on his stomach. He was humming absent mindedly, staring at some fixed point on the wall in front of him. Levi managed to be standing directly over him before Eren even noticed he was there.

“Morning,” Eren greeted him with a small smile and a casual salute.

Levi didn’t answer. There were more important things than petty greetings and formalities. He cut to the chase. “You know you have less than six months before they turn off your respirator, right?”

Eren blinked a few times, a look of bewilderment on his face. “Uh, yeah. I mean, I guess I knew that. Mikasa agreed to that.”

“She your girlfriend?” Levi’s expression hadn’t changed. Still mostly disinterested.

“Sister,” Eren corrected. “Adopted sister,” he added after a moment. “I mean, am I going to be actually dead at that point?”

Levi scoffed. “I don’t know, let me check the manual that came with this shit. Oh look here,” Levi said with mock surprise, holding out an imaginary book while pretending to find a specific paragraph in the book with his index finger. “The manual on how to help mostly dead kids on becoming completely dead says yes, you will in fact die when you are killed.”

Levi closed the imaginary book and waited patiently for Eren to rise to the bait. He usually did. He stayed silent, though, tapping the pads of his fingers together, apparently absorbed in thought. A few minutes of uncomfortable silence passed with Levi standing over Eren, arms crossed, and Eren thinking so loudly Levi could almost hear his thoughts. Damn kid couldn’t even think quietly. Levi wouldn’t sit on the floor, mostly because he had spent enough time working in a hospital to know what kind of fluids ended up on hospital floors, but he crouched down beside Eren, his back against the wall, elbows resting on his knees, holding his head up with his hands.

“I’m supposed to be okay, right?” Eren finally asked. “I’m not supposed to be upset or anything. Like, I’m pretty much dead, right? So why would it matter if I become actually dead.”

Levi made a noncommittal noise. “Feel how you want to feel.”

“I don’t feel dead,” Eren mused, almost to himself more than to Levi.

“Yeah, well you’ve got nearly six months to get used to it.”

Eren laughed a bit then, but the laughter was sad more than anything. Levi glanced over at him curiously. “It was so dumb.”

Levi raised his eyebrows at Eren.

  
“I was working a construction job. I’d been working that damn job for more than a hundred days. And the one shift I forget my hardhat for. That one stupid shift. And that one moron who dropped the hammer from the support above me.” Angry tears were threatening to spill over onto his cheeks. Eren laughed a bit more to try to relieve the tension in his voice. “I know there are a lot of statistics about getting struck by lightening. A hammer though? A fucking hammer,” he trailed off shaking his head incredulously.

“Imagine how the people who got struck by lightening feel,” Levi offered.

Eren managed a genuine laugh at that. “It’s so dumb. It’s like the sum of every stupid mistake you’ve made in your life that you wish you had just done what you were supposed to do, multiplied by a thousand and thrown back in your own dumb face.” Mostly he just sounded pissed off at this point. “And for some goddamn reason all I can think about are those stupid motivational sayings telling you that you can drop dead at any point, so you should do something great today, not tomorrow. No one really believes that, though. Everyone thinks they have a tomorrow. You think, sure the guy next to me might not have a tomorrow, but I’m the main character of this story. Everyone wants to think that they’re just a little more special than every Joe, Dick, and Harry who gets hit by a car on the way to the supermarket, or slips on ice and cracks their head open. I won’t die on an average day before my time, you think. I’ll know when my last tomorrow is. And you fucking don’t,” he finished.

Levi tried to come up with something to say, but literally the most creative thing he had to say was, “that blows.”

Eren shot him a frustrated look, like he expected something more than a comfirmation of his grievances. Some life advice maybe. Something deeper than what Levi had to offer. “Yeah,” he agreed. “It really does.”

“Do you like music?” Levi asked.

Eren gave Levi a disgruntled look. “Can’t you just let me have a life crisis here for ten minutes?”

“You’re dead, you can’t have a life crisis. Should have taken care of that before you went and kicked the bucket. C’mon brat, what kind of music do you like. I’ll see if I can bring in a stereo or something.”

Eren threw his hands up in defeat. “Fine, whatever. Bring in classical music. Mozart and Bach and shit. And I’m not a brat, I’m 22 years old you damn midget.”

Levi growled in the back of his throught. “Oi! I’ll stop calling you a brat when you stop acting like one. Lay off the short jokes.”

Eren shrugged. “I’ll lay off the short jokes when you stop being short, then.”

\--

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow Levi, the kid's dead, show a little tact.  
> Also, fuck proofreading. Sorry if I fucked up. Sorry not sorry.  
> Anyways, I'll try to update as frequently as my schedule allows.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Cheers.


	3. Outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea why i've posted three chapters in one day, i've lost my fucking mind.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy.

_5 months, 10 days_

Eren frowned slightly at the pile of CD’s on his bed, next to his still body. “No Wagner? Tchaikovski?” He sounded distinctly disappointed.

“Wow, sorry. I didn’t really get a copy of your Christmas list, so I had to improvise a bit,” Levi grumbled, dropping an old CD player on the table beside Eren’s bed. “You’re welcome,” he added.

“Er, thanks,” Eren hastily added. “Better than flowers, really.”

Levi noted the beautiful bouquet of flowers also inhabiting his nightstand. “What’s wrong with them?”

Eren shrugged, still picking carefully through the pile of CDs on his bed. “Nothing, I mean, they’re really nice and all. I just, I don’t know. Flowers kind of piss me off on principle.”

Levi snorted.

“It’s hard to explain,” Eren said hastily. “It’s like, they’re supposed to show that someone is thinking about you. But to show that they’re thinking about you, they get you something that dies in a week. Like, hey, I’m thinking about you, but I don’t want to commit to anything.”

Levi only raised an eyebrow at the sentiment.

“Flowers are dumb,” Eren reiterated, glaring at them. “They’re so perfect and beautiful but they hardly last. They look pretty for a week and then one day you wake up and they’re dead. It’s all so temporary.”

Levi was beginning to suspect that this all had very little to do with flowers.

“People still give you flowers, though. People still love them, even though they fucking know they won’t last.” Eren ranted, a nearly comical angry expression plastered on his face. Levi couldn’t help smiling.

“If we only liked permanent things, there wouldn’t be anything to like,” he pointed out. “Nothing lasts forever.”

Eren considered Levi for a moment, eyebrows drawn together in frustrated understanding. “What’s the point of something that dies so quickly,” he insisted, this time clearly waiting for an answer.

“Does the end of something good negate any meaning it had?” Levi didn’t really have an opinion on the matter, but the topic seemed important enough to Eren. Besides, arguing with him was strangely exhilarating. “Just because the flowers die, doesn’t mean that you never had them.”

“Or is meaning just a concept that we like to pretend exists?”

“Probably,” Levi conceded. “Meaning is overrated. Those flowers are quite nice today, whether they’re still alive tomorrow or not. They’re really pretty,” he mused.

Eren’s face relaxed a bit and he nodded in agreement.

Levi shrugged, “I’ll bring you a rock then. A nice boulder,” he mused, indicating the size with his hands to be roughly the same as a basketball. “No flowers.”

Eren’s eyebrows shot up and a shit-eating grin crept onto his features. “Damn, Levi. How permanent. I didn’t know you cared,” he teased.

Levi rolled his eyes. “Do I have a choice?” He picked a CD up off of the bed. It was a collection of Beethoven’s symphonies. “Did you pick up your love of the fine arts from your classy construction gig?” He cracked open the case and placed the disk into the CD tray of the radio, turning the volume to a reasonable level.

Eren snorted. “Oh, yeah, definitely. You know, I-“ he stopped and cocked his head to the side, picking up on the beginnings of the symphony. “Beethoven?”

Levi nodded.

“Is the 7th symphony on there?”

Levi turned the CD case over and found the 7th symphony to be the 8th track on the disk. “Yeah, 8th track. Want me to put that one on?”

Eren nodded excitedly. “But you gotta shut up for the second movement.”

Levi eyed him skeptically. “ _I’ve_ gotta shut up? Yeah, that’ll be real hard.”

Eren was on the edge of the bed as the symphony kicked off, an excited look in his green eyes. Levi couldn’t help a huff of amusement. Eren probably wasn’t even aware of the smile that was spreading slowly across his face, threatening to engulf all of his features. “Damn, I love this symphony. I don’t know why, but for some reason I like how Beethoven gives a lot of the simple, exposed melodies to the wind players. I’m not usually a fan of that. I’m in it for the strings. Beethoven can just do that shit, though, I guess. The first movement is so light, I am always surprised when the second movement-“ he trailed off, looking over at Levi apologetically. “Ah, sorry. Dumb geeky stuff. Obviously construction wasn’t my first choice of career. I’m shit at music, though.”

Levi let a small smile curl at the edge of his mouth and he shrugged. “I wasn’t listening anyways,” he said. “Too focused on shutting up for the second movement,” he lied smoothly.

They sat in comfortable silence, Eren blinking rapturously at each change in musical inflection, taping his fingers rhythmically on his leg. The music was nice. Levi much preferred it to conversation. When the second movement finally started, Eren closed his eyes, absorbing it all. “Music lasts longer than flowers,” was the only thing he whispered during the whole movement. Levi had only replied, “I’m still getting you a boulder.”

\--

_5 months, 7 days_

Levi liked playing chess, because he always won. Unless it was against Hanji. For whatever reason, Hanji always managed to kick his ass at chess, and he was no slouch. She would laugh about it and throw his king at his face, and Levi wouldn’t talk to her for a few days, which she would fail spectacularly to notice. She did most of the talking anyways. Other than Hanji, though, Levi had yet to find someone who could beat him.

Sasha was no exception. She played well, certainly, surprising him with advanced strategies and a deeply intellectual approach to the game. While infinitely better than Connie and Eren, Levi could tell about halfway through the game that he had her beat. Connie and Eren settled for watching, though. Throughout the game the others came and went, often stopping to place bets or try to impart some unneeded wisdom regarding strategy. Reiner and Bertolt had bet on Sasha along with Connie, but the rest were riding on Levi’s victory. Only Annie had abstained from the bet. Count on Annie to continue making responsible choices even when mostly dead. When Sasha had asked Levi what the bet should be for those taking them up on it, Levi had offered humorlessly, “their lives.” That one had been a hit. Levi noted that the 6th ward had an eerie affinity for jokes regarding their mortal souls.

The game was quickly wrapping up. Levi would have Sasha in a checkmate in either six moves or five moves, no matter what she did. It was Sasha’s move and she was reaching for a piece before her face fell and she dropped her hand to her side. She smiled sadly at Levi. “I lost last move didn’t I?” She asked sadly.

Levi hid a smile at her honest disappointment. “Good game, kid,” he offered. “You’re pretty good.” She smiled and he coughed quickly into his hand, adding, “I mean, not as good as me. Keep practicing.”

Connie was upset because he didn’t get how Sasha had lost. He demanded a rematch, which Sasha refused, with a simple, “my ego can’t take anymore.” No one wanted to take Levi up in another match. No one likes losing. Connie challenged Eren to a match, though, which was probably a good match as far as skills went. So their game began, painfully slowly and with about as much strategic planning as a neighborhood kickball game. Honestly, it was kind of painful to watch. Sasha and Levi stuck around, though, Levi coaching Eren and Sasha coaching Connie. At some point in the game, though, Connie made an incredibly illegal move, followed by a revenge illegal move by Eren. The rest of the game just sort of dissolved into them throwing pieces at each other, Connie stealing Eren’s king and sitting on it childishly.

Levi eventually forced them to clean up the pieces. As they were all searching under beds and around the clean floors for the less fortunate chess pieces, Connie interrupted the comfortable silence. “Have you guys seen that tree thing they do outside?” He was trying a little too hard to sound uninterested in the topic. “You know,” he pressed. “You can see it outside of Reiner and Bertolt’s window.”

Levi considered for a moment before recognition hit. “Oh, the patient grove on the north lawn. What about it?”

Connie looked a little embarrassed, but pressed on. “Don’t they, like, have the different wards plant trees together each year? Like, the patients get together and plant a tree or something, and make a little plaque. Like a, ‘hey we’re still alive’ kind of thing? A ‘look, we’re invalids but we planted our own fucking tree and shit’? I saw the leukemia ward out there the other day planting a tree.” He waved his hand, quickly dismissing the idea. “Eh, forget it. Nevermind., it’s dumb.”

Sasha looked fondly over at him. “Dead people can’t plant trees,” she said slyly.

“Hey fuck you,” Connie pouted. “We play chess, why can’t we plant a tree. 6th ward never gets a tree.”

Levi scratched his head. “Can you even go outside?” he asked doubtfully.

Connie and Sasha exchanged a look. “Well,” Connie said delicately. “I mean, it’s kind of hard to explain. The further away you get from your body, the worse it is. It’s kind of,” he paused, gathering his words. “Eh, I guess it’s like an anxiety thing? I think it’s all in our heads though. I can go pretty much anywhere in the hospital without feeling too uncomfortable. Going outside is really difficult, though. I haven’t made it more than a few feet out the doors. It’s possible, though. It requires a bit of practice. We just all hang out here all the time, because being close to your body is the most comfortable. I think it’s some weird dead person instinct.” He gestured vaguely. “It’s possible, though,” he repeated. “I’d bet my life on it.”

Sasha and Connie high-fived. Levi turned to Eren curiously. “Have you tried going outside?”

“I think everyone has,” he said, bemused. “You think it’s fun being stuck here?”

“I know for a fact it isn’t,” Levi returned dryly. They were all looking dreamily out the window by this point, and Levi felt an annoying pang of sympathy. It was obnoxiously difficult not to feel sorry for dead kids. “What kind of tree would we plant?”

Connie whipped around, a wide grin on his face. Sasha clapped her hands together excitedly. “Something that flowers!” she begged.

Eren grimaced. “Great, flowers,” he muttered.

“But the flowers come and go for many years,” Levi reminded him.

Eren shrugged tiredly. “Fine, something that flowers.”

“I’m going to go tell the others,” Connie said, rushing from the room. Sasha followed on his heals, babbling excitedly about how big the tree should be and what their plaque should say.

“Guess I have to make a trip to the arboretum,” Levi sighed.

“Trees are pretty nice, I suppose,” Eren said whistfully.

Levi nodded. “They outlive us.”

\--

_5 months, 5 days_

“Ready for this?” Levi gave them all a serious look.

“Wait guys,” Connie held an arm out in front of the small gathering standing just inside the door to the north courtyard of the hospital. He eyed them all seriously, letting the suspense build. “This could kill us.”

Ymir slapped the back of his head, but Connie didn’t let that lessen his raucous laughter at the joke he had made. Dead kids and their weird humor. They were all by a relatively unused exit, at the bottom of an employee stairwell. Levi had to be careful in his interactions with the 6th ward patients. He didn’t particularly feel like explaining to human resources why people were reporting that he had been having apparent conversations with himself. Levi opened the door and stepped outside of the hospital into the crisp October morning. It was sunny, with a light breeze that lifted his black hair gently, causing it to flutter lightly on his face. He held the door for them all, waiting for the first of them to take the first step outside.

Reiner pushed himself to the front gently, and with a quick, bracing breath, he stepped lightly outside. His brow was furrowed and his fists were clenched, but he made very little outward indication of his discomfort. Instead, they all silently waited for Reiner to ride out his internal storm. After a few tense minutes, his brow began to relax a bit, and his fists unclenched slightly. His breathing also slowed and he swung his arms a bit as if making sure they could still move. With a tension-releasing sigh, he turned toward the expectant gathering in the doorway and nodded encouragingly, a tentative smile on his face. “The weather’s nice,” he offered.

Bertolt pushed his way to the door next, to many people’s surprise. He wasn’t a particularly forward person, and always seemed to be at the peripheral of every situation. He had a confident look in his eyes, though, and didn’t so much as pause before he marched out the door. Once outside he blinked a few times, like he had no recollection of where he was. He seemed confused and a little panicked. Reiner put a large hand on his shoulder, though, giving him an encouraging smile. Bertolt seemed to regain his footing after a minute or two, and returned the smile nervously. “It is nice,” he said simply.

“Oh, fine,” Jean sighed. “All to plant a tree,” he grumbled, slouching outside. He stared at the ground for a few minutes before looking up at the sky defiantly. He scoffed, “that’ wasn’t so bad.” Grinning back at the group still in the doorway, he called back, “would you just get out here already? You’re already dead, dipshits. Take a chance.” He beckoned them impatiently.

Ymir gave Connie a look, as if offering him the next chance to walk through the doorway. “Ladies first,” Connie offered slyly.

Rolling her eyes, Ymir walked through the doorway, past the small group outside the door, until she was a safe distance away. Then she planted herself on the ground, riding out her anxiety in private.

Connie looked nervously between Eren, Sasha, and Annie. Sasha and Eren looked terrified, but Annie just looked vaguely melancholy. Realizing that no one was going to volunteer to go next, Connie shook his hands out nervously like he was about to perform in front of a large crowd. “Shit, shit, shit,” he chanted, psyching himself up. He finally brought himself to jog outside to where Reiner, Bertolt, and Jean were standing. His face twisted up in exertion and his knees buckled slightly, but Reiner grabbed his arm, keeping him upright. After a moment, Connie shook off Reiner’s hand. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” he dismissed, though it sounded more like a personal reminder than for the benefit of the others present.

Annie stepped forward slowly until her toes were lined up with the edge of the doorstep. She looked out past the hospital grounds, taking in the streets and passing cars with a sad look on her face. She shook her head slightly and retreated back towards the group remaining in the building. “Not today,” she said quietly. With that, she turned back in the direction of the 6th ward and disappeared back into the hospital. Reiner and Bertolt watched her retreating back with matched expressions of disappointment.

Eren and Sasha were eyeing each other nervously. Levi beckoned them outside. “We don’t have all day,” he said, trying to keep the impatience from his voice. He had been keeping a close eye on Eren as they made their way through the hospital earlier, moving farther and farther from the 6th ward. Eren was clearly uncomfortable and frequently looked as though he was going to turn and bolt back before they reached the exit. Sasha hadn’t been much better. He should have expected this hitch in the plan.

“C’mon Sasha,” Connie whined. “It’s not that bad.”

Sasha looked like she was trying and failing to swallow. Her eyes were wide and her hands were clearly shaking. She took first one step toward the door. Her hands clenched and she took another step. Eventually she was at the edge of the threshold to the outdoors, right where Annie had made it before her retreat. Sasha extended her shaking hand cautiously outside, waving it around in the air, like she suspected it would catch on fire or something.

She picked her foot up and seemed like she was about to take a step outside, but suddenly her breath caught audibly in her throat and she pulled her arm and foot back inside like she actually had been burned. With an angry sigh, she sat unceremoniously in the doorway, pulling her knees to her chest, a frustrated tear streaking down her face. “God damnit,” she muttered.

Connie smiled sadly at her, and moved to sit beside her in the doorway. He patted her back and shrugged. “We’ll get ‘em next time,” he said softly.

Sasha let out a tense breath and relaxed into the contact, nodding in agreement. “Next time,” she said firmly.

“Next time,” Eren agreed gratefully. He had looked like he was going to melt into a puddle since they left the 6th ward, so Levi didn’t press it much.

“Next time,” Levi agreed softly.

\--

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a plot going, I guess.  
> Apologies for any mistakes, me and proofreading have a rocky relationship.  
> Thanks for reading,  
> Cheers.


	4. Redbud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was hard to write. Let me know if it's not light enough, I don't really want this to turn super heavy.  
> Basically, life happens.
> 
> Cheers.

_5 months, 4 days_

The morale in the 6th ward had been a little low since Sasha and Eren had failed to exit the hospital. It was like the rest of them wanted to celebrate their new, limited freedom, but they didn’t want to upset Eren or Sasha. They also didn’t seem to want to leave them behind. So an unspoken consensus seemed to be reached, where no one talked about it. At least, they didn’t talk about it right away. Everyone’s nerves were a bit on edge.

So as Levi wordlessly made his rounds that day, checking monitors, recording vitals, and jotting notes in their charts, there was little motivation for real conversation. They were all sprawled around Eren’s room, seemingly absorbed in their own thoughts. The air was so thick with melancholy that Levi would have actually been inclined to try to lighten the mood if he possessed any such skill, which he notably did not. He was far from qualified for any activity requiring the raising of spirits, so he remained silent, save for the scratching of his pen on the clipboard.

The glum silence was broken by a low chuckle seemingly summoned from nowhere. Everyone automatically turned toward the source of the interruption in their heavy silence, and found a smiling Reiner, laughing quietly to himself. Noticing the sudden attention from the other 6th ward patients, he stifled his chuckles with light embarrassment.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said, trying to dismiss their concern with a light wave. “I was just thinking about a dumb joke my old man used to tell at family parties.” A fond smile was still lingering on his face, a faraway look in his eyes.

“Family party jokes are the worst,” Jean groaned.

“Yeah, probably when you tell ‘em,” Eren muttered to Connie, earning a quiet snicker.

“It’s not even that funny,” Reiner reminisced, the smile still on his face making a liar out of him. He put his hand back over his mouth, attempting to stifle another round of chuckling. “I just,” he shook his head, still laughing, gesturing helplessly.

“Well now you have to tell it,” Connie pointed out. “You can’t just leave us hanging.”

Bertolt nodded encouragingly. “Might as well,” he echoed.

“I swear it’s not even funny,” Reiner managed, getting a grip on his laughter. “It’s just so idiotic.”

“So is Connie, but we still think he’s fun to laugh at,” Sasha said, smiling slyly at Connie.

Connie opened his mouth to protest, but seemed to consider for a moment before shutting his mouth, shrugging resignedly. “Tell the joke,” he said simply.

Reiner sighed. “You asked for it.” He took a small moment to gather his words together before launching into it. “Alright, alright. So there’s this married couple and one day, the woman falls very ill and she eventually dies from this illness. She goes to heaven and there are these large gates. There’s an angel watching over the gates, and she asks the angel how she can get into heaven. And the angel tells her that everyone has to spell a word to get into heaven. So she asks what she should spell for the angel. The angel thinks about it for a minute before deciding that she should spell the word ‘love’ for him. The woman spells it correctly-“

“Plot twist,” Connie interrupted, before Sasha socked him in the arm, motioning for Reiner to continue.

“The woman spells it correctly, and the angel lets her into heaven. Many, many years later, the angel asks the woman to watch over the gate for him while he attends to some business. While she is watching the gate, her husband appears on the other side. He asks her how he can get into heaven too, to which she informs him that he will have to spell a word for her. She is happy to see him and asks him how the rest of his life had been. He tells her that it was wonderful; he remarried to the nurse that had taken care of his wife when she was ill, they had many beautiful children together, and he died peacefully in his sleep at an old age. Then the husband asks her what word he has to spell to get into heaven.” At this point Reiner was seized by another fit of silent laughter. Not the loud, annoying laughter that was typical of the 6th ward patients, but rather, a silent, shoulder-shaking laughter that made virtually no noise.

“Well?” Jean demanded impatiently.

Through his silent laughter, Reiner managed to gasp, “Czechoslovakia.”

The reactions ranged from polite smiles to frowns, and various noises of disappointment.

“It’s not even funny,” Reiner managed, wiping the tears from his eyes. “It’s just, now that I’m so close to being dead, I can’t stop imagining this stupid joke happening to me. I just see myself at heaven’s gates, unable to spell some complicated word. That is literally the only imagine I can think up for the afterlife. No singing cherubs, no angelic choir, no beautiful fields of flowers. Just me standing idiotically at these gates, wishing I had paid more attention in Mr. Knight's English class.”

They were all laughing a bit at this point, and Levi took the opportunity to scribble something down on the back of Reiner’s chart. He cleared his throat loudly and Reiner finally looked up at Levi, tears still in his eyes, a large smile on his face. Levi held up Reiner’s chart, showing him what he had written on the back of it.

_C Z E C H O S L O V A K I A_

“Don’t forget it,” Levi said sternly. “Commit it to memory.”

The 6th ward once more dissolved into laughter.

\--

Hanji managed to corner Levi later that day, grabbing his arm to drag him to the cafeteria for an actual meal. She shot orders at the cashier, ordering for both herself and Levi, while Levi watched helplessly. Trying to argue with Hanji was generally far more trouble than it was worth.

When they got their food a few minutes later, Hanji pushed Levi into a plastic cafeteria chair and dumped a variety of fried foods in front of him. “No healthy foods today, man-nurse,” she announced triumphantly. “Gain weight, or double-bypass trying!”

Levi began eating without protest, and Hanji threw a victory fist in the air before digging into her own, comparatively healthy lunch. “Did you hear that Petra got promoted? Auruo seems kind of pissed that he’s not her superior anymore, but mostly I think he’s pissed that she’s not working for him now. He’s so-“

“What’s a good flowering tree that can grow in this climate?” Levi interrupted.

Hanji raised an eyebrow, suspicion written all over her face. Levi attempted to give her a level, disinterested look, not giving in to her probing look. Recognition seemed to spark in her eye and she smiled mischievously. “This wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with the patient grove, would it?” Levi stayed silent. “This wouldn’t happen to be you trying to help a bunch of disembodied dead people plant a tree in an uncharacteristic gesture of compassion, would it?”

“No,” Levi said shortly, filling his mouth with food to attempt to end the conversation.

“You wouldn’t happen to have grown attached to said dead people?” She pressed, grinning toothily.

“No,” Levi repeated around his mouthful of food.

“You do care,” a familiar voice chirped beside Levi. He whipped around to find Eren, grinning from the now occupied seat neighboring Levi’s. “Just admit you love us,” he sang.

“Leave,” Levi hissed.

“Oh, settle down,” Hanji said. “I won’t tell anyone you have a heart, your secret is safe with me.” She made a cross motion over her heart.

“And me,” Eren added, imitating the cross motion over his own heart. “Why haven’t I met her?”

“She works in the development and teaching ward,” Levi whispered harshly.

“That I do,” Hanji agreed, giving Levi a baffled look.

“She seems really nice,” Eren mused.

“Stop it,” Levi warned.

“Stop what?” Hanji paused, her sandwich held in front of her mouth.

“Nothing,” Levi said quickly.

Eren looked like he was going to pee himself from controlling his laughter, and Levi tried to stomp on his foot as discreetly as possible under the table. He brought his foot down hard on the first foot he found, and Hanji yelped, jumping slightly in her chair.

“Sorry!” Levi managed. “Bad nerves,” he offered lamely.

“What was that for?” Hanji pouted.

“You’re fucking this all up,” Eren sang in his ear.

“ _You’re_ fucking this all up,” Levi returned.

“I’m not doing anything!” Hanji whined.

Levi leaned forward urgently, invading Hanji’s personal space. “Listen you bespectacled catastrophe,” he hissed. “There’s some dead brat whispering shit in my ear trying to make me lose my mind.” He pointed wildly at the seat Eren was occupying.

“I don’t think you need any help,” Eren remarked.

Levi rounded on Eren. “I need lots of help!” he practically shouted.

Hanji laughed nervously, “I can see that.”

Levi let his forehead hit the table with a little more momentum than was strictly necessary and began massaging his scalp. “Hanji,” he groaned, his voice muffled by the table. “This isn’t Sixth Sense anymore.”

“What is it then,” she indulged him.

“I think I’ve bypassed the Breakfast Club and gone straight to One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”

“Are you Jack Nicholson?” she asked sympathetically.

Eren hummed his agreement. “You’re Jack Nicholson alright.”

Levi hit his forehead repeatedly against the table.

Hanji sighed contentedly. “Redbud tree.”

Levi looked up warily. “What?”

“Redbud tree. Plant a redbud tree. They’re really pretty.” He lifted his face from the table to look her in the eye. She was looking at him fondly, her face resting on her hand, a light smile on her face. “Plant the tree, Levi. Make those dead kids happy, eh?” She gathered her garbage up and left Levi sitting there, slumped in his chair.

Eren poked his side. “Yeah, make those dead kids happy.”

“Redbud tree, eh?” Levi rested his chin on the table, doing his best to ignore Eren.

\--

Levi finally managed to intimidate Eren into returning to the 6th ward so he could finish some of his duties in the walk-in clinic. Walk-in duty was probably his least favorite thing, as it mostly included taking sneezing kids’ temperatures and assuring their parents that they weren’t going to die. As he made his way to the clinic, he spotted Sasha and Connie lounging in one of the lesser-used waiting areas in the 3rd ward. He paused at the nearby counter to grab some files, and sure, maybe he was listening in on their conversation while he had the luxury of not having been spotted yet.

“It’s not like you didn’t try,” Connie said casually.

“It’s no big deal, I’ll just stay in the ward while you guys plant the tree. I’ll watch from the window or something,” Sasha said, trying a little too hard not to sound disappointed.

There was a significant silence, and Levi thought they might have been done discussing the matter. Finally, though, Connie sighed and turned fully to face Sasha’s back from his reclined position. “Is this about the accident?” He asked point blank.

Her face contorted in rage and she seemed about to deny it, but threw up her hands in frustration. “Oh, probably. Just-it’s,” she let out an exhausted breath. “Just forget about it. I’ll stay in the ward.”

“Sasha,” Connie frowned. “We’re kind of dead. If now’s not a time to let it go, I don’t know when is. We were dumb, shit happened. Too late to do much about that now.”

“Yeah, but it’s kind of my fault,” she pointed out.

“It kind of is,” Connie conceded. She glared at him and he let out a gentle laugh. “But it’s also my fault.”

“You weren’t behind the wheel,” Sasha scoffed. “I didn’t just fuck up my life, I fucked up yours too. It’s so frustrating,” she groaned. “And every day I have to see your stupid face reminding me how much I fucked up.”

“I would have crashed the damn car, too, Sasha,” he laughed. “I was wasted too.”

“Well why didn’t you drive?” She demanded. “You don’t have to live with this shit.”

Connie nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah. Thanks for being the moron who killed us so I didn’t have to,” he said sincerely. “And thanks for fucking up your death too. This would suck royally if you weren’t almost dead with me.”

She glared at him. “Any time,” she spat.

“Let it go, Sasha,” Connie persisted.

She looked forlornly at her feet. “How do I let it go?”

“How about you forgive yourself?” Connie suggested. “You’re the only one still mad at yourself.”

Sasha grabbed his hand, her back still to him, and gave it a light squeeze. “You’re a moron. I wish you’d just hate me,” she muttered.

“We’re both morons,” he corrected.

“I’m gonna go outside tomorrow if it kills me,” Sasha said resolutely, releasing his hand.

“Don’t you think you’ve done enough dying?” Connie laughed.

Levi turned to walk away, but caught Sasha’s laugh as he retreated and her final comment, “Goin’ for the record.” Levi mentally agreed with Sasha’s resolution. He was going to plant this damn tree if it killed him. And the strain these fucking kids put on him very well may lead to that.

Minutes later he ran into Hanji again, sneaking around the halls avoiding supervisors. He made a beeline for her, stopping directly in behind her. “Where can I buy a redbud tree?” he demanded.

She jumped visibly, and let out a long breath, placing her hand over her heart to try to settle herself. “Geez,” she sighed. “Easy does it Nicholson. Warn a girl first.”

\--

Before Levi left for the day, he remembered that he had forgotten to put Eren’s charts into the computer and made a quick trip back to the 6th ward. Eren was sitting by his window, but none of the others were in sight, so he tried to retrieve the chart without disturbing him. As he was about to leave the room, though, Eren spoke without turning away from the window. “Hey, Levi?” He asked quietly.

Levi sighed, and removed his hand from the doorknob. “What?”

“Do you believe in like, heaven and shit?”

“Oh please don’t make me have this conversation with you,” Levi said. He had no answers, and this was a bit above his pay-grade.

“I don’t really care what you say,” Eren laughed, finally turning to look at Levi. “I’m not particularly invested in the idea, and I’m definitely not looking for an answer. I was just curious what you thought.”

Levi thought for a moment, and shrugged. “Honestly? I think we’re all agnostic at heart until something good or bad enough happens to make us want to believe or not. People believe out of necessity. They deny out of necessity too. Either way people want to know that there is a reason good or bad shit happens to them, whether it’s that some god is there for them or that no god is there for them. Doesn’t matter what is actually true.”

“It doesn’t matter at all?” Eren sounded skeptical.

“Not during this lifetime.” Levi shook his head. “We’re never going to get proof so what does it matter? Believe if it helps. Deny if it helps. Whatever gets you through the day.”

“That seems a little shallow,” he accused.

“What, do you believe in a god?” Levi threw back defensively.

“Who _doesn’t_ want to?” Eren pointed out.

“I don’t know,” Levi scoffed. “Maybe someone who wore their hardhat every blessed day of a construction job except one, and then had a hammer dropped on his brain in a freak accident? Maybe someone who ‘God’ has been nothing but an asshole too? Just a wild guess.”

Eren laughed. “Wow, alright, alright,” he said, holding up his hands in surrender. “Badgering the witness, geez. I didn’t know God was on trial here. Can I call for a recess? The whole kangaroo court thing is a little taxing on my constitution.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Eren,” he said seriously. “I don’t give a flying fuck what you believe. Believe in whatever is going to get you through this life, because there might not be another one.”

Eren nodded sadly. “I kind of wish you had better things to say sometimes.”

Levi dropped down into a chair heavily, massaging his temples. “Yeah, me too kid.”

“Mikasa doesn’t believe in a god. She thinks if there was a god our mom wouldn’t have died and Dad wouldn’t have left.”

“And I’d have a better job,” Levi added.

“Yeah, and I’d be alive.”

“I’d have a nicer car,” Levi pointed out.

“People would bring me something besides flowers,” Eren said, grinning.

“God’s doing kind of a shitty job,” Levi concluded.

Eren laughed a little louder at that. “Man, he kind of is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, fuck you too proofreading.
> 
> Thanks for reading, hope it's not terrible.
> 
> Cheers.


	5. Outdoors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why the actual fuck do I update so often? Leave me to die.  
> Also, thanks a truckload for all of the really sweet comments and kudos, you guys rule.  
> I'm done gabbing, here's the next chapter.  
> Cheers.

_5 months, 2 days_

“Are you kidding me?” Eren grumbled, staring out his window with a distinct look of irritation.

Levi looked up from his record keeping. Eren didn’t seem inclined to elaborate, so Levi joined him at the window to become privy to his irritant. To his surprise, Sasha and Connie were outside on the north lawn attempting to climb one of the larger trees in the patient grove, visibly laughing.

“Am I really the only one who can’t make it outside?”

Levi shrugged. “Annie can’t either.”

Eren dismissed the remark with the wave of his hand. “Annie’s different. She doesn’t seem bothered by it. She just kind of keeps her problems to herself.”

“I knew there was a reason she was the least irritating,” Levi pondered aloud. “Do you think she’d offer you lessons?”

Eren frowned at him, crossing his arms across his chest. “Alright, smartass. Why do you think I can’t go outside?”

Levi considered another smartass response, but thought better of it. It was a little perplexing that Eren couldn’t bring himself to leave the hospital, despite the others’ successes. Sasha hadn’t been able to, but now she could for some reason. He thought back to the conversation he had overheard between Sasha and Connie and considered that maybe it had something to do with Sasha’s sudden ability to overcome the anxiety of leaving her body behind. Levi turned his attention back to the two outside. Sasha was now trying to push Connie out of the tree. She seemed a lot happier, though, than she had since Levi met her. Smiling and laughing were her default settings, but there was something different in the way her face was set. There was a certain liberation in her features.

Levi turned to Eren. “Are you alright being dead?” Eren only gave him a mildly annoyed look. Levi rolled his eyes, “I mean, do you like, have a lot of regrets or whatever?”

“Yeah, dying,” Eren deadpanned.

“Oh, forget it,” Levi grumbled.

Eren turned to face Levi, finally tearing his eyes away from the window. “Why?” he demanded.

“It’s just,” Levi paused a moment. “Maybe you’re still too attached to your body. Like, you don’t really think you’re dead or something. Or there’s something you still need to do, someone you need to tell something to, or whatever. I don’t know, unfinished business ghost shit,” Levi gestured vaguely. Eren only shook his head in confusion. “Someone you have to haunt? Someone owes you money? Unrequited love?” Eren continued shaking his head. “General dissatisfaction with life? Any of this ringing a bell?” Eren shrugged. “Do you still think there’s a chance you’re going to wake up from this?”

Eren faltered at that one. Definite hesitation, Levi noted. Levi’s eyebrows relaxed into a mildly sympathetic look. “Is that it?”

Eren looked confused. “It’s just kind of weird. Like, I don’t think I’m going to suddenly come back to life or whatever. I get that. This isn’t a Hallmark channel original movie.” He looked back out of the window, resting his elbows on the windowsill so he could support his face in his hands. “I just never thought I wouldn’t be able to say something before dying. Like, hey Mikasa thanks for being there for me. Or, hey Armin, thanks for studying with me after school every day. They visit me here, and it’s like they know I’m dead, but part of them doesn’t seem to acknowledge it. And honestly, it’s hard for me to acknowledge it when they won’t.”

Levi nodded silently.

“It’s kind of like when you read a really good book.” Eren was a hand-talker, Levi noted. Every one of his points had to be emphasized with a gesture. If Eren lost his hands, he’d likely lose his ability to speak as well. “And the end of the book is okay, but it’s pretty sudden. And you flip to the page after the ending expecting to see an epilogue. But instead, there’s a bunch of acknowledgements or author’s notes or something. Sometimes even, there’s just nothing.” He ran a hand through his hair slowly. “And it’s so frustrating, because the main story is over, but you know that time hasn’t stopped for the characters left at the end. But there’s no way to know, and you want to be there with them more than anything. You want that story to continue until everyone ceases to exist, but instead the author writes ‘The End’ and expects you to believe that nothing else happens. Something happens though,” he grumbled. “A lot of somethings probably happen. Like, infinite somethings.”

Levi chuckled a little at that, and Eren turned toward him with a surprised look on his face. Levi composed himself quickly, and turned back to his record-keeping. “So you want an epilogue,” Levi offered over his back.

Eren laughed a little. “Honestly, I think I want a sequel. Like, a multi-volume series worth of sequels.”

Levi nodded. “You’re in the epilogue, kid. Right now. Do something that at least satisfies the readers.”

“Yeah, but no one’s ever even going to know that an epilogue exists. Mikasa sure as hell won’t read it. Armin won’t. My teachers won’t. My father, if he ever even picks up the book, won’t. It’s like only you got the expansion pack.”

“Sorry,” Levi offered. “I’d share it, but I’m not sure anyone would even believe that there was an expansion pack.” Eren just mumbled something under his breath. “But you know,” Levi mused. “Did you like the story any less when there wasn’t an epilogue? I think you’re worried that people are going to hate the book because of the ending. I’ve read a lot of great books with shitty endings.”

Eren smiled a bit. “Maybe endings are just shitty by definition.”

Levi grabbed Eren’s wrist and gave it a tug so that Eren was following him out of the door and away from the 6th ward. Levi released his wrist when he was sure that Eren was following him. “C’mon brat,” he drawled, a characteristically bored inflection in his voice. “This epilogue is going to be boring as hell if you can’t even leave the damn hospital. Time to get your shit together.”

They walked through the hallways, dodging lost visitors and distracted doctors until they found the lesser used employee stairwell. At the bottom of the stairwell, Levi threw the door open and pointed authoritatively from Eren to the outdoors. “Now or never, kid.” Eren stopped at the doorstep, blinking rapidly before Levi grabbed the front of his shirt and unceremoniously pitched him out onto the lawn. Eren stumbled, attempting not to fall forward onto his face, but ultimately failing. He pushed himself up on his elbows, groaning loudly. Levi stood over him, arms crossed. “You’re dead, brat,” he challenged. “What are you going to do now? Write your epilogue, or run back inside like chicken shit and skip to the acknowledgements?”

After a minute, Eren’s shoulders seemed to relax. “Fuckin’ rude,” he gasped. “You can’t- I’m not,” he stuttered, finishing with an unidentifiable sound that resembled something like an old car trying to start.

“Use your words,” Levi said, unable to keep the condescending tone from his voice. “You’ve never had a problem with it before now.”

Eren growled and shot a leg out, catching the back of Levi’s legs, and he found himself dropped on his ass on the soft lawn beside Eren. He blinked in surprise, trying to reacquaint himself with gravity. “Now who’s rude?” Levi finally said, finding his voice as he massaged his bruised bottom.

Eren rolled onto his back, an impressively large grin on his face, his green eyes sparkling merrily in the morning sunlight. He looked happier than Levi had ever seen him. Breathing deeply, he closed his eyes, the same stupid grin still plastered on his face. The sun rippled through his hair as the October air flicked it about his face, so the sunlight played on different angles in his hair, bringing out different hues of brown and even occasional hints of blonde. He looked incredibly at peace. Levi was almost worried he might disappear right there, having fulfilled some ghostly unfinished business. Eren’s eyes shot open and he looked straight into Levi’s eyes. Levi himself had not been aware he was staring at Eren and he nonchalantly averted his gaze, like it had been his plan all along. “And I wasn’t even the last one to-“ Eren stopped, frowning in the direction behind Levi.

Levi turned around to see Annie, arms clasped behind her back, taking a brisk walk across the lawn. Eren shut his mouth with a loud click. “Well shit,” he said neutrally. “When the hell did she- I thought,” he trailed off. “Eh, whatever.”

Annie noticed the attention and gave them a curt nod before continuing her military-like march through the grass. “Guess we can plant that tree now,” Eren mused, watching her retreating back.

Levi scoffed. “What’s with you dead kids and that damned tree?”

Eren shrugged. “It’s our epilogue, I guess.”

“That’s kind of a lame epilogue.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Eren laughed.

\--

Levi wasn’t really sure why, but the two of them sat there for nearly the rest of the day, Levi blatantly ditching any sort of monitoring duties he had in the 6th ward. He was pretty confident, though, that none of the patients were going to get up and walk away. The weather was surprisingly warm for an October day, though, and no one was really requesting his services, so he sat enjoying the day, thankful that Eren didn’t actually feel the need to maintain a conversation. In fact, they didn’t say much of anything. At some point Connie and Sasha spotted them and joined them on the soft grass. Levi fully expected that to be the end of the peaceful tranquility and sustained silence, but they surprised him by maintaining that quiet, not speaking a word. The four of them just lazed around in that one spot. And for the first time, Levi really appreciated all of the nothing that the 6th ward patients did in a day. Nothing really wasn’t so bad. No one was looking at Levi, so he let a small smile grace his features for a minute or two. What the hell, he thought. If you can’t be happy about nothing, what can you be happy about?

\--

That night, Levi left the 6th ward feeling lighter than he had in a long while. As he had left, Connie and Sasha had been tag-teaming a rather vulgar story about one of their college nights of debauchery, much to the amusement of the ward. He stopped by his locker in the break room to grab his jacket and was yet again ambushed by Hanji with a sudden slap to the back.

“I swear to God you’re following me,” Levi choked.

“Oh I am,” Hanji said seriously. Levi was afraid to ask if that was a joke or not. Hanji lowered her voice to a discreet whisper. “I got the goods.”

Levi frowned pointedly at her as she waggled her eyebrows. He raised his own eyebrows in confusion.

“Not those goods,” she laughed. “We’re in the healthcare industry, you sick fuck. No, no, no I was talking to Petra and she has a friend who runs an arboretum. Petra thinks she can hook you up with a redbud tree.”

“Thanks, Hanji.”

“Petra can get you a discount, but she can’t get it to you for free. It’s still gonna be like, $150, which is really a good price. If you want my advice, which I know you don’t, just take that price. You won’t find better,” she rattled on.

“Hanji-“

“As for planting it, I have no idea how you plan on getting that in the ground by yourself. It’s not a small baby tree. It’s heavy as fuck. We’re talking like, fifty or sixty pounds on delivery. Probably more, considering-”

“Hanji!” Levi interrupted, flicking her forehead with a little more force than was strictly necessary. She snapped to attention. “Thank you,” he said firmly. “Really.”

She winked at him and he rolled his eyes. “I’m not repeating it,” he grumbled.

Hanji considered him for a moment, head cocked to the side. “You’re a lot different than you used to be,” she remarked. “I was right,” she mused. “This job is good for you.” Levi shrugged. “Those dead kids are also good for you,” she added.

“That remains to be seen,” he returned lightly, waving goodbye as he turned on his heel towards the exit. It was significantly colder outside than it had been earlier that day as he sat on the lawn with Eren. He thought back to the peaceful look on Eren’s face and sighed. “Alright,” he conceded to no one in particular. “They’re a little good for me.” Shaking his head ruefully, he walked silently into the dark parking lot, searching out his car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to take a moment to clarify what I imagine to be confusion over the fact that Levi isn't super obsessed with cleanliness in this fic? Just thought I'd acknowledge that I think it's a highly exaggerated aspect of his personality. Like, sure he enjoys order and cleanliness, but I don't think he's OCD about it? I don't know. Just wanted to get that off of my chest.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I'll try and update during the week, but if not, definitely next weekend.
> 
> Cheers.


	6. Pneumonia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos and whatnot. You are all truly the best. If you want to ask me a question or whatever, drop me a line on tumblr or here. I'll also keep an eye on the tag '6th ward fic' if you like. i'm really lazy, though, so probably not.
> 
> Anyways. Enjoy. Sorry my humor sucks. Sorry not sorry.  
> Cheers.

_4 months, 30 days_

“Hey, Eren,” Connie said lazily. “Do you have a bucket list?”

The weather was starting to turn cold, an expected consequence of the transition into November. However, this did not deter the 6th ward patients from spending the majority of nearly every day outside. Now that they were all capable of leaving the hospital, it seemed to be one of the things they looked forward to the most. Levi just wished this rotation were happening in the summer. Cold weather was all well and good, but sitting outside for hours on end on cold November evenings started to get to him. Not one to get sick, his incessant sniffling was beginning to get to him. But he was getting paid to watch coma patients, and while everyone else may think that would constitute watching their lifeless bodies, Levi figured their mortal souls was a bit higher on the priority list. He just wished they minded the constant cold as much as he did.

Eren made a noncommittal noise.

“You’re no fun,” Connie pouted.

“We’re already dead,” Eren pointed out. “Bucket lists are supposed to happen before you die.”

“Yeah, so didn’t you have one before you died?” Connie persisted.

“Dude, what kind of twenty-two-year-old has a bucket list? That’s kind of morbid,” Eren laughed.

“Yeah, but I bet there was a lot of shit you still wanted to do that you never got to do.”

“Obviously,” Eren scoffed.

“Bertolt had a bucket list,” Connie said, gesturing to the lanky man who was trying to mind his own business at the other end of the bench.

Bertolt looked a little embarrassed at being called out, and waved his hand dismissively. “Not really. I just kind of wanted to leave the country, but was always so busy teaching. I had whole summers off where I could have traveled, but I always put it off another year. It’s fine, though,” he said quickly, covering the longing in his voice.

“I wanted to learn to dance,” Reiner offered.

“That’s dumb,” Connie teased. “Dancing isn’t hard.”

“Yeah, because you dance _so_ well,” Sasha muttered.

“I wanted to finish law school,” Annie said suddenly. Everyone turned to look at her, and she simply went on staring off at whatever it is she always looked at in the distance.

“Why is the idea of showing up at court and seeing Annie in the opposing council bench so terrifying to me?” Eren mused, earning a laugh from everyone and a small smile from Annie herself.

“I wanted to have a kid,” Jean threw in hesitantly.

“Yeah, but then he’d have to look like you,” Connie laughed. Eren knocked fists with Connie while Jean seemed to consider finding out if one of them could die twice.

Everyone looked expectantly at Eren, but Sasha interjected. “I wanted to open my own restaurant,” she said dreamily.

“Owning a restaurant means serving food, Sasha. Not just eating it,” Connie scolded.

“Hey, I can cook!” Sasha protested, looking around to find someone who would believe her. “Alright, _Connie_ ,” she accused, spitting his name like it was a particularly offensive swear. “What did you want to do before you died? Smartass.”

Connie thought for a moment before lying back on the grass, hands behind his head. “I pretty much did it. I was doing exactly what I wanted to do before I bit the dust. Could have gone for more of it, sure. But, that was pretty much all I wanted.”

“You’re lame,” Sasha said, brow furrowed. “All we ever did was party, eat fast food, and ditch shifts at the diner.”

Connie laughed a little. “Eh, that was pretty okay,” he concluded, grinning at Sasha.

“You’re a loser,” she said fondly.

“Oi, Eren. Last chance. What was on your bucket list?” Connie called to him.

Eren looked thoughtfully up at the sky. “It’s weird because I kind of only have a bucket list now that I’m dead. So, I guess I don’t have a bucket list?”

“How about a kicked-the-bucket list?” Levi offered.

Eren flashed Levi a grin. “Alright, I can work with that. I guess…well, I mean if I were to really think about it. I suppose I kind of want to see a symphony performance. Any symphony really. I’ve never been to a nice concert.”

“Well I know what’s on _my_ kicked-the-bucket list,” Connie said proudly. “I want to plant a tree for the 6th ward in that dumb patient grove. Give ‘em a little taste of what being beyond the grave is all about, you know what I mean?”

There were various nods and noises of assent and they fell about into scattered, disjointed discussions of their plans for the tree and the accompanying plaque. Levi stifled a yawn, sighing inwardly at the prospect of another week of overtime at the ward. The shifts were easy for the 6th ward, so the unfortunate soul assigned for each rotation was generally expected to work many more hours than someone working in a busier area. The misfortune for Levi was that the 6th ward was a little bit more of a handful than anyone would ever really know. He decided to excuse himself from the small gathering and go for a walk through the local park since he was on break anyways. An evening walk in the brisk air might have been his only chance at staying awake for the rest of his shift anyways. Connie sent him off with a warning to watch out for ghosts, because the living dead were notoriously unfriendly.

The park was a nice fifteen minute walk from the hospital, with plentiful wooden park benches, brightly colored trees, and a small pond that reflected the sky perfectly on still days. Levi’s apartment was conveniently located in a small red brick building not five minutes from the park in a quiet, old neighborhood full of quiet, old people. He could walk around the lake and be back with plenty of time to return to the ward. Not that anyone would really check if he were there or not, but he did have to maintain the records and make sure all of the 6th ward patients’ useless bodies were still functioning as normally as their situations allowed. Lost in the haze of a familiar route and his own routine thoughts, he reacted a little too strongly when he felt someone tug lightly on the back of his shirt, whirling around to twist the wrist of his assailant.

His assailant was smiling apologetically, holding his arms up in surrender. “Woah, don’t kill me, please!” Eren begged sarcastically. “I have so much to live for.”

“You are aware that there are less ghoulish ways to get someone’s attention, are you not?” Levi asked. It was rhetorical anyways. Eren probably wasn’t even sorry, the brat.

Eren grinned at him. Definitely not sorry. “I just thought I’d join you. You can’t be going far, because I know you still have shit to do at the hospital.”

Levi sighed, allowing Eren to fall into step beside him. “Don’t you even care if people see me talking to myself? Not even a bit worried I might be shipped off to the loony bin?” Levi asked, a mocking sense of hurt touching his voice.

“Oh, I’m plenty worried about that, but it’s got nothing to do with you talking to yourself in public.”

“You’ve got me on that one,” Levi conceded.

They continued in amicable silence, which Levi was grateful for. He wasn’t particularly used to being joined in his evening walks, and he wasn’t sure he was very happy about Eren’s presence. But as long as the brat kept his mouth closed, it was an apparent nonissue in his pursuit of tranquility. The leaves were in the final stages of turning, at their brightest hues. Reds and yellows and greens and other unimaginable colors stood out bravely on the stark background of a light grey sky. On a windy day, there would have been an urgent whisper through all of the trees in the park, creating an eerie conversation between every leaf, twig, and blade of grass. Today, though, was still and the leaves kept to themselves, uncommunicative from their high perches in the tall, old oak, maple, and willow trees surrounding the mirrored pond. Levi glanced occasionally at Eren, mildly curious if leaving the hospital grounds behind them would have any negative effect on the kid. Eren, however, seemed perfectly fine. And oddly quiet. Levi supposed he wasn’t quite the raucous pain in the ass he had pegged him for. Not all the time anyways. Definitely sometimes, though.

Levi paused at the edge of the pond. Days this still were rare, and watching the nearly perfect mirror image of the sky on the smooth pond surface was entirely too mesmerizing for the short break that Levi had. He cast his eyes to the side, fulfilling his periodic check-in on Eren. Eren was looking at him this time, brow furrowed. He clearly had something to say.

“Oh spit it out,” Levi sighed. “This isn’t a damn library.”

“I was just wondering what’s on your bucket list,” Eren finally said, a ridiculously sincere look on his face.

Levi narrowed his eyes as if challenging Eren to back away from his sincerity. “I want to be the first president under 165 centimeters,” he said gravely.

Eren seemed to consider taking Levi’s answer seriously for a moment, before noting the disapproval on Levi’s face. “I’m serious, Levi.”

Levi sighed. “I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it.”

“Have we taught you nothing?” Eren gave him a withering look, like Levi was a petulant child making some absurd claim.

Levi took this as a personal affront. “You didn’t have a bucket list when you were alive,” he accused. “Besides, what’s wrong with being happy right now?”

“Oh, yeah. You always look so cheerful.” Eren gestured around vaguely. “This is really all you want? Nothing else?”

“Excuse you,” Levi said curtly. “Have you actually looked around?” He grabbed Eren’s shoulders and spun him around so he was facing an ancient willow tree, long tendril branches lightly stroking the mirrored surface of the water, it’s yellow hued leaves reflecting back at it from the surface of the water. “Look at that fucking huge tree. Have you ever seen a more majestic fucking tree?” Eren gave him a skeptical look over his shoulder before Levi turned Eren’s face back towards the tree. “I’m serious. Look at that tree. Everything in the universe came together just right for the last two hundred years or so to make that tree be here right now. That tree had probably upwards of a million chances to cease existing before we were born, but would you look at that? By some weird-ass miracle, it’s still here, and we get to look at it.”

“It’s a tree, Levi.”

“It’s majestic as hell,” Levi whispered fiercely into Eren’s ear. Eren looked vaguely alarmed. “You managed to stay alive for twenty-two years. That tree has been here probably ten times what you’ve managed, and it doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere anytime soon.”

Levi finally allowed Eren to turn and face him and Levi felt a pang of guilt at the melancholy look that had overtaken Eren’s features. “Hey, kid,” he said softly. “You know what’s on my bucket list?” Eren raised his eyebrows. “I want to live as long as that tree. I’m scared stupid that the universe isn’t as protective of me as it seems to be of that goddamn tree. I just kind of want to exist.”

Eren actually had the audacity to laugh at that. “You’re so weird,” he managed through his laughter.

“Oi! I just told you I’m afraid of dying, and you laugh at me?”

Eren wiped the tears from his eyes, quelling his laughter. “You just seem like the last person who would be afraid of dying. You’re like a fucking robot.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “I hate talking to you. You make me talk too much.”

“The tree is nice,” Eren apologized. “It’s just kind of boring. Live a little, Levi. You like that tree so much? Climb it. Carve your name in it. I don’t know. Pacifism is overrated. You like that dumb pond so much? Swim in it. Skip rocks on it. Living forever doesn’t mean shit if you don’t prove you were here.”

“You’re such a fucking brat,” Levi grumbled, glaring pointedly at him. There was a familiar defiance in Eren’s eyes, though, that left Levi feeling uneasy. “Let’s go back,” he tried suggesting, though he could tell Eren was up to something. Eren shot him one more defiant grin before taking off for the pond, leaping into the serene waters enthusiastically, ruining the mirror effect instantly. “Get back here,” Levi whispered loudly, following Eren to the edge of the pond, trying to keep the panic from his voice.

Eren surfaced, his hair clinging unceremoniously to his head, drooped over his eyes, but unable to hide the shit-eating grin plastered on his face. He shook the water out of one ear. “Levi, I’m dead and I’ve done more at your favorite spot than you have.”

“Congratufuckinglations,” Levi said, standing at the edge of the pond. “Now get the hell out of there, I have a shift to get back to. And you…well, you have to go back to being an insufferable brat.” Eren shrugged, and dragged himself out of the water, making his way back to Levi and dry land. Against his better judgment, Levi held a hand out for Eren to grab hold of to aid him in his journey onto dry land. Of course, Levi realized this was a bad idea approximately a half of a second before Eren grabbed his hand and yanked him bodily into the pond.

Levi surfaced, hair also clinging to his face awkwardly and whipped around to find Eren’s face a mere foot from his own, still grinning that stupid grin. Levi glared at him a moment, before pushing him back into the pond by his forehead. Without looking back, he stomped back to shore, shoes sloshing, clothes heavy with water. Eren joined him a minute later, equally sloshy but much more pleased with the situation.

“See? Now you’re living.”

“No,” Levi returned. “I’m freezing. To death. You may have given me pneumonia.”

Eren really didn’t look like he cared. “God, live a little Levi. Don’t just survive. Don’t just exist because of some weird cosmic formula of luck.”

“Oh, yeah. Standing here freezing my ass off in wet scrubs is some pre-ordained stroke of luck.” Levi tried wringing out his shirt, but it was more water than cotton at that point. The wet fabric was making things worse, so he pulled the nurse’s shirt over his head and stood there, half-naked on the brink of hypothermia, arguing with a dead kid in a public place.

Eren raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t mean live _that_ much. Save it for the club, Levi.”

“I hate everything about you right now,” Levi said, willing his teeth not to chatter.

\--

The two of them had sloshed back to Levi’s apartment, shoes squelching, so Levi could change quickly into dry scrubs and throw a towel at Eren’s head. Levi grabbed a jacket and yanked Eren back outside with him to return to the hospital. Unlike the walk to the park, Eren talked incessantly on the way back, Levi pretending not to listen. That didn’t seem to bother Eren at all. When they returned, the 6th ward patients were all gathered in Reiner’s room listening to another ridiculous story. Having been on a minor league football team before the injury that left him brain-dead, Reiner had a lot of good stories about traveling and meeting all manner of odd people. Levi showing up in different scrubs than he had left in was a great source of amusement for them all, especially paired with the fact that Eren was still slightly damp. They all poked fun, Connie piping in, “the neighborhood watch would like to remind you that necrophilia is still illegal.”

Levi finally managed to finish charting their vitals and all of his closing duties after being harassed for an hour or so. Eren wished him a goodnight as he clocked out, calling after him fondly, “that was a nice tattoo by the way!” Levi considered strangling him, but Eren had already scampered away at that point, clearly deciding against pressing his luck with Levi for the umpteenth time that day.

On the way home, Levi stopped by the park and approached the large willow warily. It was the same as it had always been. Levi stood there for a long while, hands shoved into the warm pockets of his jacket, considering the tree. After nearly an eternity, he pulled a small pocketknife from the inner lining of his jacket and carved a jagged ‘L’ into an exposed root on the tree. It was small and neat, rather like Levi himself. He nodded approvingly, feeling strangely proud of his accomplishment. It made him kind of happy in fact. That was weird. He held the back of his hand to his forehead. Yeah. Definitely pneumonia.

\--

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I update too much, this will be the death of me.  
> I might actually not update tomorrow for the first time since I've started writing this. Maybe not. Whatever. Just roll with it. Thanks for reading.
> 
> Cheers.


	7. Living Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, why the fuck am I updating again. I have no idea. Please do not get used to this. I certainly won't abandon the fic before the end, but jesus I've updated every night.
> 
> Anyways, thank you so much for the comments and likes, it actually means a ton to me. As for comments, I love them so much, I'd just feel really weird responding to all of them?? (though I really want to). You have been heard, though, and I love you very much.
> 
> As for the story, sorry it gets kind of dry sometimes. Being dead can be boring. It can also be a bit sad? Let me know if I'm breaching my promise for this not to be super sad. It's mostly supposed to make you think about things, not mourn them.  
> That being said, this chapter was really difficult to write for some reason? I dunno. I always want there to be some big emotional release, but when I try to keep the dialogue real, it loses some of that dramatic effect. The way I figure, we don't all suddenly have the answers one day. You don't wake up able to perfectly vocalize your feelings. I sure as hell haven't.
> 
> Blah blah blah, sorry, go ahead and read.
> 
> Cheers.

 

_4 months, 25 days_

Levi nearly ran headlong into Petra as he stalked off for the 6th ward, absorbed in some neglected paperwork. She was standing directly in his path, likely expecting him to see her and halt. Unfortunately, he didn’t see her until he was nearly on top of her. She greeted him with a happy, “Hi Levi!”

All he could manage in return was, “Where did you come from?” Levi didn’t like being caught off guard. Blaming his lack of diligence on the lingering cold that plagued him from being pulled into a pond in November, he quickly amended his greeting. “Ah, uh, good morning Petra.” She looked a little less hurt at that.

“I was wondering if I could have my friend deliver it today? I know it’s kind of short notice, but they don’t have a lot of open appointments for delivery, and I just assumed you were too busy to go pick it up yourself. I know that old car of yours isn’t really great with distances,” Petra rattled on lightly. Levi stared blankly at her, trying not to look as confused as he felt. He just nodded slowly, hoping the subject of their conversation would eventually catch up with him. Petra wasn’t buying it, though, and gave him an apologetic look. “Are you getting enough sleep, Levi?”

“No,” he said shortly.

“The tree,” she tried clarifying. “The redbud tree you wanted to plant in the patient grove? On the north lawn? Any of this ringing a bell?”

Levi finally caught up with her. “Oh, right, right. Uh, thanks Petra. Today did you say?”

“If that’s okay with you,” she said.

“Yeah, that should be fine,” he shrugged. He just figured whenever they got the tree they could all go out and plant it at some weird hour when no one else would have to see him talking to himself and seemingly planting a tree for a bunch of barely breathing corpses. Not that it wouldn’t have been amusing for them all. “Just page me when your friend thinks they will get here, eh?”

Petra saluted him lightly. “Will do, Levi. Good luck,” she added, an underlying note of concern distinct in her voice.

“Tch. I’ll need it,” he muttered. Petra turned to leave, but Levi caught her arm lightly. “Uh, thanks a lot. I really appreciate it,” he added lamely. Levi knew he sucked at normal social functions, but his friends tended to appreciate the effort more than anything. Petra only beamed at him, before Levi released her arm and she walked briskly away to tend to her ward.

Levi sighed inwardly at the thought of having to stay up nearly all night again. One of these days, Levi was going to keel over asleep right at work. Realistically, though, no one would probably be around to notice in the 6th ward. No one living anyways.

\--

“Hey, assholes,” Levi called, opening the door to Eren’s room, where they all seemed to be gathered that morning. “Expect a delivery this afternoon.”

“This is so sudden,” Connie remarked, with mock gravity.

“We don’t even know who the father is, Levi,” Ymir lamented.

Sasha grabbed Eren’s arm and pulled him to her side mischievously, whispering intentionally loudly in his ear for all to hear, “I think we all know who the father is, hm?”

Levi stared at them blankly for nearly a whole minute before silently shutting the door and retreating back down the hallway, fully intending to leave the hospital for the day. Not a beat passed, though, before all of the 6th ward cretins were scrambling after him, begging him to come back. Connie apologized, though not before adding, “you’re not even showing yet, really.” Levi had never quite approached such a level of ‘done’ with the gaggle of idiots that were currently following him to his small nurse’s station near the entrance to the ward.

He busied himself with filing various charts and storing misplaced tools in their proper drawers while the rest of them made themselves comfortable in the cramped station, sitting on counters and leaning against cabinets. Despite the fact that they had no real physical form to speak of and therefore no germs, Levi felt immensely uncomfortable at all of the bottoms on his clean countertop. Choosing with great difficulty to ignore this, he set about his organizing while they all chattered on about the delivery of the tree.

“It’s about damn time,” Jean pointed out. “Not all of us have forever, here. Sure Eren has a few months left. Connie and Sasha do too. But I mean, Ymir and I have been here for a while. Annie to. We also have basically no idea when or what the state will decide to do with Reiner and Bertolt. The government basically makes all of their medical decisions now.”

“Eh, who cares,” Eren countered. “It’s happening tonight. It’s all good now.”

“Where are we going to plant it, though?” Sasha wondered. “I mean, no one is really counting on the 6th ward getting out of their beds to plant a tree. I bet they don’t even have a place for us to put ours,” she mourned.

“We’ll make room,” Levi said resolutely. “I don’t think the infectious disease ward needs another goddamn oak tree. Unless they work up the irony to plant red oak or poison ivy or some shit, I don’t think their diseased asses need another fucking tree,” he grumbled. “Just take their spot.”

“I’m sure they’ll just create more space for them if we borrow their spot,” Bertolt compromised. “They wouldn’t really mind.”

“What if they jack up our tree?” Connie exclaimed. “I mean, we gotta be careful. What if those sick bastards dig up our tree in some hospital riot?”

“It’ll be like zombies versus ghosts. Night of the living disease!” Sasha said, miming what she could only assume to be an appropriate zombie face.

“Oh, lay off it,” Reiner laughed. “Bertolt is right. No one’s going to mind another tree in the grove. There’s plenty of room.”

“Yeah, and if they fuck with our tree,” Connie said darkly. “I’ll burn down their oak trees. All of them.”

Eren looked vaguely alarmed. “Easy does it. I don’t think we’re qualified enough for hauntings and vengeful spirit shit quite yet.”

They rattled on about various ghost pranks and felonies they could commit if they were so inclined, Connie swearing they should just haunt the hospital for the rest of eternity. It was light conversation, though. Otherwise Levi might have actually suspected that the 6th ward patients wished to ruin his life indefinitely. Six months were plenty for him. A familiar beeping sound alerted Levi to the notification on his pager finally, and he excused himself to meet the arborist out front. Eren, as per usual, excused himself as well to tag along, always annoyingly close to Levi’s heels.

They wound their way through the hospital hallways, Eren never more than a step behind him. Exiting via the main entrance, Levi found a grimy beige truck puffing large clouds of black exhaust into the pull-around circle for guests and visitors. On second appraisal, Levi figured the truck was actually most likely white, but was the unfortunate product of years of transporting dirt and all manner of plants and trees. The owner of the truck dropped out of the vehicle, his muddy boots hitting the blacktop forcefully from the unfortunate role that gravity played in heaving his large girth around. The man himself was massive in both height and weight, bald except for a thick beard covering most of his lower face. He had dark eyes and an expression to match, along with dirt and grass-stained overralls over a worn green shirt bearing the insignia for his small company.

“Petra’s dear friend?” Levi asked, trying to keep the sarcasm from his voice.

The hulking man before him appeared to brighten at the sound of her name and he extended a thoroughly filthy hand toward Levi in greeting. “Patrick,” he offered. “S’a pleasure.”

Levi was sorely tempted to decline the handshake, but didn’t particularly feel like offending a man twice his height and likely three times his weight. Gingerly he took the offered hand. “Levi.” He released Patrick’s hand as quickly as possible, without seeming rude. “I hear you have a tree for me?”

“One-fifty,” Patrick said shortly, gesturing at the already-growing sapling in his weathered truck. “Won’t find a better price than that.”

Levi sighed, pulling his wallet from the back pocket of his pants, thankful that he was carrying an unusual amount of cash that day. He didn’t suppose he could file for reimbursement with the hospital, seeing as it would likely appear that he had gone rogue on some imagined mission to steal the planting spot for the 2nd ward. No, he was in this alone. Illegal tree planting wasn’t something he would be reimbursed for. At least he was also pretty sure it was also something he would not be arrested for. Honestly, he wasn’t confident of that last point, but he really did hope it was true. Arrest was generally frowned upon for hospital employees, and he was already a bit under the gun on that one. Having selected the appropriate bills, plus another twenty for Patrick’s generosity in delivering the tree, Levi handed over the money. He silently mourned the eight hours worth of salary he had to surrender.

Patrick smiled at the money, smiled at Levi, and then smiled back at the baby tree. “It’s a good choice, Levi,” he said gruffly. “Redbuds are great. Real charming.” Levi stared back. It was like being told by a caveman that he had beautifully manicured nails. “You’re gonna love it,” Patrick concluded, hoisting his girth into the protesting truck, causing it to sag a few inches under the weight. Planting his shoulder against the clump of roots and dirt near the base of the tree, he shoved it out of the truck with a grunt.

Levi considered the tree sitting in the main visitor’s entrance, likely weighing near one-hundred pounds. Patrick didn’t seem to see the problem, though. With a final farewell and one last grimy handshake, he jumped into his environmentally disastrous truck and rumbled away, leaving Levi standing haplessly with a large tree in the entrance to a hospital.

Eren had watched these proceedings curiously, apparently waiting for the part where Levi actually appeared to know what he was doing, or exhibit some sort of plan for the whole process. Levi just stood there, though, watching the tree warily as if it might stand up on its roots and take off running if he didn’t keep a close enough eye on it. Eren was scratching the back of his head absently and Levi shot him a look, daring him to ask Levi if he knew what he was doing.

Never dare Eren to do anything. “Uh, so what are you gonna do with the tree? It looks a bit,” he paused, indicating with his arms the large size of the small tree. “It’s kind of-“ he gestured vaguely in the direction of the sapling.

“It’s too fucking heavy,” Levi finished for him.

Eren winced at the confirmation of his fears. “So, uh, what now?”

“I need you little shits to help me carry it.”

Eren spared him a bewildered look. “We _cannot_ help you carry that in broad daylight.”

Levi nodded his ascent, pulling a small notepad from his front pocket and scribbled a short note on it, which he stuck in the dirt at the base of the tree. “We’ll come get it later,” he decided, turning back toward the hospital. There was a distinct lack of Eren on his heels, though, so he turned back to find Eren standing by the tree helplessly.

“We can’t just leave it here,” he mourned. Looking sadly between Levi and the tree.

“I left a note.” Levi gestured at the small piece of paper at the base of the tree.

Eren leaned down and examined the note.

‘ _Don’t touch my goddamn tree. I will find you. –Levi’_

“Inspired,” Eren muttered.

“Babysit the damn thing if you’re so worried about it.”

Eren sighed and sat down on the ground, leaning against the tree. He gave Levi a dismissive wave. “I’ll see you later then.”

Levi was mildly surprised that Eren was actually going to babysit the tree as he suggested. It wasn’t a bad idea, though. “I mean it,” he warned. “Don’t let anyone touch that fucking tree.” And with that, he departed back into the hospital, leaving a mildly exasperated Eren to guard the small redbud tree that was conspicuously located in the front entrance of the hospital.

“Hurry back,” Eren called loudly at Levi’s retreating back.

\--

A hushed excitement fell over the 6th ward for the remainder of the day. They quickly ran out of things to say, and instead lounged about impatiently in Connie’s room. Levi was quite okay with the quietness over the ward. He found himself walking past the main entrance to the hospital a little more frequently than he normally would, each time glancing an increasingly impatient Eren. The first time Levi passed the entrance, Eren was still sitting on the ground, leaning against the tree. The second time, Eren was pacing in front of the tree. The third time, Eren was laying with his stomach on the pavement, arms at his side, face turned to the side, a look of pure torture on his face. That one had actually caused Levi to laugh, at which Eren shot him a surprisingly venomous glare.

The hospital began to clear out around nine, with the only real activity continuing in the neighboring emergency center, at the opposite end of the hospital. Levi watched as the last few guests trickled out, and employees who were lucky enough not to be doomed to a night shift joined the exiting visitors.

Finally, around midnight, Levi went to collect the ward to help him drag the tree from the front entrance. The tense silence of the day was quickly replaced by excited chatter as Levi guided them to where he had left the tree. This time Eren was draped over the base of the tree, groaning audibly. He perked up, though, at the sounds of the group approaching, and extricated himself from the tree.

“I was beginning to think this was all just an elaborate plan to get rid of me,” Eren muttered. “That was boring as hell. Also, remind me to never get on Levi’s bad side. For whatever reason, his shitty note actually drove people away quite effectively.”

“You exist on my bad side,” Levi grumbled.

Reiner patted Eren enthusiastically on the back, causing him to stumble forward a little. They all grabbed a portion of the tree, dragging it slowly from its spot at the deserted entrance of the hospital, around the side, and onto the north lawn. Levi would have been inclined to just let them do it, but as the only one with a physical body to speak for, his participation was necessary to prevent some unfortunate passerby from seeing a self-motivated tree on the move.

Levi had used his lunch break earlier in the day to return to his house in order to grab the two shovels he owned. One was newer, but the other was rusty and unlikely to help them much. He had brought it along anyways. The shovels were waiting for them on the empty patch of dirt that had been reserved for the 2nd ward. Of course, the 6th ward had other plans for that patch of dirt. And after a lot of swearing and tripping over each other, they had the surprisingly heavy sapling in position on the empty dirt patch. Levi passed out the shovels and decided to take a chance on someone seeing a bunch of shovels digging dirt without the help of physical people in order to sit that one out. He was too damn tired to dig holes with a bunch of brats, so he left it up to luck that they wouldn’t be bothered. Reiner and Eren took up first shifts with the shovels, hacking unprofessionally at the hardened ground, still stiff with frost.

Eren eventually passed the shovel on to Sasha, who passed it to Connie after her fair share. Reiner had passed the shovel to Annie – who made arguably the most progress on the ground, showing them all up – who passed to Jean, who passed to Bertolt. Connie eventually gave up, handing the shovel off to Reiner again, so Reiner and Bertolt could finish the already fairly sizable hole they had all created in the ground. With a sense of finality, Reiner climbed out of the hole, sticking his shovel into the ground next to the crater. Bertolt noticed the action and joined him, scrambling out and discarding his shovel.

They all stood around the hole, gazing down into it, waiting for someone to speak. It was like they were all waiting for a damn prayer or something. Eren seemed to decide they were. “Uh,” he began. “God or Buddah or whoever, bless this tree. And uh, bless us a little too. God only knows we need it.” They all nodded at the disjointed prayer, oddly invested in it. “And, um. Well, maybe this tree will make sure no one forgets about us or something. Uh, thanks if someone is up there. Nevermind if no one’s not. And, please don’t let dying suck as much as I think it will.” There were a few scattered laughs at that. “Ah, fuck it,” Eren concluded. “Let’s just put the damn tree in the ground.”

“Amen,” Levi murmured, earning a few more laughs.

They all dropped the tree into the hole with a loud _thunk_ and Eren and Connie took up the duty of filling in the space around it. With the tree firmly in place, they all just sort of milled around, as if waiting for fireworks to go off or something. Levi looked between them all, checking for some sign of deep satisfaction. It was there to some degree, but they mostly just looked apprehensive as a group.

Levi decided to break the silence. “It’s a nice tree,” he offered.

His voice seemed to break some spell over them and smiles began to creep onto their faces as they congratulated each other and gave the tree affectionate pats. They all seemed to agree that it was indeed a nice tree.

“We can make a plaque for it later,” Connie decided.

They all seemed fine with the idea and slowly trickled away to their rooms for the night. Levi wasn’t sure exactly why they all felt the need to spend their nights pretending to sleep, but he assumed it brought them all some measure of peace. He stood out there in the cold waiting as they all left, strangely enjoying the lingering satisfaction the brats left behind. Pretty soon he was standing with only Annie and Eren, a comfortable silence among the group.

Annie turned suddenly to Levi and bowed slightly. “Thank you,” she said, before turning neatly and returning to the hospital.

Levi glanced casually at Eren. “I always forget she speaks,” he said.

Eren laughed a bit before returning to the comfortable silence that had existed between them while Annie had been there. After along while, though, he spoke again.  “You think this tree will last as long as that dumb willow tree you love?”

“Hell no,” Levi returned. Eren looked crestfallen at that, but Levi only rolled his eyes fondly. “It’ll last a hell of a lot longer here. The soil is better.”

“What the fuck do you know about the soil here?” Eren teased.

“Eh, I just have a feeling.”

“A feeling?” Eren sounded doubtful.

“Yeah, you know, a sensation in your subconscious. A feeling,” Levi returned with as heavy a patronizing tone as he could manage.

“And what kind of feeling is that?”

“Well, I figure you can’t care about something this much and have it not live a long time. You all care about this stupid tree so much it’ll outlive everyone, I reckon.” Levi made to glance at Eren, but noticed tears in his eyes, and averted his gaze back to the tree before Eren noticed he had seen. “It’ll live forever. Pain in the ass fuckin’ tree.”

“Nothing lasts forever,” Eren managed, his voice tight.

“Correction: nothing _good_ lasts forever. This damn tree, though? Pain in the ass that it is, it will definitely last forever.”

“Shouldn’t that be, like, the opposite? And maybe applied to people? Where’s the justice of it all?” Eren laughed, wiping at his eyes.

“I’d be fucked ten ways to Sunday,” Levi chuckled.

The comfortable silence threatened to take hold of them again, but Eren just couldn’t keep his mouth shut. “I kind of want to hug you right now,” Eren sniffed. “In like a weird, you’re-such-a-pain-in-the-ass, I-hate-you-so-much, but-fuck-it-I-kind-of-want-to-hug-you-anyways kind of way.”

Levi stepped pointedly away from Eren by a few paces. “Yeah, that’s not going to happen in this lifetime,” he said sourly. Eren settled for grabbing both of the shovels and poking Levi with the dirty end of one of them.

“Are you sure you won’t live forever?” Eren asked skeptically. “You’re such an asshole, I kind of believe you will.”

“Me and this damn tree will just have to race to the end, I guess. See who out-shits the other.”

“You’re in the lead,” Eren sang softly.

Levi considered him a moment, before nodding his agreement. “I’m in the lead.”

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't get paid to proofread.
> 
> Well there you have it. Gonna try and make the next chapter heavier on humor. Also, I love getting ideas for future chapters from y'all if you wanna drop me a line.
> 
> Cheers.


	8. Visiting Hours and Tequila Sunrises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why the everlovingfuck am i updating again.  
> I have yet to go a day without updating.  
> Authorities are baffled.
> 
> Whatever. I kind of like this chapter. Kind of not. Eh, just let me know what you think.
> 
> Enjoy.  
> Cheers.

_4 months, 19 days_

Visiting days were rather like show-and-tell for the 6th ward inhabitants. It was like they wanted to show off how many people missed them and how much these people missed them. Sure, it was a little melancholy to watch their loved ones stare at their unmoving bodies, unable to give them a word of comfort. But, generally, they seemed to just enjoy being remembered. Levi didn’t think it was too much to ask. Saturdays in general were particularly popular days for visitors in the 6th ward, and today was about as busy as the ward ever got.

Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie never really had visitors due to their estrangement from their respective families. Reiner’s football team had visited him a few times, but had apparently given up after about seven months. It didn’t seem to visibly upset Reiner. He would just point out how dumb it was for them to visit a lifeless corpse. And having to entrust your medical decisions to the state involved so much red tape that it seemed he and the other wards of the state would be on life support forever, despite Erwin’s efforts to release them from their eternity of respirators and monitors. Bertolt didn’t have any family to visit him either. Near the beginning of his time in the 6th ward, some of his coworkers came to bring flowers, but no one dared bring any of his students. As an elementary school teacher, it seemed the general consensus was that a bunch of kids didn’t need to be subject to the sight of their nearly dead teacher’s body. As for Annie, it was hard to say. The state had control of her medical decisions, so obviously she had no family or acting guardian. No one ever really visited her either, so no one had much to go on. Annie had also been there the longest. Levi had checked her file out of curiosity, noting her date of admittance to the 6th ward as nearly two years ago. No wonder Erwin wanted to give these kids some peace.

Connie and Sasha had plenty of visitors, having been in the ward for only a little more than a month more than Eren had been there. Having grown up together, their families were amiable, but there was always a sort of stiff interaction between them, as though they weren’t really sure who was to blame for the accident that left both of them brain dead. Sasha may have been driving, but Connie’s family seemed to harbor a secret embarrassment that Connie had put her up to it. In Levi’s opinion, it was unlikely that any decision the two made wasn’t reached at nearly the same time. To an eerie extent, they seemed to share a brain. Driving under the influence of a few too many drinks was probably a joint decision as well. He would never suggest that to the families, though. Dead kids don’t talk, and Levi wouldn’t be the one to dispel that myth.

Jean rarely had visitors. He had a quiet family who stopped by for short intervals to squeeze his hand or pull the blankets around his still body. Levi didn’t think they particularly enjoyed the visits, but rather they performed them out of social requirement. One of Jean’s close friends still visited, though. Marco, Levi thought he was called. The young man was kind and strangely lighthearted in his visits to the halfway house for dead people. Marco, similar to Ymir’s friend, Krista, frequently read to Jean, or just talked for a few hours. It was kind of disgustingly sweet, but Jean always seemed too happy for anyone to ever point it out. The same kind of went for Ymir. Ymir really only had Krista, and it made her so damn happy that none of the brats wanted to intrude on that sacred ground.

Sometimes Levi watched visitors come and go and wondered who would have visited him in the 6th ward if he hadn’t woken up after his car crash. Hanji probably would have tried to wheel his corpse to the development wing to perform experiments on him. Out of love, of course. Or something. Hopefully. Other than that, though, Levi didn’t think anyone who didn’t work with him would even know he was almost dead. It didn’t bother him, per say, but it was certainly sobering.

Eren was visited incessantly by Armin, a close friend of his from school. Armin would bring all manner of encyclopedia and travel brochure and musical history book to talk Eren’s lifeless ear off for a few hours. Without fail, though, Armin would end up talking about some place the two of them would go or some thing the two of them would do, but catch himself and try desperately for the next few minutes not to cry in front of Levi. Unless Levi wasn’t in the room, then he figured Armin just went ahead and cried. It was weird, but it was all of the things that didn’t happen that were the most upsetting for the 6th ward patients. Who knew a whole lot of nothing would be more upsetting than the sums of every something they had ever done.

Today was practically a convention in the 6th ward. Marco had shown up as well as Krista, various members of Connie and Sasha’s family, and Armin dragging a reluctant Mikasa. Levi felt a little bad about that. Mikasa didn’t like to visit much. She had that painfully realistic view on life that Levi recognized from his own personality. Eren was dead to Mikasa. That much was clear.

Levi finished Eren’s morning monitoring quickly so he could leave Armin and Mikasa in the room alone. Mikasa always glared at him if he was in the room, like all of her troubles and Eren’s situation itself was Levi’s fault. Armin would at least give Levi an apologetic look. Apparently she was just like that.

Levi was about to leave when Eren stopped him by the door. “You don’t have to go, you know.”

Levi raised his eyebrows in a question.

“Can’t you at least try to talk to them?” Eren begged.

Levi shrugged urgently trying to convey his complete inability to socialize with these people. What was he supposed to say?

“Ask them how things are going without me or whatever,” Eren pleaded. “Anything. They have no idea I can hear them.”

With a you-owe-me-big-time glare, Levi turned to the party of two gathered around Eren’s body. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “So, uh, how are things?”

“What the fuck was that?” Eren gaped. “Have you ever talked to another human being? Oh lord, just leave, you’re so awkward.”

Levi discreetly elbowed Eren. Now it was a challenge.

Armin and Mikasa were looking at him as if they didn’t really believe he was a human. They probably had more evidence to the contrary, anyways. Levi stood his ground, trying to appear compassionate, but probably coming off as angry. As always.

Armin pointed a finger questioningly at himself and Levi nodded, wondering if Levi had truly been addressing him. “Uh,” Armin tried to find his voice. “Swell,” he managed suspiciously. “Is there some sort of change in Eren’s condition?”

“No.” Levi figured he should elaborate. That’s what people did, right? “How are you two fairing without Eren?”

Mikasa was frowning at him. That wasn’t particularly unusual, though. Armin once again took the liberty of answering for the both of them. “As well as can be expected,” he offered politely.

Levi was quickly growing tired of the social niceties. “Look,” he said, cutting to the chase. “Maybe, if by some weird miracle Eren is still in there at all, he wants to know how you two are. Like, hey, we’re doin’ great Eren.”

Mikasa was still frowning at him, but her eyes seemed to soften a little. “We are,” she said quietly. “We are doing alright.”

Not wishing to back down, Levi approached Eren’s body resolutely. “Amateurs,” he grumbled, pushing Armin’s chair aside – with Armin still in it. “Hey Eren!” he shouted at the lifeless body, leaning in close to his expressionless face. “Hey brat, guess what?” He was still shouting for some reason. “I know you’re mostly dead and probably bored to an even further state of death, so guess what’s been going on in my life? I got a coffee the other day and it was the best damn coffee I’ve had all year! It was fanfuckingtastic! Just thought I’d include you in my life instead of treating you like a piece of meat!” Levi crossed his arms stubbornly and stood back, eyeing Mikasa defiantly.

Mikasa looked a bit bewildered and not altogether appreciative of Levi’s actions. She pushed Levi aside firmly and grabbed the front of Eren’s hospital gown with alarming intensity, pulling his limp corpse up to face her. “Since I know you don’t care about that asshole’s perfect cup of coffee, allow me to enlighten you on some recent events,” she growled. Her voice wasn’t quite as loud as Levi’s had been, but he had clearly lit a fire in Mikasa that Levi had not been witness to yet. “I’m going back to school. Armin is going to get his master’s degree soon. I should have my undergrad in about three semesters. No thanks to you. Why the fuck didn’t you wear your hardhat? If you didn’t have bad luck, Eren, you’d have no manner of luck at all.” The real Eren was standing immobile on the other end of the room, eyes wide with fear. “What the fuck have I told you about wearing your goddamn hardhat?” Her ranting had turned into some terrifying combination of sarcasm and emotional truism. Levi was entranced. But mostly scared shitless. “Me and Armin miss the shit out of you, you son of a bitch.” She was still shouting, Levi noted, trying desperately to overcome the desire to cower. “But we’re fine! And we are going to be fine when you die. You didn’t break us, Eren,” she said fiercely. “You hurt us, but we’ll get over it,” she finished, releasing his body’s clothing from her grasp so he could flop unceremoniously back into the bed. She considered him a moment, voice back to the silent murmur she normally spoke with. “We miss you, though, you asshole.”

Armin was crying again. What else was, new, though. It was a happier crying than his normal desolate, shoulder-shaking waterworks, though.

Across the room, Eren still seemed like he wanted to run for the hills. Overcoming his intimidation, though, he slowly approached Mikasa and laid a hand on her shoulder affectionately. “Yeah. Sorry about that,” he laughed sadly.

Mikasa let out a long breath, like she had been keeping every emotion in her lungs for the past month and a half. “And I know you’re sorry, too,” she sighed. “And I guess, against my better judgment, I forgive you.” She smiled a bit at that, the first Levi had ever seen from the sullen woman.

“I don’t really deserve it,” Eren smiled, resting his head on Mikasa’s shoulder lightly.

“But you don’t really deserve it,” Mikasa said affectionately, to no one in particular.

Levi shot Eren a smug smile before excusing himself from the room.

\--

Visiting hours wrapped up within the hour and Levi watched the odd group of strangers departing together. Armin looked ten years younger, smiling fully for the first time since Levi had met him. Mikasa herself even flashed Levi a small smile before the two of them departed. Levi couldn’t help but feel smug at his small victory.

Eren was leaning against the counter, joining Levi in the supervision of the exiting guests. “Before you say anything, that was pure luck,” Eren said beside him.

Levi tried not to appear too cocky, but failed miserably. “I just have a way with words,” he returned.

“No, you are literally the worst at interacting with human beings.”

“Speak for yourself,” Levi chuckled. “You owe me big time.”

The rest of the ward patients slowly gathered in the hall, a lighthearted aura hanging pleasantly over them all. Visiting day was hit or miss with them. Some days it made them depressed, while other times it seemed to raise their spirits. For whatever reason, their spirits were notably raised today.

A companionable silence fell around them as they lounged in the hall, until Ymir interrupted their daydreaming. “I think my dad is gonna pull me off life support soon,” she said, surprisingly casual.

The comfortable atmosphere tensed up at the comment, and no one seemed to want to speak first. It was like they were all holding their breath, waiting for Ymir to shatter in front of them. Ymir gave them all an incredulous look. “Oh, come off it,” she laughed. They all stared at her. “Honestly, what’s wrong with you guys? I get to blow this popsicle stand soon and you’re all gonna stand there with your jaws on the floor?”

Reiner found his voice first. “And are you-“ he closed his mouth, thinking over his words. “You’re alright, then?”

“Alright?” Ymir shook her head fondly at them all. “I’ve been here a while. I’m ready for the green pastures, or whatever the hell is waiting for us. Personally, I’d be okay if it was just a lot of spiced rum waiting for me.”

The tension fizzled out and they all seemed to physically and mentally relax their guards again. Levi nodded at Ymir. “A drink after my own heart,” he remarked.

Ymir raised an imaginary glass in Levi’s direction. “I take back anything I might have said about your poor taste,” she said diplomatically.

“I’d prefer a smooth whiskey,” Reiner said.

Bertolt smiled at him. “I could go for that.”

“Straight bourbon,” Annie added. They all spared her a moment of disbelief, before dissolving into warm laughter. Annie tried to hide a small smile.

“You’re a bunch of old men,” Connie scoffed. “Screwdrivers and martinis,” he offered. Sasha nodded energetically.

“Beer,” Eren disagreed. “Or a nice tequila sunrise,” he amended. Levi gave him an incredulous look, but Eren held up a hand  in warning. “Don’t talk shit about fruity umbrella drinks, Levi. Don’t you fucking dare, they are fucking amazing and I will not have you shit on that.”

“I’d kill for a drink or two before I head off,” Ymir mourned.  “Or ten.”

“Can you guys even eat or drink?” Levi asked skeptically.

“Pretty sure we can’t,” Bertolt said. “We don’t get hungry at least.”

“Trust me, we can’t,” Sasha interjected. “Trust me on that one.”

Connie looked mischievously at Levi. “You can drink though.”

They all stared at Levi. Levi had a bad feeling about the way they were considering him. “I don’t think I like where this is going.”

Ymir stood up from her leaning position against the wall, gesturing for them all to look at her. “I think, and I’m fairly certain I speak for you all, that we should gather our favorite drinks.” Levi definitely knew where this was going. He made to protest, but Ymir trampled over his objections. “And, Levi should have to drink them in our stead. Vicariously drinking, if you will, through our loyal nurse.”

There were various cheers of approval, and Levi knew he was far outnumbered. If he started running now, though, he might be able to skip town before they caught up with him. Eren seemed to pick up on this and grabbed his arm, pulling him close. “Come on, Levi, I believe we have a liquor store to raid.”

A legitimate haunting would have been less taxing on his health, and his wallet, than these dead kids.

Levi and Eren made a trip to Town Liquors, which was a questionably short distance from the hospital and the rehab center where alcoholics anonymous met. Eren had a surprisingly good memory and directed all of Levi’s purchases. It all rung up to a painful amount of money, which Levi mourned wordlessly. The clerk had given him an odd look, like he was considering calling the police to report an attempted suicide. Levi kind of hoped the clerk would phone the police. It was more like attempted murder, though, if these kids really planned on filling him with as much alcohol as he suspected they would. Unfortunately, the clerk did not phone the police, and Levi was left to return to the 6th ward with enough alcohol to intoxicate everyone in a fifty mile radius.

Luckily the hospital was mostly deserted by the time Eren and Levi had returned, meaning Levi didn’t have to explain himself to anyone along the way. When it came right down to it, though, he wasn’t really sure he could explain himself.

Reiner was blaring loud, upbeat jazz music on Eren’s stereo, both a gift from Levi. Levi wished that he spent his Saturday nights with living people like most normal folks did. Instead of thinking too hard about it, though, he dumped the contents of his bags on the ground, supplied a stack of plastic cups from the nurse’s station, and threw himself in a chair to await his inevitable alcohol poisoning.

Levi wasn’t very sure of much that happened that night, in retrospect. He was sure that the first drink he was handed was a screwdriver, at Connie’s insistence. And it was an irresponsibly strong screwdriver at that. He was also sure that he was handed far too many drinks for him to even consider driving a vehicle for at least a week. And finally, he was sure that he had begun to smell and taste the raucous jazz music at some point. It’s just a good thing this was all happening in a hospital.

Levi was a man who could hold his liquor well, but at some point he realized that there needed to be a term beyond drunk that could describe his level of intoxication. He could practically see through time by the second glass of whiskey. The mere presence of alcohol and the familiarity of loud music and mixing drinks seemed to intoxicate the 6th ward patients as well. When Levi could actually gather his thoughts together, he could tell they were all elated beyond their normal collective emotional capacity.

At some point in the night, Eren finally cut Levi off. Or rather, he cut everyone else off from Levi, warning them that they would actually kill him. Levi didn’t disagree. As per his usual luck, though, Erwin had apparently been looking for Levi and actually managed to find him. Hearing the clacking of Erwin’s approaching shoes on the tile, they had dashed to hide all of the alcohol and cups and various signs of the party in the lower cabinet of Eren’s bedside table. Levi didn’t even attempt to stand.

When Erwin entered the room, Levi sat up, trying his best to focus on Erwin’s face. Erwin eyed him suspiciously. “You’re here awfully late, Levi.”

Levi didn’t trust his voice to work in any sort of responsible way and opted for nodding in what he hoped was a completely sober manner.

“I was wondering if you knew that one of your patients is being pulled off life support in a few days. Ymir, I believe?” Erwin was still looking at him funny, and Levi wished he had enough self-awareness at that point to know why.

Levi nodded again, trying to look thoughtful and interested. He probably just looked sick and unaware of his surroundings.

“Alright, Levi,” Erwin said uneasily. “Have a good evening.” Excusing himself, Erwin left the room, clacking back down the 6th ward hallway.

Levi blinked rapidly. “I am going to throw up all over everyone if you do not bring me a trash can this instant,” he said calmly.

They all scrambled to find one, before Eren located a bucket, shoving it into Levi’s arms. Of course, Hanji chose that moment to throw the door open, never one for anything less than a grand entrance. “Levi!” she greeted him heartily. “Erwin tells me you’re completely drunk. Shit-faced, week-long-hangover drunk!”

Levi shook his head in drunken denial. “S’not true.”

“Holy shit,” Hanji laughed. “I didn’t believe him.”

Some part of Levi was urging him to come clean and beg Hanji to drag him back to his house. Instead, he made to object again, but just ended up hurling into the incriminating bucket in his lap.

Hanji looked around at the seemingly empty ward. “You really know how to party, Levi,” she said seriously. “Next time you want to get drunk with a bunch of ghosts, you fucking tell me. I’m hurt.”

“Take me the hell home,” he groaned.

\--

The whole thing was a little patchy to Levi. Hanji apparently dragged him back to his house, as he requested. Eren seemed to be in the picture too. Turns out the kid did have a conscience. The 6th ward had applauded his exit, cheering for his fortitude in the face of so much liquor. At least they had a good night.

Hanji had deposited him in his bed, leaving a trash can by his bedside and a bottle of painkillers on his bedside table. “I’ve got your shift tomorrow,” she called over her shoulder, leaving the apartment.

“I want to die,” Levi moaned into his pillow. “Please kill me.”

Eren was there for some reason, too, and laughed lightly. “Do you have any idea how difficult you are to drag places when you’re drunk?”

“Spare me the lecture.” Levi pulled his pillow so it was over his head. “Why the fuck are you still here,” he demanded, noticing the pressure on the bed next to him as Eren sat down. His voice just came out as a muffled gurgle.

“Go the fuck to sleep,” Eren returned. “I’ll make sure you don’t kick the bucket or whatever. That’s my thing.”

Levi waited for sleep to find him, but found his mouth opening for some reason. “You’re great.” What the actual fuck was he saying. “I want you to not die. Don’t do that.” Why the fuck wouldn’t he shut up. “You’re such an asshole.” Oh Christ, this was why he didn’t drink, fucking verbal diarrhea. “Don’t fucking die, that’s so dumb.”

He could imagine Eren’s smirk even from under his pillow. “Levi, go the fuck to sleep,” Eren laughed.

“Why are you so dead?” Levi wished Eren would smother him in his sleep.

“Probably for the same reason you decided to drink your weight in booze tonight. The world is weird, Levi,” Eren said quietly, failing in his efforts to not laugh. The lights clicked out and a blanket was thrown over Levi. “Seriously, I will actually let you die if you don’t go the hell to sleep.”

“Please do,” Levi managed, before being whisked off by the suffocating darkness of an inebriated sleep.

 

 

 

 --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Token drunken chapter. Sorry, couldn't resist.  
> Hope it didn't suck. I promised more humor after last chapter, so I tried not to fail miserably.
> 
> Who even knows at this point, I'm so fucking tired.  
> Once again, shout out to my buddy proofreading. Fuck you.
> 
> Thanks for the reads, y'all are great.
> 
> Cheers.


	9. Sober

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I felt bad breaking my daily update schedule, so I pumped out something short for y'all. It's much, much shorter than my normal updates, because I have exams tomorrow. Sorry 'bout that. I still have a life to lead.  
> Anyways, enjoy the short intermission, I'll try to have a normal-sized chapter for you by Friday night.
> 
> Cheers.

\--

_4 months, 18 days_

Levi woke up at some abominable hour in the morning with the realization that if he didn’t drink some water soon his liver was probably going to pack its bags and go on strike. Laying on his side he became painfully aware of the seeping cold in his back from whatever he was currently not facing. With a shiver he craned his neck to find Eren’s back wedged up against his own. Ghosts don’t sleep. That was odd. “Are you asleep?” Levi managed to slur. Yep, still drunk. He would be lucky if he was sober by next week. “You’re a ghost, what the fuck?”

Eren jolted away from Levi sheepishly. “Sorry. You’re just-“ he closed his mouth. “My bad.”

“Making yourself comfortable?” Levi asked dryly.

“You’re just really warm,” Eren mumbled.

“Oi! That’s my warmth, go get your own. You’re cold as hell.” Levi hauled himself from the bed to retrieve some water, mumbling on his way out of the room, “no good temperature-stealing ghosts.”

Eren followed him to the kitchen and Levi tried his best not to stumble. All he managed to achieve was the awkward I-swear-I’m-sober walk. Fixing a glass of water, Levi sagged onto his countertop, willing his brain to reconnect with reality and basic human functioning. Eren was, of course, staring at him.

“What?” Levi glared at him.

“You don’t snore,” Eren observed.

“Of course I don't,” Levi said irritably. He took a large gulp of water.

“You kind of growl though,” Eren added. Levi choked on his water.

“I absolutely do not,” he spluttered.

Eren laughed. “You kind of do. It’s like watching a very small bear in hibernation.” Eren paused. “A _very_ small bear.”

Levi bristled at the joke. “Well I throw a punch like a very large bear, you little shit. At this point, I’m drunk enough to just go for it,” he threatened.

Holding up his hands in surrender, Eren backtracked. “Sorry, sorry.” Levi returned to sipping his water, letting Eren off the hook for the time being. “So, on a scale of one to ten, how badly are you going to be hungover tomorrow?”

“On a scale of one to ten? Zero.” Eren raised his eyebrows doubtfully at him. “I’m not going to be hungover. I’m still going to be drunk,” Levi grumbled.

“I think I like you better drunk,” Eren said, not altogether jokingly.

“I think I like you better when I’m passed out,” Levi returned.

Eren shrugged it off and they fell into their own thoughts, dragging the silence out comfortably. After Levi finished his glass of water, he decided to do the dishes that were uncharacteristically gathered in his kitchen. It was unlikely he would be able to fall back asleep if he knew they were still in the sink. Eren just sort of hovered around. Levi was actually starting to get used to that.

“You know,” Eren said casually. “I hardly know anything about you.”

“Good,” Levi deadpanned.

“No, really.” Persistent bastard. “You know tons about me, and I never even ask about you.”

Levi cast a bored glance at Eren. “Nothing to tell. I’m a nurse, and I live alone unless Hanji comes around to ruin my life.”

“How did you meet Hanji?” Eren tried.

Levi sighed. This was not a conversation he wanted to have. “She kidnapped me.”

Eren didn’t seem to be able to discern if this was a joke or not. Levi hadn’t really been able to discern that either, when it came right down to it. The kid clearly wasn’t backing down on this, though, so Levi begrudgingly pieced together a short account of his life thus far. “Poor family, nice parents. They passed away when I was 18. Bad neighborhood leads to delinquency. Typical stuff. Fell in with a small-time gang. Not bangers, just taggers.”

“Taggers?” Eren interrupted.

“Grafiti. We weren’t shooting people or anything. Just something to do with ourselves. Met Hanji who was working in a local diner. We were acquainted and one day she shows up out of the blue, pulls me into her car and tells me I’m going to nursing school. She literally kidnapped me,” he finished.

“How did you get kidnapped into going to college?” Eren asked doubtfully.

“Have you ever tried telling Hanji ‘no’? She paid for both of our first semesters then got me a job at the diner so we could work our way through. And here I am, the picture of success and mental stability, talking with a dead kid.”

Eren seemed to accept this. “You’re right,” he said dismissively. “You are boring.”

“Told you so,” Levi replied, finishing the last of the dishes. “And now I am going to go sleep for the rest of my life. Do excuse me,” he said with mock politeness, turning to return to his bedroom.

“Are you okay now?” Eren called after him. “You’re not going to like, drown in your own vomit or anything right? Do you want me to leave?”

“Eren, you can stay or you can go. You can climb Mount Everest for all I care.”

Levi didn’t bother finding out whether Eren stayed or left or climbed the mountain. He just dropped back down on his bed and nodded off within seconds of contact with the firm mattress.

\--

Dragging himself out of bed around noon, Levi made for his kitchen to put something in his protesting stomach. There was a moment of confusion when he saw Eren seated on his living room couch, but it passed quickly. Whatever, he figured. Some people had dogs, some people had cute dead kids. Not cute, he amended. Just dead.

“I’d offer you breakfast,” Levi called, getting Eren’s attention. “But I’m pretty sure you’re being served the hospital’s liquefied best through a tube as we speak.”

Eren jumped up happily. “Are you sober yet?”

“Ask me again next week,” Levi grumbled. “What did you do all night exactly?”

Eren gestured at the CD shelf next to Levi’s stereo. “I alphabetized your CD collection. It was boring as fuck.” Levi stared silently at Eren until Eren began to fidget. “What?” he finally demanded defensively.

“Those were organized chronologically by year of release,” Levi said flatly.

Eren looked mortified. They stared at each other for a few minutes, before Levi broke the tension with a tired laugh. “This is a pretty weak haunting, Eren Jaeger. Better luck next time.” Eren laughed nervously, Levi rolling his eyes. “You’re such a pain in the ass.”

Eren stuck around while Levi made some toast to force-feed himself. Eventually Levi kicked Eren out, telling him to go make sure the 6th ward hadn’t self-destructed in their absence. With mild reluctance, Eren departed leaving Levi alone in his tranquil house. Knowing that Hanji would be good for covering his shift, Levi gave up on the rest of the day and decided to just go back to sleep. Lord knows, he needed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha, told you it was short as fuck.  
> Like I care.
> 
> Thanks a ton for all of your support, catch you on the next update.
> 
> Cheers.


	10. Ymir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out focusing on my studying last night was a good choice. Aced my exams AND managed to finish a chapter before some horrible hour tonight. Look at me go.
> 
> Anyways, this chapter was a bit of a struggle. Don't read it like it's sad. Please, please, please. It wasn't intended as such. Hopefully I didn't fuck that up too much.
> 
> Well, I'll leave you to it, then.
> 
> Cheers.

_4 months, 17 days_

Levi had been mildly joking when he insisted he would be drunk for more than a week after being boozed up by the 6th ward cretins, but he found that it wasn’t altogether an exaggeration. He had taken an extra few days off to make sure he didn’t come into work looking like he’d been kidnapped, beaten, and dumped in an alleyway still doped up on roofies. Explaining himself was the last thing he wanted to do, so he opted to dip into his PTO to rest up at home for a few extra days.

He had been worried that Ymir would be pulled off life support before he returned, so during his recovery Hanji had been spying on the movements of the 6th ward to make sure Levi didn’t miss Ymir’s departure. Luckily, it wasn’t set for another few days. Hanji had kept a surprisingly good eye on the ward during his absence. She was always up for anything resembling espionage or semi-illegal activities.

Before heading to work that morning, Levi made a trip to the home improvement store. It was a bit out of his way, but his dilapidated monstrosity of a car could at least make it that far. A kind employee had helped him locate a plaque-making kit. It seemed simple enough; all they had to do was mix the concrete with some water, set it in the mold, and etch whatever they wanted into the wet cement before it dried. Levi didn’t want Ymir to leave before they had a chance to make a plaque for the baby redbud tree now occupying the patient grove on the north lawn. They all planted it together, so it made sense that they should all dedicate it together. He wasn’t attached to the kids- it was just common sense. That’s all.

Upon his arrival at the sixth ward, he was greeted with a rousing round of applause. Connie had slapped him on the back with a cheerful, “the triumphant hero returns!”

Levi eyed him warily. “You morons almost killed me.”

Sasha dismissed his concerns, changing the subject. “You should have seen your face when Dr. Smith walked into the room. Priceless.”

“Well, considering I couldn’t actually see Dr. Smith through the haze of five parties’ worth of liquor, I’ll just have to use my imagination,” Levi returned wryly.

“You’re alright, though, right?” Bertolt asked sheepishly. “We didn’t mess you up too bad, did we?”

Levi heaved a mighty sigh. “I’ll live.”

“Heard you and Eren had a sleepover,” Ymir snickered.

“Yes,” Levi said shortly. He wouldn’t play into their petty teasing. He knew better.

“How was _that_?” Connie asked, waggling his eyebrows.

Levi couldn’t resist. “Stellar. Ghost sex is even better than they say it is,” he returned, the serious look never leaving his face as he turned to pull charts from the nurse’s station, leaving them all to ponder just how serious Levi had been. It was so easy to mess with them.

Levi gathered his charts and threw himself into his morning routine of writing unchanging data in their files, indicating that they were all indeed still breathing, but still mostly dead. Eren was in his room and looked up expectantly when Levi opened the door.

“Still drunk?” Eren grinned.

“Absolutely,” Levi returned lightly. He began scribbling numbers and vague notes in Eren’s charts, making sure his vitals were all in check. They were, as per usual. Eren watched with mild interest. Levi recalled the plaque kit he had purchased earlier that morning. “Ah, I forgot to tell the other brats, but I picked up the materials to make that plaque for your tree today. You know, before Ymir checks out and all.”

Eren nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. It would really suck if she weren’t there for that.” He hovered behind Levi watching his various pen strokes. “What are you writing about me?”

Levi gave him a look. “That you love long walks on the beach, tequila sunrises, and getting caught in the rain.” Eren huffed in frustration. “Oh, get a grip. Just letting them know that you are indeed still mostly dead. Shockingly, there has been no change. Just going through the motions,” he added.

Eren poked his body’s cheek disinterestedly. “No good useless dead body,” he mumbled.

“You should get the others together in Connie’s room and decide what you want on the plaque,” Levi said, turning to leave Eren’s room. “I’ll finish these charts and we can figure it out from there. Connie’s room has the best ventilation.” Eren nodded, joining Levi at the door. They were parting ways in the hallway when Levi called back after Eren. “Oh, by the way. I may have unintentionally led them to believe that we had crazy, wild sex while I was drunk.” Eren whirled around, cheeks red. He was so easy to get a rise out of. “Relax, brat. We all know I was too drunk to tell my dick from my nose. Have fun!” Levi laughed, leaving Eren standing there, fuming. Part of Levi hoped they gave Eren a lot of shit for it. Some people are just inherently fun to tease. Unfortunately, Levi also had the feeling this one would come back to bite him later. It was kind of worth it, though.

\--

“Well I think we should all sign our names on the plaque,” Connie said stubbornly.

“Connie,” Sasha reasoned. “Levi would be admitted to the psych ward. We can’t make anything that would get him in trouble. Everyone will think he made the plaque.”

“Or that ghosts did,” Connie defended. “And that’s pretty fucking sweet.”

“Maybe we could just sigh the bottom part that will be facing the ground,” Bertolt suggested.

Reiner nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, like, we signed it, but no one can see that we signed it. Then we can do something else on the side that people will be able to see.”

“Fine, fine,” Connie agreed. “But we still have no idea what to put on the front side.”

“It could just say ‘6th Ward’,” Jean offered.

“Oh, it will say that,” Connie said. “It has to have something else on it too, though. Something special. You guys know what I mean, right?”

They all nodded their understanding. If it was to be their last memorial to the world that they had existed beyond the confines of their hospital beds, there had to be some lasting message on it. No one seemed to be able to figure out what that should be, though. A few suggestions were thrown around, but they were mostly shut down by arguments and disagreements. Levi wasn’t feeling particularly patient, so he retrieved a pitcher of water from the sink in the nurse’s station and began mixing the cement in the provided mold.

“What are you doing?” Eren asked, crouched beside Levi while he mixed the water into the dry concrete bits, creating a stiff paste in the small, square mold.

Levi shrugged. “I’m not patient. I figure if I go ahead and mix the cement, you guys will be forced to figure something out for the plaque.” Levi dusted his hands off and announced to the bickering brats, “clock’s ticking.”

A nervous silence fell among the 6th ward patients as the immediacy of their decision seemed to settle in their minds. Levi raised his eyebrows at each of them, an impatient look that made them all squirm. It was a quick drying mixture, though, so Levi decided to take it upon himself to take action. With his index finger he traced ‘PATIENTS OF THE 6TH WARD’ in neat capital letters. They all gathered around him, watching his even strokes like they were God’s gospel itself. He paused after the first phrase and sat there on his aching knees, contemplating an appropriate message for the gaggle of almost dead kids breathing down his neck. They didn’t say a word, so Levi took that as permission to take his own liberties on the plaque.

“Is it alright if I write something else?” he asked them quietly. There were a few quiet murmurs of consent, but then the room quieted again as they watched his finger trace letters into the drying concrete with gentle ease. Levi became obnoxiously aware that they were all holding their breath like if they made any sudden movements Levi and the plaque would shatter into thousands of unfixable pieces.

Finally, Levi stood back and allowed the tense group to view his handiwork. “We still have time to change it if you want,” he added. They surveyed his work with a quiet awe that made Levi a bit self-conscious.

 

PATIENTS OF THE 6TH WARD

2013

 “Between the living and the dead

We don’t expect to find

A lesser will to live our lives

Than just within our minds

.

We sit among the stars up here-

We make a sordid sight.

We lead our lives like we weren’t dead,

a temporary plight

.

So we sit among the stars up here,

They’re too polite to say:

We don’t fit here, nor down below,

Nor any other way.”

-Anonymous 2007

 

“Who wrote it?” Eren asked quietly.

“Don’t you know what anonymous means?” Levi grumbled, as he got up to wash his hands. “Hell if I know. Nice bit of words, though.”

“It’s _almost_ perfect,” Connie mused. “I think I know what it’s missing.” He bent down and traced an additional word at the very bottom of the plaque in large, blocky, capital letters.

CZECHOSLOVAKIA

 

“Just so we don’t forget,” Connie elaborated, a large grin on his face. “Or anyone else.”

The tension left the room as they all laughed heartily, Reiner patting Connie’s back warmly. They all congratulated themselves on a job well done and began discussing plans for spying on the other wards’ plaques to make sure that theirs was best. Connie even offered to sabotage the other wards’ plaques with various obscene words. Levi interrupted their lighthearted banner to instruct them to retrieve him from the nurse’s station in an hour so they could flip the plaque out of its mold and trace their names on the bottom of it.

Predictably Eren trailed after Levi when he excused himself. Eren was beginning to feel like his second shadow. Hurrying to match paces with Levi, they fell into step together after a few feet. “That really was a nice poem,” Eren said seriously. “I wish I knew who wrote it.”

“Who cares?” Levi asked with mild disinterest. “Words are words. Doesn’t matter whose they are. Once they’re out there, they belong to everyone.”

Eren walked silently beside Levi for a few minutes before asking quietly, “Did you write that?”

Levi shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. They’re your words now.  You and the rest of those brats.”

“You wrote them, though, right?” Eren persisted.

“And if I said I didn’t?”

Eren smiled. “I wouldn’t believe you for a second.”

Levi flashed Eren a small smile. “Then it doesn’t matter what I say.”

\--

Within the hour, Sasha fetched Levi so he could turn the plaque out of its mold. Theoretically, one of brats could have done it, but they were all afraid to break it. Levi flipped it out easily, though, the now-hardened front of the plaque resting on the ground, the still-wet backing now turned upwards.

“Thanks _dad_ ,” Connie snickered.

“Call me that again,” Levi said darkly. “I fucking dare you.”

They all fought to sign the plaque first, Annie ultimately silencing them with a stern look and taking the first go at signing it. Her signature was neat, small, and unassuming on the large, blank side of the plaque. She nodded with satisfaction, moving aside so someone else could take her place. Reiner scratched out a blocky signature next, followed by Bertolt’s slender scribble. Jean had a nice signature, but Connie’s and Sasha’s were large and dramatic. Ymir’s was long and rather unique and Eren’s was a jagged scrawl that completed the plaque. They nodded happily at the ragtag collection of signatures like it was the Mona Lisa herself.

Annie interrupted their fond reverence. “Levi should sign it,” she said quietly.

Sasha nodded energetically. “C’mon Levi, sign it too.”

Levi shook his head. “I ain’t some dead brat. I think I’ll pass.”

Eren gave him a skeptical look. “I think you know full well we aren’t letting you out of this room until you sign it.”

Hell, Eren was probably right. Levi was too tired to argue, so he bent down and wrote his first name neatly in a small corner of the plaque. “Happy?”

\--

That night, the entire 6th ward followed Levi down to the north lawn in an oddly formal procession to plant the now fully dried plaque in front of their redbud tree. Spirits were high and Levi couldn’t help but feel a little happy for the gang of dead kids. Just a litte, though.

They all watched as Levi imbedded the heavy concrete plaque in front of the tree, their signatures all buried in the ground. Connie made a final remark of longing for their signatures to be visible if for nothing else than to scare the shit out of anyone who saw the plaque. Beyond that, though, not much else was said. They all read the plaque over a few times in their own minds, enjoying the brisk autumn evening and the light breeze that had graced them with its company.

Like the night they had planted the tree, they all wandered off at their own pace and at varying times. Sasha and Levi were left lingering by the plaque until Levi decided to take off for the night to get some sleep. As he turned to leave, Sasha grabbed his arm. When he turned to look at her, she released it in embarrassment. “Uh, thanks,” she stammered. “You’re really not an asshole.” Levi gave her a bemused look. “Er- uh, shit. That’s not what I meant. Just-“

Levi held up a hand to stop her stammering. “Don’t worry about it. Go get some sleep or whatever the hell you dead kids do.”

As he turned to leave he heard Sasha call to him, “you’re really not Bruce Willis!”

Levi chuckled to himself. “You don’t have to tell me,” he returned over his shoulder.

\--

_4 months, 14 days_

It was odd, but the 6th ward remained in unusually high spirits through the days approaching Ymir’s death. Well, it wasn’t really dying. She had already mostly done that. It was more of a departure. Levi suspected it had to do with Ymir’s attitude. She treated it more like leaving to go traveling than the end of her life. Not having to deal with a bunch of weepy dead kids was fine by Levi, though. He was grateful she took it so elegantly.

The day was uncharacteristically warm for autumn, with a cool breeze blowing in through the windows in the 6th ward and warm sun shining into everyone’s rooms. Ymir’s father showed up in the afternoon and Krista showed up a short time after. The entire 6th ward was packed into Ymir’s room waiting for her sendoff. Even mere moments before her inevitable death- or whatever it was- they were all still surprisingly upbeat. About a half an hour before Erwin came down to help her father shut down the life-support, a few unanticipated guests joined the small party in Ymir’s room. Three heavily decorated, uniformed police officers excused themselves into the room, pressed neatly into their ceremonial uniforms.

Noting the confusion of her friends, Ymir explained. “I was a police officer, you know? Fragmented bullet in a gun fight turned my brain to pudding. Guess the precinct wanted to give my father some support. I knew they’d be at my funeral, but damn if I’m not surprised they made a showing here too. Good group of people,” she said appreciatively. “Makes me seem a lot cooler than I was.”

Jean eyed her suspiciously. “You sure you weren’t some sort of international spy or something? Those are some fancied-up officers.”

Ymir grinned at him. “I have absolutely no problem if you want to think that. In fact, I think I prefer it. Better than my story- getting my brain liquefied by some small-time drug-dealing punk’s misfired handgun.”

Eren seemed perturbed by the atmosphere in the room. “How come they’re all-“ he gestured vaguely. “You’re all so-“ he stopped, eyebrows furrowed as he tried desperately to put his feelings into words. “You’re so _happy_.” Eren looked thoroughly bewildered.

Ymir had a touch of pity in her eyes as she considered him. “Eren, I’ve been dead a long while now. You need to stop treating this like I’m dying.” Eren was still looking at her suspiciously. Ymir sighed and tried to reword her feelings. “It’s like…you know what it’s like? It’s like we’re at an airport. We showed up here to catch a flight, but missed it. And now we’re all waiting around for another flight. We can’t go home, but we can’t get on a plane. And airports are fine,” she clarified. “I met a lot of great people in this airport. I even managed to entertain myself for a while. But I’m here to board a plane, Eren. I can’t stay in the airport forever. It’s not a home. It’s a halfway point.” Eren was trying, with a decent amount of success, to keep the sadness out of his eyes. Ymir smiled at him. “My plane’s here, Eren. It’s not a big deal. We missed our flight, but there are other planes.” Ymir laughed at the look on Eren’s face. “And let’s face it. One can get really tired of airports.”

Eren nodded appreciatively. “This was a pretty great airport, though.”

“Best I’ve been to,” Ymir laughed. She shrugged, “as far as airports go, I mean. The food was shit, though. Employees were kind of rude too,” she added, shooting Levi a smile, which he returned before anyone else took notice.

Eren had one final question for her. “Are you scared?”

Ymir nodded. “You’d be crazy not to be. First time travelers always are.”

Erwin showed up shortly thereafter, a look of quiet sympathy on his face. It wasn’t pity, though. Levi thanked god it wasn’t pity. Turns out Erwin was actually pretty good at this kind of thing. He explained gently the two switches that Ymir’s father would need to flip to turn off the respirator and supporting machines. To her father’s credit, he seemed at peace with the whole thing. Krista was also calm. Levi doubted he had ever been in a room with more collective calm than Ymir’s hospital room.

It was weird, but Levi always expected some grander exit when someone died- fireworks or a dramatic soundtrack or something. It never worked like that, though. Ymir’s father flipped off the switches and held Ymir’s hand as she flat-lined. The three uniformed officers stood in a stiff, respectful position on one side of the room and Krista held Ymir’s other hand. It was all over in less than thirty seconds. One second Ymir was standing next to her father, hand on his shoulder, and the next she was gone. It wasn’t a sudden disappearance or a fading out of her spiritual form. It was the kind of disappearance where you wondered if she had ever really been there at all. She was there and then she wasn’t, and you would almost swear you had just blinked.

To the ward’s credit, no one cried. Bertolt and Reiner were smiling even as Ymir blinked out of existence. Levi figured it had something to do with their understanding of the exhaustion that came with being kept on life support for so long. Annie probably understood that as well, also being a ward of the state.

Erwin noted a time of death and Levi had to scramble to write it down, almost forgetting that he was there as a witness and employee, not as a friend. They all departed then, all of the 6th ward patients, returning to their own rooms to make sense of it in their own minds. Levi stuck around for the proceedings, jotting down notes as Erwin murmured them to him. Before leaving, the most decorated police officer presented Ymir’s dad with her badge.

Ymir’s dad smiled at the badge, turning it over and over in his hands. “She was so proud of this,” he said to no one in particular. “And I guess I was too.” He made to pocket it, but reconsidered and passed it over to Krista. “She’d probably have wanted you to have it,” he said warmly. Krista accepted it and the two of them left together. When it was just Levi and Erwin in the room, Erwin unlocked the wheels of the bed and pushed it out of the room, likely taking her body to the morgue. Levi was left in the quiet room by himself.

\--

That night Levi went out on the north lawn, dragging the communal hospital hose across the grass to the patient grove. He stood by the 6th ward tree, leaning against it’s surprisingly strong trunk, letting the water pour into the ground. Staring at the plaque he thought of how happy Ymir had seemed in the hours before her departure. Dead kids were weird. Levi looked up into the sky and saw an airplane streaking across the early night sky, leaving light clouds tracing its path. He considered the plane a moment.

“Enjoy your flight,” he called out loud. She probably heard him somehow.

 

\--

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sacrifices proofreading to the gods. I don't need your kind.
> 
> Well there you go. One dead kid down, seven to go.
> 
> Sorry the poem kind of sucked. I'm no artist and I didn't want to rip off a famous poem.
> 
> Have a good night you crazy kids. All of the kudos and comments mean the world to me. Really. Stay beautiful.
> 
> Cheers.


	11. Theft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a shorter chapter. Not too short, though. I wanted to give you guys something a bit lighter after our last chapter. Apparently, despite my best efforts, it was a bit sad. Oops.  
> Anyways, I went for the humor this time. Hopefully I didn't fuck that up.
> 
> I'm thinking next chapter will be a little bit more shippy than the story has been thus far? I feel like you guys deserve it. I've put you through enough.
> 
> Hehehe. Or not.
> 
> Cheers.

 

_4 months, 4 days_

“Remember when I said I didn’t have a bucket list?”

Levi gave Eren a look. The silence had been nice in the nurse’s station. Leave it to the brat to find him and ruin it. He sighed. “Sure.”

“I mean, besides seeing a symphony performance,” Eren clarified.

“You mean your kicked-the-bucket list, right?” Levi asked.

Eren rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever. Well I thought of something else to put on it.”

Levi hummed his acknowledgement. Eren didn’t really require answers. Entire conversations were held between the two of them with Levi just making various sounds of agreement or disapproval.

“I want to do something illegal,” Eren said excitedly, rubbing his hands together.

Levi turned around slowly so his back was no longer facing Eren. He gave Eren a controlled look of alarm. “Might I ask why?”

Eren shrugged. “I’ve spent my whole life doing what I was supposed to do - mostly because Mikasa would tear my soul from my body and feed it to Satan if I got in trouble. Guess it took being dead to get over that fear,” Eren admitted. “Well, maybe to lessen the fear. I’m still pretty fucking terrified Mikasa will find out,” he amended.

Levi narrowed his eyes. “First you force-feed me enough alcohol to float a ship and now you want to get me arrested?”

Looking down at his white shoes, Eren shrugged sheepishly. “Not really. I didn’t say you had to do anything. I was just thinking out loud.”

“I wish you’d think in your head like a normal person.” Eren fell silent for a while and even though Levi was no longer facing him, he could swear the disappointment emanating from Eren was threatening to choke him from behind. Sighing hard enough to bust a lung, Levi turned angrily around to face Eren again. “Oh my god, can you not do that?”

Eren snapped up, straightening his back, bristling at the sudden chastising. “Do what?”

Levi gestured vaguely in Eren’s direction. “Just-that! It’s like I can’t say no to you, Jesus Christ. It’s like I kicked your puppy or something.”

Looking vaguely apologetic, Eren mumbled, “I wasn’t doing anything.”

Levi rubbed at his face fiercely. If he rubbed hard enough his face might actually come off and he wouldn’t have to deal with Eren’s dejected image. “What kind of laws do you even want to break? Are we talking petty theft or like, straight up homicide?”

Levi stumbled forward as someone slapped him across the back with enough force to topple a building. “Breaking laws? You better have been planning on inviting me,” Hanji greeted him.

“Where the fuck do you even come from?” Levi groaned, stretching his spine to remove the knot, and likely bruise, that Hanji had gifted him with this morning. “I swear you have me bugged.”

Hanji waggled her eyebrows mischievously. “I just have a sixth sense for the dastardly.”

Levi frowned at her. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“I like her,” Eren said. “Let’s bring her.”

“We are _not_ bringing her,” Levi hissed.

Hanji grabbed Levi’s arm. “We are _so_ bringing her,” she said excitedly. “I never get to hang out with you and your dead kids.”

“Dead _kid_ ,” Levi corrected. “Just Eren. Being a pain in the ass as usual.”

“Ah, your dead boyfriend!” Hanji amended. “Nice to meet you Eren. Hanji’s the name, nursing’s the game.” She waved happily at the space to the left of Eren.

“Nice to meet you!” Eren waved back, grinning stupidly.

Levi turned to Hanji. “Eren says get the fuck out of his ward or he’ll haunt your ass too.”

“Yeah, fucking doubt that,” Hanji scoffed. “He’s too busy haunting _your_ ass.”

Eren nodded sagely. “His ass is a full time job.”

“Oh my god,” Levi interrupted. “Can we please stop talking about my ass, Jesus tap-dancing Christ.”

“I want to know what Eren said about your ass,” Hanji complained.

Levi glared at her. “He said it’s fantastic.”

“Hey!” Eren tugged at Levi’s shirt. “Stop mistranslating me you asshole.”

They broke off into an awkward argument with the obvious communication barrier between Hanji and Eren giving Levi way too much power, which he freely abused. Hanji was pretty used to Levi’s shit, though, so he knew that she didn’t really take any of his translations to heart.

“Alright, alright,” Levi said, dismissing the argument. “Hanji can come against my better judgment. Although now if we get arrested, no one is going to bail me out.”

“You say that like you think I would actually post your bail,” Hanji pointed out.

Levi ignored her. “We’ll do something small, though. I can’t get in anymore trouble here with human resources or I’ll lose my damn job.”

“Let’s stick up a bank!” Hanji cackled.

Levi stared at her, trying unsuccessfully to keep the alarm from his eyes. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“How about we just shoplift some candy bars or something from one of the larger chain gas stations? I don’t want to hurt any small businesses,” Eren offered reasonably.

Levi nodded. “Alright, that’s actually not so bad. We can do that.”

Hanji agreed, but seemed mildly disappointed that their plan didn’t involve semi-automatic weapons and a high-speed chase. They made plans to meet that night at midnight in the employee parking lot by Hanji’s less unreliable car. If they really did get in a high-speed chase – Hanji’s presence alone was a wild card that Levi didn’t want to ignore – Levi’s car would probably break down in minutes, leaving Levi and Hanji in jail and a few bemused cops laughing at their piece of shit getaway vehicle. Hanji was fairly sure she knew of a 24-hour Gas Mart, which was one of many in a large chain of highly profitable gas stations. That at least seemed to appease Eren’s guilt.

 

\--

 

“What the hell are you wearing?” Levi asked as he approached Hanji’s car.

Hanji was dressed in dark colors with a conspicuous trenchcoat that reached down below her knees and a black baseball cap pulled down over her eyes. Hanji only spared him a mortified look. “You’re going to commit a misdemeanor in _nurse scrubs_?” she hissed. “What do you mean what the hell am I wearing? What the hell are _you_ wearing?”

Levi shook his head in wonder. “Do I even want to know why you have those kinds of clothes at work? Unlike you, I have work clothes at work. How often do you think you’re going to have to commit a crime as soon as you clock out?”

Hanji tugged her baseball cap down further over her eyes dramatically. “I’m always ready for a crime,” she said mysteriously. Gesturing beside Levi to where she expected Eren was, she asked, “Well what is Eren wearing?”

“Same thing he always wears,” Levi returned. “All white. It’s some weird dead kid metaphor, I don’t fucking know.”

They all piled into Hanji’s car- Hanji in the driver’s seat, Levi in the passenger’s seat, and Eren in the back seat, like some weird fucked up family road trip. Eren was a little too excited for his own good. Every time Levi stole a glance in his direction, he was bobbing his knees anxiously, green eyes shining with youthful excitement. At some point, Hanji rolled their windows down. It was a surprisingly warm autumn, so the air wasn’t too unbearably cold. Levi stole another glance back at Eren and found him with his face out the window like a dog. Levi couldn’t help but appreciate how much that simile suited him.

Eventually they pulled up to the gas station and sat in the car collecting their wits. Levi took one more look at Hanji and concluded to the small gang of almost-criminals, “they are going to arrest us the second Hanji walks into that gas station. You look like the fucking unabomber.”

Hanji gave him an exasperated look. “I’m not going in there. Are you mad?” Levi internally agreed. Yes, he was mad. He was about to rob a gas station with a ghost and a crazed scientist. Mad was an understatement. “I’m not going in there,” Hanji laughed. “I’m your getaway driver, so I’ll just wait here. You’re our recon squad. You two go on in and do what has to be done. Don’t take too long, though.”

Levi glared at Hanji before pushing his door open and climbing out of the car. Leave it to Hanji to make him do all of the work. Eren clambered out after him, following close on his heals. The store was pretty much deserted. A man with an uncontrollable beard, small ponytail, and large gut was sitting behind the cash register flipping through an extremely feminine magazine with a bored look on his hairy face. There was also an exhausted looking man in a cheap dress shirt and tie examining the various lighters for sale, complaining about the prices of cigarettes to no one in particular.

Eren followed Levi as he made his way to an isle that was least visible from the cashier’s vantage point. The isle happened to contain a variety of pretzels, candy bars, and condoms. Ah, yes. Life essentials. Levi vaguely wondered who the hell had organized this store. Eren looked like he was going to shit his pants and Levi tried to remember for the thousandth time why they were there at all.

The tired man with the cheap tie began speaking from the front of the store. “Uh, do you guys have a bathroom?” He wheezed. Levi thought the man really didn’t need to be buying any more cigarettes.

A heavy sigh followed, clearly from the large cashier. “Yeah, sure. It’s around back, though. I have to unlock it for you.” Eren and Levi listened in tense silence to the sound of someone rattling around the register for what seemed to be a ring of keys. “C’mon,” the cashier called to the smoker. Their footsteps retreated to the front of the store and the door creaked open. After a nervous second, it shut, leaving Eren and Levi alone in the small store.

Eren panicked and Levi hissed at him to grab some stuff so they could beat it before the two men returned. With little thought, Eren grabbed an armful of pretzel bags, a few chocolate bars and a couple boxes of condoms. His head whipped around trying to find somewhere to hide them, before settling on Levi. Levi opened his mouth to protest, but Eren was already shoving the random assortment of store items down Levi’s shirt.

“What the fuck, Eren!” Levi shouted, panic starting to grip him as well, despite his best efforts to remain calm. “I’m not your fucking purse!”

Eren ignored him, stuffing a final bag of pretzels down Levi’s shirt. “Run!” Eren squealed, bolting from the store. Levi lingered for a moment before running after Eren, following him at a slightly slower pace due to the shirt-full of random shit he was trying to keep from falling on the pavement. Eren reached the car first and ripped open Levi’s door, throwing himself over the seat into the back to make room for Levi. Hanji seemed alarmed for only a moment at the door opening of its own accord. She started the car, a stupid grin on her face, before Levi had even reached it. The second Levi clambered into the vehicle, Hanji peeled away out of the parking lot, leaving him to grapple with the door. After a minute of struggle, Levi managed to yank his door closed.

Hanji and Eren were laughing manically. It was at times like this that Levi wondered where exactly he had gone so wrong in his life that he deserved this. He could have lived a perfectly normal life.

Eren wiped a tear from his eye. “Levi, you should have seen your face.”

Levi glared back. “Oh, that’s rich,” he grumbled, dumping the contents of his shirt on his lap. “You looked like you were going to shit yourself.”

Hanji looked at Levi out of the corner of her eye, a sly smile on her face. “I bet you did too,” she snickered. “What the hell did you take?”

Considering the contents of his lap, Levi shrugged. “I have no fucking clue. Eren just shoved a bunch of shit down my shirt.” He looked at their loot critically. “Why the fuck did you grab like, four hundred fucks’ worth of condoms?”

Eren looked over Levi’s shoulder incredulously. “Shit,” he laughed. “I have no fucking clue, I just grabbed whatever the hell was there.”

Hanji was laughing so loud she was crying. “I think,” she gasped. “You’re ghost boyfriend is trying to send you a message.”

Levi and Eren protested loudly, but were ultimately drowned out by Hanji’s cackles. It took her nearly the entire car ride back to the hospital for her to settle down. When she managed to get a grip, she helped herself to a bag of pretzels. “You guys are so fucking lame,” she said, nearly dissolving into laughter again. Levi considered grabbing the wheel and crashing the car into the nearest lamppost. If he were lucky, they would all die horribly.

Hanji dropped Levi and Eren off at the hospital, excusing herself to return to her house for the night. Levi left her a few bags of pretzels and a candy bar for her efforts. He had no fucking clue what to do with all of the shit anyways.

Normally Levi might have cared a bit about how odd he looked walking into the hospital with armfuls of pretzel bags, chocolate bars, and boxes of condoms, but he was a criminal now, so fuck it. And he did get some stares. No one dared ask him about his odd collection of items, though. He walked Eren back to his room and dumped all of the stolen items on the side of Eren’s bed.

“What the fuck do you think _I’m_ gonna do with all this shit?” Eren protested.

Levi shot him a withering look. “I don’t know. What the hell would _I_ do with it?”

They argued a bit before deciding to just pitch the evidence of their crime in the nearest trashcan. None of it was actually very practical anyways. Levi made to leave afterwards, fully intending to get an actual night’s sleep. Eren had that look, though-the look that Levi had come to recognize as Eren really wanting to say something, but not wanting to bother Levi.

“What?” Levi asked shortly. “What is it this time?”

Eren fidgeted a bit. “I feel kind of bad,” he admitted.

“What, from stealing that shit?”

Eren nodded, looking anywhere except at Levi. Levi couldn’t help but laugh. “Eren, you are without a doubt the worst criminal I’ve ever had the displeasure of committing a crime with.”

Eren smiled at that. “The sentiments are mutual.”

Levi shook his head fondly. “You’re such a fucking pain in the ass.” Eren shrugged sheepishly and Levi rolled his eyes. “I’ll write them a check for their troubles and send it to them tomorrow, you goddamn pansy.”

With irritatingly sincere relief, Eren had that look that told Levi a hug was about to occur if he didn’t excuse himself immediately. “Don’t give me that look, kid,” he warned. “I’m going home before you decide you need to touch me.”

Eren relented, holding his hands up in surrender. “Woah there. I was definitely _not_ going to hug you.” Fucking liar. “It’d be like trying to hug a wolverine.”

Levi nodded his approval. Damn straight it would be. “Goodnight, kid. If you roll on me to the police, I swear I’ll have you taken care of.” With a tired wave, he retreated from the 6th ward for his short walk home.

 

\--

When he finally reached his house, Levi microwaved some unidentifiable prepackaged meal and sat down in front of his stereo. He stirred disinterestedly at the pile of warm shit he had fixed for himself, attempting to come up with a CD he wanted to listen to. Something relaxing. Today had been a little too wired for his tastes. Levi wasn’t much of a Frank Sinatra kind of guy, but for some reason he was feeling it tonight. 1958, he thought the year of the album’s release was. He stared at his CD collection for a while, unable to make sense of the odd arrangement in front of him. This wasn’t right at all.

Suddenly he remembered Eren’s reorganization of his collection.

He let out a single chuckle.

Eren was such a goddamn moron.

He laughed a little more.

It had taken him days to organize his CDs that way.

By now he was laughing harder than he’d laughed in years.

Eren was such a fucking idiot.

Levi’s sides hurt as he tried to reorient himself to the new organization of his collection, fighting the laughter that was taking over him. It wasn’t even that funny. It was just so goddamn stupid. That fucking kid.

 

\--

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy.
> 
> Stay in school kids. Stealing is bad.
> 
> Yeah, so hopefully that made up for the last chapter. Next one will be a good one, I think. Maybe.
> 
> As always, many thanks for all the lovely comments and kudos and reads and whatnot. You're all more beautiful than Cinderella with faces like sunshine, and you smell like pine needles. Have a good one.
> 
> Cheers.


	12. Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I REWROTE THIS CHAPTER A LOT
> 
> Ah, fuck it, I'll probably never be 100% happy with it.
> 
> Decided to just publish it, what the hell. I had orientation all day for my new job, so I just kind of gave up out of exhaustion.
> 
> However, I think there are parts you might enjoy wink wink.
> 
> Cheers.

_3 months, 30 days_

The police had shown up at the hospital a few days earlier. Levi had only caught a glimpse of them talking to a small group of nurses who he had figured were probably giving him up right then and there. He had sent a check to the station manager like Eren had asked him to. It didn’t really negate his illegal act, but he hadn’t really thought that anyone would pursue the minor theft. Maybe it had been a bad idea to wear his easily identifiable nurse scrubs. To his coworkers’ credit, though, no one had actually given him up, even with his description. The police had departed without even seeking Levi out or asking him a single question.

Today Levi was just grateful that he wasn’t behind bars. Really, the offense hadn’t been that significant, but he still felt nervous every time he saw a cop since that day. As he pondered the implications of his shoplifting escapades he nearly ran Petra over on his way to the 6th ward.

“Sorry,” he said hastily, catching her stacks of files before they flew all over the place. For whatever reason he was always too distracted to notice Petra when she tried to get his attention. He really did feel bad about it. “Too much on my mind,” he explained.

“I’m sure,” Petra returned sympathetically, accepting the papers that Levi was returning to her hands. “It must be really stressing you out,” she added.

Levi nodded. “They are,” he admitted. Petra gave him an odd look. Shit, she didn’t know about the brats in the 6th ward. “Uh, I mean. Work. Work’s stressing me out.”

It was lame, but Petra accepted it. “Right, but I was talking about that redbud tree. I can tell you’ve been taking care of it, but it’s not doing so well. I just noticed this morning.”

Levi’s inhaled sharply. “What’s that about my tree?”

Petra took a step back in alarm. “Oh, uh,” she stammered, seeming to regret bringing it up at all. “It’s just. I think it has some sort of problem. One of the bigger branches is dying. It’s probably a parasite or something.”

Levi shoved the rest of Petra’s papers back into her hands. “Gotta go save my goddamn tree,” he spluttered, taking off for the patient grove.

Sure enough, there was something off about the normally healthy looking young redbud tree. One of the larger branches on its left side was drooping sadly, its leaves a sickly color. Levi glared at it. Of fucking course this would happen. Pacing angrily back and forth in front of the tree, he tried to come up with a plan of action. Getting a new tree was out of the question. This was their fucking tree and it was going to survive, god damnit.

Levi retrieved the hose a distance off and dragged it to the sickly redbud tree. How the hell do people normally take care of a sick tree? Was there tree medicine? He stared at the young tree with consternation, letting the water splash at the base of its trunk silently. The tree only stood there insolently, waiting for Levi to figure out how to fix it.

“What’s wrong with you?” he pleaded quietly. “Dumb fucking tree. You’re not supposed to die too.” The tree fluttered stoically in a sudden gust of cold air. Levi glared at it. “You’re supposed to outlive me, you leafy bastard.”

 

\--

 

_3 months, 29 days_

“You don’t understand.” Levi leaned across the counter, eyeing the bespectacled employee with an unintended amount of hostility. “I don’t want another tree. I want to save this one.”

“It’s so young,” the hapless man said replied, adjusting his glasses nervously. “You’re better off just planting a new one. Parasites are hard to bounce back from.”

Levi leaned into the bearded man’s face, lowering his voice dangerously. “Did I fucking stutter?” The man was practically tearing up under Levi’s scrutiny. “I need to fix _this_ tree.”

Levi had spent the greater part of yesterday phoning tree specialists and gardening stores trying to figure out how to take care of the sickly redbud tree. Most of them told him to forget about it. The tree was too young, they said. Just uproot it now before it becomes a problem down the line. They were useless. It was a problem _now_ , not down the line. Talking on the phone didn’t carry with it the same urgency that a face-to-face meeting would, though, so he decided to start showing up at these stores to hassle the supposed experts. This was his seventh stop today.

Straightening his glasses nervously, a man identified as ‘Jeff’ by his nametag nodded in surrender. “Alright, sir. I get the point.” About fucking time Jeff. “I think we might be able to help you. I’m going to get you these things that are basically vitamin sticks for your tree. You’re going to stick one of these in the ground once a week by the base of your tree. This of course, requires that you actually water the tree every day so the vitamins can dissolve. Beyond that I can also get you some pesticides to spray on the leaves and surfaces of your tree. All you have to do is hook the attachment up to any regular hose. If it rains too much,” Jeff cautioned, “Or you water it too much, the vitamins and pesticides will be too watered down to work well. Your luck pretty much depends on the weather.” Jeff shrugged. “I’m not making any promises. But I really wish you the best, sir.”

That was the first vaguely satisfactory answer Levi had gotten all day. He nodded his approval at Jeff. “Thank you,” he said curtly.

 

\--

 

Of course, not even an hour after Levi had stuck the vitamin stick in the ground at the base of the tree, watered it sufficiently, and sprayed it with pesticides, a waterfall of a rainstorm broke out. It was the kind of rainstorm that you could be out in for three seconds and look like you had just climbed out of a swimming pool. Levi stood at the stairwell exit he had pitched Eren out of only weeks earlier, watching the small tree swaying in the downpour. He prayed it would stop raining, but the dark wall of clouds on the horizon made that seem doubtful. The tree would probably drown at this rate, or the weird tree medicine would get fucked up.

In a last ditch effort, Levi made for the janitor’s closet, grabbing a bunch of painting tarps and two large umbrellas from the lost and found. Grumbling reluctantly, he trudged out into the inclement weather, becoming more than drenched by the time he reached the sagging little tree. He arranged the tarps around the base of the tree, blocking out most of the torrential rain. In a more careful maneuver he climbed the slender, but surprisingly strong, base of the adolescent tree until he was sitting in the main fork. It was uncomfortable, but at least the tree didn’t complain. Trying desperately not to fall out of the slippery tree, Levi opened the two umbrellas and held them over as much of the tree’s sparse foliage as he could manage.

And now to wait.

And wait he did. Levi sat in that dumb tree for what must have been hours, rain pouring on his head comically. The two umbrellas he held were not covering him, but the tree. Cold, tired, and pissed off, he prayed that lightning would start up and strike him dead to spare him the trouble.

At some point, Hanji had walked by carrying an umbrella, quite dry herself. She had only eyed him critically, a fond smile on her face. “You’re so weird.”

Levi glared at her from under the hair plastered over his eyes. “I don’t want to hear it.”

She had left him then. Even Hanji knew better than to prod at Levi when he was angry. She could at least mostly pick her battles.

The rain did let up eventually, and Levi was able to slide out of the tree, arms stiff and sore, back aching. He would likely catch cold, but the tree seemed a little better. It could very well have just been in Levi’s mind, but he decided it was okay to think that. The tree looked better. Later Levi would find that the heavy rains and wind were due to persist through the week, letting up during the nights, but returning during the days. Storms all week.

 

\--

 

_3 months, 28 days_

“Where are you going?” Eren asked suspiciously as Levi left, armed with thick tarps and two ridiculously large umbrellas.

“Nowhere,” Levi growled back.

“I’ll come too then,” Eren offered.

Levi whipped around, startling Eren. “No you won’t. Stay here,” he snapped a little to angrily. Eren looked dejectedly at the ground, backing away from the issue with much less struggle than Levi would have supposed. Levi felt bad but he would make it up to him later. It wasn’t like Eren didn’t already know that Levi was an asshole.

And for the second day in a row, Levi found himself climbing up into that pain in the ass tree in torrential rains, a sopping wet hood thrown over his head from the jacket he brought with him. The tarps were spread around the base of the tree again and Levi furled the umbrellas over the swaying branches. He had considered just draping tarps over the tree as well, but the winds were so fierce that he needed to hold them still to prevent breakage. And while he would never admit it, he also kind of felt like his presence was comforting for the sickly sapling. It was dumb, but he felt that it helped. Levi’s paperwork was building up and his coworkers were starting to talk about him. Why was Levi in that damn tree all the time? Why was he trying so damn hard? They were all pretty good questions.

 

\--

 

_3 months, 26 days_

Levi was actually able to call it quits today, though not until long after the sun had gone down. After nearly four days sitting in that stupid tree, the weather had let up. The rain dissipated to a light drizzle and the moon was able to shine through a clear sky for the first time in a long while.

He patted the trunk of the tree underneath him wearily. “About fucking time, eh?” The tree rustled its leaves almost appreciatively. “You’re a giant pain in the ass, you know that?”

“Are you serious?”

Levi looked down to find Eren staring up at him, a bemused expression on his face, arms crossed. “Is this what you’ve been doing for nearly a week? The whole hospital thinks you’ve gone nuts.”

“Well I have,” Levi spat. “Turns out this tree is a bigger pain in the ass than you are, and boy oh boy is that saying a lot.”

Eren was laughing now. “Did you sit out here in the rain and hold umbrellas over this tree for four days?” He was covering his mouth to prevent the laughter from escaping, but it wasn’t working particularly well.

Levi didn’t really care to answer that. He just continued glaring at Eren through the mop of hair soaked against his skull instead. Eren apparently wasn’t going to continue the conversation, though, unless Levi offered something in return. “The tree is sick,” Levi mumbled.

“You’re off your rocker,” Eren observed, with a note of seriousness. “Like, really – are you okay?”

“Great.” Levi shifted uncomfortably in the tree. Shaking his head ruefully, Eren held a hand up to Levi to help him down. Instead of making fun of him more, Eren just continued holding out the offered hand, the moonlight playing off his eyes oddly so that they looked more blue than green. Begrudgingly Levi accepted his hand and slid out of the tree, his shoes squelching in the soft ground underneath.

Eren released his hand and stood back to admire the slightly healthier looking tree. “It looks better,” he said casually.

Levi rolled his eyes. “You didn’t even know it was sick.”

Eren only shook his head. “No, no. I mean, it kind of- I don’t know. It just kind of looks happier.”

“It’s a tree.”

“It’s a _nice_ tree,” Eren amended. “I think it likes you.”

Levi frowned. “Why is it that everything that likes me is such a pain in the ass?”

Shrugging, Eren looked upwards at the sky. “I’d like to think that when someone really likes you, they become such a pain in the ass because they matter so much. It sucks to have to care about something.”

Levi raised an eyebrow at him. “Someone? I thought we were talking about a tree.”

“Sorry. Some _thing_ ,” Eren corrected himself. He was still looking up into the sky, a light smile on his face. Something must have been very interesting up there.

Levi bid him a quick farewell, deciding to go back to his house to change into dry scrubs so he could return and finish charting the 6th ward patients. He hadn’t been keeping up with it as much as he should have been, and someone would eventually take notice.

 

\--

 

It had been all Levi could do to leave his apartment again after changing into dry clothes. The week had been long and he had the kind of exhaustion that touched every inch of his body and spilled into his soul. Dredging up some motivation, though, he managed to make the journey back to the hospital to jot down some vitals and observations in everyone’s charts. When he had finished, he decided to take one last trip by the tree to gather up the umbrellas he had left out there before heading home. After that he would be able to get some sleep.

The air outside was fresh from the heavy rains that week and everything had a lively glow to it - everything except Levi. Approaching the area where the 6th ward had planted their tree, Levi noticed a figure lying on the ground, facing the sky. It was dark, but the figure looked familiar to him. As he got closer, he was able to confirm that it was Eren.

“Forgot where your room is?” Levi asked, standing over the kid.

Eren ignored his question. “Oh, perfect. Come down here, the sky is ridiculously clear tonight. It’s so late, that it’s almost early enough to see Mars. The sun will rise in like, an hour or two.”

“Stars?” Levi asked doubtfully. “You watch stars?”

“Mars is a planet, my dear friend,” Eren lectured. That little twit.

Levi considered the dirty ground for a moment, still slightly damp from the rain earlier. Eren just patted the ground next to him impatiently. Oh, fuck it. Levi sat down in the grass next to him. “Now what?” He demanded.

Eren looked over at him. “You’re kidding right? Look at the fucking stars.”

“Are they going to do tricks?”

Eren sighed. “Oh forget it. I thought you’d appreciate something that doesn’t involve talking.”

Levi actually did appreciate that. Without another word, he turned his attention to the sky, leaning back so he was lying down like Eren. It was nice, certainly, but Levi really didn’t know a star from a planet or a celestial body from a satellite even.

The promised silence lasted even less time than Levi thought it would. Eren sighed a little before saying, “Do you know why I like looking at the stars?”

“I don’t fucking care,” Levi deadpanned.

“Killed the moment, Levi,” Eren muttered.

Levi shrugged. “Good. I hate astronomy. It all makes me feel way too fucking small.”

“That’s not hard to do-“ Eren caught Levi’s look and shut his mouth quickly. “Er, right. I mean, you _should_ feel small. First there’s our solar system, which is fucking enormous. We’re in the Milky Way Galaxy, which has like 100 billion stars and is some quintillion kilometers wide.”

“Comforting.”

Eren nodded enthusiastically. “And it gets better. Our galaxy is part of a Local Group, which it would take like, 3 million years for light to travel across.” Eren looked oddly excited. Why the fuck the construction worker knew so much about astronomy was a mystery to Levi. “I mean, and then that Local Group is a part of a Local Supercluster, which light would need 100 million years to travel across. And that’s just a tiny part of our known universe, really.”

Levi frowned up into the sky. “Is that supposed to make me happy or something?”

“We’re just so damn insignificant,” Eren laughed. “A single proton on a spec of dust means more to us than you and I mean to the universe.”

“So?” Levi was waiting for the punch line.

“Exactly!” Eren pumped his fist into the air. “It doesn’t matter!”

“So,” Levi said hesitantly, “Nothing mattes then. Nothing we do is worth shit?”

“Nope,” Eren said confirmed happily. “Not to the universe anyways. We might as well not exist, right?”

Levi glanced over at him. This apparently required an answer. “Sure. Nothing matters.”

Eren seemed satisfied with this answer, so Levi turned his attention back to the sky. Dead kids were so weird. Well, maybe Eren was just weird. Of course, this was coming from the man who held umbrellas over a tree for four days in the pouring rain. Maybe Eren wasn’t the weird one.

Suddenly Levi felt himself hauled forward by the front of his shirt. Eren yanked him unceremoniously on top of himself with surprising strength, pulling him into a deep, cold kiss. From his disadvantaged position on top of Eren all Levi could really do was try to prop himself up on his forearms, mostly just achieving an awkward, unbalanced flailing motion. Before he had a chance to even get his balance, Eren had pulled back, flipping Levi back into his original position on his back beside Eren with a dull thump.

Levi blinked up at the sky for a moment gathering his wits. Considering he wasn’t accustomed to losing his wits, gathering them was not something he did very well. Call it lack of practice. Finally Levi managed to gather up his senses and sat bolt upright on his elbows, shooting an angry look at Eren. The brat actually had the audacity to grin at him. “What the hell was that for?” Levi demanded.

Eren changed his face to one of pure innocence. “It doesn’t matter.” Levi spluttered indignantly, but Eren only maintained his expression of mock naivety. “You just said nothing matters, remember?”

Levi narrowed his eyes. “Fine. Then it won’t matter if I break your nose, will it?”

“Are you breaking my nose because what I did mattered to you or because it won’t matter if you break my nose?”

This was all a little too existential for Levi. “Both,” he concluded.

“Exactly!” Eren laughed. “All I’m trying to prove is that what the universe considers important doesn’t have to rule what we consider important. You can _know_ that you’re insignificant, but you still can’t help but find things that happen to you important in some way.” Levi eyed him doubtfully. “We just have to care about ourselves, because the universe sure as hell won’t.”

“I’ll say,” Levi muttered, attempting to banish the memories of Eren pressed against him from his mind. It was a weird sensation and one that Levi wouldn’t altogether mind experiencing again. Oh, Jesus Christ that was weird. No, he would definitely mind. Levi silently reprimanded himself for the thought. No more kissing dead kids. Not even ones that were kind of weirdly endearing.

“Don’t feel small, Levi,” Eren concluded. “You may be small in the universe, but that’s just because the universe is a little busy. It’s up to you to make it matter.”

They stayed silent for a few minutes, eyes turned to the multitude of twinkling lights above them. “You get all that nonsense from the stars?” Levi asked quietly.

Eren shook his head. “Nope. They’re a good excuse, though.”

Levi turned toward Eren, narrowing his eyes threateningly. “That was pretty smooth, brat.”

Eren grinned at him. “Yeah?”

Without actually being able to muster a shred of malice, Levi replied, “No, I want to break your nose.”

“Yeah, what’s stopping you?” Eren asked smugly.

“I have a raging fever and I can’t feel any of my extremities.”

A brief struggle between laughing and expressing his worry passed over Eren’s face. “Man, you’re right. That tree is just a giant pain in the ass.”

It was probably the fever and exhaustion, but Levi laughed a little too hard at that. “I fucking told you.”

 

\--

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow they're both fucking dorks.
> 
> Hopefully it wasn't terrible. I at least managed to publish it at a decent hour.
> 
> Last two chapters haven't been super focused on the other 6th ward brats, so we'll get back to that next chapter, no worries.
> 
> As always, thank you all for your continued patronage, you're all gorgeous.
> 
> Cheers.


	13. Booked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't sure I was going to like this chapter, but I do.
> 
> Still iffy about the last one, but whatever. Take it for what it was, I guess.
> 
> Anyways, I'm done gabbing. Enjoy.
> 
> Cheers.

_3 months, 20 days_

Levi really had gotten quite sick from his week sitting in that damn tree. Hanji had gotten all of his shifts covered and he had been able to take a few days off to shake the lingering fever and general shitty feeling that clung to every inch of his body. Though Hanji had already done far too much for Levi to ever actually pay her back, he still asked her to take care of that damn tree that had landed him in bed for nearly a week. Oddly enough, though, apparently every time Hanji went to water the tree or medicate it, it had all been taken care of already. She tried to help, but she insisted that the tree was being taken care of by someone else. Of course, she had no idea who, but it seemed to be going well.

Waking up that morning, Levi was finally sure that he was all clear for work again. Sickness had a weird way of tackling you in the middle of important business and then lurking away just when you thought it had taken up permanent residence. While his first stop should have been to the 6th ward to catch up on paperwork and organize everything that the temp. had probably fucked up, he went straight to the patient grove instead. Whoever had been taking care of his tree had probably fucked it all up. It was a special tree and no one could take care of it quite like Levi could. Alright, so he was a little possessive of the damn tree. For all the grief it gave him, he deserved to be.

Approaching the tree, Levi noted that there was a large party of people milling around the patient grove. That was unusual. Perhaps one of the other wards was planting a tree of their own today. What stood out about the group, though, was that they were all dressed conspicuously in white – all white. Levi felt rather foolish for not figuring out who had been taking care of the mending redbud tree.

“Hey, he didn’t die!” Connie shouted, pointing excitedly in Levi’s direction.

“Looks like I won _that_ bet,” Sasha added.

Great. Levi hoped he never found out how many casual bets had been placed on him dying from exposure. “How bad have you fucked up my tree?” Levi called back.

“ _You’re_ tree?” Jean asked when Levi had reached the group.

Levi nodded firmly. “I paid for it.”

“Someone’s grown attached,” Eren sang from his position by the tree, holding the hose as water dribbled lightly onto the ground at its base.

Annie pushed her way to the front and grabbed Levi’s arm seriously, giving him such a level look that he would have squirmed if he didn’t feel so challenged. No one won against Levi in a battle of eye contact. Well, Annie was a challenge. Maybe he would call it a draw. “Thank you,” she said with an almost comical amount of importance. “Thank you for risking your life for the tree.”

Reiner laughed uproariously at Annie’s antics despite the withering look she was giving him in return. While Bertolt tried politely to get Reiner to shut the fuck up, Levi inspected the tree. It looked surprisingly good. Apparently the brats hadn’t fucked up what he had started. Someone had even spread what appeared to be stolen flowers from a nearby tree around the base of it. Levi’s bets were on Connie or Sasha or some combination of the two.

Turning his attention away from the tree, Levi noticed that he was being watched carefully by the patients of the 6th ward. They all seemed to be waiting for Levi’s judgment on the tree. “Looks good,” he concluded.

There was a collective sigh of relief and they all fell back into happy chatter about the weather, the tree’s progress, Levi’s return, and just about anything else that a bunch of dead kids could find to talk about. Levi took the opportunity to excuse himself to take care of his heavily neglected paperwork. Who knew being a nurse required so much paperwork – especially since all of his patients were pretty much dead.

 

\--

 

Levi was heading to the computer hub to get some of his records finalized when he was hailed by Auruo and Petra. They had seemed engrossed in friendly bickering, but at the sight of Levi, Petra had beckoned him with so much insistence that he couldn’t help but comply.

“We just heard, Levi!” Petra said warmly. “Congratulations, you really deserve it.” Why was it that every conversation that Levi had with Petra involved her knowing something about him that he wasn’t aware of. Each conversation just left him feeling more and more foolish.

“Er-thanks?” He managed. “For uh, what exactly?”

Auruo spared him an incredulous look. “What do you mean, ‘what’?” Levi looked at him expectantly. Spit it out already, Auruo. “Your promotion?”

The corners of Levi’s mouth turned down and he considered Auruo carefully. He didn’t appear to be lying. Auruo sighed. “Are you actually the last one in this hospital to find out about your own damn reassignment?”

That comment at least elicited a change in facial expression from Levi. “Reassignment?” He repeated quietly.

Petra nodded her affirmation, a slightly embarrassed look gracing her features. “Yeah, the one that you turned down,” she said quietly, like it was too scandalous to say any louder.

“You’re crazy, Levi,” Auruo added, a note of pity in his voice.

Levi wasn’t really sure how to continue this conversation. As far as he knew, there had been no promotion and he hadn’t turned down what he hadn’t received. He supposed it was about time to go have a chat with human resources. Excusing himself from his coworkers, he headed to the overlords loafing about in the human resources office. They were generally not Levi’s favorite people, but they were the only ones who he could confront about the problem – whatever it was.

The office was filled with stacks of grey, locked filing cabinets and smelled like cheap car fresheners. Within the office, Levi was able to easily locate the only human soul on staff that day in the normally bustling office. He politely inquired as to the rumors of his promotion, waiting for the overworked man with a hopelessly expanding bald spot to mentally recall Levi from the thousands of other hospital employees he had to deal with daily. After a few minutes of internal calculations, the man’s eyes lit up in recognition.

“Ah yes,” he recalled, voice heavy with the fatigue of his long hours. “You were posted on the promotion board a few days ago. You were being offered a supervisory nursing position with reassignment to the 4th ward and lessened clinic hours.” The man paused a moment for his brain to catch up with his mouth. “But, as I recall, you signed off on the promotion post, passing it up. You didn’t give a reason, though,” the man added.

Levi frowned. None of this was ringing a bell for him. “Can I see the promotion post?” he asked. Something told him his signature wouldn’t appear as his own on the post. And sure enough, when the tired man dug up the old promotion file, the area where Levi’s signature was supposed to be had only a sad, poorly executed imitation of it.

“I didn’t sign this,” Levi said flatly. “Don’t you guys even check these things? It looks nothing like my signature.”

Blinking a few times, the man considered the paper. “Oh, um. Quite right. It is a little off now that I examine it,” he said dejectedly. “I’m really quite ashamed I didn’t check this.”

Levi sighed. Someone was trying to pass up his promotion for him. Was it someone who wanted the job? Levi couldn’t actually remember who else would be in close enough standing with Levi in terms of rank and seniority. Not that it mattered. Because, for all of his seniority, he had still been saddled with the undesirable 6th ward shift for the rotation.

 Ah.

Perhaps Levi did know who had passed up his promotion.

 

\--

 

The brats were no longer lingering in the patient grove, so Levi had to go searching in the 6th ward. Fortunately, Eren was alone in his room just where he was supposed to be. “You’ve got some nerve, kid,” Levi growled as he threw the door open.  
Eren cocked his head to the side, face betraying his muddled thought process. “Um?” He clearly wasn’t on the same page as Levi.

“It’s alright Eren,” Levi said maliciously. “I didn’t _want_ the promotion. I wanted to be forced to pick shit rotations for the rest of my career.”

That one seemed to do it. Eren’s face became a shade paler and he stared at his shoes with feigned interest. Levi only stood at the entrance, arms crossed, brows drawn, mouth pressed into a thin line. “Care to explain?”

Eren apparently didn’t care to explain. It looked like he cared to jump out the window, though.

“Why?” Levi demanded. “What did I fuck up so badly for you that you needed to fuck something up for me in return?”

Instead of wilting further under the reprimand, a fierce determination seemed to shoot through Eren’s body and he sat up straight with a snap. “They were going to reassign you!”

Levi narrowed his eyes. When it was his turn to be angry, no one else was allowed to be angry. That was how it worked. His voice was dangerously low when he next spoke. “That’s how promotions _work_ , Eren,” he said, spitting Eren’s name out.

“You have a commitment _here_ ,” Eren returned loudly. “Sick of us already?”

“Since day one,” Levi replied sharply.

There was a tense silence as they glared at each other from across the room. Eren broke it, his voice curt and distance. “I knew you would have taken it. I should have just left it alone.” He turned away from Levi. “Just go tell them you want the damn promotion, they’ll probably realize it was a fake signature anyways. I’m shit at forging. Just get the hell out of here.”

Levi considered leaving right then and there to go about accepting his promotion, but something in Eren’s accusations stopped him. That little shit. “Are you guilt tripping me?” He demanded. Eren turned back around to roll his eyes at Levi. “You’re guilt tripping me you little shit.”

“Guilt requires a conscience,” Eren replied over his shoulder. “Just go take your damn promotion.”

Levi wanted to run across the room, tackle Eren to the ground, and beat the shit out of him. “You think it’s easy playing circus monkey for you brats? I’m not even supposed to see you. You’re driving me crazy!”

“Then leave!” Eren was facing Levi again. “ _You_ can leave, so just fucking go.”

“Why can’t you just have died like you were supposed to?” Levi snapped. Perhaps that one was too far, but he was seeing red.

Eren’s offense faltered and his anger softened slightly. “For the same reason you didn’t, I guess. Looks like you just got lucky, so take your lucky ass and go do normal lucky person shit.” His voice was small and sad when he added, “Just go.”

Levi shot Eren one final seething glare, before letting himself out of the room, slamming the door a little more than necessary. Heading straight for the employee lounge, Levi ditched the rest of his paperwork. He needed a drink and he needed one now.

 

\--

 

Levi only really frequented one bar in town. He was a creature of habit, and wasn’t about to change. Sitting in the bar, he let the smell of tasteful, rustic cigarettes and earthy pipe smoke lull him into a less anxious mood. It was the kind of bar that was pretty much only frequented by older people and those uninterested in boisterous drinking or weekend partying. The bar itself was small, wedged in between a tuxedo rental shop and a tiny church. If you’re ever looking for a bar, the easiest way to find one is to find a church. They tend to travel in pairs. Inside the bar, there was a long weathered oak countertop and a few private booths along the back. An old-fashioned jukebox and a collection of mismatched bar stools completed Levi’s familiar haunt. It was quiet and pensive – not a bar for everyone, but nice for those wanting to get away from it all. But The Garrison was Levi’s kind of bar, when all was said and done.

“Whiskey on rocks,” Levi sighed, drumming his fingers on the smooth oak counter, scored lightly from decades of glasses and fingernails.

The bartender turned away from polishing a glass, raising his eyebrows in recognition. “Levi! It’s been a few months, hasn’t it?”

Levi nodded. “I’ve been a bit busy, Hannes.”

“Hospital patients running you ragged?” He offered lightly, dropping a few large ice cubes in a glass.

Pulling a hand through his hair tiredly, Levi nodded. “You have no idea.”

Hannes turned toward the selection of liquor behind the bar, carefully selecting a bottle before pouring the amber liquid into a glass. He set it lightly on the counter and slid it in front of Levi with practiced ease. “I’ve never known you to be a depressed drinker.”

“I’m not depressed,” Levi muttered, drinking deeply from his glass.

“Sure, but normal people come here to drink away their problems. Not you, though,” Hannes pointed out, refilling Levi’s nearly emptied glass smoothly. “Those must be some difficult patients.”

“If only you knew.”

Hannes had a fond smile on his face. “Knowing you, it wasn’t just the patients being difficult.”

Levi shrugged. “You tell me.”

Laughing lightly, Hannes returned to polishing glasses. “I don’t think you need me to. You seem to have already reached that conclusion.”

Downing the second large glass of whiskey, Levi let his chin rest lightly on the bar countertop. “Probably.”

The door jingled lightly as it was pushed open and a few men entered, talking loudly. The quiet patrons already in the establishment eyed them critically. This wasn’t exactly a place for loud discussion and hearty laughter. With great disappointment, Levi realized he knew them. The one guy’s name was Keith, that he was sure – a real asshole who somehow lowered the I.Q. of everyone around him each time he opened his mouth. His friends seemed vaguely familiar to Levi, but he couldn’t put names to the faces.

The trio sat themselves next to Levi, roaring with laughter at Keith’s impersonation of someone Levi couldn’t recognize. It couldn’t have been a very good impersonation. Keith finally seemed to notice Levi and slapped his back obnoxiously. Great. Touching. Levi’s favorite.

“Levi! It’s nice to see you out of that damn tree.” Keith gave his friends significant looks. “We had all begun to think you had given up nursing for a life among the woodland creatures. I mean sure, you’re small enough, but leave some nuts for the squirrels buddy!” He and his friends howled with laughter. Clearly this hadn’t been their first bar of the night. If he so much as acknowledged Levi again, though, it very well might be their last.

Hannes gave Levi an apologetic look. “Let’s keep it down, eh boys? What can I get for you?”

They each got a round of beer, settling back into a minutely quieter conversation. Bored of their current conversation, they returned their attention to Levi during his fourth glass of whiskey. “So, like, what is the deal with that tree you planted? Aren’t you in 6th ward this rotation?” He laughed sympathetically, speech slurred by his night’s bar hopping. “Aren’t they all like, dead?”

“Just doing my job,” Levi managed through gritted teeth.

“That’s pretty fucking dumb,” he laughed, slapping the table. Hannes cringed at the abuse of his counter. “I’d kill for that shift, though. Bunch of forgotten dead guys and a couple vital checks each day.”

“Oh, it’s a little more challenging,” Levi muttered dryly.

“The tree though,” Keith slurred. “No one cares about the 6th ward, Levi. That tree’s fucking gay. You better dig that shit up, man. People think you’re nuts. Want my advice?”

No. Levi wanted to put his foot so far down Keith’s throat his ancestors shit shoelaces. But advice? No – that, Levi could do without.

“Just get rid of the tree, man. Pull it up and maybe people stop talking. No need to be a fag about the whole thing.”

Hannes had stopped polishing the glass in his hand, eyes transfixed on the conversation occurring in front of him. His eyes pleaded with Levi to leave it. Just walk away. Levi nodded slowly, a tense smile on his face. He drained the nearly full glass in front of him and turned to fix Keith with a sickening grimace that was supposed to be a smile.

With the torque of his whole body thrown behind his arm, Levi swung the thick glass into Keith’s face, crushing it against the man’s skull as he howled in pain, crashing off of the bar stool. The four men ended up piled on top of each other, fists swinging, glasses crashing against flesh and bone. The Garrison saw more action that night than it had likely ever seen since its establishment in 1978.

 

\--

 

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” The officer asked Levi tiredly. Bar fights were far from uncommon, but the uniformed officer seemed highly un-amused with the whole situation.

Levi shook his head. Nope. He had nothing to say.

“And you’re sure you don’t want to go to the hospital?” He asked again for the fifth time. The other three had been taken off for stitches and checks for concussions. Officer Tankert – Levi’s personal escort now – had sent his partner on ahead to the hospital to get statements and read charges to the men after their medical treatment. An EMT had wrapped Levi’s head wound to stop it’s profuse bleeding. Other than that, Levi had continually turned down a trip to the hospital. The last thing he needed was to turn up at his place of employment drunk, bloody, and escorted by the police.

“I’m sure,” Levi replied flatly, adjusting the handcuffs around his wrists absently.

Officer Tankert nodded sympathetically. “Alright, sir. I’m obligated to remind you that neither the police nor the responding EMT’s are liable should death occur from your injuries.”

Levi grunted his agreement.

“Let’s take you back to the station and get you processed,” Officer Tankert concluded, helping Levi into the back of his cruiser. As they pulled away from The Garrison, Levi caught sight of Hannes waving sadly from the entrance. Levi gave him a small nod of acknowledgement in an unspoken apology.

 

\--

 

_3 months, 19 days_

With a loud clicking noise and the creaking of metal on metal, the door to Levi’s temporary holding cell swung open and Officer Hankert let himself inside. “Is this your moron?” He called behind him.

Hanji peered over Hankert’s shoulder. “Yep,” She confirmed. “That’s my moron.”

Hankert looked to Levi for confirmation. Levi nodded. “I’m her moron.”

“So what’s the damage?” Hanji sighed, addressing Officer Hankert.

“Well, we’re still not really done processing him. The owner of the bar said the other guys instigated it. Unfortunately, _your_ moron struck first, which means we can’t really just let him go. Strictly speaking, it would look pretty bad on record if he gets off scott-free.”

“Bail?” Hanji inquired glumly.

Hankert could only shrug. “It’s hard to tell right now. Let me see if Officer Reiss can finish his booking and take over from me. It will go faster.” He made to leave, but turned back, pointing a finger threateningly between Hanji and Levi. “Don’t go anywhere.”

Levi rattled his handcuffs, which were still chained to the desk. “Not exactly possible.”

Hankert departed, calling for Officer Reiss, and Hanji stepped into the cell, a disapproving look on her face, arms crossed condescendingly.

Levi remained silent.

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” Levi deadpanned.

Shrugging, Hanji took the seat across from Levi’s interrogation table. “Alright.”

A few moments later, a small blonde officer appeared in the doorway. Levi recognized her from somewhere. She seemed to recognize him as well. “Ah!” She exclaimed, recognition lighting up her face. “Ymir’s nurse!”

Levi nodded slowly. Krista was the woman’s name – Ymir’s only consistent visitor. “Sorry,” Krista said, regaining her professional demeanor. “I was Ymir’s partner on the force.”

Levi nodded. “She spoke fondly of you,” he reminisced.

“You knew Ymir before the incident?”

Shit.

“Uh, yeah,” Levi lied. More truthfully, though, he added, “You were very important to her.”

Krista smiled sadly at Levi. “I know,” she replied. “It was mutual.”

Levi decided that he liked her. He smiled softly, nodding in agreement. “Yeah.”

Hanji looked between the two like she had missed something important.

Krista cleared her throat softly, breaking the comfortable silence. “You know what? Let’s forget about this. I read the report and I know those guys were asking for it. What’s the point of being a police officer if I can’t exercise my discretion once in a while? Let me get your release papers.” Krista gave Levi a small wink before leaving to dismiss his charges.

Hanji eyed Levi suspiciously. “Since when do you have friends?”

 

\--

 

The sun hadn’t quite risen yet as Levi and Hanji departed the station having thanked Krista profusely for the break he had been given. Hanji was driving him home, but as they approached his neighborhood, Levi asked to be let out so he could walk the rest of the way.

“Sure you don’t want to talk about it?” Hanji asked as Levi got out of her car.

Levi smiled at her before closing the car door. “Goodnight Hanji.”

She hummed her acknowledgement before driving off in the direction of her house. As he neared his residence, he noticed a white-clothed person sitting on the steps to his apartment complex. Levi stepped right up to Eren so the tips of their shoes were touching. Eren’s head had been in between his hands, staring at the ground, but he looked up at the sight of Levi’s shoes.

They contemplated each other for a moment before Eren asked, “Did you really get arrested?”

“Yep.”

Eren frowned at him. “I heard Hanji on the phone with the police. Did you kill someone?” He asked suspiciously.

Levi considered the question. “I tried to,” he admitted.

They remained there, Levi standing, Eren sitting, and both just kind of existing in the same plane of reality. “I’m-“ Eren began to say.

Levi cut him off. “I know.”

“Yeah,” Eren finished lamely.

“Me too,” Levi said quietly.

Eren sighed and pulled at the hem of Levi’s shirt absently from his position on the steps. “Sorry.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I was going to focus on the other 6th ward patients more this chapter, but oops. I fucked up.  
> We'll do that next update, then, eh?  
> I just needed a bar brawl. And Hanji bailing Levi out. I needed it in my life. Sorry not sorry.
> 
> Thank you all for your support and wonderful comments. Much love.
> 
> Cheers.


	14. Unsaid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Busy, busy week for me with my new job. I've got a lot of training and shit, but I'll try and post as frequently as possible.
> 
> This is a really short chapter, oops. I felt like more needed to happen between last chapter and next chapter, so it's a bit of an intermission.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy.
> 
> Cheers.

_3 months, 16 days_

It had become painfully obvious to Levi that Eren was avoiding him. By no means was it an active avoidance, but it was a careful disinterest in his activities. Normally Levi would have been grateful for a return to his peaceful life of everyone leaving him the hell alone, but he had grown strangely used to Eren butting into his business all the time. And though he’d never admit it, Levi kind of missed the brat always being at his heels. He had thought they’d made up for their spat the other day, but they both seemed to sense that there was simultaneously too much and not enough said.

In fact, it seemed like everyone was avoiding him. Apparently news of his vicious brawl with his three precocious coworkers had spread like wildfire. Because the police dismissed the whole case, the hospital couldn’t really take disciplinary action against Levi, but they had revoked his promotion. That didn’t bother him very much. What did bother him, however, were the scandalized looks and frightened avoidance of him by people who had never had a problem with him before. Sure Levi had knocked around Keith and his cronies fairly bad, but Levi himself had been left with a nasty gash across his forehead, between his eyes, and under his left eye. Honestly, Levi was lucky he didn’t lose an eye.

Whatever the reason, though, Levi caught a lot of flack for the whole debacle. Petra, despite Auruo’s clear disapproval, still talked to Levi and even made an increased effort to include him in conversations as if to make up for all of the negative attention Levi had been getting. It was a kind gesture, but wholly unnecessary. Frankly, Levi didn’t give a flying fuck whether everyone was afraid of him or not. If it kept people the hell away from him, he had virtually no problem with it. Hanji was also still there for him, though Levi couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of debt to her for bailing him out of prison. He had always pictured Hanji being the one in need of being bailed out. Life just has a funny way of playing out in the way you least expect it to.

The 6th ward as a whole was a little tense of late, too. It was like they were all trying too hard not to talk about the fact that Jean’s shutdown date was approaching a little too fast. Levi wished he had some kind of wisdom or encouragement to break the uncomfortable silences that frequented their gatherings, but he had always been shit at that kind of thing. He was also apparently shit at apologies, because Eren was still avoiding him. In fact, they hadn’t really talked since Eren had waited for Levi on his apartment stairs to talk and Levi had basically cut him off from any kind of real apology. Levi hated apologies. He hated receiving them and he hated giving them. Regret wasn’t exactly in his playbook, and apologies were a little too close to regret for his tastes.

When Eren avoided his gaze or excused himself from conversations that Levi was involved in, though, it made Levi want to grab his face and scream an apology at him. It was dumb, but Levi just wanted things to go back to the way they were before he had said all of that dumb shit in the heat of the moment. Most frustrating of all, though, was how Eren had made him lose his practiced calm so easily. Why the hell had he said all of that? And why the hell had he smashed that glass into Keith’s skull? Knee-jerk reactions weren’t like Levi. It must have been stress or something. But every time Levi was on the verge of an actual apology, he just couldn’t force the words out of his mouth. In reality, he probably just didn’t actually know how to apologize.

Levi had arrived at the 6th ward that day after passing by dozens of whispering coworkers and obvious avoidances to find that all of the brats were gathered in Sasha’s room. About to enter and check on them, Levi paused when he noticed that Jean wasn’t among them. It wasn’t that odd, but Jean usually only abstained from group activities when Marco was visiting him. Today wasn’t a day for visitors, though, so Levi decided to check Jean’s room to see if there had been a change of plans.

Sure enough, Jean was alone in his room – no visitors. He was pulled up in a stiff chair next to his bed, staring intently at his nearly still body, quiet except for the company of the pulsating monitors and faint beeping that indicated he was still kind of alive. Levi let himself into the room and was surprised that Jean didn’t look up at his entrance.

“Throwing a party?” Levi asked, breaking Jean’s inattention. “I’m hurt I wasn’t invited.”

Jean shrugged, a light smile on his face. “It was a pretty exclusive guest list.”

Joining Jean at his own bedside, Levi began checking tubes and reading the various monitors to ensure everything was as it should be. “I’m dying soon,” Jean said suddenly.

Levi paused in his routine activities and looked intently into Jean’s face. “I know.”

“Am I already dead?” Jean asked seriously. “Like, there’s no way I’m still in there, right? There’s nothing they can do for me is there?”

Levi shook his head. “There’s nothing.”

Closing his eyes, Jean nodded tiredly. “I’m not sure if that relieves me or not,” he mused. Levi didn’t answer and after a while, Jean let out a frustrated sigh. “Man,” he growled, “I really do _not_ want to die.” He paused, scrubbing at his face with his hands angrily. “Shit.”

Levi wasn’t trained for this. “Neither do I,” Levi admitted.

Jean eyed him warily. “We’re not about to have some weird heart to heart, right?”

“Hell no.”

Levi continued scribbling numbers and various readings into Jean’s chart, which he had received from the end of the bed.

“So are you and Eren having some weird couple’s fight?”

Levi frowned at him. “Very funny,” he said flatly.

Jean shrugged, a playful smirk on his face. “Whatever you say, man. All I know is you two are acting weird. It’s like you’re afraid that if you look at each other, something is going to shatter.”

Levi made a noncommittal noise. Nosy brats.

“How bad did you fuck up?” Jean laughed.

That made Levi smile for some odd reason. “Pretty bad,” he laughed. “Told him he was a pain in the ass.”

“Bah,” Jean scoffed, waving his hand dismissively. “We all are. He had it coming. Eren’s the biggest pain in the ass in the whole hospital.”

Levi nodded in agreement. “I also told him I wished he had just died like he was supposed to,” he added begrudgingly.

“Shit, dude,” Jean laughed. “You really did fuck up.”

“Thanks,” Levi grumbled.

“Eren’s annoying and most of the time I want to kill him,” Jean prefaced, “But you gotta be a little more tactful than that. He practically worships you, you know?” Levi didn’t respond and Jean shrugged. “So much for this being about _my_ problems.”

“You brought it up,” Levi hummed.

“You know what’s the worst part about Eren?” Jean looked annoyed just thinking about it. “I think the worst part is that he doesn’t let this shit get to him. Every day I want to pull out my hair and scream for the world to stop spinning because I can’t take this shit anymore, but Eren acts like we’ve suffered a minor handicap. We’re dead and it’s like he’s been told he’s color blind. Fucking moron.”

Levi agreed with a chuckle. “He’s like that, isn’t he?”

Shaking his head, Jean laughed incredulously. “Here I am struggling not to just bust out crying every time I see Marco or my own damn body, and he just takes it like it happens every day. I’m fucking terrified, and he’s on a goddamn fieldtrip.”

“He’s just coping,” Levi offered. “No one actually wants to die.”

“That’s for damn sure.” They sat there comfortably, smiling about nothing in particular. The atmosphere was oddly light for the seriousness of the topic of conversation. “I’m going to be alright, aren’t I?” Levi wasn’t really sure how to answer and it seemed to show on his face, because Jean hurried to correct himself. “Like, I just-“ he paused, fumbling for words. “It’s not going to hurt or anything will it? You almost died once, right?”

Nodding reluctantly, Levi said, “I _did_ die once. 23 seconds before they pulled me back out of hell.”

“Do you remember it?”

A thousand answers flew around Levi’s brain, but he couldn’t seem to grab a hold of one long enough to express it. After a few moments of deliberation, he sighed. “It felt… _familiar_. I wasn’t scared,” he said carefully. “It’s hard to explain.”  
“Yeah, well I’m fucking terrified,” Jean laughed. “Do me a favor, would you?”

“I’ll do what I can,” Levi returned.

“You’re going to be there right? When I kick the bucket?”

With what he hoped was an encouraging look, Levi nodded. “I’ll make sure of it.”

“Just-“ Jean faltered and Levi noticed his hands were shaking. “Just make sure I don’t do something really un-cool. Like, don’t let me shit myself or start crying or something. I’m scared as hell, but there’s no way I want them to know.”

Levi assumed Jean was referring to the other 6th ward patients. He nodded. “I can do that.”

“You’re an asshole,” Jean said fondly. “But you’re alright too, you know?”

Smiling slightly, Levi shook his head ruefully. “Takes one to know one, eh?”

“Alright, alright,” Jean said, standing from his chair, a look of determination on his face. “I can do this. I don’t want to, but I will.” It was like he was psyching himself up for a sporting event. “I’m going to be alright,” he said firmly.

“You’re really not that different from Eren, you know?” Levi said slyly.

This evoked nothing short of a look of pure horror from Jean. “Oh, don’t you dare.”

Holding his hands up in surrender, Levi made to leave the room. “Alright, you’re not quite as dumb as he is.”

“Damn straight,” Jean said fiercely. “And for Christ’s sake,” Jean added as Levi opened the door to leave. “Just make up with him already. Tell him you’re an asshole. Tell him you were dumb. Lick his shoes for all I care. Brooding Eren is even more annoying than normal Eren.”

“I didn’t think that was possible,” Levi laughed.

“Yeah, no one else did either. But here we are.”

Levi turned to leave, but hesitated, addressing Jean one more time. “I don’t remember it very well, but I do remember that dying is like being so tired that all you can think about is sleeping, but no one will let you sleep. And then someone grabs your hand and tells you it’s alright to go to sleep. Honestly, it will probably be the easiest thing you ever have to do.” Without turning around to see Jean’s reaction, Levi excused himself from the room.

 

\--

 

“Hey brat!” Eren had been sulking around the redbud tree by himself, having excused himself from the gathering in Sasha’s room when Levi had entered it. He opened his mouth to say something, but Levi cut him off. 

“I’m sorry.” Eren gave him a confused look. “I’m an asshole and I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Eren asked suspiciously.

Levi gritted his teeth. Just say it. “I’m sorry for saying shit things to you, I’m sorry I got drunk and beat the shit out of some coworkers, I’m sorry you had to sit on my apartment stairs to see if I was alive or not, and I’m sorry I suck at apologies.”

Eren considered him, a look of vague bewilderment on his face.

With an exasperated sigh, Levi added, “and I’m sorry I’m apparently so fucking bad at expressing myself that you thought I would ever ditch you brats for a raise.”

“I’m not mad at you,” Eren said, a confused smile spreading slowly across his face. “I thought you were mad at me.”

Levi narrowed his eyes. “I thought you were mad at me you little shit. What would I be mad at you for?”

“The whole promotion thing? Unloading my dead guy angst on you? Being a pain in the ass? I dunno, the usual host of things,” he laughed.

“Yeah, well you already apologized for that shit, so sit down and let me apologize like a normal human being.” Eren sat there, looking up at Levi expectantly. “Ah, fuck it, I suck at this. Are we okay?”

“ _You_ are. I’m kind of dead,” Eren joked.

“Well I’m also sorry about that, then. But we’re okay, aren’t we?” Levi glared intensely into Eren’s eyes. Probably not the best tactic for earning forgiveness, but Levi was kind of new to the whole thing.

“As we’ll ever be,” Eren said warmly. Levi sighed and relaxed his glare, turning his piercing gaze to the horizon to give Eren a break from the unnerving eye contact. “That must have been one hell of a fight.”

“Hm?” Levi looked back at Eren who was gesturing at his eye.

“Your face. It uh- it looks pretty bad.” Levi instinctively reached up to the gauze wrapped around his skull, more for everyone else’s sake than his own. The stitches were pretty ugly. “How drunk were you?”

“Let’s not go there,” Levi said, recalling the incident with regret. “Apparently I get really defensive about trees when I’ve had too much.”

“Don’t die, alright?” Eren asked softly. Levi frowned lightly down at him, a question in his eyes. “I mean – it’s really not fun,” Eren added.

“Alright,” Levi conceded. “No dying. No more jail and no more dying.”

 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I get to write more Jean into the story. I feel like I've neglected his character thus far, so I'm glad we got some time with him here.
> 
> Sorry it was so short. I want to keep up a consistent update schedule through the end of the fic (don't worry, we're more than halfway through), though, so sometimes I just publish whatever I manage to finish.
> 
> Like I said, super busy week, though, so I shall try my best to keep you all entertained.
> 
> EDIT: decided i won't update tomorrow (wednesday) but i will have a large update for you thursday night
> 
> Thanks again for all of your support. My word document reached 130 pages today and I just sort of stared at it in disbelief.
> 
> Cheers.


	15. Jean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here is a longer update since I was too busy to update last night. Look at me being all consistent and shit.
> 
> Eeeeeh, lot of mixed feelings on this chapter. Had to throw in another character to satisfy my own need for a depth of Jean's character that would have been otherwise difficult to show.
> 
> Eeeeeeh, I'm happy with parts of it. Well, whatever. Sorry if it's too sad.
> 
>  
> 
> Cheers.

 

_3 months, 8 days_

Stethoscopes, sure. Thermometers, absolutely. Bandages, gauze, sterilizing agents, latex gloves, face masks, packaged needles, and pain killers, too. These were all things that belonged in Levi’s 6th ward nurse’s station. The small child with blonde hair that looked like he had just climbed out of bed, though, did not. This child was not something that Levi required or was used to seeing in his small oasis of practical tools for everyday use.

With an unashamed, calculating stare, the child remained stationary, legs dangling over the cabinets from his seated position on Levi’s sterile countertop. Well, it _had_ been sterile. Levi stared intently into the child’s large eyes, daring him to explain himself. Unaffected by his silent interrogation, the child smiled slightly and increased the frequency of his leg swinging.

“Hi,” Levi tried, hoping to coax the child into an explanation. And maybe a little bit of intimidation, too. That wouldn’t have bothered Levi in the least bit either.

“Hi,” the child returned insolently. It was almost like Levi was the intruder here and the child was trying to remain polite despite the fact. Other than the greeting, though, he appeared to have no motivation to continue the conversation.

“Are you a nurse?” Levi asked tonelessly.

“No.” The kid’s heels were clicking against the cabinet doors as he swung his legs, an irritatingly repetitive beat.

“Are you in a coma?” Levi continued rhetorically.

The kid cocked his head to the side. “What’s a coma?”

Levi frowned. “Being dead, but your organs don’t know it.”

Shaking his head, the kid said, “No, I’m not a coma, I’m five and a quarter years old.”

Sparing a single nod, Levi concluded, “Then you don’t belong here, Five-And-A-Quarter-Years-Old.”

“You’re really short,” the kid observed without malice. “Are you a grown-up?”

Levi narrowed his eyes. “I’ve been accused of it.”

“Are you a doctor?”

“I’m a nurse,” Levi returned, tiring of the interrogation. “Why are you here?”

“I thought nurses were all girls,” the kid continued, ignoring his question.

“Yeah, I missed the memo,” Levi said wryly.

“Can you make my brother better?” The blonde-haired cretin asked innocently. “The doctors aren’t doing it right.”

Considering the child, Levi leaned against the counter opposite him. “Maybe. What’s your deal kid?”

“My brother isn’t working right. What’s your name?”

Trying to keep up with a conversation with the child on the counter was like trying to predict the lottery numbers for the week. “Levi. Why are you here?” Two could play at this game.

“That’s kind of weird,” the child observed. “My name’s Benny. What is this thing,” Benny asked, holding up a stethoscope.

“I can listen to people’s hearts beating,” Levi explained shortly. “I think _your_ name is weird,” he added.

“Is _not_ ,” the kid argued. “Do you listen to my brother’s heart with this? Mom says it won’t work right because his body was messed up in the accident. Can I listen to someone’s heart?”

Levi tried to sort through the rapid-fire questions. “Is your brother at the hospital?” He just wanted to find the kid’s parents as soon as possible and return to his relatively peaceful day in the 6th ward. Visiting day meant that he wasn’t being bothered by the dead brats.

“My brother’s name is Jean. He’s a lot cooler than me,” the kid said distractedly, playing with the ear pieces of the stethoscope.

Ah.

Visiting day.

Jean was dying soon, so of course his full family had shown up on visiting day. He had never mentioned a little brother, though. Levi wasn’t in the business of babysitting, though. “Do you want me to take you back to your parents?” He asked, offering a hand to Benny so he could climb off of the counter.

Benny considered his hand a moment, but shook his head, refusing the offered help. “No thanks, Mr. Nurse Levi. I don’t like it. It’s not Jean.”

“What do you mean?”

“Jean tells me funny stories and plays baseball with me and takes me on car rides late at night when Mom and Dad are asleep. He also can carry me on his shoulders like a superhero. That’s not Jean. He sleeps too much,” the kid said, a slight pout in his voice.

Levi nodded in understanding, returning to his position leaning against the opposite counter, arms crossed. “Yeah,” he mused. “You’re right.”

“It’s my fault you know,” the kid said sheepishly, pulling on latex gloves from the carton on the counter that were far too big for his small hands. Benny glanced up at Levi to find him looking at him in expectant silence. “I was playing in the street when I wasn’t supposed to. Jean pushed me when a car was coming and it ran into him.” Frowning, Benny stared glumly at his gloved hands. “I ruined everything.”

Levi stared at Benny, considering his next words carefully. “Are you sorry?”

“Yeah,” the kid returned as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I don’t know how to tell him, though. He won’t wake up.”

Levi chuckled and Benny glanced up at him worriedly. “You think your big brother isn’t smart enough to figure out that you’re sorry? Give him a bit more credit, kid.”

Benny returned to staring at his hands. “My mom can’t even look at me. She cries too much, too.”

They remained in silence for a few minutes, Benny staring at his hands and Levi staring at Benny contemplatively. He wasn’t good with kids. Or family stuff. Or human beings in general. All he really knew was that he didn’t particularly feel like forcing the kid to return to Jean’s death chambers. Levi knew all too well how depressing the atmosphere in the 6th ward could be. It was about his lunch break, though, so he wasn’t really sure where to stash the kid. “Want a sandwich or something?” Levi asked Benny, causing him to look up. “This place is depressing as hell.”

“That’s not a good word,” Benny said accusingly.

Levi shrugged. “I’m not a good person. Better damn well get used to it.”

Benny laughed at that. “Okay. Let’s go Mr. Nurse Levi.” This time Benny accepted Levi’s offered hand and pushed himself off of the counter so his feet hit the ground with a light tap. Levi lead the way out of the 6th ward, Benny holding onto a fold of material on the back of Levi’s shirt.

They made an odd procession, Benny and Levi, and Levi couldn’t help but notice the weird looks and whispers and smiles he was getting from his coworkers. With the amount of time they spent not working, it was a wonder that people still came to this hospital. Benny didn’t seem to notice, though, as he trailed behind Levi, still clutching the back of Levi’s shirt like if he let go Levi would disappear forever. Upon entering the cafeteria, Levi made to order something for the kid, but Benny insisted he order for himself, standing on his toes to reach the counter and tell the cashier what he wanted. Levi was going to order next, but Benny instructed the cashier to give Levi the same thing as him. Whether Levi liked it or not, Levi was having a ham and cheese sandwich and French fries, apparently.

They ate in silence, Levi thoroughly unconcerned with the looks he was receiving from his coworkers. No, he did not have a child. No, he was not babysitting a child. People always talk too much. Benny broke the silence, his mouth full of French fries. Levi couldn’t even understand him through the food in his mouth.

“Hm?”

Benny swallowed his food. “Do you have a brother?”

Levi shook his head. “No. It’s just me.”

“Weren’t you lonely?” Benny asked, pulling the crusts off of his sandwich.

Levi paused, sandwich halfway to his mouth. “Sure,” he offered honestly. “But then again, I kind of like that better.”

“You’re really weird,” Benny said accusingly.

“Oi. Takes one to know one,” Levi said around a bite of sandwich. “Watch your fucking manners.”

“You can’t say those words,” Benny hissed.

“Well fuck me, guess no one ever told me,” Levi grumbled.

Benny laughed incredulously. “Didn’t your mom ever teach you not to say things like that? My mom would have sent me to my room for like, a hundred years if I said something like that.”

Levi shrugged. “Yeah, well my mom’s dead. I say whatever the hell I want,” Levi said stubbornly, polishing off his own sandwich.

Seemingly unfazed by Levi’s revelation, Benny reached across the table and stole a handful of Levi’s fries. “If you had a mom, she would ground you for a million years.”

Levi blocked his fries with his hands, guarding from Benny’s reach. “No one tells me what to do,” he insisted a bit childishly.

Benny reached under Levi’s hand barricade and nabbed a few fries despite Levi’s best efforts. “Since you don’t have a mom, _I’m_ going to ground you.”

Laughing lightly, Levi surrendered the rest of his fries to Benny, pushing them across the table so he wouldn’t have to put nearly his whole body on the table to reach them. “Good luck with that kid.”

After a relatively peaceful lunch, Levi remembered that he had yet to water his tree today. When he offered to take Benny back to his parents, Benny refused, opting to tag along to the north lawn while Levi watered the young redbud tree.

“What is the tree for?” Benny asked as Levi stood by the tree, letting water fall from the hose onto its roots. A better question was why kids asked so many damn questions.

“It’s for a bunch of dead kids,” Levi said.

“If they’re so dead, how come they want a tree?” Benny asked suspiciously, playing in the dirt with a small stick.

“They told me,” Levi replied easily.

Benny considered that a moment. “You can talk to dead people?”

“Yeah. But just the ones who haven’t figured out how to be dead.”

“You don’t gotta figure out how to be dead,” Benny said doubtfully.

“Apparently some of them do.” Levi turned the hose off and stood back to look at the tree.

Benny was writing his name into the dirt at the base of the tree with his stick. The ‘E’ was backwards, but otherwise it was pretty good. “Can you talk to my brother?”

Pretty sharp kid. “Yeah.”

“Is my brother dead?”

Benny looked up from his scribbling and eyed Levi seriously. Fuck it, the kid deserved the truth same as anyone else. “Yeah. He’s just waiting for the hospital to let him die. There are machines keeping him from leaving, so his ghost is still here.”

Nodding solemnly, Benny stood up, dusting his pants off. “Is he sad?”

“I think so,” Levi said quietly.

Benny grabbed Levi’s hand and Levi looked down at him with vague curiosity. “Can you tell my brother some stuff, Mr. Nurse Levi? Since you can talk to dead people?”

Ah, what the hell. “Alright.”

 

\--

 

Levi located Jean sulking around Reiner’s room, likely avoiding the somber mass of family members clogging his own room on that day.

“Hey Jean,” Levi drawled. “I found something that belongs to you. Kind of looks like you, too.”

Jean turned around and his face fell when he saw his brother standing there, still clinging stubbornly to Levi’s hand. Nasty kid germs. Jean opened his mouth to speak, but Levi cut him off.

“Kid’s got some stuff he wants to say to you, so shut up and listen.” Levi pulled his hand out of Benny’s grasp and pushed him forward a few steps to stand in front of his brother. Benny looked back questioningly at Levi. “He’s listening, brat. Go for it.”

Benny stared at the empty space in front of him. “Um, hi Jean.” He paused, eyes cast down at his shoelaces. “I’m really sorry. It’s all my fault.”

Jean sighed and smiled sadly at his little brother. “Tell him it’s not his fault, would you, Levi?”

Levi nodded. “Jean says it isn’t your fault, kid.”

Benny continued staring at his shoes and Jean stepped forward to put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m really fucking proud of you,” he said through gritted teeth, voice wavering slightly. “You’re going to be fine. You always have been, always will.”

This was difficult. Levi felt as though he were intruding on a deeply personal conversation. He was an unavoidable median, though, in the information relay. “He’s proud of you, kid. Says you’re gonna do some real great things.”

“I’d do just about anything for just a few more years if it meant I would get to see you grow up. I’m so fucking sorry,” Jean said, tears leaking shamefully from the corners of his eyes.

“He’s sorry he can’t watch you grow up,” Levi translated quietly.

Jean laughed, trying to dispel the quavering in his voice, scrubbing at the tears in his eyes. “You gotta live for two, now, buddy. You’re gonna be fine. The stars have pretty much always shined for you anyways, kid.”

Levi couldn’t open his mouth. They weren’t words he was meant to say. But Jean looked at him pleadingly, and Levi forced his mouth open. “He says you’ll be fine. He says the stars have always shined for you, kid.”

Benny frowned at nothing in particular, trying visibly to understand. “Is he scared? Mom says Jean’s going to heaven soon.”

Jean looked up at Levi. “What do I tell the kid? That his big brother’s scared as hell?”

Levi shook his head, unable to answer. “Tell him what you think he needs to know,” Levi offered.

“Tell him I-“ Jean paused. “Just tell him…” he trailed off. “I have no idea.”

“He doesn’t know,” Levi said truthfully. “But I think he’s trying really hard not to be.”

Benny nodded, a look of determination on his face. “Alright. I won’t be scared if he’s not. Jean’s not allowed to be more scared than me.”

 

\--

 

_3 months, 5 days_

Erwin had closed himself in Jean’s room with Jean’s family, explaining various forms with practiced courtesy and a polite air of condolence. Levi was standing outside the room, Benny squeezing his hand so tightly that Levi couldn’t actually tell if he still had a hand or not. Jean was next to Benny, massaging his scalp nervously. They stood there in complete silence, ignoring the tearful gathering in Jean’s room. No one really wanted to talk about it.

Marco showed up and hailed Benny excitedly, like nothing could have made him happier than to see Benny that morning in that particular location. Benny seemed pretty happy to see Marco as well. “Did you make a friend?” He joked, relieving Levi of the attached child.

“He can talk to dead people,” Benny informed him matter-of-factly. Marco gave Levi a confused smile, and Levi shifted uncomfortably. “I talked to Jean,” Benny added.

“Yeah, what did he say?” Marco asked playfully.

“He said that I didn’t have to be sorry and that he wanted to watch me grow up, but he’s sorry he can’t.” Marco’s smile faltered slightly. “Also, he doesn’t know if he’s scared or not, but he can’t be more scared than me, so I have to not be scared so he’s not.”

Marco laughed warmly at that. “I guess he really can talk to dead people.”

Levi gave a noncommittal noise.

Erwin let himself out of the room, leaving the door open behind him. “We’re going to begin in a few minutes, if you want to come in.”

Levi didn’t want to, but it wasn’t a question for him. He had to go in. And so, along with Marco, Benny, Jean, and eventually the rest of the 6th ward patients, Levi filed into the crowded room.

Ymir’s departure had been very different. With only two people who hadn’t even cried, it had been relatively tranquil. This one was a bit different, though. There was no bawling or anguished wailing, but Jean’s mom was crying softly into a handkerchief while Jean’s dad stood stoically by her, arm around her shoulder. There were a few other unidentified relatives scattered about, but they all looked more tired than anything. Benny and Marco stood a small distance from the bed, because Benny didn’t seem too keen on being too close to the invalid that he was unable to associate with his lively brother.

The other 6th ward patients were gathered respectfully in the corner of the room, looking cautiously between each other like they were afraid Jean would break into a million pieces if any of them said anything.

Eren was the first to speak. “Good luck out there,” he said seriously. “Not everyone’s as nice as us.”

Jean laughed weakly. “Out there?”

Eren shrugged. “Hey, we don’t know what comes next. You’re a leader, so go out there and pave the way for us, eh?”

Shoulders finally releasing their tension, Jean laughed more warmly than before. “Yeah, alright. I wish I was able to be as cool about this as Ymir was,” he admitted.

“Ymir was scared, too,” Eren pointed out. “She said so.”

Connie held out his hand for Jean to shake, but when Jean grabbed his hand, Connie pulled him down into a tight hug. He didn’t say anything, but gave Jean a resolute nod when they broke apart. Sasha also gave him a hug, while Bertolt, Reiner, and Annie gave silent nods of encouragement. If anything, the three wards of the state looked sad that they were being left behind yet again. They had been there the longest, after all. Having your mortal soul caught up in bureaucratic red tape must have been a pain in the ass. Eren only knocked fists with Jean, a wide grin plastered on his face.

Erwin was instructing the family quietly on the two switches they had to flip to end the life-sustaining treatment being administered to Jean’s body. As they murmured in low voices, momentarily distracted, Levi grabbed Jean’s arm and looked him dead in the eye. “It’ll be the easiest damn thing you ever do,” he said softly.

Jean nodded and clapped a hand on Levi’s shoulder. “Does it change anything if I say that I really, _really_ don’t want to go?”

“Time and a place for everything,” Levi reminded him. “Benny’s a good kid. Not everyone gets to leave behind such a big part of themselves. Now go be a big brother, and do what you have to do.”

Jean patted Levi’s shoulder once more. They were both out of words, so Jean made his way to his own bedside, peering down at his own lifeless body. He frowned slightly and then looked up, turning back towards the other 6th ward patients. His voice was strong and determined. “I’m going now. Don’t take too long to catch up, you hear? And for fucks sake, don’t be a baby about it, like I was.”

They all flashed him warm smiles in return. Levi didn’t care that Jean’s entire family was there. “Hey kid,” he called across the room. Benny turned toward him. “He’s not scared at all.”

Benny nodded happily. “I know. He _never_ is.”

“Only when it comes to you, kid,” Levi laughed.

The odd outburst had a surprisingly calming effect on the vaguely confused gathering. For whatever reason, Levi’s assurance sobered them all to a pleasant quietness, while Jean’s father flipped out the switches. Like Ymir, Jean seemed to just not exist anymore. It was odd, as though he had never really been there. Levi would have sworn he had made it all up if it weren’t for the vivid memories. Most vivid of all, was the look of quiet irritation on Jean’s face before he blinked out . And though Levi wouldn’t have thought it possible, Jean really didn’t look scared. And if he was, he certainly didn’t show it.

 

\--

 

“Hey lady!” Levi called out, jogging slightly to catch up with Jean’s mother as she excused herself to use the bathroom. She paused and turned to Levi with reproachful acknowledgement. Levi caught up to her and stared intently up into her face – one that eerily resembled Jean’s. He must have been off his rocker going after the woman, but he had to say something. God damnit. He paused, considering his words. “Don’t forget that you’ve got a really great kid still who needs you.”

Jean’s mother’s eyes softened and she appraised Levi silently.

Levi stared back. “Benny needs you like Jean needed you. And if Jean was any indication of what kind of man you can raise, then Benny needs you more than I had imagined. Don’t cheat him.”

After receiving a slightly baffled, but sincere nod from the woman, Levi turned and walked away. Sure, it wasn’t his place, but what the hell. The woman had to stop crying some time. She had to look at Benny eventually.

Levi returned to his nurse’s station to find Benny sitting there on the previously sanitized countertop, just like the day they had met. Benny looked up at Levi’s arrival and smiled. “Is Jean still here?”

Levi shook his head. “He’s gone, kid. Took his fucking time, though.”

Besides a small frown, Benny made no comment on Levi’s choice of language. “So he’s dead now?”

“Yeah,” Levi said shortly. “He’s dead.”

Benny nodded a bit sadly. “At least he doesn’t have to sit in that bed all day. I bet he gets to play baseball and have fun with the other dead people now.”

For whatever reason, that made Levi smile. “You know, kid, I bet he does.”

 

\--

 

Jean’s family had departed and his room was cleared out in a depressingly efficient amount of time. Here for more than six months and ten minutes later it was like he had never been there. People were just kind of like that, Levi figured.

Before he left for the day, he made for the patient grove to water his tree once more. Eren was rubbing absently at one of the branches. Levi considered a witty remark or some harmless insult as a greeting, but couldn’t come up with one. Instead, he grabbed the hose and stood beside Eren, letting the water fall on the tree trunk without a word.

“Even Jean managed to be cool about this shit in the end,” Eren said glumly.

Well, the silence had been nice while it lasted.

“How did he do that?” Eren continued, irritation lacing his voice. “He was just suddenly alright with everything. Like, being brave doesn’t make anything go away. It doesn’t change the fact that what happened was really fucking unfair. Why does he have to be brave? The world treated him like he was nothing, and now he has to take it like a man? Fuck _that_ shit,” Eren ranted, kicking at the dirt around the tree. “We don’t owe the world shit.”

Levi let Eren rant, waiting for the silence to settle back around them. “You don’t have to be brave,” Levi said quietly.

Eren glared at him, but Levi just shrugged. “Yeah, well maybe I want to be brave,” Eren spat. “Maybe I don’t want to feel like my heart is going to smash through my ribcage and leap out my throat every time I think about dying.”

Levi chuckled a little, earning him a murderous look. “It’s funny because Jean was so annoyed by how unaffected you were by being dead. It drove him crazy. You two really were similar, you know. Hell, that’s probably why you two fought so much.”

“Save the lecture,” Eren grumbled. “I’d give anything not to be afraid. Sometimes it’s so bad I can’t even think. I can’t move. It’s fucking paralyzing.”

“Good,” Levi said shortly.

“Good?” Eren was eyeing him angrily. “ _Good?”_

Levi shrugged and turned off the hose. “Yeah, good.”

“How is this good?”

Sighing, Levi began hauling the hose back to its normal resting place. “I mean, if you weren’t afraid, it would mean you didn’t care, right? You’d have no reason to live. Having no reason to live is a hell of a lot worse than the end of a life that you’d give anything to live again. You were the one who said endings were just shitty by definition. But who gives a fuck about a _bad_ story’s ending? It’s only the good stories that you care about ending.”

Eren stared at his shoes, glowing lightly in the Moon’s reflection. “How do I make myself accept it, though?”

Levi considered that a moment. “You know, bravery isn’t what a lot of people think it is. Bravery is literally the stupidest thing a human can have. If your brain is telling you that you should be terrified or run away, it’s because you damn well should.”

“Not helping,” Eren sighed.

“Bravery is just a magic trick,” Levi plowed on, ignoring him. “Just an illusion. All you have to do is trick your brain for a split second that what’s happening or what you’re about to do is alright. And if your brain is worth shit, it’ll play along.”

“Why’s that?” Eren asked.

Levi smiled a bit. “It’s because we don’t really want to know the truth. We don’t want to know why the illusion is happening. We don’t want to know why our brain has to trick itself into what’s not true. We _want_ to be fooled.”

“So just wing it?”

“You only need a moment, Eren. A magic trick has one moment of truth. Everything before that moment is a presentation of what we know to be true, and everything after that moment is applause. But in that one moment, you need to make something what it isn’t. That’s why it’s called a trick.”

They remained silent for a while, Eren having switched his gaze from his shoes to the stars. “I just have to trick myself, eh?”

“Only at that _one_ moment,” Levi clarified. “Be scared. It’s normal. Jean sure as hell was, I can tell you that much.” Eren was staring intently at him, hanging on his words like they were the last thing he had left to hang on to. They probably were. “You saw his face, though, right before he died. You saw the illusion. Jean saw the illusion. And suddenly, it was like he wasn’t afraid anymore.”

“And that was the trick?”

“That was the trick,” Levi confirmed. “We all want to be fooled. Just wait for your moment, kid. If you don’t want to be afraid, your brain will take care of it for you. Wait for the moment, though.”

“What if I can’t do it? What if the illusion fails? What if I fuck up the trick?”

Levi gave Eren an uncharacteristically gentle look. “I’ll be there, kid. I’ll applaud anyways.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 dead kids down, 6 to go.
> 
> Apparently despite my best efforts, Ymir's death was sad, so I don't expect you to have taken this one much better. Sorry. Working within my limits here.  
> I really wanted to right a small child? Just for practice? Also I needed him to give Jean more depth, since I neglected him a bit up until last chapter??
> 
> We'll try and lighten it up next chapter again.
> 
> Eh, whatever. Hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading. Stay beautiful.


	16. Light and Snow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, sorry, sorry. I know you're used to daily updates, but I worked some killer shifts Friday and Saturday, and I couldn't do it.
> 
> Buuuut, to make up for it this is a pretty large chapter. Hooray.
> 
> Token Christmas chapter. Sorry not sorry. It would be kind of hard to ignore in our timeline anyways.
> 
> Cheers.

 

_2 months, 27 days_

 

“What do you do for Christmas, Levi?” Sasha asked, causing the others to turn toward Levi. Great. Holiday spirit. His favorite.

The brats had been swept up in the holiday cheer that suffocated the hospital this time of year. Levi had hoped that being dead would make the holiday less important or less annoying somehow, but the little shits were just as excited as any snot-nosed brat would be. Not being an enormous fan of Christmas himself, Levi just waited for it to go away each year.

“I work. Holiday pay,” He said shortly, attempting to dismiss the conversation.

“You would be less of a stick in the mud if you were a literal piece of wood lodged in the ground,” Eren returned, a slight look of disappointment in his green eyes.

“Hanji and I get some food and get wasted the night before Christmas Eve, if you count that as tradition,” Levi added.

“I don’t.” Eren was frowning at him. “I mean, do you set up a tree and sing carols and shit?”

“Oh, like bake cookies and spread Christmas cheer and bring my coworkers presents and bake a turkey? _That_ kind of stuff?” Levi asked with mock sincerity.

“Yeah,” Eren said excitedly.

Levi shook his head, deadpanning. “No.”

“I pegged him for a grinch anyways,” Connie laughed.

“Am not,” Levi grumbled, ignoring the childishness in his voice. “Christmas is fine. I don’t hate it, I just don’t care about it.”

Connie and Eren exchanged grins that pissed Levi off to no end.

“But I bet you at least do stuff with your family on Christmas. It’s usually kind of a requirement,” Reiner said doubtfully.

The panicked expression on Eren’s face was enough to tell Levi that he had not, as Levi would have expected, told the others that Levi had no family. That was odd. Eren didn’t seem like the kind of person to hold back personal information from others. Levi wouldn’t have necessarily minded if Eren had told the others everything he knew – it wasn’t information that Levi valued particularly. But the guilty, frantic look on Eren’s face was kind of worth it. He was giving Levi such a sympathetic look, that his heart did this stupid thing where it ran into his ribs like it had suddenly forgotten where they were located.

“Don’t worry about it,” Levi assured Eren, with a barely-there smile. Eren was a guilty soul by nature, but the only thing he was really guilty of was caring too much. “So this is the part where you brats want me to do Christmas shit with you, isn’t it?” He drawled, ignoring the vaguely confused looks concerning his exchange with Eren. “Because the answer is already ‘no’. I’ll save you the trouble of asking.”

“Oh, c’mon,” Connie whined. “It’s our last Christmas! You aren’t going to deny us our last Christmas, are you?” He asked mischievously.

Levi nodded. “I sure am.”

“At least bring us some stuff so we can decorate or something,” Sasha pleaded. “You don’t have to help. I just really love Christmas.”

“Yeah, man,” Reiner agreed. “Just let us have this one, eh?”

“It would be nice,” Bertolt said wistfully, Annie nodding a little in agreement.

Levi held his hands up in surrender, trying to dispel the sea of complaints and pleads. “Alright, alright, I’ll buy some shit for you so you can enjoy the commercialism of an economic holiday. Happy?”

Without really answering his question, they began talking over each other excitedly, discussing various necessities of Christmas decorations. Eren was still staring at Levi carefully, like he didn’t really believe Levi was okay. Levi rolled his eyes at him though, and Eren’s disposition changed to one of light irritation. His expression read as sorry-for-caring, but Levi only chuckled at his instant change from pity to anger. Eren was easy like that.

“We need a Christmas tree,” Sasha said resolutely. “And lights.”

“Like, a metric fuck-ton of lights,” Connie agreed. “For the hallways and the tree and stuff. I mean, like, enough lights to cause an energy crisis when we light them up. This has gotta be so festive, it’s a menace to the community.”

Levi didn’t think they needed to put up any decorations whatsoever to be considered a menace to the community.

“Too bad presents wouldn’t mean much to any of us at this point,” Reiner laughed. “Material possessions don’t exactly mean much when you’re dead.”  
“The presents don’t have to be for us,” Bertolt said timidly. “We could make things for the other wards. Some of the people here don’t get to go home for Christmas either.” The others were staring at him, so Bertolt backtracked. “It’s dumb, nevermind. I was just thinking out loud.”

“Are you kidding?” Sasha said incredulously. “That’s a great idea. Good one, Bert.”

Bertolt blushed lightly, muttering about nothing in particular. Reiner patted his back heartily, while the others passed around ideas for things to make for the other patients stuck there during Christmas. Levi was torn between annoyance at their childish sincerity and irritation at his own unbidden fondness for the brats. Goddamn their endearing stupidity.

“Levi, get some paper,” Connie called to him. “You’re gonna want to write all of this down.”

Levi sighed, excusing himself from the gathering in Connie’s room to retrieve a notepad from his nurse’s station. Why was it that a bunch of dead kids were allowed to run wild with his credit card? Living kids would have been less expensive than these morons. Levi could hear someone jogging to catch up to him and mentally placed all of the money he’d ever made on a bet that it was Eren. It was a good bet.

“Sorry about that, uh, earlier. You know- um, never mind,” Eren said quietly, falling into step at Levi’s heels. “I guess I wouldn’t do a lot of Christmas stuff either if I didn’t have any family. I just kind of force Mikasa and Armin to do ridiculous Christmas stuff, because we’re all we have,” he babbled nervously.

Levi stopped abruptly and Eren ran into him. Sighing, Levi turned around to eye Eren critically. “I told you not to worry about it. I really don’t care.”

Eren frowned and stared over Levi’s head at nothing in particular. “I know you don’t. It just kind of, well – It’s just kind of upsetting?”

“What’s upsetting?” Levi asked suspiciously.

Finally making eye contact with Levi, Eren rubbed at his left arm sheepishly. “It’s just that when I think about not having Mikasa and Armin with me and not being able to do dumb Christmas shit, it depresses me in some weird way. And that’s kind of what you’ve done your whole life – that lone ranger shit.” Eren shook his head. “Forget about it.”

“Way ahead of you,” Levi said shortly, turning away from Eren to finish his journey to the nurse’s station.

Eren made a frustrated noise and followed Levi the rest of the way in silence. When Levi had retrieved the notepad from his station, though, Eren decided to try expressing himself again. “I’m just sorry, alright?”

“I know,” Levi said, losing his patience. “And I told you to forget about it.”

“I can’t,” Eren returned, stubbornly.

“So what do you want from me?”

Eren clearly wasn’t going to drop this. “Just be here. Let yourself be around people and do stupid Christmas shit, because that’s what normal people do. Just this once, alright?”

“Fine,” Levi replied. He wasn’t going to fight Eren on this. He knew a lost battle when he saw one.

Eren seemed surprised. “Really?”

“I have to work anyways. Not much of a choice here,” Levi said tiredly.

Grinning stupidly, Eren grabbed the notepad out of Levi’s hands. “You won’t regret it.”

“I wouldn’t bet on it,” Levi muttered.

 

\--

 

_2 months, 25 days_

It didn’t really bother Levi that much, but surely the other customers at the home improvement store had better things to do than stare at him. Admittedly, he was buying nearly the entire stock of white and colored Christmas lights. He really wasn’t sure what a normal amount of Christmas lights was, but the brats had requested a lot of lights and he wasn’t going to be sent back here because he didn’t buy enough. Eren, who had tagged along – of course – seemed a bit concerned with the amount of lights in their overflowing shopping cart, but said nothing. Underneath their cart was a box filled with parts of an enormous fake Christmas tree. There was no way in hell he was buying a real tree. He was already taking care of one real tree, and that was enough of a pain in his ass. No way he was taking care of two trees.

“So, uh, I think we have enough lights,” Eren said, fighting a smile that was threatening to spill onto his features.

Levi narrowed his eyes, daring Eren to smile. “This list says ‘a fuck-ton of lights’. I bought a fuck-ton of lights. Problem?”

Eren shook his head quickly. “Uh, nope. No problem, sir.”

The cashier who rang them up seemed to really want to ask questions, but Levi glared at him every time he opened his mouth, and he appeared to decide it wasn’t worth it. At least he wasn’t dumb. The total for Levi’s purchase was financially painful, but he swiped his card reluctantly anyways. Eren apologized profusely, but Levi shot him a much harsher look than he had intended, and Eren shut his mouth instantly.

Bidding them a good day, the cashier handed Levi a ridiculously long receipt. Eren helped Levi load his car, but rode nearly the whole way to the hospital in intimidated silence. It was only five days until Christmas, but the traffic was noticeably much worse already. Everyone’s family had started pouring into town the week before Christmas, as per usual, and it was impossible to get anywhere on time. As they neared the hospital, Eren decided to break the silence.

“I think we bought too many lights,” he observed quietly.

Levi frowned. “Yeah, I know.”

Eren smiled, still staring ahead at the building traffic. “Alright.”

 

\--

 

“Is this real life?” Sasha asked, being the first to speak after Levi had dumped all of his purchases on the floor in the 6th ward hallway. The brats had only stared at the ridiculous quantity of lights, unsure of how to react.

“Probably not,” Connie said, picking up a box of lights. “These are the really huge strands of lights, too. Damn Levi, I was kind of joking when I said I wanted to cause an energy crisis.”

Levi couldn’t have cared less. He didn’t even grace them with a response, instead opting to conduct his rounds and take care of their charts, like he was actually paid to do. Throughout the day, Levi was subjected to tripping over strands of lights that had been pulled haphazardly from their boxes and left across the hallways while they attempted to tack them to walls. Bertolt was the only one who could actually reach an appropriate height to hang lights along the walls, but Sasha and Connie thought it would be brilliant if Connie climbed onto Sasha’s shoulders to attempt to hang lights. They ended up pulling down more of Bertolt’s progress than actually helping. The idea wasn’t bad, though, had Connie and Sasha not been the ones to execute it, so Reiner and Eren imitated the tactic. With Eren on Reiner’s broad shoulders, they were able to double Bertolt’s efforts, tacking lights up at twice the speed.

Levi would have been content to continue his normal routines, ignoring the festivities, but Eren had delegated him to setting up the fake tree with Annie’s help. They worked quietly, speaking only when necessary, and working rather efficiently. The tree itself was easy to set up, despite its ridiculous size. Luckily the 6th ward was an end wing, meaning one of its long hallways was at a dead end. The tree wouldn’t have fit in a room, so they opted to set it up at the end of the hallway, where it wouldn’t actually block anything off.

“I think the tree is too big,” Annie said shortly.

“Yeah,” Levi agreed. The top was bent at an awkward angle where it hit the ceiling of the hallway.

A few minutes of silence passed before Annie added, “I think you bought too many lights.”

“Yeah,” Levi agreed again.

A few more minutes of silence. “This is all rather ridiculous.”

“Yeah.”

Annie nodded. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Levi really had bought far too many lights. Once they had finished lighting every possible surface along the top of every stretch of wall both in the hallways, and in everyone’s rooms, they hadn’t even depleted 10% of their available lights. And so, they devised a plan to light the rest of the long-term wards as best they could once night had fallen. Usually by about two in the morning, the hospital was quiet enough that they wouldn’t run into anyone. Only the emergency ward never rested.

So, despite Levi’s wish to go home and sleep, they gathered up all of the lights and headed out to force Christmas cheer on the other wards at the lovely hour of 3 a.m.

“Can’t I just go home,” Levi grumbled, arms full of loose strands of lights.

“We have to have someone to blame it on if we get caught,” Connie said innocently.

Great. Like the hospital didn’t already think Levi had completely lost his marbles in the last few months. Well, he technically had. Sometimes gossip isn’t too far off the mark.

Having gained a kind of momentum and weird efficiency after decorating their own ward, the brats worked a lot quicker on the other wards. No one bothered them at that horrible hour, so they finished in a lot less time than they had on their own ward. Bertolt worked alone, Reiner kept Eren on his shoulders, and Connie sat on Sasha’s shoulders, kind of helping, but mostly just fucking things up. It was kind of hit or miss with the two of them. Annie and Levi held the long strands of lights behind those that were hanging the lights.

Sasha had insisted that they leave all of the lights unplugged while they worked, so that they could plug them all in at the end and have it be a surprise. They finished around 5:30 and took up positions near various outlets to begin lighting them. Reiner issued a loud whistle with his fingers, and they all began a mass lighting of the hospital. Sasha and Connie ran around the hospital, plugging in light strands with various yells and whoops that would have woken the whole hospital if they were heard. As soon as the lights had all been plugged in, the entire 6th ward had made a mad dash for the north lawn, dragging Levi along down the employee stairwell and out the door into the frigid winter air.

After backing up enough to view all of the windows on that side of the hospital, even Levi had to admit that it was an impressive view. The entire hospital glowed merrily in various colours, throughout every ward and in every visible hallway. The warm glow reflected off of the snow on the ground. The whole damn hospital looked like one giant Christmas tree.

Congratulating each other, the brats babbled excitedly, pointing out various windows and cracking jokes about the absurd energy consumption occurring before their very eyes. Shifting his glance over to the brats, Levi couldn’t help but let the corners of his mouth turn up slightly as they pounded fists, high-fived, and laughed uproariously. His glance caught on Eren, who was staring at him slyly, a shit-eating grin plastered on his features. The glow from the hospital mixed oddly with his green eyes, making it nearly impossible to tell what color they were at any given moment. Levi’s heart did that dumb thing again. What a pain.

Eren mouthed something that looked like ‘ _I told you so.’_ Levi rolled his eyes, unable to force the corners of his mouth back down.

 

\--

 

_2 months, 23 days_

 

No one knew who had hung all of the lights in the hospital. Once it got out that neither the hospital maintenance nor any of the hospital’s many volunteers had put them up, it became a great source of speculation. Luckily, Levi was the last one anyone would expect. Similarly, the 6th ward was the last one anyone would expect. So, they were all free from the speculation that would have placed proper credit with them. Levi was just fine with that.

Weirdly enough, Hanji saw right through the whole thing.

“I have no idea why, but I get the strangest feeling that this was all you,” she said offhandedly while they were eating lunch.

“What was all me?”

Hanji didn’t look up at him, but continued picking absently at her salad. “All of the Christmas lights. It was you and those dead kids wasn’t it?”

Levi considered lying to her, but settled for shrugging instead. Hanji knew when he was lying anyways, even though he was extremely good at it.

“Man, you must really like those dead kids. You hate Christmas,” Hanji concluded, taking a bite of her salad disinterestedly.

“I was held at gunpoint,” Levi replied.

“Literally everyone at the hospital is more likely than you to have been responsible for it,” Hanji mused aloud. Levi didn’t reply, but continued eating his less than satisfactory apple. “We still on for tomorrow night?”

Levi nodded. “Sure, but you’re buying the booze.”

Nodding sympathetically, Hanji abandoned her salad for a cookie. “I figured as much. Those lights can’t have come cheap.”

Chuckling slightly, Levi also abandoned his apple for a cookie. “You’re telling me. Come to think of it, you’re buying the food too. I’m so fucking broke.”

 

\--

 

_2 months, 22 days_

“When exactly did we figure out that Chinese food and liquor is actually the best combination in the world?” Hanji slurred, stuffing another wad of lo mein in her mouth.

Levi snorted. “I think it was sometime around when we decided fuck Christmas.”

“Excuse you,” Hanji managed around her mouthful of food. “Only _you_ decided fuck Christmas. I just don’t want you to have to fuck Christmas alone.”

The alcohol had Levi’s brain in a pleasant mood for no good reason. “If you wanted a three-way all you had to do was ask.”

Hanji choked on her food, attempting to clear it with a large mouthful of whiskey. After clearing her airway, she laughed uproariously. “I always forget I like you so much better when you’re wasted.”

“Ditto,” Levi sighed, grabbing the bottle from Hanji’s hands to prevent her from draining it all. They had spent the evening before Christmas Eve as they always did, drinking way too much and eating cheap, greasy Chinese food. It was an entirely unhealthy tradition, and one that they both enjoyed immensely. Hanji always left on Christmas Eve to visit her parents and extended family, so they did something dumb before she had to go deal with her relatives. Every year Hanji offered to stay and spend Christmas with Levi – probably because she knew he had no one else – but Levi would always refuse, and Hanji didn’t press the issue. It was weirdly comforting to know that she would have ditched her family in a heartbeat if Levi asked her to. What a moron.

“You didn’t exactly fuck Christmas this year, though,” Hanji pointed out. “Those dead kids really got to you.”

“They always do,” Levi admitted.

“Did Eren ask you to do that shit for them? You can’t say no to that kid, can you?”

Levi ignored the question, taking an unnecessarily large gulp of the whiskey he had confiscated from her.

“You’re hard to figure, Levi,” she mused. “But you really love that kid don’t you?”

Great. Now they were so drunk they were discussing feelings. Levi tried not to choke on the whiskey, but ultimately failed. Laughing heartily, Hanji patted Levi’s back until his coughing subsided. “He’s a pain in the ass,” Levi finally gasped, overcoming the whiskey that was burning his windpipe.

Hanji shrugged. “Yeah, so are you, but here I am.”

“Yeah?” Levi laughed, pushing the whiskey bottle across the table towards Hanji.

“Yeah,” Hanji challenged, retrieving the offered bottle. “Loving someone doesn’t depend on them not being an asshole. Otherwise, you’d be drinking alone right now, you asshole.”

“Thank god,” Levi replied fondly. “You’re telling me I could be sober, sound asleep, and not listening to your dumb voice? You _are_ a savior. What would I do without you?”

“You’re such a jerk,” Hanji protested, reaching for her chopsticks, but missing by a large margin. They had both had way too much to drink. “You’ll miss me when I’m gone.”

“Permanently?” Levi asked lightly. “Don’t tease me with false promises,” he lamented, cracking open another beer. Fuck it, he was already so drunk it didn’t matter.

“You’re right,” Hanji said. “I’ll never be gone. You’re stuck with me for life.”

Levi slammed down more than half the beer in one go. “Cruel fate,” he lamented, wiping a hand across his mouth.

Hanji stood up, teetering a bit as she made her way to where her coat was hanging. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can’t fool me.” She pulled her coat on, having to try multiple times to get her arms in the proper arm holes. “I gotta go before the buses stop running. No way in hell I can drive home.”

Levi got up, tottering a bit himself, as he met her at the door. “Yeah, good riddance,” he teased, helping her put her arms in the proper places in her jacket. “Enjoy your Christmas, or whatever.”

“What, no Christmas present?” She laughed with a fake tone of disappointment.

“Hell no. And if you got me anything, I swear to god, I will kick your ass right here, right now. I don’t care how drunk you are.”  
Scoffing, Hanji punched his shoulder lightly. “Like I’d get you anything.”

She considered him a moment before pulling him into a rare hug. “Do something on Christmas, would you?” She muttered into his ear. “I’ll be so pissed off if I find out they let you come into work when I blacklisted your name from the shift list.”

“You what?” Levi asked, pulling back from the hug.

“Yeah, you’re not allowed to work,” Hanji laughed. “I bribed payroll and you’re off the list. Go do something stupid and Christmas-y.”

Levi frowned at her, but Hanji only observed him happily, hands shoved into her jacket pockets. “I love you, you asshole.”

Rolling his eyes, but unable to keep the smile from his face, Levi sighed. “I know.”

 “Go do something on Christmas,” She repeated, reaching into her pocket. With her other hand, she opened Levi’s door, stepping out into the cold. Before she shut the door, though, she threw a small package at Levi, noting his glare with a small laugh. “Got you something anyways! Enjoy it motherfucker!” She called mischievously, slamming the door in Levi’s face.

Every year Hanji found a way to somehow sneak a present into Levi’s home or in his mailbox or somewhere. It irritated him to no end. He would have gotten her something in return, but by now he ignored the social nicety out of pure spite. Walking back into his kitchen, Levi begrudgingly tore the paper off of the small package to find a note written in Hanji’s doctor-worthy, nearly illegible scrawl.

 

_Another victory for me! Here’s to another year of me being better than you. I knew you’d bitch about missing your holiday pay, so here’s what you would have made had I not closed you out from the shift. Also, here’s something you probably need for your weird new obsession with things that photosynthesize. If you sit at home alone on Christmas, I’ll never forgive you._

_-Hanji_

Under the note was an equally illegible check for about eight hours of holiday pay and a new pair of gardening gloves. She was irritatingly thoughtful sometimes.

 

\--

 

_2 months, 21 days_

Christmas Eve in the 6th ward was surprisingly festive for a hall full of brain-dead invalids. Levi had brought in Christmas CDs at the request of Sasha and they had sat around listening to it, talking about their favorite Christmas memories. Connie and Sasha had the best stories by far, having decided at a young age to do something increasingly idiotic each Christmas Eve, many of which ended in them spending the night in prison. Bailing them out on Christmas morning had become a family tradition for their hapless parents.

Levi was content just to listen. All of his Christmas stories involved him either being at work, sitting home alone with a bottle of something strong, or some combination of the two. Later on in the evening, though, Connie and Sasha’s family arrived in droves, pouring into their rooms to share some of their holiday cheer with the dead brats. They didn’t stay terribly long, but before they had left, Mikasa and Armin showed up. Similarly, they didn’t stay long. Really, there wasn’t a lot to discuss with a dead family member. Mikasa had spoken to Eren about how nice the apartment she and Armin were in, how Armin had landed a good job, and how she was still working through school, all the while fiddling with the ends of the old red scarf that she always seemed to be wearing.

At one point, Erwin had shown up to collect some charts from Levi and had paused when he heard the Christmas music blasting from the old stereo.

“I didn’t take you for the sentimental time,” he had said.

Levi only muttered in return, “Can’t a guy listen to some Christmas music on Christmas Eve? Honestly.”

Confused, but apologetic, Erwin had retreated as the 6th ward patients burst into laughter at Levi’s short exchange with the doctor.

Despite his discomfort with the whole holiday, the shift hadn’t been particularly bad. When Levi left them that night to catch up on some much needed sleep, they had been lounging around the Christmas tree while Reiner recounted some lesser-known Christmas myths in his calming, low voice. It was at times like this, that Levi appreciated how young they all were. Sitting around the tree, Reiner looked like some fucked up version of Santa Claus, telling stories to a few excited brats. Levi hated how dead they were. Kids weren’t supposed to die.

 

\--

 

_2 months, 20 days_

“This is gonna sound lame as hell,” Eren prefaced quietly, “But I’d give anything to be spending Christmas with Armin and Mikasa.”

Levi glanced over at Eren who had a faraway look in his eyes as he stared out the window at the lightly falling snow. “Yeah, that sounds pretty lame,” Levi confirmed.

“Oh, fuck you,” Eren shot back.

Levi shrugged. “Go spend Christmas with them. No one’s going to stop you.”

Visibly considering the idea, Eren cocked his head to one side. “They live so far away, though. Anyways, it would probably just be depressing. I’m not even on the same plane of reality as they are.”

“Suit yourself,” Levi said, not pressing the issue. He technically wasn’t working right now, as Hanji had apparently bribed payroll so well that Levi hadn’t been able to appeal the blacklist. But, having little else to do, and sticking begrudgingly to his promise not to spend Christmas alone, he had shown up at the 6th ward anyways, not in nurse scrubs for once. Of course, all of the brats had given him hell, pretending not to recognize him out of uniform.

Figuring he had fulfilled his obligation of keeping company on Christmas, Levi decided to head home for the night. He didn’t work until late tomorrow, so he might just laze around and sleep in. “Have a good night, brat,” Levi called to Eren, making to leave.

“You have plans?” Eren asked doubtfully.

“Nope.”

“Mind if I come along?”

Levi faltered. That wasn’t what he had been expecting. “What, you want to watch me sleep again? As thrilling as that was-“

Eren cut him off. “No, I mean, it’s just-“ Eren stopped, gathering his thoughts. “I just figured you wouldn’t want to be alone on Christmas.”

Levi eyed him incredulously. “What part of anything that you know about me tells you that I would mind being alone on Christmas?”

“Oh, forget it,” Eren grumbled, returning to staring out the window. “Have fun being alone.”

Pausing at the door, Levi made a decision that he figured he would regret wholeheartedly later. “Hurry up, brat. I won’t wait for you.”

Eren whipped around, a large grin on his face. “Yes sir,” he joked, performing a mock salute, following on Levi’s heels as they headed out of the 6th ward and out to the parking lot. They drove in relative silence, Eren staring out of the passenger side window. Levi wondered why he wasn’t talking a thousand miles an hour as per usual. The melancholic look on his face told Levi that he still wished he were spending Christmas with his family. Levi thought back to Eren’s file where he had spotted Mikasa’s address under Eren’s emergency contacts. She really did live quite a ways away. He knew the location, and it would be at least a half an hour’s drive there.

For the second time that day, Levi made a decision that was rather out of character for him. Before they turned onto the road to Levi’s apartment, he turned the car around and pointed it towards the highway. Eren looked away from the window, a question in his sad, green eyes.

“Geez, kid, if you’re gonna look like that, you’ll be no fun. Now shut up and help me get to Newland Hills.” Eren was smiling warmly at him, and Levi fidgeted under the attention. “And quit staring at me like that.”

Eren didn’t quit staring at him like that. Levi tried unsuccessfully to ignore him for the long car ride to Mikasa and Armin’s apartment complex. They did eventually find it, but not before making plentiful wrong turns. Levi didn’t know the area very well, and all he had to go off of was an address that he prayed he had remembered correctly. When they pulled up to the building, Eren stayed in Levi’s car making no move to climb out.

“Well go on,” Levi said. “Get a move on. It won’t be Christmas forever. Thank god for that.”

Eren was staring nervously at the apartment complex. “I’m trying to decide if this will hurt more than not being here.”

Levi nodded. “Alright, well I’ll stay here and wait to see if you want to leave.” He put the car in park pointedly. “I’ll just wait.”

Nodding appreciatively, Eren climbed out of the car. He made sure no one was watching before slipping into the apartment building and disappearing up a flight of stairs. Levi turned the heat on in his car and reclined a bit in the rickety seat. He wasn’t exactly sure how long Eren planned on staying, but if he left, Eren would have to walk back. He didn’t have much of a choice but to wait until Eren came back.

An hour or two passed and Levi was still sitting alone in his car, the old piece of junk burning through gasoline as it struggled to keep the car warm. Levi had fallen into a pleasant disconnect with his own brain, staring out at the snow as it fell lightly on the ground and his windshield, enjoying the intense heat of the small, enclosed space. At some point, he actually did fall asleep, disconnecting completely from any kind of state of consciousness.

“Hey, Levi,” someone whispered gently, butting into his pleasant, dreamy haze. “I’m really sorry.” The intruder paused.  “Are you asleep?”

“Not anymore,” Levi grumbled, rubbing at his eyes, trying to dispel the lingering sleep in his brain.

Eren was sitting in his car again, an apologetic look on his face. “Oh my god, I’m really sorry. I forgot you were out here.”

Levi looked around him, a little disoriented. “What time is it?”

Rubbing sheepishly at the back of his head, Eren mumbled, “nearly midnight.”

Yawning, Levi started the car up. “Don’t worry about it, kid,” he said groggily. “I didn’t have any plans.” It was the truth.

Eren turned toward him and pulled Levi into a hug from the awkward position in their car seats. “Thanks,” he said shortly, his cold breath tickling at the back of Levi’s neck. “Just – thanks.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we go now?” Levi asked softly.

Eren released him, snapping back into his seat sheepishly. “Uh, sure. Sorry.”

The drive back to Levi’s apartment passed in a haze for Levi. He hadn’t really been able to shake the heaviness of sleep that had choked out his brain for the last few hours. The only thing he really processed was how much happier Eren seemed. There was a glow in his eyes from the time he spent with his small family, and a permanent smile on his face. It was kind of nice.

Levi offered to take Eren back to the hospital, but Eren declined, saying he’d just wait until Levi went back to the hospital the next day. Secretly, Levi was glad for that, because he was too tired to make it back to the hospital.

Back in his apartment, Levi headed straight for his bed, pulling his shirt over his head and dropping his pants shamelessly. Fuck it, he was too tired to care about decency with Eren. He climbed into bed with nothing on except his boxers, and threw the blankets over his head. Eren would probably just go make himself at home. He always had.

“Guess that answers the age old question, boxers or briefs,” Eren snickered quietly.

Levi groaned. “Shut the fuck up, Eren. I’m so fucking tired.”

A pressure was applied to the other side of Levi’s bed, and he assumed Eren had decided to watch him sleep again. Whatever the fuck floated his boat. To his credit, as Levi drifted quickly off to sleep, Eren didn’t say another word.

 

\--

 

_2 months, 19 days_

It must have been some horrible hour of the morning when Levi woke up, because it was still pitch black outside. That wasn’t what was odd about his awakening. What was odd was that something mildly cold was pressed into his back, clinging to his chest. “If I wanted a fucking warmth parasite attached to my back, I damn well would have asked,” Levi whispered angrily.

When he didn’t get a response, or any movement, Levi craned his neck over his back to find Eren snoring lightly. Wait, what the fuck. Dead kids couldn’t sleep. Or could they? Well, technically there wasn’t exactly a manual on what dead kids could or could not do. Apparently they could sleep. “Are you asleep?” Levi blurted out, and Eren sat bolt upright in the bed, head turning wildly back and forth.

“Who? What?” He spluttered. Eren looked like he had no fucking idea where he was and Levi tried to hide his smile.

“You were snoring, kid,” Levi scolded him. “Care to explain?”

Eren shook his head slowly. He seemed as confused as Levi. Sitting up, Levi appraised Eren’s baffled look. His eyes were wide and reflected what little moonlight was being given off from outside the window. Suddenly, Eren seemed to realize that he was too close to Levi and he made to scoot away, babbling some kind of apology. Some part of Levi caused his hand to reach out and grab Eren’s white shirt, stopping him from moving away. Eren appeared alarmed at the contact and looked up apologetically at Levi. “Sorry,” Eren managed, holding his hands up in surrender. “I didn’t know I could fall asleep.”

“You’re fine, kid,” Levi said softly. For whatever reason he didn’t want Eren to leave him alone in that large, empty room. “Thanks for being here,” he added quickly at barely more than a whisper. Eren’s eyes got even wider, and Levi released his shirt, laying back down and turning away from Eren.

“Uh, what?” Eren asked his back.

“Shut up,” Levi murmured. “I’m going back to sleep.”

Eren didn’t question him further, but scooted a few inches away and reclined back so he was laying down again as well. Levi didn’t go back to sleep, but listened to Eren’s breathing until it slowed to a rhythm that indicated he was asleep again. Rolling over, Levi observed Eren’s frame as it rose and fell slowly in his sleep. Eren was a restless sleeper, though, and he had soon closed the gap between them again, his forehead resting lightly against Levi’s shoulder, one hand draped lightly across Levi's arm. He was like a fucking octopus.

Levi stared at the ceiling and felt his heart do that stupid thing where it couldn’t find a healthy rhythm. “Ah, shit,” Levi mumbled into the darkness.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this like, the slowest build fic you've ever read or what? Honestly, I had very little of a plan when it came to this story. Still can't promise anything explicit or direct in Eren and Levi's relationship/friendship. I just write and let the characters interact and see what happens. They kind of just write themselves, really.  
> But anyways. Mixed feelings about this chapter, for me, but I like most of it.  
> Hanji and Levi are my BROTP. I friend-ship them so hard, you don't even know.  
> Well...I mean, I guess you do know now.
> 
> But whatever. Thanks for reading. Stay beautiful.
> 
> Cheers.


	17. Insomnia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tiny baby chapter.
> 
> Sorry, i'm ironing out some final plot points and I decided to throw in this short intermission while I figure things out.
> 
> Cheers.

\--

 

Levi couldn’t sleep. He had been so damn tired driving home that night from Mikasa and Armin’s apartment, but now he couldn’t sleep. Fucking perfect. With a groan, he extricated himself from the bed and headed for the kitchen. He considered drinking some water like a normal person, but bypassed it for the bottle of whiskey in his freezer. If that couldn’t help him sleep, he didn’t know what would. After a few generous gulps he heard his bedroom door creak open and Eren’s sorry excuse for sneaking. Eren trying to be quiet was only funny because Levi wasn’t actually trying to sleep at that moment. Otherwise he would have murdered him, death be damned.

Eren obviously hadn’t even checked to see if Levi was still in his bed before heading out of the bedroom, or he wouldn’t have been attempting to be quiet. The key word here was attempting. The brat didn’t join him in the kitchen, though, so Levi decided to make sure he wasn’t breaking something or reorganizing his life again like the last time he had let Eren have free reign of his house while he slept. Not ready to surrender the whiskey bottle yet, though, he trudged out of the kitchen with it in tow. Eren was standing at the large window in Levi’s living room, hands clasped behind his back, rocking back and forth on his heals as he stared pensively out the window. Levi noted that it was snowing even harder than it had been when they drove home a few hours ago.

“What’s eating at you, kid?” Levi asked, foregoing the social nicety of announcing his presence.

Eren whipped around, stumbling sideways into the coffee table and knocking over a small vase, that he managed to catch before it hit the ground. He clutched at his heart like he was in real danger of suffering a heart attack right then and there. Eren was a great deal of fun that way. “Jesus Fucking Christ,” he gasped, looking wildly between the door to Levi’s bedroom where he had thought Levi was sleeping, and back to where Levi was standing at the entrance to his kitchen. “I thought you were asleep,” Eren said wearily, running a hand through his hair, which was already in a state of gravity-defying mess.

Levi shrugged, taking another swig out of the whiskey bottle in place of an actual response.

Eren was frowning at him and Levi assumed it was because of his gratuitous late-night drinking. Then again, it could easily be because Levi was still mostly naked. Whatever. It was his damn house, and he’d drink whiskey at four in the morning in his underpants if he damn well pleased. Out of spite, he took another exaggerated gulp from the bottle.

Levi was sure Eren would say something, but for once Eren seemed to have run out of things to say, and he just sighed, turning back to stare out of the large window. Pensive Eren always led to some stupid heart to heart, so Levi considered just heading back into the kitchen to avoid the whole thing entirely. But of course, some stupid part of Levi knew that he should probably ask the brat what was on his mind again and maybe actually mean it this time. “Well?” Levi prompted.

“Nothing,” Eren said shortly. It didn’t sound like a lie, but it was hard to tell because he didn’t even turn back to so much as glance at Levi.

Levi frowned at Eren’s back. “Well hey, I’m not standing here half-naked because I enjoy freezing to death. Spit it out or I’m heading back to bed.” He took another long swig of the liquid, enjoying the warm feeling that sank into his gut and made his brains swim stupidly in his skull. It was probably a good time to put the bottle away.

Eren only hummed in response, like he really couldn’t have cared less if Levi did just head off to bed. It kind of pissed Levi off. Something was definitely up. “Don’t make me beg, kid,” he said darkly, turning pointedly as if he was actually going to leave.

Finally turning to look at him, Eren had an amused smirk on his face. “If I didn’t know any better Levi, I’d say you _wanted_ to have a feelings jam.”

Levi frowned at Eren, considering the challenge. Sloshing the bottle in front of his face, exhibiting how empty it had become, he returned, “I’m just drunk. Ignore me. I’m going back to bed before you take me up on my offer.”

“Oh get over here,” Eren muttered, moving aside so Levi would have room at the window.

It was tempting just to walk away and leave Eren hanging, but Levi was too drunk to do anything but obey. Maybe downing that much whiskey on an empty stomach in that short amount of time was not the best idea. Begrudgingly, Levi stumbled over to the window and stood there observing the quietly falling snow.

“You drink too much,” Eren said simply.

He could have denied it, but Levi only shrugged. “Probably.”

“Do I upset you?” It was quiet, barely above a whisper.

Levi snorted. “Obviously. You’re like an untrained dog that won’t leave me the hell alone – you and the rest of those brats back at the hospital.”

The look Eren was giving him was sincerely apologetic, though, and Levi cut off his further insults. “No, I mean – well, like, we both know I’m going to be dead in like, two months. Everyone in the 6th ward is going to be dead. I just wonder if it wouldn’t be easier if we didn’t spend so much time together.”

Levi didn’t answer. The kid had nearly kicked the bucket and he was worried Levi was going to be a little upset that he lost some friends? What bullshit.

“You’re the only one who has to remember all of the shit from the hospital,” Eren continued. “I know I’ve never told you, but I’m really sorry. In some fucked up way, it’s almost like you drew the short straw on this one.” Levi stared openly at Eren while he talked, too drunk to realize he was making Eren uncomfortable. “If you care at all about us, this is really fucking lame for you.”

“Of course I care about you,” Levi grumbled. “All of you,” he quickly amended. “Pain in the ass though you may be.”

Eren nodded sadly. “Yeah, I was afraid of that.”

The kid had a point. Life was going to be weird when they weren’t all there. He would never admit it, but damn if he wasn’t going to miss those brats. “Oi, worry about yourself,” Levi dismissed him. “I’ll just do as I’ve always done. I wouldn’t call it the short straw.” He was such a fucking liar.

“Just be alright, okay?” Eren said tiredly, smiling sadly down at Levi. Why was he so damn tall. Fucking brat.

“I’ll damn well do what I want,” Levi slurred, taking another swig of the liquor against his better judgment.

Eren laughed at that. “Yeah, I know. You always do.” His tired look shifted to one of vague amusement. “You’re going to freeze if you don’t put some goddamn pants on.”

Levi looked down at his trouser-less legs and smirked. “Eh, whatever. If I do freeze it won’t be because I’m naked. If anything it will be because your cold ass can’t keep your hands off of me when I’m trying to get some goddamn shut-eye.”

Blushing angrily, Eren pursed his lips and returned to gazing out of the window, like he could find some inner peace in the falling snow from Levi’s taunts. Why the hell did Eren put up with him? Levi laughed and Eren blushed harder. “Oh, come off it, kid. I’m just an old drunk. Don’t listen to me.”

“Oh, I won’t,” Eren pouted. “You can be sure of that.”

Levi’s vision was starting to swim painfully and he decided to call it a night. As he was turning to head back to the kitchen to relinquish the bottle of whiskey, though, his vision took a dangerous swoop and he teetered a bit, nearly hitting the ground. Eren caught his arm, though, and Levi nodded a drunken thanks. “I don’t remember the ground pointing in that direction,” Levi laughed, patting Eren’s shoulder affectionately. “I should just keep you around so I don’t hurt myself when I’m too drunk. You’re a great spare wall.” Being drunk was weird, because Levi knew he sounded like a moron, but he couldn’t keep the words from leaving his mouth.

“Go the hell to sleep, old man,” Eren said fondly. He eased the bottle gently out of Levi’s grasp and set it on the coffee table he had nearly collapsed on earlier. “How drunk are you?”

“Well I won’t remember this tomorrow morning,” Levi chuckled, allowing his weight to sag into Eren more than was strictly necessary. He patted Eren's chest absently. “Might as well spill all of your darkest secrets right now,” he teased as Eren pulled him along back to his bed.

“In that case, thanks for being an oddly dependable asshole,” Eren said kindly. “I wouldn’t have the balls to thank you if you could remember this tomorrow. But hey, now I can thank you and not worry about you remembering it. Opportunity of a lifetime.”

Levi put a hand on the doorframe of his room to prevent them from entering it yet. “Don’t thank me, kid,” He said seriously. “Don’t thank me and then I won’t have to thank you and we can save ourselves a bunch of pansy-ass emotional shit. Deal?”

Considering the deal visibly, Eren stood in the doorway waiting for Levi to remove his arm from the doorframe so he could be hauled into bed. “Nah. I’m going to thank you anyways.”

Levi groaned, letting his head sag onto Eren’s chest, so his forehead was resting over his heart. “Ugh. Oh fuck it, we both know I can’t thank people. Just take me to bed before I upchuck on your pretty white shirt, eh?”

Moving a little quicker with the knowledge of Levi’s potential for vomiting, Eren deposited Levi back into his bed. It was too much to hope, though, that he wouldn’t say something stupid under the influence of the whiskey before he fell back asleep. “I accept your apology, kid. The world will be a worse place without you. Never thought that could be true, but it damn well is.”

Covering his mouth to hide his grin, Eren stifled a laugh. “Yeah, alright, Levi.”

“I’m serious.” Oh god, shut the fuck up. The alcohol was a bad idea, as usual. “Your stupid face is-“ Coherent thoughts apparently weren’t a thing anymore. “I just – Ah, whatever. You know what I mean. You’re a moron. Stay here, though. This apartment is too damn big all of a sudden.” Vaguely confused, but patient, Eren sat beside the bed, his back against the mattress from his position on the ground. “Was it nice seeing your family?” Levi asked drowsily. “I had one of those when I was a kid.”

“It was nice.”

“Hanji has one of those too,” Levi mumbled into his pillow.

“So do you,” Eren hummed. Levi wished he could see Eren’s face from their positions, but he couldn’t.

Thinking back to the gaggle of idiots standing in the snow, admiring the glowing hospital, Levi smiled slightly. “Yeah. I kind of do.”

“They kind of love you, you know,” Eren pointed out.

Levi sighed. Damnit. “I kind of love them too.”

“They’re kind of really grateful. Even though you’re an asshole.”

“Yeah,” Levi said sleepily. “Ditto, kid.” Eren didn’t say anything else, so Levi just patted Eren’s head drunkenly. “I’m gonna pass out now.”

“Okay. Goodnight Levi.”

Levi passed out, not bothering to remove his hand from the top of Eren’s head. It was too much to hope that he wouldn’t remember any of that in the morning, because he knew he would. He never forgot things when he was drunk. He was such a fucking liar.

 

\--

 

The first thing Levi saw when he opened his eyes was Eren’s face – and it was way too fucking close. “Why the fuck are you so fucking close to me?” Levi asked menacingly.

Eren’s eyes snapped open and he blinked a few times, trying to come up with an appropriate response. “I don’t have a good answer,” he said shortly.

Levi frowned and hauled himself out of bed. “It’s like I grew an extra limb or something,” he groaned, heading off for the kitchen. The whiskey was still sitting in his stomach uncomfortably and Levi knew he would be expelling it back the way it had gone in if he didn’t put some food on top of it. Eren joined him in the kitchen a few moments later and made coffee while Levi cooked some eggs in a skillet. Eren was back to his usual self. He seemed to have three modes: insanely talkative, over reactive, or weirdly philosophical. This morning Eren was definitely insanely talkative.

Eren finally managed to cease his chatter about Mikasa and Armin’s every move during his secret visit the other day, and eyed Levi critically. “You’re eventually going to have to put some clothes on.”

“Sue me,” Levi shot back, continuing to cook his breakfast, wearing only his boxers. At this point it was a matter of pure defiance.

“Technically I can’t until you step outside,” Eren sighed, handing Levi a cup of coffee. Levi accepted the cup while he stirred the eggs groggily. “Do you have any idea how difficult it is to talk to you when you’re drunk and naked?” Eren was grinning at him. “You talk a lot when you’re drunk, you know.”

Levi made a noncommittal noise.

Eren dropped the subject and began cleaning up the kitchen. “So, what are your plans today? Do they involve putting clothes on?”

“Do yours?” Levi returned grumpily.

Eren snickered. “If you wanted me to get naked, all you had to do was ask.”

Two could play at that game. “And here I thought your intentions were purely innocent when you slept practically up my ass last night,” Levi drawled.

Blushing furiously, Eren turned back toward the counter he was cleaning and scrubbed angrily at it. “Don’t flatter yourself, old man,” he muttered.

“What was it?” Levi continued, unable to resist pushing Eren’s buttons. “ _I kind of love you?_ That was real sweet, kid,” he chuckled.

“Hey!” Eren spun around. “I said _they_ kind of love you. You’re such a dick.”

Levi didn’t press the issue any further, but only laughed lightly into his coffee cup, dropping the conversation.

 

\--

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you it was a tiny baby chapter.
> 
> Anyways. Right now I'm having difficulties choosing a plan of action. I've always known how this fic was going to end, but I've also known that there is an alternative ending I've had in mind that is kind of unexpected? Gaaaah, I don't know. Being an author is hard because you want everyone to have a happy ending because you love them all, but you have to still keep things real. I hate keeping things real. But whatever. I'll be making some major plot decisions here in the next few days so that we can start heading down hill toward the ending of this story.
> 
> But y'know. So it goes. Writing dunk people is hard, on a side note. I just kind of write Levi like how I am when I'm drunk. Or at least as well as I can remember...whatever.
> 
> As always, shoutout to all you cool kids who read this lame story. You're all my favorites.
> 
> Cheers.


	18. Beethoven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry no update yesterday. Worked security all evening, too tired to think when I got back. I also needed time to consider some plot stuff.  
> I think I've made a decision?? Who knows.  
> I've set myself up for difficult choices, either way. Guh.
> 
> Anyways. Here's my gratuitous music chapter. I really love music, in case this chapter doesn't prove it for you.
> 
> I HIGHLY recommend you listen to two of the songs in this chapter as they are brought up it will help you a lot (because writing words for classical music is nearly impossible):
> 
> 1\. Moonlight Sonata (MOVEMENT 1) - Beethoven  
> 2\. Beethoven's 7th symphony (MOVEMENT 2)
> 
> Anyways. There's my musician's rant. Please, please listen to this stuff it's great. At least the Moonlight Sonata. You will not regret it.
> 
> Long rant, TLDR Enjoy  
> Cheers.

 

_2 months, 10 days_

 

The problem with feeding a stray dog is that any stray dog will take that as an appropriate invitation to just come over whenever and demand attention. They always come back. Perhaps the metaphor was a little mean, but Eren came back again and again. Sometimes he would knock; other times, Levi would just find him sleeping on his couch, sleeping on his bed, laying on his floor, or rifling through his CD collection for something to listen to. Personal space was a thing of the past. Maybe the metaphor wasn’t mean so much as it was eerily accurate.

Levi would continually rebel by spending as much time mostly naked as Eren would spend hanging around his apartment. Normally Levi didn’t spend so much time in his boxers, but it pissed Eren off, so he made it part of his regular home schedule. If he were lucky, it would cause Eren to leave sooner. Honestly, though, Levi wasn’t that bothered by his company. Some nights, when Eren didn’t feel like lazing around the 6th ward with the other brats, he spent the night and Levi had to deal with his tendency to latch forcefully to any source of warmth in his bed. But other than that it was fine. It was an odd arrangement certainly, but Levi saw dead kids for fuck’s sake, so this wasn’t even the oddest part of the months since his car wreck. Things didn’t really get weird like it might have gotten between two people spending so much time together, in any normal situation, which was fine by Levi. Once in a while Eren would be practically on top of him in his bed (pain in the ass fuckin’ ghosts) and Levi had to stop his heart from doing that dumb thing and filter through as many unpleasant mental images as possible to keep from being weirdly aroused. Levi had long since given up on trying to make sense of any of it. They were both basically shameless, but still reserved in some baffling combination. Besides the occasional biological instinct to jump Eren’s bones when he got too close, it was a fairly platonic existence.

When Eren wasn’t sleeping, which he did for increasingly large amounts of his day now, he was listening to Levi’s CD collection or staring wistfully at the piano next to the large window in his apartment. Even Levi had to admit it was a beautiful piano – and he used the adjective sparingly. It was conservative in design, but elegant in a modern, simplistic way. Polished to perfection, it’s deep mahogany frame looked like royalty in the tiny apartment, taking up so much space that it was easy to wonder why Levi kept it around.

“Oi, brat. If you love the piano so much, just fucking marry it already. You have my blessings,” Levi called from the doorway to his bedroom.

Head snapping up, Eren gave Levi a minutely guilty look. “It just stands there,” he whined. “Why do you have a piano that you don’t play?”

“To ruin your life,” Levi returned, heading for the kitchen.

Eren followed – big surprise – on his heels. “It’s like finding the Mona Lisa and locking it in a vault so no one can see it. What’s the point?”

“As long as _I_ can see the Mona Lisa, I don’t give a shit,” Levi laughed.

Even as he turned to get a glass from his cabinet, Levi could feel Eren’s frown on his back. “You’re selfish,” Eren concluded.

“Oh, come off it. I used to play the damn thing, but now I babysit a bunch of dead kids instead. I make better money too,” Levi hummed, locating a glass and heading to the sink to fill it.

Eren’s frown flipped and his eyes shined excitedly. “You used to play?”

Well that hadn’t been something Levi planned on sharing. “Just a bit,” he muttered, hoping the topic would be dropped.

“What the hell? Was this during your gangbanging days, your waitress days, or your nurse days?” Eren snickered. “The pursuit of manly careers continues to elude you,” He added.

“It may surprise you to know that illegal spray-painting and fistfights don’t put a roof over your head and food in your gut. I know this may come as a shock to you,” he said with mock sincerity over the sound of the faucet.

“A gangbangin’ pianist,” Eren mused. “I can get behind that.”

Levi laughed. “Sorry to get your hopes up, but I was pretty mediocre. I did a lot of improv jazz gigs at bars and restaurants and stuff. It was shit money, but I guess since I was kind of a shit pianist, it was just divine fate.” Despite his dismissal, Eren was still gaping at him with a childish sense of awe. “What?” He asked sourly, a bit self-conscious.

Shaking his head to clear the stars in his eyes, Eren took a seat at one of the bar stools in the kitchen. “Sorry, I’ve just always wanted to play at clubs and stuff. Maybe a bit more high end and actually successful, though,” he teased.

Levi turned away from the sink to eye Eren critically. “You play too?”

Blushing and shaking his head furiously, Eren stammered, “N-no, not well, that is, I’m so bad, but, really, it’s not-“

Cut off by Levi’s skeptical look, Eren fell silent. He looked up, eyes wide, when Levi let out a short burst of laughter. “Well hey,” Levi said, getting over his laughter. “Welcome to the shit pianist club, kid.”

Smiling ruefully, Eren accepted Levi’s offered hand, like they were striking some binding business arrangement. “Er, thanks,” he laughed. While they were shaking hands sarcastically, though, Eren seemed to be suddenly distracted by something vaguely to the left of Levi’s face. “Are you bleeding?” He blurted out, grabbing Levi’s shoulders and inspecting the left side of his face.

A bit surprised by the proximity of Eren’s face, Levi took a moment to reach up and touch the side of his own face. It seemed alright.

“Your ear,” Eren added softly.

Ah.

That.

Levi gently removed Eren’s hands from his shoulders and went to fetch a towel to quell the trickle of blood that was dripping lightly from his ear onto his undershirt, ultimately ruining it. “Eh, don’t worry about it,” Levi said casually, holding one of his older towels to his bleeding ear.  
Eren was visibly worrying about it anyways. “How am I supposed to not worry about it?”

“It’s been happening a bit lately.” That was clearly the wrong answer. Eren looked ready to commit him to intensive care right then and there. Levi held up his free hand in what he hoped was a calming gesture. “It’s fine. Probably nothing.”

Suddenly, Eren was angry. “Oh yeah? You’re the nurse. You look me in the eye and tell me that’s a normal thing,” He hissed.

Levi was an excellent liar. “It’s actually not that weird,” he said smoothly. “Probably just recovering blood vessels that were busted when one of those bozos at the bar bashed a glass across my face last month.” Actually, it was not normal. The first time could have been something weird, but ultimately a non-issue. After it had been happening at odd intervals for the last week, though, Levi began to consider that he should at least ask Hanji if she knew what that was all about. If she thought it was a big deal, he would ask Erwin to take a look. He just didn’t want the brat upset over it. “Don’t worry about it,” he repeated in a confident tone.

His anger subsiding, Eren sighed and took the towel from Levi’s hand, wiping at the blood that Levi hadn’t been able to locate without a mirror. “Just ask someone about it, would you?” He asked softly.

“You’re such a pain,” Levi grumbled, unable to summon any real malice. Eren gave him a sad look, though, and Levi added a quick, “Fine. I’ll ask Hanji.” It probably wasn’t a bad idea anyways.

Eren wasn’t relinquishing the towel.

“I can do that,” Levi mumbled.

“So can I,” Eren said firmly.

Levi didn’t stop him.

 

\--

 

Levi really did intend to ask Hanji about the occasional bleeding he had been experiencing from his left ear canal, but when he located her at the hospital later that day, she had the first word. This wasn’t unusual by any means.

“Hey, Levi. You like classical music? You’re enough of an old fuck to dig that kind of stuff,” She rattled at him without preface.

“Not entirely.”

“Really?” She asked suspiciously. “I pegged you for the type.”

Levi shrugged. “Sorry. What’s the occasion?”

Sighing, Hanji pulled two tickets from her back pocket and waved them sadly in Levi’s direction. “I won these in some radio contest, but I would rather sell them. I’m not a huge fan of classical music.” They headed off for the employee break room, Hanji staring at the tickets forlornly. “Apparently no one wants to see the Metropolitan Orchestra playing Beethoven’s 7th  tonight- among other things of course. But if you ask me-“

Levi interrupted her. “Wait, what are they playing?”

“Besides Beethoven’s 7th, I think they have a guest soloist playing some Hayden cello concerto. There might have been a Wagner piece in there, but the program-“

Usually it was Hanji who did the interrupting. “How much?”

Hanji blinked a few times. “Huh?”

“How much do you want for the tickets?”

“Easy there sport.” She wasn’t going to let this be easy. “Why the sudden interest?”

Levi narrowed his eyes. “I know someone who would want them.”

Hanji grinned at him. “Taking someone to a symphony? You’re classier than I gave you credit for,” she teased. “Who is the lucky son of a gun?”

“Are you going to sell me those tickets or not?” Levi crossed his arms and glared intently up at her. This would have been easier if they were on the same eye level.

“You romantic old man, you,” Hanji continued, looking genuinely impressed. “You’re not kidding, are you?”

“I’ll give you forty for each ticket.”

Eyebrows shooting up, Hanji paused only a moment before slipping the tickets into the chest pocket on Levi’s shirt. “Deal.” Money was the only way to shut people up nowadays.

After shelling out the eighty lousy dollars for the tickets, Hanji headed off to sign out for the day. Before she left, though, she called over her shoulder, “I would have taken thirty for the lot.”

“Go to hell,” Levi called fondly after her.

“Meet you there,” Hanji managed to rebut before turning the corner.

Turning the tickets over in his hand, Levi took a moment to read the printed label. The concert was in less than three hours. It was a good thing he had actually wrapped up his charts for the day, because if he had any hope of arriving on time, he needed to go home and change. He wasn’t the classiest man on earth, but Levi knew better than to turn up at the Metropolitan Concert Hall in nurse scrubs. Before heading home, though, Levi stopped by the 6th ward to make sure the brats were all behaving. Also, he had someone to pick up.

“Oi, brat!”

All six of the 6th ward patients turned around.

“Er – specifically Eren. All other brats at ease,” Levi clarified.

Excusing himself from the others, Eren met Levi in the hallway. “What’s new?”

“We’re leaving,” Levi said, already walking away from the 6th ward so that Eren had to scramble to catch up. “I’ve got to change and we have somewhere to be.”

“What’s the rush? Are we late for something?”

“We’re going to be if you don’t hurry up.”

Eren managed to make it all the way back to Levi’s apartment without asking again about what they were supposedly going to be late to. It was really quite impressive for him. Putting the brat out of his misery, Levi finally informed him shortly, “Hanji gave me some tickets for the Metropolitan Orchestra. I assume you’re in.”

“Aw yeah,” Eren celebrated, pumping his fist in the air. “Another thing off my kicked-the-bucket list.”

Levi pointed sternly at the couch. “Now pipe the fuck down and wait for me to put something halfway decent on. Not all of us are excused from public judgment.”

Eren sat obediently on the couch. The dog metaphor sprang again into Levi’s mind and he had to resist the urge to laugh. Eren was a better dog than most actual dogs were - albeit a dog that Levi occasionally wanted to shove against a wall and make out with. No, that was weird. Bad metaphor. It was complicated.

Luckily, Levi had a tux tucked away in his closet from the many conference formals he was required to attend in the medical field. The one thing that surprised him when he joined up as a nurse was how many social functions and outside conferences they were required to attend. Doctors weren’t the only ones who loved putting on expensive outfits and drinking wine worth more than Levi’s Steinway piano. The suit was still pressed neatly from after his last usage of it, and he was able to pull it on quickly enough and look like it hadn’t taken him a mere ten minutes. His hair was fine, really, but in a last minute decision, Levi slicked his hair straight back. In the mirror he looked more like the younger, vagabond Levi who had defaced countless buildings and plunked out a variety of catchy jazz riffs at middle-class night clubs. His own reflection was weirdly nostalgic.

Checking his bowtie one last time in the mirror, Levi tightened his belt and departed the room, jacket hung loosely over one arm. Eren was staring at the piano again and Levi announced his presence with a simple, “You owe me one for making me put the monkey suit back on.”

Blinking a few times at the sight of Levi not nearly naked or in nurse scrubs, Eren stared unashamedly from Levi’s head to his shoes. “Eyes to yourself, Jaeger,” Levi scoffed, heading to the kitchen for a bit of rum before the performance. So he drank too much – Eren had proved to him that you can bite it any day of the week, so you might as well enjoy what you like here and now. And he enjoyed alcohol. So be it.

Joining him in the kitchen, Eren continued staring at him. “I feel underdressed,” he laughed nervously. “First time seeing a symphony and I show up like I just finished a paint job.”

“Eh,” Levi shrugged, gesturing to Eren’s clothing. “You’re wearing white and black. You look fine.”

“Not as fine as you,” Eren replied easily. Levi’s eyebrows shot upward toward his slicked hairline. It took Eren a few minutes to realize what he had said and his eyes widened visibly. Neither of them said anything but after a few moments of tense silence, Levi couldn’t hold his laughter in. He tried to stifle it with his fist, but it was really no use. Eren joined in, clearly embarrassed, but appreciative of the stupidity of the situation.

“I take anything I ever said about you being smooth back,” Levi sighed, his laughter subsiding.

 

\--

 

Eren may have babbled the whole way to the Met Concert Hall and all throughout the wait in line and even right up until they took their seats, but the second his ass hit that velvet seat, his mouth clacked shut. Levi had to stop himself from glancing around for whatever switch had been flipped to shut him up. Altogether, Levi probably made an odd sight: One man showing up to a concert alone, but with two tickets. It looked like he had been stood up for a date.

As the hall settled into a quiet murmur, Levi glanced at his watch. The performance was due to start in ten minutes and it seemed that most everyone had found his or her seats already. The musicians were already on stage, practicing final excerpts from their music, doing last checks on problem spots, squeaking them out quietly at the tips of their bows so no one man or woman stood out above the rest. It was polite, organized chaos. Very professional. Adjusting himself in his chair, Levi crossed one leg over the other and leaned back into the expensive, comfortable auditorium chair. He glanced over at Eren expecting to see the same, but Eren was perched anxiously at the edge of his seat, leaning forward slightly. Gripping handfuls of his pants where his hands rested, knuckles white, he looked like he was about to witness something incomparable in interest to anything else in the world. Everything about his demeanor suggested intense discomfort or anxiety except for the corner of his mouth that was turned up in a reflex of pure joy. It was just a smirk, but Levi tried to remember if he had ever seen Eren look so happy. Levi decided that he probably hadn’t.

Eren turned suddenly toward Levi and Levi didn’t know how to react to being caught staring. He decided just to continue staring. Backing down from a challenge wasn’t really in his vocabulary – in that sense, Eren and Levi were actually quite similar. Eren’s smirk only widened, though, and he flashed Levi a thumbs up and a toothy grin. Levi intended to roll his eyes, but a smirk flashed across his face as he did so, making the dismissive gesture less antagonistic than he had intended.

The lights in the hall dimmed to near darkness, while the lights on stage intensified, illuminating every player and their various instruments. In less than a few seconds, the entire audience fell into a respectful silence. While the conductor, a portly, short man with a thick, grey mustache and very little hair on his head, walked briskly up to the center of the stage, Levi flicked through the program he had been given. Beethoven’s 7th symphony was last on the program. Come to think of it, Levi hadn’t told Eren that his favorite symphony was being performed at this concert. Levi smirked. Oops.

With little grandeur or ceremony, the conductor plunged into Siegfried’s Death and Funeral March. Hanji had been right on that point: they were indeed playing Wagner on this concert. Levi preferred to listen to classical music through the haze of near-sleep, but this one was a little difficult to sleep to. The next one, though, was quite pleasant to doze along with. An elegant woman had made an appearance onstage, carrying an equally elegant cello, to play through a Hyden cello concerto. It was a lovely piece, too, Levi noted. The second movement would have been difficult to stay away during even if Levi had been trying. Before he drifted off, though, he took the time to glance over at Eren. He was still at the edge of his seat, but his hands were relaxed, fingers tapping lightly with the maestro’s movements. There were a few other pieces that the orchestra breezed through, Eren gaping as if he were watching a magic show.

It was when they started the first movement of Beethoven’s 7th, though, that Levi began paying close attention to Eren. From the second the first punctuated chord rang out and into the seconds afterward where the clarinet and French horn took over the smooth, underlying melody, Eren’s whole being relaxed. Levi had expected him to tense up in surprise, but it had a calming effect on the wired brat’s excitement. He let his eyes flutter closed and finally leaned back into the chair, sagging into its plush back.

It wasn’t until the second movement, though, that Eren refocused his attention. Within seconds of the somber march-like tune, Eren was crying. Well, perhaps it wasn’t crying, but he was leaking. He had a small smile on his face, but tears were tracking openly down his face. These did not stop until the end of the second movement. Against his better judgment, Levi leaned over and whispered, “That was the one I was supposed to shut up for, right?”

Wiping unashamedly at the lines of tears down his cheeks, still smiling, Eren whispered back, “That was the one.”

“Fucking pansy,” Levi snickered. Being an asshole was too much fun.

Eren elbowed him hard in the side. “Shut the fuck up,” he whispered back, still smiling.

The symphony finished on a grand note, as most do, and the auditorium erupted into applause. Eren didn’t applaud or stand, though. He just sat there. And so, as the applause finally died down and everyone began to file out, Levi sat there, waiting for whatever Eren was waiting for. Eventually it was just the two of them and some bow-tied attendants, sweeping trash into dustbins and recovering lost items. Luckily, Levi wasn’t really in a hurry. His eyelids began to droop, but he still sat in that chair waiting for Eren to leave or for the attendants to kick him out.

“Thanks,” Eren finally said.

Levi started from his light doze and shook his head minutely, trying to dispel his tiredness. “Hmm?”

Eren shrugged. “Thanks.”

Levi snorted. “No philosophical wisdom? No witty observation?”

“What else is there to say?”

Considering the question, Levi gestured vaguely at the stage. “I don’t know, you always have something to say about everything.”

“Nope, I’m good,” Eren concluded, standing up.

Levi eyed him suspiciously, but Eren only offered Levi his hand. Levi declined the help. “I’m not that old.”

“You fell asleep during the Hyden concerto.”

Levi became defensive. “So? I was enjoying it from behind my eyelids.”

Eren rolled his eyes. “Alright, lets get you home before you enjoy the drive home from behind your eyelids.”

Levi chuckled, finally accepting Eren’s offered hand. “I don’t think that would end in very much enjoyment.” Eren hauled him to his feet and the two of them departed the auditorium in companionable silence.

 

\--

 

Upon arriving back to Levi’s apartment, Levi headed directly to the Steinway piano standing regally in the corner of his living room. Without explanation, he plunked down on a few keys as if testing the waters, then broke out into an alternatively slow, waltzy jazz piece and his own upbeat flair. It had been a while since he had played, but if you were good enough, music was like riding a bike - you never really forgot. Jazz wasn’t an exact science anyways. There wasn’t a particular reason Levi decided to get back on that bike, but somehow it just felt right. The music flowed, and it felt good. In quick mental flashes he found himself back in a younger body, a cigarette hanging from his mouth as he pounded on a cheap, battered piano in some hotel bar, a meagerly supplied tip jar at his elbow. Just as quickly, though, he was back in that lonely apartment, the Steinway celebrating its use after all of the years of abandonment it had suffered.

When the hell had he become so old?

Levi picked off the last few notes, ending on a sullen, repetitious beat that trailed off into the darkness, leaving him sitting alone at that damn piano, older than he remembered and generally upside-down feeling. What he really wanted was a cigarette. He hadn’t wanted one of those in decades.

“You told me you weren’t good,” Eren pouted beside him.

Levi started. Up until that point, he had been unaware that Eren was sitting beside the piano bench on the floor, temple resting against the hard wood of the bench. Scooting over, Levi patted the bench beside him. “Anyone can pound out a jazz tune. It’s about genuinely not giving a shit. And if I do say so myself, that’s the one thing I am the best at.”

Eren laughed, clambering onto the bench beside him. It felt good to make him laugh.

“You, though? You care too much. Jazz wouldn’t be your thing,” Levi continued thoughtfully. “Explains why you like classical music. Everyone who can play for spit, though, has one song they know like the back of their hand. You know what I’m talking about. Your go-to song. What is it?”

Eren responded automatically, “Moonlight Sonata, first movement.”

Levi knew the piece vaguely. “Beethoven. Should have figured. Is there something between you and him that I need to know about? Because, I thought we were friends. You should really tell your friends these things,” he teased. For whatever reason he was in a particularly good mood. Maybe he should play more often.

The smile on Eren’s face was refreshingly childish and erased of the temporary old age that the weight of being mostly dead seemed to hang on him at every hour closer to his actual death. “It’s purely platonic, I assure you.”

“Yeah, alright, kid.” Levi tapped out what he thought the first few notes were. “That’s the one, yeah?” Eren nodded eagerly. “Alright, play it,” Levi commanded. “Let’s hear it.” Eren opened his mouth to decline, but Levi shot him a glare and Eren kept it shut. “Play the damn song, Eren. I’m not getting any younger.”

Eren sighed. “Alright, old man. Keep your hair on.” For a few minutes Eren only stared at the keys, fingers hovering lightly above them, like he was mentally preparing to submerge himself in the piece. When he did start, though, it was about as bad as Levi had claimed to be, except probably more of a lie. His technique was rudimentary and some of his choices with the music were unorthodox, bordering on academically offensive, but it was beautiful because of that, not in spite of it. Eren’s moonlight sonata was angry at times, where no anger had existed in that piece for the typical performer of Beethoven’s popular sonata. It was all so very Eren. Eren never had been able to figure the line between anger and sorrow very well – it was all very blurred for him. It was clear he had never had a proper teacher, much like Levi had not, but it only helped in Eren’s case. His talent wasn’t in the reproduction of the written note, but in the incorporation of his own laments and short, turbulent life.

The notes finally piddled down to the last descending arpeggio and the song fizzled out quietly. Levi didn’t say anything. Neither did Eren for a while.

“I’m pretty bad, huh?” Eren asked shyly. “I could never afford lessons.”

Levi only shook his head. Bad was not one of the words he would use to describe Eren’s playing. It was irresponsibly raw, certainly, and unfairly exposes anyone listening to Eren’s own emotions. But bad? Certainly not.

“Holy shit are you crying?”

Levi had no idea if he was or not, but he wiped the back of his sleeve across his face just in case. “I most certainly the fuck was _not_. Don’t flatter yourself, brat.”

Eren shrugged. “Trick of the light. Sorry.”

“Alright, enough of this amateur hour. I need some sleep,” Levi said resolutely, getting to his feet and heading for his bedroom. “Stay or go, I don’t give a shit,” he called back to Eren.

Ditching his clothes, Levi flopped into bed unceremoniously. A short time after, Eren crept into the room and crawled into the opposite side of the bed, muttering about how old Levi was and early bedtimes and other such nonsense. As Levi drifted off to sleep, though, he felt the familiar warm sensation in his ear and bolted for the bathroom. “What’s your problem?” Eren called after him.

“Gotta take a leak,” Levi lied. In the bathroom he wadded up some paper towels and held them to the small pooling of blood escaping from his left ear. That’s what he had forgotten to do: He had forgotten to talk to Hanji.

Shit.

His ear was the only thing that was wrong, though, so it couldn’t have been anything too terrible. Sure his vision had been blurring a little lately, but that was probably because he was getting older. People’s eyesight just becomes shit when they get old, and that’s a fact. No, he was probably fine.

After cleaning up the blood and flushing the evidence down the toilet, Levi washed his hands and crawled back into bed wearily.

“Control your bladder, gramps,” Eren mumbled, already invading Levi’s side of the bed.

“Control your mouth, brat,” he grumbled back, moving a little closer to the center of the bed than usual. He had just gotten used to being unusually cold when he slept anyways. If that brat was going to be up in his business, he might as well not delay the inevitable. Eren didn't even wait until either of them were asleep before huddling into Levi's significantly warmer body. Normally, Levi would have prodded at the brat, teased him and embarrassed him, but tonight he just kind of let it happen. Tomorrow was a new day anyways. He could be an asshole tomorrow. His brain whirled with the plodding arpegios of Eren's surprisingly angry version of the Moonlight Sonata, and haunted his dreams and nighttime musings.

 

\--

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much more for me to say. I have no idea what I'm doing with Eren and Levi's relationship, I don't have any idea, don't ask me. They don't know either. I don't even care that I don't care.
> 
> Sorry if the music bored you. We're gonna get back into some of the Ward's other affairs next chapter, I just wanted my music chapter, damnit.
> 
> Love you all, be well, obey traffic laws, do one random act of kindness per day, and stay in school.
> 
> Cheers.


	19. Fate is Overrated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of an upbeat chapter here.  
> Avoiding my plot responsibilities as an author, what the hell else is new.  
> Thought I'd give religion a bit of consideration. Not in a positive or negative light. In an agnostic light. Eh, whatever.
> 
> Cheers.

 

_2 months, 0 days_

It was weird, but Levi found himself playing music more than he ever had. After that night when he had sat down to pound out a short jazz bit and Eren had complemented it with a Beethoven sonata, he just couldn’t stop playing. Sometimes Eren would come and go and Levi wouldn’t get up from that damn piano. It gave him an odd nostalgia for the days when he was wilder, and simultaneously made him feel too old and much, much younger than he currently was. Whatever the reason, Levi just let it happen.

Of course, Eren let it slip to the 6th ward brats that Levi was a jazz pianist (albeit a mediocre one) and they demanded proof. Levi would have been happy to forego the proof and let them believe it was a lie, but Eren was insistent. It wasn’t really worth arguing over, anyways.

“Let’s go,” Levi said shortly, striding purposefully away from the 6th ward, the brats clambering at his heels and following close behind him.

“He can’t play,” Connie said, not sounding entirely convinced of his own assertion. “He has no soul.  Jazz is about soul.”

“Maybe he has no soul because it all goes into his playing,” Sasha offered kindly. “Why would Eren lie about that?”

Connie didn’t have a good answer, but followed silently as Levi led them to a cheap, battered piano in the corner of the 3rd ward lounge. Without any sense of introduction, Levi sat at the piano and tapped a few notes out on the yellowed keys. It was noticeably flat, but Levi had played on much worse during his days as a pianist for hire.

 And he played.

It was a quick, lively tune that pulled the corner of his mouth up in a half smirk as it danced around him.

Simple, yet effective.

When he finished the final scattered scale downward to a short, low ending note, he rose quickly and left for the 6th ward, not waiting for the brats to comment on his small performance or catch up with him. Heading back to the 6th ward, he found himself quite alone. The brats hadn’t followed him. Weird.

In fact, he was halfway through Reiner’s chart before they tumbled into the room, talking over each other in disjointed remarks of wonder and speculation.

“Well, damn if I wasn’t wrong,” Connie said above the din, grinning roguishly at Levi. “You _do_ have a soul. Heart _and_ soul, if you don’t mind the reference.”

Levi didn’t even look up from the chart. “I mind.”

“You haven’t played that one yet,” Eren remarked, standing beside Levi.

Looking up from the chart, Levi noted the sincere look of pride on Eren’s face. Honestly, he wasn’t that good. “That’s the thing about improv,” he returned critically. “It’s never the same. That is the _actual_ definition, kid.”

Eren didn’t let the prodding get to him. “It was nice.”

Grunting in response, Levi finished Reiner’s chart and flipped to Bertolt’s.

“Did you take lessons when you were young?” Bertolt asked, a similar look of adoration on his face.

Levi shook his head. “No.”

Reiner nodded appreciatively. “I could tell. Not that it was bad,” he amended quickly. “You just have that loose, unstructured style about you. It was great.”

“Uh, thanks,” Levi said quietly, trying a little too hard to appear absorbed in his paperwork.

While Levi did not participate in further conversation about his talents, he couldn’t help but listen as they all praised his abilities and discussed their own. Levi hated moments like that; sometimes they seemed like a bunch of ghosts waiting to pass over, but other times they seemed like real kids with real hopes and real lives. And that sucked most. These kids weren’t dead – not really.

Bertolt was insisting that he didn’t have any talents, but the others were pressing him for any hobbies or jobs that he participated in besides teaching. They finally drew it out of him that he had been an alter boy as a child and volunteered at a non-denominational church on his weekends as an adult. Of course he did – Bertolt was predictably selfless like that.

“It’s not a big deal,” Bertolt insisted, blushing slightly. “We’re just a small place not far from here. It’s quiet and there’s always someone on staff to talk to. We get a lot of agnostic people and folks who have problems with organized religion. I just like the quiet,” he added, seemingly embarrassed about his pastime.

“You’re too good for any of us,” Reiner lamented.

“Yeah, man, you gotta watch out for your mortal soul,” Connie teased. “I mean, Sasha and I are definitely headed for hell. Maybe you should limit your exposure to our heathen ways.”

“Speak for yourself,” Sasha protested. “I’m a great person.”

Rolling his eyes, Connie attempted a look of patience. “Yeah, well I’m not, and I can tell you that the real party is in hell. You think the fun people go to heaven? No offense Bertolt,” he added. “You’re alright.”

“Yeah, well maybe I want to wear cool angel togas and strum harps and shit,” Sasha pouted. “You’re going to be hanging out with politicians and murderers. Well, at least politicians for sure.”

“But you won’t leave me alone down there.” Connie grinned slyly. “If I know you, you’d rather be raising hell than looking down on it.”

Sasha shrugged innocently. “The man knows me.”

“I feel like I should probably be spending more time in church now that I’m dying,” Reiner said thoughtfully. “You know what I mean?”

The brats looked at him like they really didn’t know what he meant.

Reiner hurried to explain himself. “Like, you know how old people suddenly become super religious because they know that they’re dying? We’re in basically the same boat. If you were tied to a railroad and saw a train coming, what’s the first thing you would do?”

“Cry,” Sasha offered.

“Die,” Connie said sincerely.

Bertolt was the only one following. “Pray.”

Reiner turned toward Bertolt, relieved someone had picked up on his scenario. “Exactly! Even if you don’t believe in anything specific, you pray. It’s just what people do.”

“So we should be praying?” Eren asked skeptically. “Isn’t it a little late for that?”

Reiner shrugged. “Maybe. Isn’t it worth a try, though? A little self-reflection?”

“We could go to my church, if you want,” Bertolt offered. “It’s tiny, but kind of homey in a way.”

And so, somehow, they all agreed to go to church. The church didn’t hold mass or services of any sort: it was just a place for silent prayer and guidance, should you seek out whoever was on staff at the time. No one was particularly religious, though, except Bertolt, so they were more than okay with that. To Levi it seemed that they were more eager for a field trip than for any kind of sincere, spiritual reflection. But he didn’t really care either way.

The church, Trost Church of Reflection, was much too far away for them to walk to, so of course Levi was stuck driving the brats. His tiny car, though, appeared no match for the six potential passengers. With little choice, Levi packed Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie in the back seat; Connie and Sasha in the trunk (complaining loudly); and Eren in the passenger seat. Sardines were packed with more elbow space than they were. Squeezed in, Levi turned the engine over with a hiccup of exhaust, and they headed out for the small place of worship.

When they finally located the small building, sandwiched between two rival bars, Levi almost doubted it was a church at all. It was thin, tall, and nearly impossible to distinguish from the other buildings.  But sure enough, there was a neat, unassuming sign out front proclaiming the name of the church and the phrase “Open Always”. That was cute.

After spilling from the car, Connie and Sasha arguing loudly about whose elbow had been in whose spleen and what limbs belonged to the other, they began filing into the church. The door was so small that Reiner and Bertolt had to duck inside to avoid collisions with the frame. Inside, though Levi doubted it from the outside, it appeared surprisingly church-like. It was an old building, with creaking wood floors and a slightly sagging ceiling, but it held a sort of old comfort that made you feel like you had been there a thousand times before. There were only a few lines of wooden pews and no pulpit. Where a soapbox for a loud-mouthed preacher or deliverer of sermons should be, there was nothing except a wall of dusty, colorful stained glass windows. There were no religious depictions, though – just designs and landscapes. Nothing about the church spoke to any particular religion or frame of mind. It was quiet and thoughtful, though, and Levi appreciated that.

There was one elderly gentleman with a cap pulled over his face sitting at the back, looking pensively at the stained-glass windows in front of him, eyes glazed over in thought. Other than that, though, there was no one. Bertolt led the way, choosing a seat behind the front row of pews and sitting down lightly, hands folded in front of him. Reiner followed him and sat down next to him, imitating his movements. Sasha and Connie seemed unsure of themselves, but eventually Connie chose a seat in the middle of the row of pews and put his feet up on the pew in front of him, reclining back with his hands behind his head. Sasha joined him in a similarly casual pose of relaxation. Annie had excused herself to the back of the church, opposite the elderly gentleman, hands folded neatly in her lap, eyes cast downward. Eren seemed unsure of himself, but eventually headed to the front of the pews, sitting awkwardly close to the stained-glass windows.

There was no obvious rule for silence, but something about the old place commanded a casual respect of its reflective powers. So, no one raised their voice above a whisper. Connie and Sasha exchanged occasional words, but nothing above short whispered sentences.

“How do we channel Jesus?” Sasha whispered loudly.

“What you don’t have his number?” Connie asked with mock seriousness.

Gesturing around her, Sasha added, “Is this something that normal people learn how to do before adulthood?”

“I don’t know, I think you get points for trying. Just shut the hell up and think holy thoughts.”

Levi hadn’t really planned on ending up at a church at any point in his adult life, so he wasn’t exactly sure what to do with himself. After milling about awkwardly for a few minutes, he felt a hand on his shoulder. When he spun around, though, prepared to attack or shout at whoever had touched him, he fell silent. A plump old man with wild , wavy grey hair and a bushy mustache above his thick lips was smiling disarmingly at him.

“Sorry, sir. I didn’t intend to alarm you,” the man said apologetically. “You just seem lost. Have you been here before?”

“Er, no,” Levi managed. “I’m not much of a church kind of guy.”  
The man smiled. “Neither am I.” He held out a thick hand for Levi to shake. “Rex,” he offered. “I’m on staff today.”

Levi accepted the hand. “Levi. Just dropping by for a few friends.”

They were conversing in hushed tones so as not to disturb the thoughts of those in the church, which Levi knew to be more than just the gentleman in the corner. Rex wouldn’t have known that, though.

“Praying for some friends?” Rex asked kindly.

Levi weighed the question. “In a way.”

“You don’t believe in any god,” Rex pointed out. It wasn’t even a question.

It wasn’t inaccurate, though. “Doesn’t seem practical,” Levi chuckled lightly. “I have much more proof to the contrary.”

“Sounds like you have it all figured out.” Rex smiled happily at him. “I’m jealous.”

Shaking his head, ruefully, Levi returned, “Don’t be,” trying not to sound as tired as he felt. “It’s a nice place, though. If all churches were like this, I’d probably go. Hell, I’d live in one. Then maybe people would give me some peace and quiet.”

If at all possible, Rex’s smile grew wider. “Noisy friends,” he mused. “You sound like you love them a lot.”

Levi stared at the backs of the brats gathered in the pews. “They’re such a pain,” he laughed. “I hardly get any sleep.” Rex didn’t say anything, but Levi had the weirdest desire to confide in the short, sincere man. “They’re all dead,” he said simply.

If Rex was confused by the confession, he didn’t show it. “That must be hard.”

“Yeah,” Levi said softly. “It’s hard. They don’t deserve it.”

Shaking his head like Levi was a confused child, Rex wheezed out a small laugh. “Deserve? Should you reserve such judgment for something that happens to everyone? Everyone dies. What’s to deserve?”

“Yeah, but they didn’t deserve it _yet._ ”

Rex shrugged. “You need to change your view of death, son,” he said kindly. “If you want to go around thinking death is some black, inescapable void, then your heart will become one. Don’t be so obsessed with the endgame.”

“Endings suck,” Levi murmured. “Eren was right.”

“Yeah, they probably do if you think endings are important,” Rex mused. “What if the ending isn’t important, though? What if you just think it’s really neat that you existed and interacted and laughed and lived and loved?”

Levi indicated his confusion with his eyebrows.

Rex nodded, continuing. “When you pass away and you’re gone, what will people say about you? If it were a book, they would spend tens or even hundreds of thousands of words saying everything good and bad about you. But what do they say about your death? They will probably spare only a handful of words to it. What more is there to say but ‘He died’? It only indicates that there is nothing more to say.”

“I wish I was half as optimistic as you,” Levi snorted.

“Are you afraid to die?” Rex was considering him seriously, head cocked to one side.

Levi was going to respond smartly, but something about the question caught him off guard. “You know, Rex, I used to be.”

Rex raised his eyebrows. “What happened?”

Smiling at the stupidity of it all, Levi shook his head slightly. “I’m not really sure. Maybe I’ve just been doing a lot of living lately.” He paused. “Damn if that’s not the most disgusting thing I’ve ever said.”

Rex’s smile had turned into a full-blown grin, his teeth shining in the dull light of the church. “Case in point.”

“What happens when we die?”

“Whatever you want to happen, Levi,” Rex said seriously. “Anything. Everything. Nothing. Who cares?”

“I have six people who I think care very much,” Levi sighed, watching the sunlight drift lazily through the glass, suspending dust in the air.

“No one has the answer to that. We get some indeterminable amount of time to do as much or as little as we like, and then we’re done. Regret is a weak man’s game,” he said sternly, wagging a finger at Levi.

Levi eyed him skeptically. “Death doesn’t matter?”

“There are literally billions of things to worry about in your life, and you’re worried about the one thing that you have no control over? You’ll drive yourself insane.”

That seemed to satisfy Levi at least. “Fair enough.”

Excusing himself, Rex left Levi standing there alone, mildly confused, but a little more peaceful than he had been in a while. The old man had a point. Having more or less time didn’t actually matter in the grand scheme of things. It was like that dumb philosophical question: if you could know exactly when you were going to die, would you want to know?

You’re supposed to say no.

 Levi knew why.

Working up to an end sucked, but working until an end was gratifying. Weird how life happens that way.

He wasn’t exactly sure how much time they spent in that church, but by the time they all filed out, the sun was dipping below the horizon behind a pleasant pink and orange stretch of clouds. And, though Levi had no idea what they had gained from the trip, the brats seemed happier. Connie and Sasha were joking about how dying was better than having to return to work, and the others had a satisfied glow about them. For some reason, the world was alright that day. It might not be tomorrow, but today it was.

They were dead, but it was alright.

 

\--

 

_1 month, 29 days_

“I’m telling you Levi, I think we’re close,” Erwin boasted.

Levi hadn’t really been paying attention to the conversation Erwin had forced on him, but having just tuned in, he was mildly curious as to what he had missed. Erwin liked to show up out of the blue and discuss hospital business with Levi like he actually cared.

“The judge sees it our way, I can just tell. I mean, the state isn’t really putting up a fight. No one wants to keep a few forgotten adults on life-support forever. It’s just depressing.”

“In the 6th?” Levi asked, finally catching up to the conversation.

Erwin nodded emphatically. “Yeah, those three wards of the state who have been here forever. We’re getting a judgment later this afternoon on whether we can end life support for them. I’d bet good money that it will go our way.”

Levi wasn’t exactly sure what to feel. His gut instinct was to feel panicked or sad, but all he managed was a kind of relief. When he conjured up Bertolt, Reiner, and Annie’s faces in his mind, all he could remember was the melancholic smiles on their faces each time someone else was allowed to rest. They had been there so long, that it was less upsetting than Levi would have imagined.

“That’s,” he began, pausing to consider. “That’s good,” He finally said, deciding that it actually was good.

“Yeah,” Erwin agreed. “I think so too.”

“Thanks Erwin,” Levi added. “For doing that for them.”

A little confused, but appreciative of the thanks, Erwin nodded.

 

\--

 

Eren joined Levi as he was watering the Redbud tree on the north lawn.

Levi glanced over at his arrival, but said nothing. After a while, though, Levi couldn’t help but ask, “Did you talk to God?”

Eren shrugged. “I had to leave a voicemail. I think he’s kind of busy.”

Smirking, Levi switched the hose to his other hand. “Probably.” After a moment of content silence, Levi added, “Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie’s court case was decided. Erwin is allowed to pull them off life support when the paperwork gets finalized.”

“I know,” Eren said lightly. “They overheard Erwin on the phone.”

Levi snorted. “Why am I always the last to find out about this stuff?”

“It wasn’t a big deal,” Eren shrugged. “I think it’s a relief more than anything.”

“Death’s not that big of a deal, I guess,” Levi mused aloud.

Nodding thoughtfully, Eren considered the early night sky. “I guess not. I don’t think I’m actually scared of dying. It’s just the mystery of it all.”

“Yeah, I get that.”

Levi turned the hose off and the two of them stood there, admiring the healthy young tree. It was recovering well from its affliction and seemed to be adapting to the environment nicely. “Will you be sad when I die?” Eren asked earnestly. It was childish, but Levi decided not to call him out on it.

“Probably. Lord knows why,” he added fondly.

Eren nodded resolutely. “Okay.”

“Just okay?”

Rubbing the back of his head sheepishly, Eren shrugged. “Yeah. Apparently I did enough to make people miss me. And really, if I were to do it all again, I’m not sure I would change a damn thing. I think that’s all I needed.” He laughed. “I’m kind of selfish that way.”

“Yeah, who the hell is gonna miss _me_?” Levi teased. “You assholes won’t be around.”

Eren chuckled. “Sorry about that.”

“I’m gonna miss you kid,” Levi repeated begrudgingly.

“Sorry about that too.”

Levi punched Eren’s shoulder lightly. “You better be.”

Rubbing his shoulder, Eren sighed. “Yeah. Are you afraid to die?”

That was the second time he had been asked that today. He felt more sure of his answer this time, though. Patting the redbud tree’s healthy trunk, Levi shook his head casually. “I guess not. You’re right: what the hell else would I have done differently? Hindsight is 20-20, so it’s easy to panic and worry about all the shit you didn’t do. But the real treat in life is not knowing when you’re going to drop. Schedules are boring. Fate is overrated. Just fuck the plans and go with it, I guess.”

Eren smiled. “I like that. Fate is overrated.”

The stars were twinkling happily in the early evening sky and Levi couldn’t help but smile. “Maybe being so damn insignificant in the universe is what makes it all so fun. Who the hell do we have to answer to?”

“Maybe,” Eren agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like we're heading toward the end of the story soon. Oh boy!  
> And by soon, I mean in like, a handful of chapters maybe? I'll let you know as we get closer. Damn, I have 3 potential endings in mind and it's hard choosing any of them. But considering apparently I have made you guys cry a lot (as much as i was trying NOT to), maybe I just owe you a happier ending? Or not. Hehehe. You can handle it.
> 
> I'll decide soon here which direction I want to head in.
> 
> Enjoy your evening, folks. Much love.
> 
> Cheers.


	20. Lawyers and Bourbon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't actually have much to say here...  
> Uh, just I guess if you ever want to get into contact with me, feel free to shoot me a line on tumblr. I'd be happy to answer any questions or just shoot the breeze with y'all. I guess I can also track the tag '6th ward fic'.  
> Well, here's your chapter.
> 
> Cheers.

\--

 

_1 month, 22 days_

 

“The state’s witness is present. Supervising physician present. Witness for the hospital?”

“Here,” Levi acknowledged, barely raising his hand in recognition.

The lawyer nodded curtly, signing off on various papers and rifling through stacks of papers filled with legal jargon. The proceedings for Annie, Bertolt, and Reiner’s death were much more formal than the previous deaths had been. In the days leading up to their shut-down, the 6th ward had been in an elevated sort of mood. Clearly the three wards of the state were relieved by the legal decision, so the others decided to just go with it. The papers had all been signed, and a severe looking woman in a business suit, toting an expensive looking briefcase, had appeared before them to watch Erwin cease life support for the three. Levi was there as a witness for the hospital, Erwin was the supervising physician, and the lawyer was the state’s witness. It was all very orderly.

Connie, Sasha, and Eren were standing politely next to the other three, like they were all waiting for some formal graduation ceremony. And that’s kind of what it felt like. Reiner and Bertolt, and to a degree, Annie even, looked hopeful and eager to be done. The only thing that could have made the whole situation more like some fucked up college graduation would have been caps and gowns. It was all they were missing. Well, that and an independent pulse.

“Present acquaintances or friendly relations?”

Erwin raised his eyebrows at the lawyer. “Any what?”

Pursing her lips condescendingly, the lawyer clarified. “Are there any friends of the wards here to offer their witness?”

Levi raised his hand again. “Here.”

Power-suit gave him a withering look. “You’re a witness for the hospital, sir.”

“And a friend,” Levi insisted, glaring at the standoffish woman.

“Is that so?” She muttered rhetorically. “Very well. You may proceed on the hour,” She said, glancing at her watch.

Levi imitated the action, reading his own watch and finding it to be four minutes until the hour. “Four minutes,” he announced. Erwin gave him an odd look. They all had watches. The brats didn’t though.

Beyond caring what others thought of him, Levi spoke to the deceptively empty room. “Anything we should know before you bite it?”

Erwin looked baffled, but elected to keep his mouth shut. The lawyer sighed impatiently, looking out the window.

“Yeah,” Reiner said firmly. “I just gotta say, to number 44, Offensive Lineman Richards, that was one hell of a tackle.” He laughed good-naturedly. “It was an honor,” he added, holding up an imaginary glass in recognition of the player that had taken him out of commission.

Bertolt shrugged happily. “I was never very good with this kind of thing. It’s been fun, though,” he offered. “See you on the other side, maybe?”

“No way,” Connie laughed. “But if you want to drop us a line, ring up Hell and ask for Springer and Blause.”

“And Jaeger,” Eren snickered. “Let’s be real.”

Bertolt took each of their hands in succession, clasping them warmly before pulling each one of them into a quick hug. For Levi, though, he just laid a hand on his shoulder with a quiet, “Thanks Levi.”

One corner of his mouth upturned at the sentiment and Levi gave a single nod.

Reiner made his rounds next, pulling each of them into a bone-crushing hug, lifting them a few inches off of the ground, much to Connie’s protest. Similar to Bertolt, though, he only spared Levi a single clap on the shoulder and a nod of thanks.

The clock was ticking. “Any final words for us Annie?” Reiner jested.

Annie smiled lightly. “It was good, wasn’t it?”

“Being dead?” Sasha asked critically.

For the first time, Annie laughed lightly, so much so that it was easy to believe you had imagined it. “Everything,” she sighed. “Everything was good.”

Eren grinned at her. “Everything was good. It still is.”

She didn’t say anything else, but was unable to hide the faint smile that lingered on her features.

“Look us up if there’s an afterlife,” Reiner laughed. “And if not, well then it’s been a hell of a run.”

And that’s all that was said. Erwin clicked off each of the two monitors for the three wards in quick succession and within seconds, it was like they had never been there at all. Sasha cried a bit, while Connie scolded her for being such a baby, but Levi suspected that they weren’t exactly tears of sadness.

“Ah, leave her,” Levi chuckled when Erwin and the impatient woman had departed to retrieve morgue staff. “Being okay with what happened doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to cry.”

Connie frowned. He didn’t understand. Sasha wiped at her tears, an appreciative smile on her face.

Levi laughed at the two. “No one asked you not to cry, Sasha. They didn’t ask you to not be sad either.”

Finally seeming to understand, Connie shrugged apologetically. “Oh, you’re probably right as usual,” he grumbled.

“Uh, Levi,” Eren said suddenly, a panicked expression etched onto his features. He was gesturing at Levi’s nose.

Looking down, Levi noticed the small drops of red dripping gently onto his shirt. “Ah, shit,” he muttered, reaching up to staunch the flow of blood from his nose. “Pick an orifice for crying out loud,” he complained through the small stream of incriminating liquid. Rifling through a drawer beside one of the beds, Levi found a few individually wrapped gauze packets, and tore them all open. Crumpling them into one large ball, he held the wad up to his nose, willing the nosebleed to run its course as quickly as possible.

“Tilt your head back,” Connie instructed.

Levi glared at him. “That could kill me, you moron.”

“Wow,” Connie laughed. “All those times, my mom was trying to kill me, apparently. You think you know a woman.”

“Go grab me a towel, would you?” Levi asked, hoping to get the brats to leave. He hated being stared at. Unfortunately, only Sasha and Connie scrambled off. Eren remained, an accusatory look plastered on his concerned features. “Oh, don’t start, brat.”

“You talked to Hanji, didn’t you?”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Of course I did.” He wasn’t going to admit that it had completely slipped his mind. “It’s fine,” he insisted.

“Yeah, you look great,” Eren challenged.

Levi frowned. “Well this wouldn’t have happened if-“ he was cut off by a sneeze that arrested his speech and took him by complete surprise. In a gruesome show of the destructive force of a sneeze, Levi spewed red across the floor. “God fucking damnit.”

Eren’s eyes were wide and he was pulling at his hair frantically. “Holy shit that’s so fucking gross! Are you dying?” He was torn between being mortified and terrified.

The panicked brat was starting to make Levi panic too, even though he knew it had just been a sneeze. “Get a grip! I just sneezed.”

Pacing anxiously, Eren continued pulling at his hair. “I think your brain just came out your nose. Oh my god, I think-“

Levi arrested his frantic movement by grabbing the front of Eren’s shirt and pulling him down forcibly so they were on eye level, only inches apart. “Eren,” he said darkly. Eren’s eyes were wide, but he kept his mouth firmly shut. “Shut your mouth.” Nodding, Eren remained silent. “I sneezed. It’s a nosebleed. Get me some more goddamn gauze before the morgue staff come up and think I killed someone in here.”

Finally able to gather his wits, Eren searched the other drawers in the room, coming back with a few handfuls of small gauze packages. He ripped these open and formed a large handful of the absorptive tissue. Levi made to take it from him, but Eren knocked his hand away, grabbed Levi’s chin in a rare show of force, and held the gauze there himself. Levi glared at him, but Eren only glared back. He wasn’t going to win this one.

After nearly a minute of silence, Eren asked quietly, “Do you want me to look under the bed and make sure your brain didn’t end up there?”

It was so dumb, but Levi snorted into the gauze, causing Eren to recoil a bit in disgust. “Gross, Levi. Holy shit, stop.”

“You started it,” Levi returned, his voice comically nasal.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Staring into Eren’s oddly hypnotic green eyes, Levi decided to play it off. The kid was too easy to lie to. “Yeah. Hanji said it’s normal.” Well, she hadn’t – but he would make a point to seek her out soon. It wasn’t that big of a lie.

Seemingly satisfied with the response, Eren released Levi’s chin and finally allowed him to hold the gauze there himself. The bleeding had pretty much subsided by the time Connie and Sasha dashed in with arm-fulls of toilet paper. “We couldn’t find a towel,” Sasha babbled, offering the tangle of toilet paper to the two.

“This was all we could find,” Connie finished.

Levi narrowed his eyes. “My nose is bleeding, not my ass. Where the fuck were you?”

Sasha’s eyes widened. “Do you have any idea how long it takes to unroll three rolls of toilet paper?”

Eren sounded bewildered. “Why the hell didn’t you just bring the rolls back?”

Connie and Sasha exchanged a long glance full of regret.

“Just leave me to die,” Connie said glumly, dropping the pile of toilet paper on the floor. “I’ve finally hit the actual limit of human stupidity. We can retire now, Sasha. Nothing we ever do from this point on will be as unintelligent as we have proven ourselves in this moment.”

“Don’t you dare make Levi laugh again,” Eren warned, trying to stifle his own laughter. “It’s so fucking gross.”

“Oi! I didn’t ask for this,” Levi shot back. “Mind your own fucking business.”

It was too late, though. The other three brats were lost to their own laughter.

 

\--

 

_1 month, 20 days_

 

Eren was improving a lot. Every time he sat down at Levi’s beautiful Steinway, the note patterns became more solid, the swells more emotional, and the dips in melody and harmony more pleasing. Levi had never been much of a fan of classical music, but listening to Eren play was alright. Some nights Levi would sit stubbornly at the piano for hours, swinging in and out of different jazz patterns, twisting the chords and solos around like a conversation. Other nights, though, Eren would kick him from the seat and work out varying sonatas and etudes, as would be prescribed by any classical musician. Levi had a lot of spare music, though he never played from it, and Eren was able to go off of that. On nights when Eren was playing, Levi would sit on the comfortable old leather couch, calling soft criticisms and constructive advice while he drank too much. The advice was pretty good until when - or if - he hit a sixth or seventh drink.

Often times, he would fall asleep on that couch waiting for Eren to let up with the music. Always, he’d wake up with a blanket and the lights turned off politely. It was a shame Eren couldn’t have a proper teacher, but Levi secretly worried that academic tutelage would ruin the raw emotion and interpretation that Eren brought to the normally stuffy music.

“Kid, ease up as you go down that scale there, you’re losing a lot of its charm,” Levi drawled from the couch. “You don’t need to play so damn angrily all the time.”

Eren jerked his hands off of the keys like he had harmed the music somehow. “Oh, uh, right.” He started back up again, repeating the offending passage, but with Levi’s advice taking shape in a gentler interpretation.

“Yeah, that’s better,” Levi said, nodding with the resuming music. “Save it for the next movement. Then you can be angry.”

So, Eren saved it for the next passage. Levi never got up from the couch when Eren played, or studied him particularly intently, but the music was shockingly angry. Levi turned around curiously, eyeing the brat’s back. Eren’s shoulders were tensed and he kept hovering above the bench slightly at the ferocity with which he was banging on the keys.

“Oi! Easy does it kid!”

Eren stopped suddenly, aware that he had been abusing the piano. After a moment of tense silence, Eren slumped onto the keyboard, his forehead dropping down onto the keys, creating a dissonant chord of mismatched notes.

“What’s your deal?” Levi asked, getting up from the couch.

“Bad day,” Eren mumbled, his forehead still resting dejectedly on the keys.

Making his way to the piano, Levi leaned on it tiredly.

Great.

Feelings.

Maybe if he didn’t ask why it had been a bad day, Eren would drop it.

“Mikasa and Armin visited earlier. My medical bills are destroying them. Without my income at the construction site, they’re a little bit screwed. My insurance was shit.”

Well, so much for dropping it. “Why aren’t you covered by worker’s compensation?” Levi wondered.

“I wasn’t wearing my damn hardhat,” Eren groaned. “Ergo, not their problem.”

Levi considered the situation practically. “Well, you know what they say about insurance: it’s just a bet that you’ll spend far more money on it than you’ll ever see back in return.”

Eren snorted. “What happens if you die young?”

“You win.”

Pulling his head off of the keys, Levi was mildly surprised to see angry tears tracked down his cheeks. Eren was smiling a bit, though, at the joke, and his anger seemed to be subsiding. “This sucks,” Eren said tiredly.

Levi didn’t respond, but pushed him over on the piano bench and sat down next to him, rolling up his sleeves. He dove into an easy jazz rhythm that was simple to improv with and was used in a lot of beginner’s blues themes. He glanced over at Eren. “Play something.”

A bit more of the frustration subsided from Eren’s face. “Huh?”

“I’ve got the chord line, you go for it,” Levi said impatiently, continuing the pattern he had struck up. “Enough of this classical shit for now. Time to let go of that last fuck you gave,” he hummed.

Concentrating hard, Eren watched Levi’s hands as the chord progression cycled around a few times, committing the pattern to memory. After a while, he prodded gingerly at a few notes that fit in the progression, before diving into a simple improv streak. At first it was infantile and a little bit awkward, but after a few cycles around the progression, Eren picked up on the feel of the tune and was keeping up rather nicely. Levi wasn’t really a team player, but he let it slide this once.

“Oh, come on,” Levi snickered. “Is that really all you’ve got?”

Eren furrowed his brows, a bit annoyed, but filled in his creation with faster riffs and more complicated turns of phrases. He was getting quite good. “You’ve got the easy job, old man,” he muttered.

“When you’re old, you _earn_ the easy job,” Levi chuckled, adding more flair to the baseline. “Alright, cut off at the end of this cycle, eh?”

So at the last sequence in their repetitive chords gesture, Eren slammed out a nice arpeggio that ended abruptly in a neat, but unexpected chord. Without comment, Levi excused himself to the kitchen. He was out of liquor, though, so had to settle for a glass of water. No, scratch that, there was a bit of old bourbon left. Levi drained that into a glass – barely a drink and a half – and turned back to head for his couch, but not before draining more than half of it in one go. Somehow, though, the brat had snuck up on him and when Levi turned around, he slammed into Eren with a grunt of surprise, nearly spilling the last of his alcohol.

“Jesus Christ, Eren-“ he started, but Eren only rolled his eyes and pulled Levi forward by his shirt to close the distance between their mouths. Honestly, it wasn’t half bad. Eren was forceful and a surprisingly confident kisser, leaving Levi little time to take any sort of control over the situation. Unfortunately, though, it was too short. Almost as suddenly as Levi had been pulled forward, he was pushed back lightly.

Eren was shaking his head condescendingly at Levi. “Of course you taste like liquor. Big fucking surprise,” he sighed, turning away to exit the kitchen. “Sorry I surprised you,” he said casually, returning to the piano. “I knew _you_ would never do it,” he added.

Levi stood there awkwardly, clutching the near empty glass in his hand. The sounds of a Bach piano sonata started up again from the living room and Levi mentally replayed what had just happened.

 Well, that had been weird.

Draining the last of the bourbon, Levi dropped the glass in the sink and headed for his couch, this time not being jumped by Eren in the process. “Your interpretation of a Bach mezzo forte sucks,” Levi said sourly, flopping down on the couch.

Eren snorted. “As if.”

“You tasted like dead people,” Levi returned childishly. There was something about Eren’s disapproval of his frequent drinking that pissed him off.

Shoulders shaking with mirth, Eren stayed facing the keys. “I didn’t say I disliked it,” Eren laughed.

Levi narrowed his eyes at the back of Eren’s head. Punk-ass kid wouldn’t even look at him. “Yeah, neither did I.”

“You should have seen your face,” Eren said slyly, not ceasing in the sonata he was polishing.

God damnit.

“Practice your fucking sonata,” Levi snapped. “You sound awful.”

“I think it’s past your bedtime,” Eren returned seriously. “You get cranky past midnight.”

Levi didn’t respond, but did the next worse thing, which was falling asleep on that goddamn couch like it really was past his bedtime. But, as always, he woke up with a blanket. Oddly enough, Eren was playing a jazz tune when he awoke. Checking his watch, Levi was surprised that it was past three in the morning. Now that Eren could actually sleep, he never usually stayed up much past when Levi fell asleep.

“Sounds good kid,” he called groggily from the couch.

“Can’t sleep,” Eren explained, answering the unasked question. “Sorry I jumped you in the kitchen,” he said as an afterthought.

Levi smirked. “Don’t worry about it. Just warn a guy, eh?”

“Sorry,” Eren repeated lamely.

“I’m not,” Levi chuckled. “Now go the fuck to sleep.”

“Are you going to stay on the couch?” Eren asked quietly, a hint of embarrassment in his voice.

“Do you want me to?”

Turning around from the piano, Eren tried hard not to say “No” as quickly as he did.

Damn. The couch had been really comfortable. With a grunt of exertion, Levi hoisted himself from the couch and retired to his bed, Eren crawling in shortly after. Neither of them were really sure when that arrangement had become solidified, but it’s hard to go back to sleeping alone once you get used to another person’s presence - even if that other person was cold as fuck and a violently clingy sleeper.

 "I think you've turned me onto bourbon, at least," Eren whispered, a quiet, wheezing laughter accompanying the jest.

"You have four seconds to go to sleep before I throw you out the window."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Way to go Eren. Levi's too awkward. I don't know why, but when I read fics where Levi is some smooth, casanova motherfucker it just makes me laugh. Look at him: he's short, angry, and kind of an asshole.
> 
> But anyways, wowow, look how many people read my fic. happy days.  
> Glad you're still here for whatever reason.
> 
> Have a good friday, I updated early so you could go out and party.
> 
> Cheers.


	21. Monsters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some sensitive topics here? Maybe?  
> Whatever.
> 
> BY THE WAY:  
> god bless tumblr user praewsiri for the fan art. it's really neat. check it out: http://praewsiri.tumblr.com/post/63392771188/from-the-6th-ward-by-coldmackerel
> 
> Anyways, enjoy the chapter. Had to post early because i'm on security all night.
> 
> Cheers.

\--

 

_1 month, 15 days_

“So, I have this friend,” Levi began casually. “And he keeps getting these sporadic ear bleeds. But sometimes it’s a nosebleed. Also, his vision might be getting worse? He wanted an opinion, and you’re the least mentally challenged nurse I know. Thoughts?”

Hanji’s face cycled through a variety of confused expressions. “Wait, did you just complement me?”

Of course that was what she latched onto. “Yeah, you’re fucking brilliant, now make with the diagnosis.”

“Uh, well, I mean, I’m not a doctor, you know,” She said critically. “You should tell your friend to see a real doctor.” Her eyes narrowed suddenly. “Wait a minute, you don’t have any friends.”

“Oi!” Levi protested. “I do too. Focus four-eyes. What’s wrong with my friend?”

Hanji shrugged. “Honestly? I have no idea. I would say it’s just something with their eardrum, but the nosebleed leads me to believe it’s something else. It could be nothing, but it could also be a brain thing. I dunno, Levi. Tell your friend to get checked out. Better safe than sorry.”

Levi frowned. That was the exact vague answer he was hoping _not_ to get. He just wanted her to tell him it was normal and it would clear up.

“Have they had any head trauma recently?” Hanji tried.

Levi stared down at the unappetizing lunch that was getting cold in front of him. For whatever reason, they both still tried to eat at the cafeteria even though they had lost their sense of taste for the menu long ago. As for head trauma, I mean, sure he had a scrap with his moronic coworkers a few months back, but that wasn’t exactly recent. “I don’t think so,” Levi said contemplatively.

Pushing her cold food away, Hanji shrugged. “Hard to say, then. Go see a real doctor.”

Levi nodded. “I’ll tell him.” He looked up to see Hanji eyeing him doubtfully.

“Yeah sure,” she sighed. “Tell him. Make sure Levi gets the message too,” she snorted, excusing herself from the table.

Why he even tried to fool Hanji was beyond him. It never worked anyways. But seeing a doctor? That seemed unnecessary. He hadn’t had a bleed in days and he felt relatively fine. Compromising, Levi decided he would talk to Erwin if things got any worse. So far, though, he had seemed mildly better.

Feeling a little bit more confident about the situation, Levi headed back to the 6th ward to close up visiting hours and complete his charts. Now that there were only three brats left in the ward, though, he had significantly less to keep track of paperwork-wise.

Levi checked Connie and Sasha’s room, which was empty except for their lifeless bodies. Checking the window, Levi spotted the two of them climbing one of the larger trees in the patient grove. Now there were a couple of brats who refused to stop living when they had died. They were either incredibly moronic or stronger than all of them. Probably both.

Heading to Eren’s room, Levi noted that the door had been left ajar. It wasn’t necessarily peculiar, but Eren tended to keep the door shut. What was truly odd, though, was that there was a tired looking man in an outdated suit with poorly trimmed facial hair standing over Eren’s body.

“Er,” Levi began awkwardly. “Can I help you sir?”

The man had dull, tired eyes and a worn face that seemed to suggest his life had been made up of a series of disappointments. “What’s wrong with him?” He asked quietly. “Is he dead?”

Somehow the man seemed familiar. “Essentially,” Levi said slowly, studying the man with increasing suspicion. “He’s brain dead, but on life support.”

“I see,” the bedraggled man said shortly. “Does he get other visitors?”

Levi nodded. “He has a family: his adopted sister and their best friend. Do you know Eren, sir?”

A sudden look of intense sadness filled the man’s eyes, but only for a fleeting moment. “I’m his father.” He shook his head like he was trying to rid himself of a memory by force alone. “Well, I used to be. I haven’t really ever been a father. I’m not really sure how to be.”

Making a polite noise of acknowledgement, Levi made his way over to Eren’s bedside.

“I’m an alcoholic,” the man blurted out.

Levi stopped, staring openly at him. “So am I,” Levi returned levelly, trying to dismiss the awkward air.

Mr. Jaeger inhaled sharply. “I shouldn’t be here.” With no further explanation, he stalked off through the doorway and away from the 6th ward.

Standing there clutching a clipboard, Levi couldn’t decide whether to go after him or not. It wasn’t really his place, but the man’s short visit raised a thousand questions and didn’t answer a single one of them. His considerations were cut short, though, when Eren let himself into the room, rubbing absently at the back of his head. “Was someone in my room?” He asked curiously.

Levi stared at him. What was he supposed to say? Yeah kid, the father that ditched you when you were a kid showed up for a grand total of five minutes before running off. “Uh, wrong room,” Levi mumbled, pretending to be absorbed in Eren’s charts.

Shrugging, Eren took a seat in the room, propping his feet up on another chair. “He seemed kind of familiar.”

Levi hummed in acknowledgement. He wasn’t really sure why he didn’t just tell Eren the truth. It wasn’t that big of a deal, was it? Maybe he just didn’t want Eren to freak out and get all pissed off again. Eren had been pretty accepting of his situation lately, and the reappearance of his father could throw a wrench in his emotional stability. Realistically, though, Levi was probably just being an asshole. He didn’t want to deal with any of it. What right did Eren’s father have showing up here after all those years anyways?

“What’s wrong?” Eren asked, breaking into Levi’s thoughts.

Looking up from the chart, Levi became aware of the intense frown on his own face and the concerned look on Eren’s. “Er- nothing. Don’t worry about it. I’m heading back to my place for lunch. I’ll be back in an hour or so.” He excused himself from Eren’s room after uttering a quick farewell.

The walk back to his apartment complex was nice, even though it was cold enough to freeze the liquid in your eyes. It wasn’t windy, though, and ice had frozen over onto the bare trees overnight, making them glimmer in the surprisingly intense sunlight. Far too cold for anyone to actually be outside, though, the park was deserted. Well, it was almost deserted. As Levi crossed paths with his favorite willow tree overlooking the frozen pond, he spotted Eren’s father slumped on a bench, hands shoved forlornly into his pockets. Levi wasn’t really sure if he should say anything or just walk quickly past and hope the man didn’t recognize him. At the other end of the spectrum, though, Levi had an uncharacteristically strong curiosity regarding Eren’s father. Shit. He wasn’t really sure what to do.

“Mr. Jaeger,” Levi found himself greeting the sad man. God damnit. Why had he done that?

Eren’s father jerked up in his seat, eyes snapping onto Levi’s. “Uh, yes?” He didn’t appear to recognize Levi.

“Eren’s nurse,” Levi explained shortly. “Where have you been?”

Slightly nervous, the man glanced around quickly like he expected Levi to have been talking to someone else. It pissed Levi off. The man abandons his family for more than a decade and sits there looking like some scared animal.

“Oi, where the hell have you been?” He asked more harshly. “Your kid is dying, asshole.” Levi hadn’t planned on becoming so angry, but the man just pissed him off. It would be easier if he looked like the monster Levi had pictured.

“I – I’m sorry,” he stuttered, dropping his head into his hands.

Levi wanted to hit him. “Where the hell have you been?” He repeated, voice dropping to a dangerous whisper.

Eren’s father flinched and recoiled slightly from Levi, but finally looked up at him, eyes filled with sadness. “Nowhere,” he whispered back. “Sleeping on couches, making money, then losing it all. I haven’t done a damn thing.”

“Why the fuck didn’t you go back, then?”

“I couldn’t,” the man said softly, still staring into Levi’s eyes. “I couldn’t be in that house with them.”

Levi glared back. “Yeah, well you could have stopped drinking,” he spat.

“Yeah, could you?” The man returned, a bit more harshly than before.

Well, he had a point.

I hit him,” Eren’s father blurted out. “Just once, though,” he added.

Levi stopped his onslaught abruptly. He wasn’t really sure what to make of the broken man in front of him. There was nothing about him that suggested he was a dangerous individual, or even that bad of a man. He was moronic, but more a danger to himself than anyone else. Something about him just made Levi want to pick him up and shake him so that maybe his brain would click back into place and he could make the right fucking decision for once in his pathetic life.

Actually, that was a good idea.

Levi grabbed Eren’s father by the front of his cheap suit and yanked him off the bench so he was hanging loosely at eye level with Levi. The man made no effort to use his own legs to support himself or push Levi away.

“Why did you come back?” Levi hissed. “Why are you here?”

Eren’s father shook his head, a look of genuine confusion on his tired features. “I honestly don’t know. Maybe to say I’m sorry? I couldn’t, though. I just couldn’t do it.”

Monsters weren’t supposed to be this pathetic. But staring into the man’s eyes, Levi saw more of himself than he cared to. It made him sick. And it made him sick because Mr. Jaeger wasn’t a monster. They were all just a bunch of shitty humans existing on the same shitty plane of reality, making the same shitty mistakes and unable to bring themselves for one goddamn moment to look their fucking kids in the eyes and admit that they weren’t perfect – to just say they were really fucking sorry that they were such a disappointment.

“It’s a little late for that,” Levi sighed, relaxing his grip slightly on the man’s jacket. “Not all mistakes are meant to be fixed.”

Mr. Jaeger smiled sadly at him. “You’re probably right. I just wish we weren’t raised to believe everything could be fixed with an apology.”

Levi smiled back slightly, feeling more tired than he had felt in a long while. Looking into the man’s face had a hauntingly reflective property, like some fucked up mirror into his future. “Yeah, me too.”

“It would be better if I just let Eren hate me in peace, wouldn’t it?” The man asked ruefully. “That’s probably all I can do for him now.”

Fully releasing the man’s jacket from his grip, Levi smoothed the wrinkles in Mr. Jaeger’s lapels apologetically, and stood back to let him have his own personal space again. “Who knows,” he said wearily. “I wouldn’t be strong enough to try to fix things.”

Mr. Jaeger snorted. “Yeah, me neither.” He twisted the ring on his finger nervously, lost in his own thoughts. “I wasn’t even able to stop drinking. We don’t all get happy endings do we?”

“We don’t,” Levi agreed.

“I’m gonna miss that kid,” Mr. Jaeger admitted. “I always have, and I always will. I don’t deserve to, but I can’t help it.”

Levi shrugged. “Who knows what we do and don’t deserve.”

“I won’t come back here,” the man said, buttoning up his jacket with finality.

Levi nodded. “I know. Good luck out there.”

“If I deserve it,” Eren’s father laughed, turning on his heels and heading out East for god only knew what.

Frowning at his retreating back, Levi murmured in agreement, “If I deserve it.”

No matter what Levi did for the rest of the day, though, he couldn’t get that damn guy out of his head.

 Because, really, monsters weren’t real.

We create monsters to hide from the fact that evil is a human invention. We create monsters so we don’t have to look in a mirror and see them reflected back at us. We do monstrous things, and blame it on the monsters. One day, though, you wake up like Eren’s father and you know that monsters aren’t real. And with that, Levi supposed, came the realization that forgiveness isn’t behind every door. Not every action has an apology.

It didn’t damn you necessarily, but you certainly didn’t believe in monsters anymore.

 

\--

 

Levi went back to his apartment that night and played Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata.

 It was really fucking terrible.

He had always been shit at classical music.

Every time he played it, it sounded worse. After each failure, he threw back another scotch. Inevitably, it only hindered his playing more and more. And the damn drinks made him think of his own parents and how little he remembered about them. Most days he could barely conjure up faces for them. Had his father been as much of an asshole as Levi was? Did he drink as much as Levi did? Hopefully he had. Then at least Levi could blame it on genetics.

Of course, he also kept thinking of Eren’s dad. That just pissed him off. In fact, everything was pissing him off tonight. To make matters worse, his ear started bleeding and ruined another fucking shirt. He tore the shirt off and sat there at the piano, drunk, pissed off, half-naked, and covered in small streaks of blood, pounding away at the sonata which _wasn’t getting any fucking better_.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Levi whipped around and found Eren standing there, a slightly scared look on his face. It was the fear in Eren’s eyes that pissed Levi off the most. “Get the fuck out,” he spat, turning back toward the keys.

Praying Eren would take the hint and leave, Levi returned to pounding angrily on the keys. Instead, Eren gingerly removed the bottle of scotch from beside the piano and relocated it to a coffee table. “I think you should go to bed,” Eren suggested quietly.

Levi didn’t stop playing, though, and Eren stood nervously beside the piano. “You should leave, brat,” Levi repeated a little more gently.

“Really?” Eren asked incredulously. “Because it looks like I should really stay.”

Levi knew it was wrong, but the scotch made him stand up angrily, waving his arms like a lunatic. “I’m fine,” he insisted drunkenly. “Just go.”

Eren made to approach him, probably to offer a steady arm for Levi before he toppled over, but Levi did the worst thing possible, which was to shove Eren backwards. He had no idea why he did. If Eren was hurt by the action, though, he didn’t show it. Instead, a resolute look fixed on his face, he marched forward again, determined to put Levi out of commission.

Levi took a swing.

Shit.

Levi wished he believed in monsters.

His fist didn’t connect, though. Luckily, Eren was surprisingly prepared for the assault and neatly twisted Levi’s arm behind his back, lowering him to the floor and sitting stubbornly on Levi’s back, arm still pinned uncomfortably. He was pretty goddamn heavy for a non-entity.

Neither of them said anything for a long while. Levi’s brain was screaming at him to apologize, but all he could summon were images of a smaller, more afraid Eren being slapped at by his drunken father. Not all doors had forgiveness behind them. His own words rang cruelly in his aching brain.

“You done being an asshole?” Eren finally asked. He didn’t sound particularly angry, but he made no move to release Levi.

“Not particularly,” Levi grumbled.

So they remained that way for a few more minutes, Levi’s back aching at a more intense frequency, and Eren in stubborn silence.

“Why are you still here?” Levi finally managed, attempting to shift his stiff shoulder, but unable to.

Eren sighed. “Probably because I’m nuts.”

“Probably,” Levi agreed. The alcohol was weighing heavily on his mind and he desired nothing more than a nap. And to apologize, which was weird because he never wanted to apologize. The words didn’t come out, though. Suddenly he felt  really bad about his spat with Mr. Jaeger. Was he any better?

“Also,” Eren said quietly. “Probably because most of the time I think I need you more than you need me, but then shit like this happens.”

“I don’t need anyone,” Levi muttered, failing a second time to pull his pinned arm from Eren’s firm grasp.

Eren laughed. Why was everything pissing Levi off so much tonight. “Yeah, alright, Levi. You’re just fine.”

“Why do you even put up with me,” Levi grumbled. “I’m just another person to disappoint you,” he added quietly.

Eren snorted. “Only if I let you disappoint me.”

“Sometimes we don’t get to choose, kid. Sometimes people who are supposed to be there for you fuck it up and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s not your fault.” Levi wasn’t really sure who he was talking about at that point - mostly himself, but probably partially Eren’s father. He wished he had just told Eren that his father had visited him.

Eren released Levi’s arm, but made no move to get off of him. “Then don’t fuck it up.”

“Yeah, what do you call this?”

“I call this my bad,” Eren said stubbornly. “I should have made sure you didn’t forget that scotch is indeed a controlled substance and should not be heavily abused.”

That little shit was making it really difficult to feel sorry. “If I apologize would it mean anything?” Levi asked glumly.

“I don’t know,” Eren said. “Why don’t you try?”

“I’m really fucking sorry, alright, kid? I’m just a drunk old man and if you were any kind of smart you’d be heading for the hills right now. You’re not, though, so here we are.”

Eren snorted. “Are you even able to apologize without somehow insulting me in the process?”

“No.”

Getting off of Levi finally, Eren stretched and offered Levi a hand to get off of the ground as well. Levi accepted and was yanked off the ground into a tight hug. He wasn’t really a fan of hugs, but this one wasn’t too bad. It was probably just the alcohol. If he was allowed to take a swing at Eren, then he supposed it was only fair for Eren to give him a hug. What right did he have to argue?

Eren sniffed loudly. “Are you fucking crying?” Levi slurred. Tactless, as usual.

“Yeah,” he laughed thickly. “You’re such a fucking asshole. I’m so pissed at you.”

“What kind of pansy cries when they’re angry?” Levi mumbled into Eren’s shoulder.

Eren didn’t answer, but sniffed loudly. They remained that way for a while before Eren spoke, his cold breath tickling Levi’s ear. “I think I got snot on you.”

“Oh my fucking god, can you be cool for three goddamn minutes?” Levi groaned.

Eren snickered. “Ghost snot.”

Levi shoved him away, scrubbing angrily at his shoulder. “You’re sleeping outside tonight.” Eren grinned at him before retrieving the bottle of scotch and heading back to the kitchen to return it to its rightful place. “Your father stopped by today,” Levi called awkwardly after him. Goddamn scotch.

Eren stopped and turned back toward Levi, a conflicted expression fixed on his features. It only lasted a moment, though, and quickly resolved to a thoughtful one. “Interesting,” he said simply, before disappearing into the kitchen.

That was it?

Interesting?

Levi stumbled after him, catching his shoulder and spinning him around before Eren could place the bottle back on its shelf. “That’s it? The asshole does all that shit to you and you just forgive him and brush it off?”

Eren shrugged. “I spent a few years being pissed off at him. That’s a damn long time to be pissed at someone. Eventually it just sort of wore off.”

“You forgave him?” Levi asked cynically.

Shaking his head, Eren replaced the scotch bottle on the shelf. “Not really. I’m just done thinking about it.”

“I’m really sorry, kid,” Levi repeated lamely. It was annoying how he could only bring himself to apologize for being drunk _because_ he was drunk.

“For what?” Eren asked innocently. “Swinging at me like my dad did?”

Levi stiffened. Apparently Eren had made the connection there. He had taken it so well that he figured Eren hadn’t thought of it that way. “Yeah.”

“You’re not my dad, Levi,” Eren laughed. “You don’t owe me shit. Besides that, you’re short. Not much of a match there. You’re not going to hurt me, Levi. It wasn’t my job to take care of his drunk ass, but yours? Sure. I can deal with it.”

Levi glared at him. It would be easier if Eren just hated him. “You don’t have to deal with it, dumbass. You know where the door is.”

“Yeah, it’s right where I left it, I imagine,” Eren said confidently. The fact that he could look down on Levi was a constant irritant for the shorter man.

“You’re so frustrating.”

“Yeah, but you’re a little bit in love with me anyways,” Eren challenged.

Levi pursed his lips, eyes narrowed dangerously. “You only accuse me of shit like this when I’m drunk. You’re a clever bastard, Eren.”

“At least I’m clever,” Eren laughed.

“Since I’m drunk,” Levi managed through the haze of scotch. “Can I blame the fact that I’m gonna miss the hell out of you when you’re gone on it?”

Eren only grinned at him. Levi considered the brat for a moment. Being drunk was as good a time as any to do dumb things. At least before he pulled Eren downward he had the decency and wit left to announce, “I’m going to kiss you now. Speak now or forever hold your peace.” He figured being a thousand years older than Eren was reason enough to ask permission.

Eren quirked an eyebrow at him, before responding with an amused, “Alright then.”

It was hard to hate alcohol completely when it sometimes led to stuff like that. Even the pounding headache was worth it when Levi woke up on top of Eren on the living room couch the next morning, Eren still snoring lightly underneath him. Well, whatever had transpired, Levi was sure it had been good – even if he didn’t particularly remember it. At least they were both still mostly dressed. It was good to know Levi didn’t completely lose his mind despite the amount of scotch in his system. Blaming it on the scotch was a hell of a lot easier than the alternative, though.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I let things happen because you all deserve it. winks.
> 
> Sorry for some of the heavier-handed stuff. It happens. Sorry if you hate Levi (nobody's perfect). He's not the most saintly person on the planet, but neither am I, so it's easier to write him this way.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading and enjoy your saturday night!
> 
> Cheers


	22. Two of a Kind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like this chapter. I really do.  
> But it's short, so sorry about that. I've been working a lot recently and I've been neglecting homework because I update a lOT. i just love you guys too much not to. winks.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy.  
> Cheers.

 

_1 month, 10 days_

 

“Are you scared?” Eren asked in a small voice.

Connie and Sasha glanced at each other, wordlessly sharing their thought processes. It was like they each only had half a brain, but those two halves could function normally together.

“I’m not sure if scared is the right word,” Connie said thoughtfully. Sasha nodded her agreement. “I feel kind of guilty actually.”

Eren frowned. “Guilty?”

It was a painfully bright day on the north lawn, lending a happy note to Connie and Sasha’s last day. The late afternoon sun, bordering on evening, was intense, but friendly as it danced off of the sparse snow littering the grounds of the patient grove. Eren was draped over a lower branch in one of the oldest white oak trees, while Connie and Sasha were higher up, testing the limits of the tree’s strength in its upper branches. Levi was standing nearby watering the growing redbud sapling, as was his usual routine.

The last few days had been surprisingly fast-paced. In a sudden burst of energy, Connie and Sasha had demanded to be taken to some of their favorite haunts, making Levi run around like their personal chauffeur, often begging him to push the speed limit or make wildly illegal maneuvers. Either their final death wish was to experience the thrills they had lived for one last time, or to cause Levi’s untimely demise. Neither would have actually surprised Levi that much. Their last day was winding down, though, and instead of making another request for a field trip, they wanted only to laze around the patient grove one last time. Levi was embarrassed to admit, but he felt like he was probably the most upset out of the party – and he was the only one who wasn’t actually dying.

“Yeah, guilty,” Connie insisted. “Like, we’ve always just sort of done whatever we wanted. And don’t get me wrong: it’s been a blast. It’s just that our families are so damn torn up about it. There’s no way to make them understand that it’s okay – we had fun. And that’s all we were ever really after. Everyone wants to think that going through an irresponsible phase shouldn’t ‘ruin your life’. But that _was_ my life. And it was some kind of fun, I tell you. Not everyone’s definition of a successful life is getting their shit together, moving to the suburbs, landing a career, and having 2.5 perfect children. My life was perfect to me. I didn’t ruin my life, like my parents think: I _lived_ my life.”

“We weren’t trying to hurt them,” Sasha added.

Eren nodded. “I guess I get it. Knowing that no matter how okay you are with things, your family won’t be, kind of sucks. It’d be easier if we didn’t feel so damn responsible for everyone else. What if we only felt responsible for our own shitty lives?”

Sasha laughed. “I like that.” She scratched absently at the bark of the branch she was sitting on. “A world of solitary creatures that don’t owe each other shit.”

Snickering, Connie pulled himself up into a higher branch of the tree. “Isn’t that kind of how we lived anyways? We’re such assholes.”

“Yeah, but you feel guilty,” Eren countered. “We can’t help but be responsible for how other people feel. We’re hopeless.”

Frowning, Sasha moved to join Connie in the higher branches with a light grunt at the exertion. “So we failed?”

Connie grabbed one of Sasha’s arms and helped her onto his branch. “Failed at what? Being complete assholes?” Laughing lightly, he brushed a few leaves off of Sasha’s shoulder.

“Kind of,” Sasha mused. “But more like we failed at leading a life beholden to no one. Just, being completely free I guess. We came close, but in the end we still feel bad about it.”

“And the guilt is proof?” Eren asked, opting to join them in the higher branches.

“The guilt is proof,” Sasha confirmed. “No one’s ever free.”

The sun was shining a lazy, evening hue and Eren ceased his climbing suddenly. “Is that a bad thing?”

Holding out a hand for Eren to join them in the upper branches, Connie laughed. “We always thought it was. Who knows, though. We weren’t exactly the sharpest tools in the shed.”

Grinning, Eren accepted the hand. “Or the brightest crayons in the box.”

Connie began hoisting Eren up to the branch, returning the grin. “A few cards short of a deck.”

Grabbing Eren’s other hand, Sasha helped pull him up to join them. “A burger short of a combo meal,” she added.

Levi switched off the hose and called up to them, “A few sandwiches short of a picnic.”

“A few clowns short of a circus!” Eren called back, finally achieving a sitting position on the branch between Connie and Sasha.

They fell into a comfortable silence that threatened to become permanent before Sasha whispered, “A few Bradys short of a bunch.”

For whatever reason, Levi had begun climbing the tree as well, only a few branches below the brats. He laughed easily with them at the turn of phrase, a comforting gesture that he wasn’t entirely used to. He didn’t attempt to climb to quite the height that the brats had managed, but instead found a comfortable nook a few feet below them and nestled in as the sun touched the horizon, beginning its lazy drift below their vantage point. “You’re a bunch of morons,” he said contentedly from the surprisingly comfortable seat in the branches of the sturdy oak.

“That one wasn’t even clever,” Sasha pouted. “Way to ruin it, Levi.”

“I was just making sure the message wasn’t lost in all of the figurative language,” Levi teased.

Connie sighed contentedly, leaning his head against the trunk of the tree. “How willing would you be to tell my family that I’m sorry?”

Even though they couldn’t see him below them, Levi smiled sadly. “Oh what the hell. Everyone else already thinks I’m crazy anyways. You owe me one, though. And don’t think I won’t cash in on it whenever I kick the bucket.”

“Me too then,” Sasha said resolutely. “Mark me down for an I.O.U.”

Humming his acknowledgement, Levi closed his eyes, finding an odd comfort in the frigid air that crawled through his clothes and bit at his skin. The snow was tainted a pleasant orange and pink color from the reflective sunset and lulled him into a measured contentment.

“You know, I think we were free anyways,” Connie said firmly. “I don’t regret a damn thing. How many people can say that?”

“Not nearly enough,” Eren chuckled, throwing an arm around each of the other two’s shoulders.

“Annie was right,” Sasha said incredulously. “We all talk too much and she hardly ever said anything, but hell if she wasn’t right. We all talk a good game, but Annie knew what was up.”

“Yeah, what about?” Connie asked curiously.

“It was good,” Eren recalled. “She said it had been good – all of it.”

Nodding in agreement, Sasha kicked her dangling legs happily. “It _was_ good,” She repeated.

“So I’m supposed to apologize to your families?” Levi asked skeptically. “I’m supposed to look them in the eyes and tell them that you’re sorry even though you’re not?” Connie and Sasha glanced down at him in confusion. “How about I tell them that the only thing you regret is not having time to do more stupid shit. How about I tell them that you didn’t have time to do _more_ shit, not _fix_ your shit. What about the truth?” He threw his hands up in a rare show of passion. “How about I tell them that you were _free_? Because I’ll be damned if that wasn’t what you were – what you _are_.”

Sasha hid her face in her hands and Connie rolled his eyes. “Oh great. You made her cry,” he laughed, unable to suppress the appreciative grin. “Get a grip Sasha.”

It was obvious through her tears, though, that Sasha was smiling.

“I’m going to tell them the truth,” Levi decided. “And then I’ll tell them that the only reason you think you're sorry is because you didn’t want to see them cry. And if being free but still managing to care about the ones who would deny your freedom if only because they loved you too much, isn’t the craziest accomplishment a person can achieve, then _fuck_ me. What else is there?”

Connie actually looked like he was going to cry too, but he fought it valiantly. “You sure became more talkative in the last five months,” he choked out, playing it off as a laugh.

Levi looked away from the upper branches, unwilling to watch the annoyingly appreciative looks the two brats were giving him. He turned his focus instead to the sun that was still traveling slowly downward, swallowed by the skyline in a brilliant show of purples, pinks, oranges, and blues. Damn brats always made him talk too much. “So I’ll tell them you’re sorry,” Levi concluded quietly, more to himself than the group above him. “But I’ll tell them _why_ you’re sorry. And I’ll tell them why you’re _not_ sorry. And hell, I might even tell them why I’m _glad_ you’re not sorry.”

“I think he’s been drinking,” Eren whispered loudly above him.

Connie and Sasha laughed at that, but Levi only growled below them.

“Have I ever told the story about the bar crawl me and Sasha did three years ago where we were almost recruited for the FBI?” Connie asked, lightening the mood. “That one is a killer.”

“In every sense of the word,” Sasha agreed. “Don’t leave out the part where I almost made a sweet million from that drunk guy.”

Levi switched between listening to the wild tale and watching the sunset at random intervals, content to completely absorb neither.

 

\--

 

_1 month, 9 days_

 

“Do you think it will hurt?” Sasha asked, sounding calculating rather than concerned.

Connie shrugged. “I doubt it will anymore than the hangover we had after Christmas last year.”

Eyes widening with the fear of the memory, Sasha nodded quickly. “I’d rather die a dozen times than go through that again.”

Because Connie and Sasha shared a room, and their families had become united over the years of bailing the two out of trouble, carpooling to court dates, and never being able to see one of them without the other, they decided to gather in the same room for their final moments. Levi was secretly thankful for that so he didn’t have to choose who to be with at the end. Luckily, the two families were surprisingly calm on that day. Some of their visits had been so weepy, that Levi was afraid he would drown in the waterworks he expected for their last day.

Sasha’s father had told everyone present a story of a typical Christmas for the two of them, recounting a wild car chase and the two hundred pounds of stolen mayonnaise that had shown up on his doorstep as Connie and Sasha’s idea of a thoughtful Christmas gift. Overall, it was nice - very little crying, and a lot of reminiscing.

Erwin eventually began explaining the simple procedures for pulling the two off of their life support in the gentle, comforting tones he had mastered over the years. Connie took that as an opportunity to hold his hand out for Levi to take. “I guess this is goodbye for now,” he said shortly.

Without hesitation, Levi took the offered hand. He didn’t know why he was surprised when Connie took that as an opportunity to pull him into a tight hug. “You’re my favorite asshole,” Connie laughed into his shoulder. “Besides me of course. And Sasha, I guess.”

Levi couldn’t help but smile at that. He wished he had something clever to say, but all he could manage was, “I know.” As soon as Connie released him, Sasha had shoved him aside and pulled Levi into an equally tight – if not tighter – hug, crushing their ribcages together. He found himself returning the hug affectionately.

He really did love those two brats.

“Thanks,” Sasha sighed into his ear.

Levi nodded into her shoulder, a light smile on his face. “I’ll look you up at the end of it all. I owe you a rematch in chess, anyways.”

Releasing him, Sasha turned to give Eren a similar hug. Well, it may have been a tad less violently affectionate then the one she spared for Levi. Levi suspected it had something to do with the fact that forcing Levi into uncomfortably compassionate situations had become a favorite pastime for the brats.

Those little shits.

Afterward, they all directed their attention to the switchboard where Connie’s father and Sasha’s mother were preparing to end the clicking and whirring machines keeping them tethered to the same plane of reality.

“Any last words, Sasha?” Connie asked, a genuinely happy grin on his face.

Sasha wrinkled her forehead in concentration. “I honestly thought I would be able to come up with at least one good movie death line at this point, but I’m drawing a blank.”

Connie pulled a mock-serious face, cocking an imaginary gun dramatically. His voice was deep and ridiculous. “What was it you said to me before?”

Eyes widening in recognition, Sasha imitated the action, changing her voice to match Connie’s. “Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker,” She finished.

Eren scoffed. “Die Hard?”

“Alan Rickman said it better the second time, don’t even start,” Connie said, pointing a finger threateningly at Eren. “Don’t you dare.”

 

\--

 

“What kind of morons high-five as they’re dying?” Eren asked wryly, watching the two families depart the room somberly, but in relatively good spirits.

Levi tried desperately to stifle the sudden burst of laughter that seized him, but ended up letting a few chuckles escape. He earned a number of baffled, even scandalized looks from some of the remaining relatives in the room, but he managed to stop himself rather quickly.

When they were finally alone, Levi let out a frustrated sigh. “I talked a big game, but I don’t think I can say anything to their families. I don’t know how to put words together and make them not sound like the gospel of asshole.”

Eren looked at him out of the corner of his eye with a sly smile. “You’re a lot different, you know that? Than when I first met you, I mean.”

Levi scoffed. “I seriously doubt that.”

Considering the point, Eren nodded in agreement. “Actually, maybe you’re right. Maybe we all just got to know you better.”

“So how do I keep my promise to those morons?” Levi prodded, changing the topic. It wasn’t as easy as just telling a bunch of strangers that he had been hanging out with the ghost versions of their dead children for the last sixth months. Something told Levi that it wouldn’t have gone over well.

“You don’t have to tell them right away,” Eren said thoughtfully. “You have time to think about it. I don’t think your words will mean any less a few weeks down the line – or even a few years. Say what you want when you know what to say.”

Levi nodded. That was pretty solid advice.

“I’m going to miss them,” Eren observed succinctly.

“Of course you are,” Levi replied easily. “That’s what people do. They make others love them, then they disappear. We hurt each other. And you know? It’s kind of great.”

Eren laughed. “Yeah, but why do we do that?”

Clutching Connie and Sasha’s final charts, Levi shook his head. “Its all we know how to do, I think – the human condition, if you will. What’s the alternative?”

Shrugging, Eren rubbed at the back of his head. “Well, Sasha seemed to think it’s a world where we don’t feel responsible for other people.”

“Did you feel responsible for them?” Levi asked rhetorically. He knew the answer.

“No. I guess not,” Eren said, frowning.

And there was Levi’s point. “Then that isn’t the answer. There is no answer. Pain is a good thing, Eren,” he drawled, excusing himself from the room. “It’s a measure of how much you loved.”

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 7 down, 1 to go.
> 
> I'm going to miss writing those morons. Weh. I really loved them. But life goes on, I guess. I'm pretty set on my ending now. From here on out, my medical knowledge is sketch at best. I did some research, but who the fuck knows. Don't call me out on it, because I already know it's sketch. Just let it be.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed. Thanks for the ridiculous amount of love i'm getting for this story. It's pretty neat.
> 
> Enjoy your sunday. Cheers.


	23. The Trouble with Brains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> super long work week ugh. i wrote this while on duty because i felt bad for not updating. I have a TON of neglected shit to do the next few days, so i may only update once between now and sunday, but then it should even out and we can finish this up soon.
> 
> on another note, HOORAY this fic is now as long as the first harry potter book. what have i done with my life.
> 
> this chapter's a bit boring - gotta set up some plot points. NEXT chapter though, shits gonna go down. or something. actually, this fic isn't that exciting. but stuff will happen.
> 
> cheers.

_0 months, 29 days_

No matter how hard Levi tried to look like he was in a hurry, Erwin never seemed to get the hint. As far as Erwin was concerned, everyone had time for him. He meant well, Levi was sure, but doctors in general seemed to be annoyingly aware that they were worth a lot.

“Levi!” The doctor hailed him from across the hallway. So much for making a quick getaway. With a sigh, Levi halted his quick pace for the 6th ward, turning neatly on his heel to acknowledge the man.

“What can I do for you Erwin?” Most nurses called Erwin politely by the title ‘Doctor’ or ‘Dr. Smith’. Levi took that as a challenge to call him by his first name instead. There was no good reason for it.

Erwin never seemed bothered that Levi referred to him on a first-name basis. “I was just talking to Director Pixis and we came up with an offer for you.”

“An offer,” Levi repeated suspiciously. Offers in the hospital business usually had to do with money, dying, promotions, demotions, or money. But mostly money. Any which way, Levi did not trust it.

Erwin nodded eagerly, a boyish excitement shining in his eyes. “We were coming up with some new programs for the hospital and your name came up. He wants to see you as soon as you can manage.”

Levi considered telling Erwin that he would be busy for the next few years. Fortunately, he had the grace not to push his luck with his superior. “I’ll head up there before attending to the 6th,” he sighed. “Is that all, Erwin?”

“That’s all,” Erwin said cheerily. “Enjoy your day,” he added, hurrying off to one of his many stops for the day.

Pixis was a reasonable man, well liked by most, but Levi knew it would spell trouble for him if he blew off the Director of the hospital. He wasn’t really sure what to expect from their meeting, but with a vague sense of foreboding, he headed off for the nicer, executive wing of the hospital where anyone who had any real power would be stationed. And Pixis had real power.

Levi hadn’t been to the man’s office in many years – not since he was hired more than a decade ago. It wasn’t hard to find, though, as it was large, conspicuous, and right at the entrance to the wing. Even if the office had not been labeled, Levi would have known it was Pixis’ by the sheer size and elegance of the space. There was no doubt it was the Director’s office. He knocked smartly on the door twice and waited to be summoned in.

A mere second later, Pixis’ even voice called, “Come in.”

While Levi entered the room as beckoned, he remained politely at the entrance, closing the door behind him and standing near it as though he would be excused faster that way. He didn’t want to appear reluctant to be there, but he also didn’t want to appear happy about it. Polite indifference was what he hoped he was pulling off. He probably just looked vaguely pissed off, though.

“Levi,” Pixis greeted him. “I didn’t know Erwin was so efficient at locating you. Perhaps he has you bugged?” He suggested good-naturedly.

“I’m beginning to think so, sir,” Levi said evenly.

Pixis chuckled at his own brand of humor, beckoning Levi to take an expensive looking chair across from his large, shining mahogany desk. Well, so much for making this quick. Levi sat down, remaining on the edge of the seat. Pixis, much to Levi’s annoyance, didn’t cut to the chase, but rummaged around in a desk drawer for a few minutes before producing a bottle of scotch. At least the two of them were similar in some regards.

“Would you care for some?” Pixis asked, producing two glasses from the same drawer.

Ah, what the hell. If Pixis was going to waste his time, he might as well accept the gesture. “Alright,” Levi said, accepting a ridiculously generous glass of scotch. Apparently they were _very_ similar in that regard.

Pixis set the bottle aside and considered Levi over his own glass of scotch. “You’ve worked here a long time, Levi.”

It was true. “Where else am I going to go,” Levi said, only half-joking.

Nodding, Pixis swirled the contents of his glass thoughtfully. “Well, anyways. Erwin and I were discussing a new seminar that the hospital will be offering for a few age ranges of ages and varying credit levels for people interested in a career in the medical field – namely nursing. Most people nowadays want to be a doctor. There’s a surprising shortage of nurses,” He said seriously.

Levi nodded, but internally he could only sarcastically consider why anyone would prefer the neat, white labcoat and loads of money over the scrubs, puking children, and long hours that nurses had to pick up. Who _wouldn’t_ rather be a doctor?

“So, in the new wing that just opened – I’m sure you’ve seen it – we built a rather nice lecture hall. We’re partnering with local colleges and high schools and trade schools to offer a more practical course for people interested. It’s a nice tax break from the state and we get to recruit. All in all a good plan,” Pixis said, putting his feet up on his desk, reclining slightly.

Levi hummed politely. He couldn’t fathom what this had to do with him, but he didn’t want to appear rude.

“The only problem,” Pixis continued, “is that, well, to put it as succinctly as possible: Classes can be a giant waste of time if you have the wrong person teaching. I can’t imagine bringing in some teacher to teach a class about nursing or medical knowledge. I want someone who walks the walk, not talks the talk, you know?”

Once again, Levi only nodded.

“Erwin brought you up and then we got to talking about you some more, and we got the crazy idea that you would actually be a really good professor for this class.”

Levi didn’t nod this time. Actually, he wanted to burst out laughing. Something about Pixis’ serious expression told him not to, though.

Pixis seemed to pick up on Levi’s thought process, though, and he grinned. “I had the same reaction first, too. But the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. I know you won’t take shit from students, and you never bullshit. You’re a lot more real than any teacher I could hire. They won’t listen to someone who isn’t straight with them.” He paused to give Levi a grave look over his folded hands. “I want you for this job, Levi,” he said seriously.

“I’m already assigned to the 6th ward, though,” Levi said weakly. They both knew the 6th ward was closing in less than a month, paving way for new, more practical uses.

“And it will be closed before the class starts. My connection at Shinganshima University owes me more than he would ever admit. I can get you an honorary PHD and license you to teach this class within the week.”

Levi pursed his lips, trying to avoid giving a real answer.

Pixis looked deadly serious. “You can finish your rotation in the 6th ward, but I want you for this job. I need an answer before you leave this office.”

He may have been good-natured and a generally compassionate man, but Pixis wasn’t the Director on accident. The no-nonsense way he conducted his business made it hard to say no to him. Realistically, though, Levi wasn’t just intimidated by the offer – he was intrigued.

“Why should I accept this?” Levi asked. He refused to be intimidated into it.

Pixis smiled widely over his hands. “I have more than enough in your record to fire you.”

A slight smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, Levi nodded slowly. “You do,” he observed, agreeing.

“Take the job, Levi. You’ll work less hours and be paid more. No grading, just lecturing. I won’t offer it again,” Pixis said finally, voice dropped to a low murmur.

Levi finally understood exactly why Pixis had as much power as he did. The man was a genius at manipulation. But Levi saw through the tactics and appreciated his situation realistically. It was a good offer.

“If you don’t like it, we’ll find someone else after your first six month period,” Pixis bartered, staring intently into Levi’s eyes.

“Done.”

 

\--

 

“Where have you been?” Eren whined, tailing Levi as he headed for the last occupied room in the ward to chart Eren’s health.

“I got a new job,” Levi returned shortly, shuffling the papers on his clipboard without pausing a beat.

Eren tripped slightly. “Uh, what?”

Glancing over his shoulder, Levi appraised Eren’s baffled features. “That’s what I said,” Levi chuckled, pulling the door to Eren’s room open.

“Are you leaving the hospital?” Eren asked, still minorly confused, but mostly just curious.

“No,” Levi said, beginning his daily scribbling on Eren’s charts. “I’m lecturing, apparently.”

“A teacher?” Eren asked doubtfully. “Are you serious? You?”

Narrowing his eyes, Levi looked up from his charts. “Yeah, what’s the problem?”

“ _You’re_ the problem,” Eren laughed, taking a visitor’s seat across the room. “You’re going to scare everyone away. Do you even like kids?”

Levi glared at him. “You’re beginning to remind me that I don’t.”  
“Hey, I’m not a kid,” Eren pouted, looking every bit the part of a child.

“It pays better,” Levi said simply. “I took the job.”

They remained in silence for a while, Eren playing absently with the curtains. The only sound was Levi’s pen scratching quietly at Eren’s charts and the barely audible beeping of monitors. Each was absorbed in their own thoughts to the extent that when a sharp knock sounded on the door, they both jumped slightly. To Levi’s surprise, Erwin let himself into the room, slightly flushed in the face, clutching some medical document that Levi couldn’t make out.

Erwin rushed to Eren’s bedside, staring intently at his lifeless body like he expected Eren to suddenly get up and ask him to give him some more personal space.

“Everything all right?” Levi asked slowly. Eren looked wildly between Erwin and his own body.

Jerking his gaze back to Levi, Erwin looked like he hadn’t realized Levi was there at all until that point. “I – I’m,” he stuttered, waving the paper in his hands like it was the source of his verbal troubles. “I – this, this never – I should have – How,” he spluttered.

Levi raised his eyebrows at the man. “There’s something I’m supposed to understand in there, right?” He asked dryly.

Erwin shook his head earnestly. No – there was nothing to understand.

Opting to give Erwin time to collect himself, Levi stood silently by him. Erwin kept shaking his head violently like it could dispel whatever truth he had found. The nodding eventually subsided, though, and his features relaxed. He pulled open one of Eren’s eyelids and shined a small light in them, a look of concentration on his troubled face. Levi wanted desperately to turn him around and force him to explain himself, but he waited patiently instead.

Finally, Erwin sighed and turned to Levi. “Do you know the differences between brain malfunctions?” He asked.

Levi frowned at him. “Vaguely.”

Erwin nodded. “Each one has varying states of arousal and awareness,” he began, brows still furrowed in mild consternation. “You have locked-in syndrome, which has heightened arousal and awareness. They are completely aware of their surroundings and respond to prodding. Then, you have minimally conscious states, which are characterized by high arousal, and varying levels of awareness. Finally, you have a vegetative state in which you have heightened arousal, but no awareness. These are easy to diagnose.”

Levi didn’t really like where this was going.

“The problem is,” Erwin said, frowning at his shoes, “the difference between coma and brain death is not quite as apparent. In both cases, though they are different things, they present with no arousal and no awareness. They look the same. Coma tends to last much less time, though. Comas can also turn into brain death. It’s all very grey.”

“And?” Levi prodded.

“I was looking at a monitor printout of Eren’s brain activity from two days ago and I saw a blip,” Erwin muttered, attention returned to the graph in his hand.

Blinking slowly, Levi looked over at Eren. Eren looked confused. “And?” Levi prodded again. Damn wordy doctors.

Erwin shook his head. “Honestly? I don’t really know. I was so sure he was in brain death, and I still kind of am, but I don’t know. I just don’t know,” he kept repeating.

“You think it’s just an extended coma?” Levi tried.

Eyebrows raised in confusion, Erwin threw his hands up. “Hell if I know. This stuff is still so unexplored in the medical field. This could be a glitch, or it could be a sign that he hasn’t entered brain death.”

“Is there any way to find out?” Levi prodded, trying not to sound as frustrated as he was. Eren was sitting quietly in the corner, head cocked to one side, knees pulled up to his chest as though he had decided just to wait until the grown-ups were done talking.

Erwin seemed as frustrated as Levi was. “Not really. The only option is to pull him off the monitors and shock his system, kind of like a reboot. It would kill him, though, if he’s in too deep of a coma or if he’s brain dead.” Running his hands through his normally perfect hair, Erwin seemed lost in his own world.

“What’s the downside here?” Levi asked him evenly. “Isn’t he dead either way?”

Ceasing the nervous rubbing of his scalp, Erwin snorted. “That’s one way to look at it, I suppose. On the other hand, humans weren’t meant to be in comas for months on end. I’m more worried that he _will_ wake up.”

Eren didn’t even seem to be listening anymore. He had returned to playing with the curtains. Levi sighed. “What could happen?”

“Kidney failure? Irreversible brain damage? Just about anything could happen,” Erwin said tiredly. “I don’t think there’s a good ending to this.”

“Alright,” Levi said quietly. “Are you going to tell his family all of this?”

“Should I?” Levi had never seen the man look so lost.

“I don’t get paid enough to make that decision.”

Finally, Erwin cracked a smile, his shoulders relaxing slightly. “I’m not sure I do either,” he laughed quietly. “This job isn’t worth the money. I’m not sure there’s any amount of money that compensates having to tell someone that the person they love most can’t be helped by the best we have to offer. You don’t get points for effort in this business, Levi,” he said tiredly, looking far older than Levi had ever seen him. “I hate putting a success rate on people’s lives.”

Levi couldn’t help but rest a hand on the weary man’s shoulder. “Don’t let it eat at you, Erwin. No one ever thought that going against nature was going to be easy. We’re just here to raise hell with natural selection.”

Erwin seemed to accept this and nodded ruefully. “Did you take that job Pixis offered you?” He finally asked, standing up to leave.

“Yeah, what the hell,” Levi chuckled.

Nodding, Erwin smiled at him. “Good. I thought it would suit you.”

When Erwin excused himself from the room Levi turned to Eren who was far less concerned with the whole situation than Levi suspected he would be. “Say something, kid,” he tried, hands shoved into his pockets.

Eren started from his seat and blinked over at Levi. “Uh, like what?”

“Isn’t this a bit of a game-changer for you?”

“Not really,” Eren said sincerely. “Sounds like I could win the lottery and wake up and live. I kind of figured that was always what was on the table. Technically anyone can win the lottery. Most people just don’t, though.”

Levi hadn’t really thought of it that way. He mentally noted the oddity of Eren being less optimistic than Levi was. Hopefully the brat wasn’t stealing his pessimism – that had taken years to build up. “Fair enough,” he managed. “I’ll be happy about it when you want me to, I guess.”

Eren smiled at him. “Thanks.”

Humming in acknowledgement, Levi put the finishing touches on Eren’s chart. “I’m heading home. Are you going to stay here?”

Eren considered it a moment. “Eh, I think I’d rather play piano. I’ll come with you.”

“Suit yourself,” Levi returned, leaving the door open behind him for Eren as he exited the room.

 

\--

 

That night, Levi sincerely regretted not pursuing a doctor’s advice on his odd condition. As he and Eren walked back to his apartment, Levi’s vision began blurring considerably and he had to hide the minor nosebleed he had developed in a handkerchief. Luckily it was dark enough that Eren didn’t notice. A startling new symptom had developed as well and Levi was losing feeling in his right leg. Tomorrow was definitely a time to pay Erwin or any available doctor a visit, Levi decided. He knew it should have happened weeks ago, but when you spend all of your time taking care of other people, you become detached from your own welfare. It wasn’t selfless, but rather a chronic case of tunnel vision that many of Levi’s coworkers had been known to exhibit as well. Tomorrow he would stop being a moron, he decided. Time to buck up and fix whatever the hell was wrong with him.

He was in his usual position on the couch that night, offering Eren small bits of advice as he plunked away at a new sonata. The kid was actually learning pretty quickly now. At first it took him forever to learn anything, but Eren was deceptive. While he was slow to begin, the acceleration of his learning curve was actually really good. Eren stopped suddenly, though, and Levi sat up slightly to see if Eren had gotten up. Instead, Eren was writing a note in the music, reminding him to play something a specific way the next time he played it.

“You were limping on the way back,” Eren stated, still scribbling in the music.

Levi saw no point in denying it. “Yeah, just a bit.”

“Are you alright?” Eren asked offhandedly. He didn’t sound that concerned.

Once again, Levi had the opportunity to lie, but decided to stop bullshitting the poor kid. “I don’t think so,” he said simply. “I’m going to check myself in with a doctor tomorrow after my shift. I lied about seeing a doctor earlier,” he added truthfully.

Turning around, Eren gave Levi a mildly sad look. “Oh.”

“Sorry.”

Eren turned back to the music and wrote something else in it. After a minute of silence, he sighed. “It’s okay. Thanks for telling me.”

That was weird. Levi expected Eren to be pissed about the admission, but he had taken it well – almost too well. “What’s on your mind, kid?”

Instead of answering, Eren picked up where he had left off on the sonata. Levi took the hint and went back to dozing on the couch. He had never been one to force someone to talk about anything. Either he didn’t care, or he respected someone’s space. It wasn’t rocket science.

“Do you think I’ll wake up when they try to shock my system?” Eren finally asked, still playing the sonata. It was a casual question, but Levi could appreciate what his answer would mean. He had already decided no more bullshitting that night.

“Not really,” Levi said honestly.

The notes of the sonata continued over the conversation, a hauntingly happy tune that didn’t seem to respect the gravity of the topic. After a moment, Eren nodded slightly. “Yeah, me neither.” He laughed a little then. “Imagine the survivor’s guilt, though.”

“Why the hell would you feel guilty?”

Why was this sonata so damn happy? “I don’t know. It’s like, there are probably a billion people who deserve a miracle more than me. It’s not that I think I’m a bad person, but statistically there are way more important or better people than me. There are kids, do-gooders, mothers, fathers, and a thousand others who deserve a miracle. I don’t want a miracle.”

Levi nodded thoughtfully. “You might be the only one not trying for one,” he mused.

Eren laughed. “I’m finally okay with reality, you know? People say that reality sucks, but at least it’s honest with us. At least what happens is real. Everything can’t suck all of the time. It’s just a bunch of probabilities. Math makes sense, if nothing else.”

Laughing lightly, Levi excused himself to the kitchen for whatever he could scrounge up for dinner. “And you say _I’ve_ changed a lot,” he called back.

The sonata started up again and Levi stood in the kitchen wishing he believed in miracles. But then again, he thought, miracles were overrated. If miracles had changed any aspect of his life, he wouldn’t be standing there searching for a beer, listening to some dead kid play an overly happy sonata. Life was weird that way. It was also kind of great that way.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O boy. I really have nothing to say.
> 
> Thanks for reading, enjoy your night.
> 
> Cheers.


	24. A New Plane of Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tired as shit. Wrote this on duty (the lovely 11 pm to 6 am shift). It's cold as fuck in here. God damnit.
> 
> Anyways, here you go.
> 
> Once again: my medical knowledge is pretty shitty. i know some basics. I am aware some of you have intricate medical knowledge, so you'll probably find some fault with this chapter. i don't really care. too tired.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> Cheers.

 

_0 months, 28 days_

 

Levi woke up at some horrible hour of the morning, intensely nauseous and violently ill. This wouldn’t have been an abnormality for him if it weren’t for the fact that he had not had a lick of alcohol last night. He’d been prone to sickness, but only due to his reckless consumption of liquor. Eren didn’t wake up when Levi made a mad dash for the bathroom, purging his system of anything he had eaten in the last twelve or so hours. His leg was even number than before and his vision was worse.

Levi wasn’t stupid. Silently, dragging his numb leg behind him, Levi made his way to the living room where he dialed Erwin’s number.

“What’s wrong?” Erwin asked groggily across the line. Doctors never asked how you were or greeted you. An unfortunate side effect of the lucrative job was that nearly every phone call you received was followed by bad news, especially at half past three in the morning.

“It’s Levi. I think there’s something wrong with my brain,” he said shortly. “And not because I’m a little bit off my rocker these days,” he added.

Levi could hear the sounds of Erwin sitting up in his bed and a stifled yawn. “Symptoms?” Erwin asked. At least he didn’t ask too many questions.

“Ear and nose bleeding for the past month or so, worsening vision, and tonight I seem to be losing feeling in my right leg.”

Erwin paused a moment. “Any recent head trauma?”

“Besides my accident five months ago?”

Erwin grunted his ascent.

“I was in a bit of a scrap with a few guys at a bar about two months ago. I had a glass bashed over my head.”

Another pause. “Nausea?”

“I didn’t think so at first.” What was the best way to admit to your coworker that you were an alcoholic and had no idea which bouts of nausea were drunken miscalculations? “I thought it was from drinking too much,” he decided on. “But tonight I didn’t drink and it’s pretty bad.”

“Levi, get your ass to the hospital,” Erwin said calmly over the sound of him pulling clothes on. “You shouldn’t mess around with shit like this. I know you’re smarter than that.”

Levi frowned. “Apparently not.”

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” Erwin said shortly, ending the call.

Should he wake up Eren? Levi wasn’t sure he wanted to deal with another person’s worry on top of his own. Reluctantly, Levi decided to leave Eren there in his bed and head to the hospital alone. The wave of nausea had passed for the moment and he could make it there on his own. No way in hell would he get behind the wheel of a car, but he could walk.

Pulling on his jacket, Levi felt an awful sense of finality as he left his apartment. How many people had left their homes not expecting it to be their last time? How many people thought they were going for a simple test and had been admitted upon arrival, only to die in those dumb white hospital beds weeks or even days later? An image of a much more alive Eren, leaving his house for the last time, unaware that he would be struck down by a stupid accident later that day, sprang into his mind. He wished the universe were a little less random.

It was bitter cold out and Levi had second thoughts about not driving for a few seconds. All in all, though, getting behind a wheel would have been moronic. So, Levi pulled his scarf up over his nose and headed out at a brisk limp for the hospital. He made good progress too, making it to the hospital in great time. Of course, that minor victory was eclipsed largely by his collapse in the lobby after asking for Dr. Smith. He didn’t remember any of this, or particularly process it, but heard most of it second-hand at a later point in time.

The first thing he did remember was an odd moment of awakening that was what he imagined entering a dream would feel like if people could actually pinpoint that moment.

He knew he was dreaming, though?

That was weird.

Also, why the hell would he dream about a hospital room? Levi wasn’t the most creative man to walk the earth, but this was astoundingly lame even for him.

Erwin entered the room, though, followed by Hanji. Huh. Well, the dream was a little more interesting.

Their voices reached him like they had to travel miles through thick fog and haze just to grace his ears.

“This is your moron, right?” Erwin asked tiredly.

This all seemed very familiar. Hanji nodded slightly. “That’s not the first time I’ve been asked that this year. What’s the story, doc?” Hanji asked carefully.

Levi glanced between the two, mildly confused. The fog was lifting slightly and he felt as though the dream were taking corporeal form in front of his eyes.

“Skull fracture,” Erwin said shortly, tapping a pen lightly on the clipboard in his hand.

Pursing her lips, Hanji glared in Levi’s general direction. “He lasted this long with a skull fracture?”

“I’m not even finished,” Erwin said, shaking his head in disbelief. “I’m guessing it was from his car accident, but he’s apparently had an extremely slow brain bleed for a long time now. It’s rare that it should be slow enough not to show many symptoms or collapse from it, but it can happen. They’re hard to detect when they’re so small, and he could have gone a long while without any problems.”

“Until he decided to go toe to toe with a few bar crawlers,” Hanji finished.

“Yeah. He refused to go to the hospital when he really needed it.”

“He does that,” Hanji said wryly.

The tapping of Erwin’s pen increased in agitation. “He suffered a very, very fine skull fracture. Once again, he had an injury that would have been slow to show symptoms and easy to ignore. The trauma exacerbated the bleed in his brain, though, and the pressure led to noticeable symptoms, speeding up the difficulties that could have been postponed for years or decades, even.”

“What a moron,” Hanji reiterated. “Is he going to be okay?”

“I’m fine,” Levi interjected. “Just patch me up and send me home, eh?”

Erwin frowned. “I think so. My only concern is that the light coma we had to put him in will deepen if we don’t relieve the pressure and put him on the path to recovery.”

“But he’ll be fine.” Hanji was twisting the hem of her shirt nervously.

“Coma?” Levi spluttered.

“Honestly? I’m worried about lasting damage to his brain,” Erwin said quickly, like the news would be less shocking if delivered as fast as possible.

Hanji stopped twisting her shirt. “Lasting damage?”

“He should wake up, but the blood put pressure on his brain in varying spots. It’s hard to say what has been damaged. It’s likely there will be some sort of impaired functioning,” Erwin said apologetically, as though it were truly his fault.

Pulling a hand slowly down her face, Hanji offered no further comment.

“Let him rest,” Erwin offered. “We can pull him out of the coma when his skull seems on the road to recovery.”

Levi looked wildly between the two. This was no dream – this was a fucking nightmare. With a sudden smack of reality, Levi glanced down at his body. White shirt, white pants, black belt.

God fucking damnit.

Shit.

Mother _fucker._

The two left Levi after a few minutes, Hanji hanging back a bit longer to mutter various insults at Levi’s unconscious body, while Levi’s conscious form watched from a seat across the room. He had never truly appreciated the phrase “when the shit hits the fan” until that very moment. A constant string of curses cycled through his brain like some motivational chant as he stared at his body.

“I love when I let perfectly preventable bullshit happen,” Levi grumbled to no one in particular. “At least I look good in white,” he added to the empty room.

On the bright side, Levi thought, Erwin had suggested that he would more than likely recover and wake up. He was in an artificial coma and even though he was a dumbass about it, they had caught the life-threatening head injuries before they had killed him. It could have been a lot worse.

Flashes of odd memories shot through his mind with no particular order or importance. It was like someone had tried to write an algorithm for your life flashing before your eyes at the moment of death, but had fucked it up. The memories were a garbled pile of shit that just assaulted his mind at various intervals. One second he was tagging an underpass with his signature, the fumes of the can vivid in his mind; the next, he was being handed a mildly disappointing grade on one of his first tests in nursing school. Was this the shit that those brats put up with all the time? Were they constantly barraged by odd glimpses of their lives? It pissed Levi off.

Most irritating, though, was the strong pull he felt between himself and his body. Being any distance from his physical body provided intense discomfort and an unease that was increasingly difficult to battle as he moved further away from himself. How the hell had the brats conquered that? He had sort of taken it for granted.

Sighing with the weight of the last few months’ events, Levi slumped back into a chair near his body. It was more comfortable that way. “Well, I did need a vacation,” he grumbled. “Most people forego the brain trauma, though, and just put in for PTO.”

He felt an uncharacteristic lurch of loneliness. Rather, he felt incredibly small. It was like everything in the world existed on one plane of reality, but he was in another. He was truly the only thing in his reality – complete isolation.

Wait.

That wasn’t entirely true. There was at least one other person on his plane of reality. It wasn’t nearly enough, though. He was overwhelmed with an urge to laugh hysterically. The last thing he thought he’d ever miss was the constant presence of _people_. He was losing it. How the fuck had those brats put up with this.

This was worse than death. Levi tried to imagine that this was the last state of existence he’d know before death, like it had been for the brats, and he felt nauseous all over again. It was like seeing some large beast charging at you from the horizon, but being too paralyzed with fear to run. You could only wait as the beast charged, becoming more terrified as you were able to make out more horrifying features of the monster approaching.

 Levi shivered. No wonder Eren slept practically on his forehead. Everything was so cold.

 

\--

 

Morning came and went and Levi felt increasingly guilty. He hadn’t conquered the anxiety of leaving his body behind and he knew Eren would be really confused and possibly frantic by this point. Why hadn’t he left a damn note? Why hadn’t he taken the kid with him? Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He should leave the room. He should try to find Eren.

A wave of anxiety shot through his chest.

Stupid.

Where was Eren?

Stupid.

Why couldn’t he just leave the damn room?  
Stupid.

Why was he so damn cold?

Stupid.

Why hadn’t he seen a doctor earlier?

Stupid.

“ _Fuck_ me,” Levi cursed, throwing his hands up in frustration. He dragged his feet forcibly to the door and threw himself outside before his brain could think any more incoherent thoughts. It was like having a tooth pulled, but the pain shot through his chest. Similarly, though, it dulled after a few minutes to a lingering ache. He wondered if that ever stopped or if Eren’s chest ached constantly when he was away from the hospital. Hopefully not.

Slowly, pushing the ache aside, Levi trudged away from his room with a stubborn determination. If he were lucky, Eren would have returned to the 6th ward. It was early evening at this point, though, so it was hard to tell what Eren would do if he didn’t know where Levi was. It’s not like he had a ton to occupy his time.

He met Eren sooner than he expected, much to his relief, at one of the connecting hallways between the lobby and the branched off wards. Eren seemed mildly lost, but mostly bored. “Oi, brat!” He hailed him.

Eren perked up and turned to acknowledge Levi. “Where have you been?”

Levi hated explaining himself. What was he supposed to say?

Eren spared him that trouble. His eyes widened as he took in Levi’s identical outfit to his own. His jaw damn near hit the floor. “Oh shit,” he breathed.

“Oh shit is right.”

“Oh _shit_ ,” Eren repeated, louder this time.

“Damn right, oh shit.”

“ _Shit_.”

Levi shook his head in frustration. “Yes, we’ve established that. Shit. Lots of shit. I get it, trust me. I’m fine though.”

Blinking rapidly, Eren didn’t seem able to take his eyes off of Levi’s shirt. “Fine like I’m fine?” he managed sarcastically.

“Medically induced coma,” Levi returned. “I’ll likely wake up in a few weeks once my brain is done being a piece of shit.”

“Likely?” Eren was still blinking at a much more rapid pace than could ever be considered normal.

Levi nodded. He felt guilty for some reason. At least he got to wake up.

“How do you feel?”

“Awful,” Levi admitted. “This is the fucking worst.”

Eren smiled sympathetically. “Yeah. It’s cold, isn’t it?”

Nodding, Levi ran a hand distractedly through his hair. “It is.”

“Erwin detected another wave of activity on my scans,” Eren finally blurted out, dropping his eyes to the ground immediately afterward. “He says it’s unlikely that another error occurred.”

It was Levi’s turn to blink rapidly. “Uh, really?” Stupid. Why didn’t he say something positive for once.

“I guess so,” Eren said carefully. He was trying a little too hard not to be excited about the news. Hope was a dangerous thing.

“Be careful, kid,” Levi said seriously. “Don’t set your sights on anything. I don’t want to see you get hurt if it’s a false alarm.”

Eren nodded quickly. “I know. It’s dumb, forget about it.”

“Hey,” Levi said, causing Eren to look up from his shoes. “I hope it means something for you, though, kid. I really do. Let me do the hoping, eh?”

“Alright,” Eren agreed warmly.

Levi decided that any discussion of his possible handicaps upon waking up didn’t need to be discussed. Eren had enough to worry about at the moment, and Levi didn’t like to worry people about things he had no information on. For all he knew, he’d be normal when he woke up.

 

\--

 

_0 months, 23 days_

 

Things were very tentative for the both of them, that was for damn sure. It was like they were both waiting for the universe to decide what to do with their lives. They worked for a few days on getting Levi out of the hospital. Eren promised him that once you were able to force yourself outside for a few minutes, the rest was a hell of a lot easier. That was all well and good, but Levi wasn’t sure he could manage that much. Eren tried his best to be patient with him, but eventually Eren opted for the same tactic that Levi had decided upon when Eren had been trying to leave the hospital.

With no warning, Eren gave Levi a hard shove out of the door, followed by an instantaneous apology. He wanted nothing more than to bolt back inside, but Eren was blocking the door with his whole body, babbling apologies and promises at the furious look on Levi’s face.

“Move!” He hissed at Eren.

Flinching, Eren shut his eyes and shook his head violently.

Levi let out a groan and dropped his head into his hands, attempting to ride out the anxiety and ache pulling at every fiber of his being. To Eren’s credit, he didn’t move – though he looked like he wanted to. After a few minutes, Levi could feel the whirlwind of discomfort quieting down. Slowly, the tension was lifted from his body.

“Ugh,” Levi said intelligently.

Eren laughed nervously. “Yeah, same.”

“This is fucking awful.”

With one final look of suspicion, Eren finally moved from his position blocking the doorway back to the hospital. “It gets better,” he offered sympathetically.

“Hm,” Levi hummed, sitting down on the grass to regain his strength. The simple act of leaving the doorway left him far more exhausted than any overtime shift at the hospital had ever left him. Eren stood silently beside him, hands resting in his pockets, towering far above Levi.

His brain hurt. This was too much work. Levi let his head fall slightly to the side to rest on the side of Eren’s leg.

Too much work.

Eren patted Levi’s head lightly, a distracted gesture that was oddly comforting.

They remained there for an indiscernible amount of time. Time was an odd concept on their plane of reality, Levi found. Sometimes a minute dragged on for years, but sometimes you blinked and a day had come and gone.

At least, for the first time in nearly a week, Levi was able to bring himself to trudge home, pausing often to collect and reign in his anxiety. Eren was right, though: the hardest part was leaving that damn hospital. Whenever he had to stop, Eren waited patiently a few steps ahead. Levi appreciated that Eren didn’t offer any words of wisdom or encouragement. He was just there.

When they finally reached his apartment, Levi felt ancient. Even though he had only been away from the familiar building for less than a week, it felt like he hadn’t laid eyes on it in years.

Levi sighed. Why had that been so exhausting?

“You’ll be alright,” Eren said simply, continuing up the stairs ahead of Levi. “You’re too stubborn not to be.”

“Probably,” he admitted, a slight grin finding its way onto his features.

Making their way up to his apartment, Eren asked slyly, “Not so easy is it?”

“Piece of cake,” Levi returned.

Eren rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything as Levi let them into his apartment.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O boy plot.
> 
> No one gives me enough credit. Am I so cruel of an author that you think i've planned a horrifically sad ending for you guys? Honestly. No but really, we'll just have to see.
> 
> Thanks for reading, stay classy.
> 
> Cheers.


	25. Graffiti

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: I FORGOT TO POST CHAPTER 24 LAST NIGHT. Don't forget to check that one out too, wow major plot stuff i fucked up.
> 
> Oh boy, I'm somehow still updating through hellweek.
> 
> Life is weird that way.
> 
> We're so close to the end I can practically tASTE IT.  
> This fic is so much work, golly it's going to be nice to wrap it up. I hate things that go on forever and you keep waiting for updates and it drags on for years. My one goal was to not gather slack on this and finish it as soon as possible. So, I think I'm doing pretty well.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy the chapter.
> 
> Cheers.

\--

 

_0 months, 18 days_

 

Surprisingly, things didn’t change all that much despite Levi being out of commission for an indefinite period of time. He and Eren still fought over the piano, Levi was still mostly an asshole, Eren frequently let him know that, and they went about their lives as though nothing had changed. The only real difference was that Levi had some time off of work. Of course, it had taken near-death to get him a few weeks vacation time. But hey, vacation was vacation.

The anxiety of being away from his body faded as Eren had said it would, but it never really left him entirely. He felt like a boat without an anchor, hopelessly lost in an uncharted sea with nothing to keep him tethered to any solid point. It wasn’t easy to ignore, but Levi tried his best. At moments when it was worst, he thought of Annie, Bertolt, and Reiner who had been forced to accept that wandering existence as their new reality. Each time he thought of them he said a silent thanks to Erwin for going through the legal hassle of acquiring permission to end their life support. It was an alright temporary existence, but even the six months that the other brats had to endure seemed like far too much.

On the other hand, Levi was in a much different situation. He hated this state of existence, but only because he had something to return to. The more he thought about it, the more he wasn’t sure if he would choose this reality or none at all. Dying still scared the hell out of him. He talked a big game, but Levi knew his assurances and vague philosophizing to the brats was kind of bullshit. They were braver than he’d ever be. Even though it made him feel like shit to think so, he couldn’t help but revel in the fact that he would wake up from it all.

Despicable.

The only real exciting development during this time was Erwin’s intensive attention to Eren’s previously hopeless case. Slight blips of brain waves and activity became more frequent in his now rigorous scanning. While vastly frustrated, as far as Levi could tell, Erwin accepted the possible misdiagnosis and threw himself into hours of tedious monitoring and endless testing and retesting. To Eren’s credit, despite the positive news, he remained responsibly realistic about the whole thing.

When Levi would report back with updates from his periodic spying on Erwin’s activities, Eren would listen politely and thank Levi for the information, but he would never celebrate it. It actually kind of pissed Levi off. He was supposed to be the skeptical hard-ass. That was _his_ job.

Either way, the two of them continued their existences in a familiar pattern, full of an eclectic mix of jazz improvisations, Beethoven, a lot of bickering, and long periods of comfortable silence. Levi wasn’t really able to sleep, though, so he often left Eren to that activity. Neither of them were actually sure why Eren was able to sleep, anyways. As far as either of them could tell, none of the other brats had managed to pull that off.

That night was much like any other, Levi pounding out a new solo on a rather unorthodox chord progression while Eren complained that it was his turn to play.

“You know,” Eren said thoughtfully. “I think I was right.”

“Whatever you’re talking about, I highly doubt it,” Levi returned lightly. Eren-baiting was one of his favorite pastimes.

“No really,” Eren insisted, not losing his tone of reasonableness. The bait had failed. Abort mission. “You kind of _were_ Bruce Willis.”

“Oh perfect,” Levi spat. “My favorite comparison back to haunt me.”

“You’re just pissed because I was _right_.”

Disregard, mission was successful. Eren had risen to the bait.

Levi spared Eren a withering look. “Oh, please. You were not.”

Narrowing his eyes, Eren took on that expression he always wore when he was unprepared to surrender a conversation. “Well Haley Joel Osment didn’t fucking die in the Sixth Sense. This is like how in the end where Bruce Willis realizes he’s dead. You’ve been fucked over a long time, moron. Your fucked up brain shit was making you see dead people from the beginning – not some divine gift.”

“I’m not dying,” Levi snapped. “You’re Bruce Willis and we’re done talking about this.” Eren was grinning at him. Had Levi just been baited? That was a new one. Eren had turned his own game on him. The kid learned too quickly for his own good. “I think I liked the Jack Nicholson comparison better,” he added sourly.

“Because you’re crazy.” It wasn’t a question.

Levi sighed. “Because I’m crazy,” he affirmed. “And it’s your fault.”

Eren looked way too damn proud of that. Why couldn’t Levi have been haunted by someone who was less of a pain in the ass?

Speaking of that pain in the ass, Levi remembered his visit that morning to the hospital to see if Hanji had been watering the redbud tree. With a pang of guilt, Levi had realized that Hanji had instantly taken up care of the young tree without missing a beat. She was irritatingly thoughtful sometimes – but batshit off her rocker. In retrospect, that was probably why they got along. Birds of a feather, as they say. On his visit, he had stopped by Erwin’s office. Apparently Erwin had finally alerted Mikasa and Armin that Eren’s brainwaves were becoming more and more predictable and had proven consistent enough to begin a plan for an attempt to pull him out of the coma. The odds weren’t good, but at least there were odds now.

“Erwin’s going to try waking you up in a few weeks,” Levi called over his shoulder. “He’s not offering any probabilities, and it’s kind of a long-shot, but I thought you’d want to know.”

When Eren didn’t respond, Levi turned slightly to look at him. He looked pissed off. “What’s your deal?”

Eren shrugged grumpily. “I just kind of wish all of this shit wasn’t happening. The odds suck, but I can’t help but feel hopeful. It’s kind of cruel.”

“Yeah,” Levi agreed. What else was there to say?

“Should I feel hopeful?” Eren asked quietly.

Levi laughed, and Eren glared at him. “Kid, you’re dying and you’re worried a little hope will make it worse? As long as you know the odds, I don’t think there’s a problem. Comfort yourself, moron. It doesn’t matter if it’s a lie.”

Rolling his eyes, Eren sank further into the couch. “Treat myself like a moron then?”

“Yeah, follow my example,” Levi chuckled, flourishing his solo with a fast downward arpeggio. “But seriously, don’t be like me. You never struck me as a cynic. Leave that to me, kid.”

“I’m really jealous of you,” Eren admitted sheepishly. “I’m trying to be happy that you get to wake up, but I’m just insanely jealous. It’s ridiculous.”

“And I’m an asshole because I’m glad I’m not you,” Levi said, shrugging. “Feel how you feel, Eren. There’s no one to impress here. Be pissed, be sad, be confused, hell be jealous – it doesn’t matter.”

Eren laughed a bit. “I’m glad you’re not preachy. The fact that you’re an awful person is actually more comforting than someone trying to tell me to be brave and shit. That would be the fucking worst.”

“Good people suck,” Levi agreed, smiling down at the keys as his fingers danced across them lightly. “They just make you feel like a piece of shit.”

“Thanks for being an asshole, I guess,” Eren chuckled.

“Any time, kid. No really – any time. I don’t actually have an alternative.”

Grinning with determination, Eren sat up on the couch. “In that case, fuck you for getting a second chance. Fuck you for getting to wake up from this.” It wasn’t malicious, but eerily sincere.

Levi shrugged. “Alright. Well, fuck you for dying.”

They both relaxed into communicative silence while Levi continued plodding away at the endless looping solo, a warm sense of realness settling on their otherwise un-real plane of reality.

 

\--

 

 

_0 months, 15 days_

For lack of anything better to do, and because sometimes they couldn’t quite agree on who could play the piano next, Levi and Eren spent a lot of time walking. They didn’t walk anywhere in particular and had no real destination in mind – it was just a way to kill some time. The weather was still frigid, but now that Levi’s existence was an uncomfortably cold one, the air outside made little difference to him.

Today they had walked a little farther than usual, heading near one of the more urban areas of the county. It was an old city neighborhood with countless stretched out buildings, smashed together in incredibly efficient, cramped patterns. Each corner was filled with children sitting on steps, dribbling basketballs, or just standing around. While it wasn’t a completely impoverished area, it certainly wasn’t harboring any of the middle-class members of the community. Levi had grown up in a neighborhood nearly identical to the one they were strolling through and the smell of car exhaust, cheap paint, and cigarette smoke was pleasantly nostalgic. Small communities had a charm about them. When you had little chance of aspiring to anything more than a steady job and a small apartment, people made other things more important to them: families were closer, neighbors actually acted neighborly, and kids grew up fighting their own battles and protecting their friends and neighbors. What they lacked in material wealth, they made up for in loyalty and a mutual interest in survival. Rich people stole to be richer; poor people stole to survive. Crime was different in the world of the lower class. Levi missed the streets more than he cared to admit sometimes. Walking through that neighborhood while the sun hid behind a thick wall of grey clouds was like being home.

“This reminds me of where I grew up,” Eren observed.

Levi nodded. “Me too.”

“I met Armin and Mikasa in my old neighborhood.” Eren was staring at a small group of adolescents who were joking and teasing each other, kicking around a dirty old soccer ball. “I loved that shithole of a street,” he said fondly. “We got up to so much shit.”

Smiling a bit, Levi nodded in mutual reminiscing. “Kind of makes me feel sorry for those rich kids who never did time on the street. How do they make it without going through the shit we did?”

“Money, I guess,” Eren laughed. “I don’t feel sorry for them. At least they probably had two parents and enough money to pay their bills each month.”

Levi hummed in agreement. He was a little distracted and more than a little enthralled with the graffiti that decorated nearly every inch of the neighborhood. It wasn’t disrespectful or crude, but artistic. People often mixed up vandalism and graffiti. Gang allure was high in the poor neighborhood where Levi had grown up, but what had really attracted him was tagging. The smell of aerosol and the accomplishment of marking your territory with sweeping designs and colorful displays of creativity mesmerized him. It still kind of did.

As they rounded a corner a young boy with a black hooded jacket pulled over his head materialized in front of them, a large black duffle bag slung over his shoulder.

“I recognize _that_ look,” Levi chuckled.

Looking around a few times to see if the coast was clear, the boy carefully lowered the bag to the ground and produced a can of high quality spray paint from within. Before he could even finish shaking it, though, a short, thick police officer with her hair pulled back in a neat ponytail shouted out to him. “You better not be thinkin’ of tagging that wall, son.”

The kid dropped the can in surprise and took off down the opposite end of the alley. For a moment it seemed as though the officer was going to give chase, but instead she gave a wave of dismissal. “Eh, kids,” she muttered, confiscating the dropped paint can. Levi watched her retreat back to her vehicle and speed off, leaving him and Eren standing alone in the alleyway.

The black duffle bag was abandoned on the ground.

Far too tempting.

Levi considered the wall the child had obviously planned on marking. It had been recently repainted and was dangerously clean – the perfect canvas. No wonder the kid had wanted to tag it. Eren sensed Levi’s attention to the black bag and knelt down to examine its contents. Inside were nearly two-dozen new cans of spray paint in varying high quality colors.

“We should probably get rid of these,” Eren said.

Levi nodded. “Yeah.”

“It would be bad if these got into the wrong hands.”

Levi nodded again. “Probably.”

After a moment, Eren cocked his head to the side, still considering the cans of spray paint. “Do you want to paint this wall as much as I do?”

“God, I thought you’d never ask.”

Eren was kind of shit with the spray paint and mostly stuck to small designs at the edges of the wall, not wanting to ruin the main space of the canvas or intrude on Levi’s work. Within the center of the wall, Levi laid out a blocky, bold style depicting the concrete jungles he had grown up in. It was overly colorful and exaggerated, but Levi was proud of it. Being out of practice hadn’t dulled the skills he had picked up in his youth.

They had to have been there for hours, Eren doodling in the corners of the wall, Levi working intently at his masterpiece. Eventually, Levi was satisfied and signed the work with his old street tag before stepping back to admire the work.

“Were you in, like, Picasso’s street gang or what?” Eren asked doubtfully. “I thought graffiti was supposed to be all gang symbols and street names and drug references.”

“No tagger worth shit would call that art,” Levi scoffed. “Real tagging is more than marking territory, kid.”

Eren shrugged. “I give up trying to get you.”

“Took you long enough.”

In high spirits and covered in flecks, drips, and smears of paint, the two headed home, Levi feeling uncharacteristically talkative. Normally Eren talked _his_ ear off while he pretended to listen (or pretended not to). This time, though, Levi recounted tale after tale of street stories, regaling his numerous encounters with the law and all of the quirks that made city life as engaging as he had found it.

For whatever reason, he couldn’t stop talking.

He had never thought much about his childhood or early adulthood until now. It had all been tucked neatly away in some locked filing cabinet in his own brain, filed under “useless” or “irrelevant”. He talked about his old gang. He talked about his first taste of jazz piano at a hole-in-the-wall bar down the block from his house. He talked about everything. He just talked.

Levi chalked it all up to nearly dying. It gave you this weird desperation to prove you had existed. No one knew anything about Levi, really. Something about his state of quasi-existence triggered a need to scream out to the universe that he had, indeed, existed at one point. He settled for chatting Eren’s ears off instead. Eren didn’t seem to mind, anyways.

“I thought we looked like painters _before_ ,” Eren joked. “But damn was I wrong. Look at us now.”

Levi could appreciate that. Now they were all in white and covered in actual paint. “Well, we were doing painting of sorts.”

“Vandalism more like,” Eren countered. “You were one illegal motherfucker, you know that? I never did shit like that,” he laughed. “Either my mom would have kicked my ass, or Mikasa would. I couldn’t get away with anything.”  
“Eh, that’s a good thing,” Levi laughed. “It means they cared. Or they just liked kicking your ass. Either way, I don’t have a problem with it.”

“Yeah, fuck you too.”

For once, Eren didn’t fight him for the piano when they got back to the apartment. Instead, Eren wanted to sit on the bench as well and try his hand at jazz again. He was pretty novice, and far too technical for his own good, but not terrible. Levi ran circles around him on the keys, one-upping his every turn of phrase. Eventually it seemed to piss Eren off and Levi began to see the first signs of real talent from the kid. Eren did everything better when he was pissed off.

“You’re not even trying,” Levi laughed as he slammed his hand upwards and then back down in a fancy maneuver. “Keep up.”

Eyebrows drawn together in concentration, Eren shot Levi a glare. “You’re the worst teacher, you know that? You’re just showing off.”

“Obviously.”

Levi wouldn’t admit it, but Eren was getting better and better with each turning cycle. There was that learning curve again.

“Why don’t you play for money anymore?” Eren asked.

Levi shrugged. “I don’t really know.”

“Well, you should. Even just as a hobby.” Eren repeated a trick Levi had pulled a few progressions earlier.

It wasn’t a terrible idea.

“I’ll think about it, kid,” Levi said lightly. “That teaching job will mean more money and less hours for me. It’s not unreasonable.”

Relaxing his concentration noticeably, Eren smiled down at the keys. “I see why you like jazz. You’re right: it requires you to actually not give a single fuck. That probably explains why I’m shit at it.”

Levi smirked. “That’s probably a good thing. You’re not shit, though. You’re a grade above shit. You’re like, soil. Good quality soil, maybe.”

“That was a compliment, right?”

Instead of answering, Levi dove headlong into the first basic progression that Eren had attempted with him months earlier. He raised his eyebrows as an invitation for Eren to join in. Eren hesitated and Levi gave him a reproachful look. “What? You don’t think you’ve improved? You’re minding the progression, you’re minding what’s going to happen tomorrow, you’re minding whether or not this will sound bad, you’re minding what I’m going to do when this is all over. Too many minds, Eren. Life isn’t some big fucking agenda with do’s and don’ts and nows or laters. Just play the fucking music.”

Eren nodded once, a refreshed look of determination in his eyes as he crept into the progression.

Well, it sounded a little better anyways.

After a few cycles, Eren shifted his gaze slightly to eye Levi. “What do you mind then? Since I apparently mind everything.”

“You don’t get points for caring, Eren,” Levi said firmly. “There’s not some grand total at the end. You want to know what I mind? I mind a lot of shit. But I can play music like I don’t mind a damn thing.”

“But how do I do that?” Eren pouted, staring intently at his briskly moving fingers. “I can’t just turn my brain off.”

“Control is an illusion kid. I’m not turning anything off. I’m acknowledging my thoughts and letting them go. They’ll come back later if they’re important enough. Stuff has a funny way of doing that.”

“I’ll get it eventually,” Eren decided, falling silent as the progression rattled on and on. Eventually Levi let Eren play solo, maintaining his own chord cycle and soloing overtop the basic line. After a while, though, Eren seemed too exhausted to maintain the music and faded out sadly into sustained silence. “Why is not caring so hard?”

“You were born to care, I guess. Tough luck kid,” Levi laughed softly. Eren was slumped beside him, hands clasped in his lap, eyes drooping with the effort of it all. Levi began a simple waltzing right hand pattern, reminisce of an old blues song he had heard a sad old man play in a bar once, not bothering to supplement it with a harmony or bass line. It sounded naked after the complicated patchwork of winding tunes that had bombarded the apartment all night. The simplicity of it was nice, though, and after a few minutes of the lonely melody, Eren let his head fall slightly to the side, resting on Levi’s arm.

Well, Levi figured,  _someone_ should care.

Slowly Levi picked up the left hand of the sad tune, trying to move his arm as little as possible while Eren dozed quietly beside him.

“If you drool on my arm, I’ll light you on fire,” Levi hummed over the plodding, doleful melody.

Eren didn’t respond.

Asleep.

 Ah, well. So it goes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good stuff. Sorry if my writing is boring. I'm not a super dramatic writer, because I try to appeal to themes that I think most people can actually identify with? That's the goal anyways.
> 
> Thanks to all of you who still read, it really means a lot to me. Enjoy your friday tomorrow!
> 
> Cheers.


	26. Luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O snap. I've had such a hell week. I went into major overtime and I've been neglecting everything in life. It happens. I'll get back into it, no worries.
> 
> Anyways, we are wrapping up here veRY SHORTLY. WOW. We're looking at one more chapter, and then an epilogue (expect a pretty lengthy epilogue).
> 
> Cheers.

\--

 

_0 months, 10 days_

 

“Oi!” Levi spluttered as Eren plucked the cigarette from his mouth and squashed it out of use on the frame of the door Levi was standing in.

Eren frowned slightly, still holding the put-out cigarette.

“What was that for? Someone paid good money for that,” he snapped, grabbing at Eren’s hand. Eren kept him away with his other arm, though, which was significantly longer than Levi’s and kept him effectively away. “Give it!”

“Did you jack this from someone?” Eren asked doubtfully. “You stole someone’s cigarette?” He was looking at Levi like a child who had been caught doing something they shouldn’t have been doing.

Fucking brat.

“Oh, come off it. It was just one,” Levi grumbled, still reaching for Eren’s other hand. Eren was now keeping him at bay with one hand on Levi’s head. He struggled against the restraint on his head. “Would you quit that?” He growled.

Eren smiled slightly. “No.”

Levi knocked Eren’s hand from his head and made another dive for the cigarette, but was blocked again by Eren’s forearm pressing firmly against his chest. “I swear to god you have four seconds to give that back.”

By that point Eren was no longer able to suppress the grin creeping onto his features. “What’s wrong, Levi? A little short-handed, there?”

Lev couldn’t be sure, but he suspected there was steam coming from his nostrils. “I will drop your ass to the ground right here if you don’t hand that over,” he said calmly, a dangerous quietness in his voice.

Eren was trying desperately to reconfigure his face into something that resembled a serious look. “I didn’t think smoking was one of your _short_ comings,” he managed, his faux-serious demeanor threatening to fall to pieces at any moment.

Levi’s eyes widened and he felt something snap in his brain. With a final desperate lunge, he made a grab for the cigarette. Yet again, he was held back by Eren’s longer arms.

“What’s wrong, Levi?” Eren asked, fighting back a grin. “You’re temper’s a little short today,” he snorted, unable to keep the stupid look of victory off of his stupid face.

“You’re so fucking dead.”

Levi took a hard swing at Eren’s stomach, but Eren dodged it by a hair, fleeing back into the hospital.

Oh _fuck_ no.

“Jaeger! You give me back that goddamn cigarette or I will hunt you down and pull your intestines out your fucking nostrils so fucking fast that your grandchildren will shit out their noses!” Levi roared, stomping down the hallway after him.

He wouldn’t be reduced to running, unlike the brat, so Levi had a hell of a time finding him. After nearly twenty minutes of storming around the hospital, knocking clipboards out of confused nurses’ hands and maintaining a constant stream of expletives and creative threats, Levi felt his anger subsiding. Eren was too good at hiding. His rampage pattered out to a vague sense of irritation, and he continued his search out of a lack of anything better to do, rather than for any particular vengeance. The kid had worn him out.

Some time later, Levi found Eren lounging against the cabinets in the 6th ward nurse’s station.

Of course.

That was the last place Levi would have looked. No wonder Eren was there.

“Oi! Big Bird!” Levi hailed Eren, causing him to spin around so fast he almost fell.

Eren seemed to consider making a break for it, but relaxed when he saw that Levi’s head wasn’t spinning anymore. “You’re pretty slow, old man,” he sniggered.

Levi rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I get it: I’m old and I’m short. Now give me back my fucking cigarette.” He held out his hand this time, not making any move to approach Eren. Levi knew when he was beat in that regard.

Grinning ruefully, Eren held his hands up in surrender. “Sorry, I pitched it in the garbage can,” he said, pointing at the small waste bin across the hall.

Sighing, Levi plopped down on a tall stool in the station, spent from his anger and unwilling to continue the argument. “Oh, whatever,” he mumbled.

“You don’t even smoke, though,” Eren observed. “What’s the deal, old man?”

Levi shrugged. “I used to. It’s kind of hard to work in a jazz bar in the nineties and not smoke, kid.” He rubbed the back of his hair absently, images of cheap, smoky bars swimming before his eyes. “Being a nurse, though, it’s hard to tell people not to do dumb shit that only kills them faster when you do it yourself. I went cold turkey on it and quit when I started working here. Didn’t feel like dying of lung cancer.”

Laughing lightly, Eren nodded his agreement. “Yeah, but then again, you could go your whole life not smoking and still get brained by a hammer in a construction zone before your time.”  
“It’s all luck, then, is it?” Levi mused.

Eren shrugged. “Not until something really unlucky happens to you. People believe in luck when they can’t explain things that happen. If you get cancer after smoking a pack a day for thirty years, it’s just desserts. If you get cancer after being healthy your whole life, it’s bad luck.”

Levi hummed in agreement.

“It’s not bad luck, though. It’s probably just genetics. Luck is easier to swallow than inevitability, I guess.”

Nodding, Levi raised an imaginary glass in a fake toast. “I’ll drink to that.”

Eren returned the gesture, clinking fake glasses together in agreement.

“But hey,” Eren added, “we get what we get in life. No use trying to explain it, I suppose.”

“I suppose so,” Levi concurred. “So you’ll give me my cigarette back, then?”

“Only if you want to go rifle through the trash,” Eren snorted.

Smirking, Levi shrugged. “Worth a try. I didn’t think you’d actually pitch it.”

“That shit’ll kill you, Levi.” Eren was playing absently with the jar of thermometers, a slight smile on his face.

“I’m not even really alive right now, dipshit.”

Looking up from the jar of thermometers, Eren opened his mouth to retort, but snapped it shut at the sight of something past Levi’s head. His eyes widened slightly, eyebrows pulled upward.

Levi whipped around to see a faint glow coming from the hallway and a thin trail of smoke. He and Eren bolted out of the nurse’s station to the trash can where Eren had deposited the cigarette, which was now host to a small inferno, contained neatly within the receptacle, but producing a ridiculous amount of smoke.

“What the fuck did you do?” Levi hissed. “You’re gonna burn the fucking hospital down you piece of shit.”

Eren scrubbed at his scalp, panicking and unable to produce coherent thoughts. “Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, I fucked up, I fucked up, the hospital, fire, fucking fuck, fire god damnit, fuck, I fucked up, shit, holy hell, what do we do, I fucked up, why the fuck, how the fuck, Levi do something,” he ranted in quick succession.

“Fire extinguisher!” Levi exclaimed, grabbing the front of Eren’s shirt. “We need a goddamn fire extinguisher, you blubbering pansy!”

Eren snapped out of his colorful chanting and pointed down the hallway. “I think there’s one by Connie’s old room.”

The two of them dashed down the hallway, tripping over each other in their haste.  Eren arrived at the glass case containing a fire extinguisher first, but was unsure of how to proceed. When Levi reached the case, he pointed at the writing on the glass, slightly out of breath. “Break glass in case of emergency,” he recited, trying to catch his breath. “We have to break the glass.”

“With what?” Eren asked wildly. “There’s nothing to break it with!” After spinning around, attempting unsuccessfully to find something to break the glass with, he turned upon Levi. “Just, like, punch it in or something?”

“Punch it in?” Levi repeated blankly. “I’ll break my fucking hand.”

Eren threw his hands up, panic settling back between them. “You’re not even a corporeal form – you’re like, a fucking ghost, Levi! It’s not like you can get hurt or anything. Just punch in the fucking glass, you’ll be fine.”

The kid had a point.

Levi took a moment to gather his wits before pulling his arm back and launching his fist through the glass.

Well.

That hurt like a motherfucker.

Levi jerked his hand back through the mess of broken glass, staring at the bloody mass that resembled his hand at one point.

Eren’s eyes were so wide they looked like they would pop out of his skull. Levi figured his probably weren’t much better.

The long wail of panic that Eren emitted started quietly and wound up like a siren, reaching full pitch as Levi waved his bleeding hand in Eren’s face angrily. “You _fucking asshole_!” He roared, shaking droplets of blood on Eren’s shirt. “You said ghosts couldn’t get hurt,” he stammered, waving his injured hand around wildly.

Eren was pulling at his hair, trying not to vomit. “How was I supposed to know? Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” he chanted, visibly torn between expressing concern for Levi’s hand and being unable to actually look at the bloody limb. “I set the hospital on fire and now I made you cut your hand off!”

“I didn’t cut my fucking hand off,” Levi returned, trying to keep the panic from his voice. He wasn’t really convinced that he hadn’t cut his hand off. “Why do I even listen to you on this shit? Jesus fucking Christ, Eren, stop shouting. Get the goddamn fire extinguisher and put out the fire before we all die in this shitty hospital.

Eren snapped out of his panic and pulled the fire extinguisher from the wreckage of the glass case, scurrying off to put out the trash can fire. After standing awkwardly by the broken case for a few moments, nursing his bleeding hand, Levi headed off to make sure the brat was able to put the fire out. Within a few steps, though, the fire alarm went off and he groaned. “Fucking perfect,” he muttered, stomping back to Eren.

The fire had been put out, fortunately. The smoke triggered the fire alarm late, though, so the hospital still had to evacuate even though the fire had been put out. Levi and Eren didn’t bother, though, because they knew the fire was under control. Instead they stood there, staring dumbly at the singed trash can, Levi’s hand dripping small drops of blood on the floor.

“I fucked up,” Eren announced.

Levi nodded. “You fucked up.” He wiped his hand wordlessly on the front of Eren’s shirt in a small gesture of blame.

Eren handed Levi a new cigarette wordlessly, and Levi accepted it.

He answered Levi’s unasked question. “You don’t think a guy can work construction for a few years and not start smoking, do you?”

“You little shit,” Levi returned.

They stood there for a little while longer watching the trash can smolder until the fire department came to assess the damage. From that point, Levi and Eren headed to one of the unoccupied rooms in the 6th ward, so Levi could instruct Eren on how to bandage his hand, while Eren fucked it up. Eren was a shit nurse. He kind of wrapped Levi’s hand like he would wrap someone’s knuckles before a fist fight, but Levi didn’t say anything. It was better than nothing.

Afterwards, the two of them headed outside for a smoke, dragging wordlessly on the cigarettes in the sinking daylight.

“You’re a hypocrite, Jaeger,” Levi drawled.

Eren grinned and dropped his cigarette on the ground, stomping it out with his shoe. “Yeah, I know.”

Levi smirked. “So do you believe in luck, then? Or are you making your own luck? Initiating Russian roulette before life signs you up anyways?”

“Nope. Just killing time.”

Making a noncommittal noise, Levi stamped out his own cigarette. “Eh, I remember these things being a lot better when I was some dumbass kid. Guess I don’t miss them as much as I thought I did.”

Eren shrugged. “Sorry about your hand.”

Examining his poorly bandaged hand, Levi sighed. “Well, at least you don’t have to worry about me ever taking your advice again.”

“Yeah, because you make _such_ good decisions,” Eren muttered.

Levi smirked at his hand. “What the hell is the point of being a ghost if you can still bust your fucking hand? I want to ask God for a ruling on this one.”

“Does it hurt?” Eren asked casually, grinding his foot into a discarded cigarette absently.

Frowning, Levi considered his hand. “You know, it really does. How the fuck does that even happen? We all had ghost physics completely ass-backwards. I can’t figure this shit out.”

Laughing lightly, Eren took a seat on the stoop of the stairwell exit, stretching his legs out in front of him. “At least we didn’t burn the hospital down.”

“Excuse you,” Levi corrected him, taking a seat next to the kid, “I didn’t almost burn down anything. That was all you, kid.”

“Doubt it,” Eren returned, leaning back on his hands. “You shouldn’t have been smoking, old man.”

“Oi! You’re the one with a secret stash of cigarettes.”

Eren gave him a withering look. “Yeah, but I’m dying. I can do whatever the fuck I want.”

“Oh, is that how this works?” Levi scoffed.

Eren leaned slightly into Levi so there shoulders were touching, a friendly gesture that Levi didn’t actually mind all that much. “That’s how it works,” Eren confirmed.

“My hand hurts,” Levi grumbled, flexing his fingers.

“You shouldn’t have punched through a piece of glass, then,” Eren sniggered.

Shooting Eren a glare, Levi elbowed him lightly – not hard enough to eliminate the contact between them. “It was your bright idea, dumbass.”

Eren winced, a mischievous grin on his face. “Yeah, but you _know_ I’m a dumbass and you listened to me anyways. What do you call someone who takes a fool’s advice?”

“A fool,” Levi admitted, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

 

\--

 

_0 months, 9 days_

Levi considered the small redbud tree. It was healthy. It looked great.

“Told you it would outlive us all,” he said proudly, shooting Eren a smug look.

Eren grinned back. “You did,” he confirmed. “But probably only because we’re both morons. Non-sentient beings don’t have to worry about fucking their own lives up.”

“Imagine how boring that is, though,” Levi returned lightly. “Turns out I’m having the most fun when I’m fucking things up.”

“Are you saying, _sir_ , that you have actually been having _fun_ these last few months?” Eren teased.

Narrowing his eyes, Levi returned to watering the tree. “I plead the fifth.”

“No need,” Eren laughed, “You’ve already incriminated yourself.”

 

\--

 

_0 months, 8 days_

 

“You still scared of dying?” Levi asked casually, without missing a beat of the tag-team jazz piece the two of them were playing.

Eren was concentrating hard on the solo he was embellishing and didn’t answer for a few cycles of chords. “Yeah,” he said distractedly.

“Huh,” Levi acknowledged, trying to cut into Eren’s solo with something more impressive.

Eren countered the interruption and played off of Levi’s riff in a more impressive manner. The damn kid was getting too good. “Are you?”

Levi attempted again to steal the spotlight from Eren, this time succeeding. “Yeah.”

Eren fell back into harmony, allowing Levi to take the solo from him. “Okay.”

 

\--

 

_0 months, 7 days_

“They’re pulling me out of my coma on the same day as you.”

Eren nodded from his position on the piano bench beside Levi. “Weird coincidence.”

“Do you still think luck is a load of shit?” Levi had allowed Eren to play the slow, waltzing jazz solo alone this time, plodding along the bass line contentedly.

“Luck won’t affect what happens next week,” Eren said simply. “Just how we explain it afterwards. It’s not a cause, it’s a rationalization.”

Levi hummed. “Yeah, but what about the human existence is rational?”

“Not nearly enough,” Eren laughed.

 

\--

 

_0 months, 6 days_

Levi was finally able to play Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata without sounding like shit. Some music you needed to feel to play it. Some songs you can’t conjure up artificial emotion for – sometimes you actually need to feel like your guts are climbing up into your heart and your lungs are so full of anxiety that you want to puke to be able to play something well. Levi wished he couldn’t play it so well.

“Why are you playing that?” Eren asked curiously, after Levi had finished running through the sonata for what must have been the sixth time.

“Because I actually _can_ tonight,” Levi answered simply.

“It sounds good,” Eren offered. “It’s funny how I can only tell how you’re feeling when you’re behind that damn piano.”

“It’s all in your head, kid,” Levi chuckled, letting his fingers hover above the keys, unsure of what to play next.

“You’re really that scared?” Eren asked quietly.

Levi frowned and launched back into the same sonata. “Aren’t you?”

“I’m trying not to be.”

After a few moments, Levi made to open his mouth, but shut it again.

That was dumb.

Don’t say that.

Don’t be an asshole.

“Can you do me a favor?” Levi asked over the melancholic music.

Ah fuck it. He was despicable anyways.

“Maybe,” Eren answered carefully.

“Can you tell me you’re not scared? Even though you are? Can you just tell me you’re okay with whatever happens?”

Eren considered this for a painfully long time.

Levi decided to clarify. “Can’t you just lie to me, kid?”

After another period of painful silence, Eren laughed a bit, relaxing the tension in the room. “Sure, Levi. I’m fine. No worries here.”

“Good. Me neither,” Levi lied. “Now shut up and let me finish this damn song.”

Eren narrowed his eyes at the hypocrisy, but didn’t make an audible protest.

 

\--

 

_0 months, 5 days_

“You know how you said that people only believe in religion when they have a need for it? You said that people are agnostic at heart until something good or bad enough happens where they either need to believe that there’s someone controlling everything, or that nothing can be controlled.”

Levi nodded, staring at the ancient willow tree, tapping its drooping branches on the calm surface of the water at each rustle of wind. “Yeah, sounds about right.”

“Was this it for you? Was this bad enough to make you form an opinion on the whole thing?” Eren’s hands were shoved into his pockets, eyes turned toward Levi in a look of genuine curiosity.

“Guess not,” Levi said truthfully. “What about you?”

“Guess not,” Eren echoed. “Is it worse to believe in something wrong, or to not believe in anything?”

It was a good question. Levi didn’t answer right away, but continued to watch the willow tap periodically at the pond, ripples dancing away at each contact in the quiet evening. “Believing isn’t a judge-able action, I don’t think,” he said carefully. “No one knows what goes on in your skull. I think it’s all about what you do. You can only be judged on real actions.”

“So believe whatever the fuck I want, but act in whatever way will leave me satisfied in the end?” Eren was also staring at the old willow.

“Sounds good to me,” Levi agreed, picking up a small pebble and skipping it across the surface of the previously smooth pond.

Eren nodded firmly. “I like that.” He picked up a rock as well and joined Levi at the edge where he skipped the smooth stone skillfully. “In that case, what I believe is no one’s damn business. Not even God or Buddah or whoever the hell is tapping in on moral surveillance.”

“Damn straight,” Levi agreed.

 

\--

 

_0 months, 4 days_

“What are you going to do if you wake up?”

Eren poked at his body’s cheek, trying hard not to appear bored. “Eat. I’m going to eat _everything_.”

Levi grinned because Eren couldn’t see him from his position. “Has anyone ever told you how poetic you are?”

“Fuck you,” Eren returned. “Food was basically half of my joy in life.”

“Whatever, kid. I’m having a big glass of whiskey and a long nap.”

Eren turned around to face Levi. “I’ll take you up on that if I wake up,” he said warmly.

“Oh wow,” Levi laughed. “I don’t even have to get you drunk _before_ asking you to sleep with me. My game is better than I thought.”

Narrowing his eyes, Eren gave Levi a reprimanding look. “Keep dreaming, old man. I’m up for a nap, not celebratory sex.”

“We’ll see about that,” Levi teased. “Now who’s the old man?”

Eren rolled his eyes. “You’re the worst.”

 

\--

 

_0 months, 3 days_

“Want to put a bet on it?”

“On my life?” Eren clarified doubtfully. “You want to make a wager on my life.”

Levi nodded.

“Oh, fine.” Eren sighed. “What’s the wager?”

“I bet my piano you won’t wake up. If you wake up, it’s all yours,” Levi said seriously.

“And if I don’t wake up?” Eren asked suspiciously.

“Nothing. I’m giving you an incentive to wake up. Show me it’s not luck, why don’t you?” Levi looked pointedly at Eren, a silent dare.

“You’re on old man,” Eren said, taking Levi’s offered hand in a firm handshake.

 

\--

 

_0 months, 2 days_

Levi and Eren were sitting back to back, leaning on each other as they sorted through some of Levi’s old tax documents, attempting to make sense of things just in case Levi’s wake-up call didn’t go as planned. It was dry work, but Eren helped him without complaint.

“So we don’t have to have some sappy heart-to-heart, right?” Levi asked casually, thumbing through old receipts.

Eren laughed. “Nah, I’m good. Words cheapen everything. I can call you an asshole a few more times, though, if you’re feeling nostalgic,” he added.

“Oh, please do,” Levi said sarcastically.

“Alright then: You’re an asshole. For whatever reason, though, I’m oddly…” he trailed off. “Trying to find a good word here,” he explained. “Something not awfully cliché. Help me out.”

They thought a moment, pausing in the rifling of documents. “Sick of me?” Levi offered jokingly.

“No, no, something more positive,” Eren countered.

“Wildly in love with me?” Levi chuckled.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Eren said, laughter betraying his attempted jab. After a few more moments of silence, Eren snapped his fingers. “Ah! Infatuated. I’m infatuated with you.”

Levi nodded. “Good one. I didn’t think you had that kind of vocabulary.”

“I’m infatuated with you, asshole,” Eren laughed, returning to the rifling of documents.

“Mhm,” Levi hummed. “You’ve no accounting for taste, though.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”

 

\--

 

_0 months, 1 day_

“Me too,” Levi said out of the blue.

Eren looked up from the piano. “Huh?”

“I said, I’m infatuated with you too, brat. I won’t repeat it.”

Eren smiled fondly down at his fingers as they plodded out some Bach piece. “I know.”

Levi narrowed his eyes at the back of Eren’s head. “How do you know?”

“Because we play piano and argue and get pissed at each other and do stupid shit together and we can not say a damn thing for hours on end but it’s somehow just as good as talking. Seems pretty clear to me.”

“Yeah,” Levi said thoughtfully. “I guess so.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hell yes coming down to the wire.
> 
> Next update shit is goin' down. No promises on when that one will come out. The last chapter won't be super long, but the epilogue will be kind of lengthy.
> 
> Thanks all for sticking with me and wowowow look how many read my story, that makes me super happy.
> 
> Enjoy your Tuesdays everyone. I'll try and update before the week is out.
> 
> Much love.
> 
> Cheers.


	27. Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O wow. I'm such an asshole. 80,000 words of story for a final chapter that doesn't even hit 2,000 words.
> 
> Ahahaha.
> 
> No, but hold your horses for the note at the end, I'll explain shit.
> 
> Cheers.

 

_0 months, 0 days_

They were standing awkwardly in the hospital outside of Eren’s room. Of course they were being woken up at practically the same time. Of all the hours in a day, their lives were being decided in damn near the same moment. Life really was weird that way.

Considering each other, they stood there in silence.

“How come in movies they always know what to say right before shit goes down?” Eren finally laughed.

Levi shrugged. “Eh, it’s fine. I’ve got nothing either.” He stood rooted to the spot, mirroring Eren’s stance, hands shoved into his pockets, head cocked slightly to the side. “So, uh, good luck, I suppose?”

“Thank you, I suppose,” Eren teased. “Same to you, old man.”

“Do you want me to stick around here? I technically don’t have to be in my room when they wake me up. I can hang around as long as I’m allowed.”

Eren shook his head. “Nah, we’ve both got to worry about ourselves now. That’s why we work: because we don’t do that dumb shit where we think someone is more important than ourselves. No self-sacrifice here – just survival. Go take care of you. I'll take care of me.”

“Roger that,” Levi agreed. “Just remember: if you see a light at the end of a tunnel, turn in the other direction and run like hell.”

Grinning, Eren extended a hand toward Levi. Levi took the offered hand and shook it firmly, patting Eren’s shoulder with his other hand. “Got it,” Eren laughed. “Stay away from the light.”

“Alright kid,” Levi said with finality, releasing Eren’s hand. “Happy trails, I guess.”

“You too, Levi.” Eren took a final look at Levi and flashed him a small smile before turning on his heel to head into the room where Mikasa, Erwin, and Armin were gathered around his bedside.

“Cheers,” Levi said quietly, watching Eren’s back disappear into the room.

Levi didn’t know what he envisioned when he finally rid himself of the last brat, but it probably would have been something pretty similar to what had happened. There’s just no good way to send someone off. You spend your whole life thinking that endings have to be grand and important, with figurative fireworks and some big reveal of universal truth. They’re not, though. Endings are always unsatisfying, because no matter how many times you tell yourself that you’re not expecting the fireworks and the drama and the reveal, you can’t help but hope they’re there anyways. But they won’t be. Endings are actually the least eventful part of your whole life.

Maybe people just think they _deserve_ fireworks.

Don’t we?

Like, congrats on making it to the finish line, let’s throw a party.

Nope.

Nothing like that.

Just Levi walking down the deserted hallway of the 6th ward, the silence and utter non-existence of it all pressing down on him from every direction. He wasn’t really sure how to feel about it. It was too damn quiet.

Was he sad?

Probably not. That wasn’t it. He was just a little empty.

Endings were _empty_. That was it.

But this wasn’t Levi’s ending. He knew that. Someday there was some grand nothing waiting for him, but this wasn’t it. It’s easy to feel everyone else’s endings and take them personally or feel like that ending is yours, but you have to remain objective.

Instead, Levi thought about the nearly full bottle of whiskey waiting for him back at his warm apartment and the long nap he would take when he got home. That was his something right now. He’d had enough nothing for one lifetime.

He smiled slightly as he approached his room, occupied by one of Erwin’s coworkers – Dr. Morgan – and Hanji and even Director Pixis himself. It was a modest gathering, but Levi couldn’t help but appreciate that there was a gathering at all. They all seemed in good spirits, chatting amicably about the nice weather that day and the class Levi would start teaching in a month or so and about how pissed Levi would be when he woke up.

Well, at least they knew him.

“Alright, doctor, let’s take this moron off ice. Thaw him out,” Hanji said eagerly, rubbing her hands together. “Let’s see how lucky this bastard really is.”

“Not very,” Levi muttered to himself.

Dr. Morgan was an intimidating man, with eyes so sunken into his head that they seemed to glow from the caverns of their sockets. He made a small noise of agreement and injected a needle full of some clear substance into one of Levi’s I.V. lines. Pixis was watching with a polite interest, the same knowing smile on his face that Levi had grown accustomed to.

Levi couldn’t help but feel a little excited about the prospect of existing again. He took that as a good sign. Life must have been pretty good if he was looking forward to it again. Slowly he felt his limbs filling with a warm sensation and his vision began to darken on the room in front of him.

The process was difficult to recount as a whole. It sort of faded from his memory as it happened. It was kind of like how it’s difficult to pinpoint the exact moment you transition from being awake to being asleep. Levi wasn’t really sure when he was thrown back into his own body, but he remembered a bit from before that moment and a bit from after it. Other than that, though, it was mostly a blur.

 

\--

 

“Oi! Moron! Rise and shine!”

Holy shit, shut the fuck up.

“Wake up asshole!”

Hanji.

 Of fucking course.

“Go away shit for brains,” Levi moaned, vaguely aware that he was bringing his hands up to cover his face.

Hanji laughed with a little more relief than Levi expected. “Well would you look at that. The prodigal son returns. Welcome back to the world of the living, Levi. How do you feel?”

“Fuck off,” Levi grumbled, reaching blindly for the sheets at his waist so he could pull them up over his face. “I feel like someone put my head in a car compactor.”

“No such luck.”

Levi could just sense the stupid grin on Hanji’s face.

“How are you feeling?” That had to have been Pixis.

“Fine, sir,” Levi said begrudgingly, still unwilling to open his eyes. “Never better.”

“Levi, you need to follow the light with your eyes,” Morgan instructed, surprisingly close to Levi’s ear. “It’s annoying, but you have to do it.”

That was weird.

“My eyes are open?” Levi asked blankly.

The room fell into a tense silence. Levi blinked a few times.

Well, shit.

The silence in the room was deafening and suddenly all Levi wanted was to hear people talking again - anything to take his mind off of the crushing darkness pressing in his skull. “Ground control to Major Tom,” Levi said nervously, turning his head blindly to where he suspected they were all gaping at him. “Do you read me?”

“Houston,” Hanji said finally. “I think we have a problem.”

Levi sighed, trying to banish the fear that was rising from his stomach up into his throat, threatening to choke him. “At least,” he said carefully, “I’ll get that handicapped parking space now.”

Hanji was the only one brave enough to laugh. Levi had never been more grateful for that.

The darkness felt a little less dark.

 

\--

 

“Did you hear about Eren?” Erwin asked curiously, tapping various joints on Levi’s body, ascertaining the damage to his nervous system. Besides the permanent numbness in his right leg, his reflexes were fine.

Levi held up a hand to stop the doctor. “I’ve gotten enough news today, Erwin,” he said wearily. “One thing at a time, I think.”

Erwin didn’t say anything and Levi could only guess at the expression on his face. He had no visual cue to betray what Erwin was trying to tell him.

Sighing, Levi reached tentatively to where he supposed his head was, finding it right where he had left it. It was amazing how difficult it was to find parts of your own body without vision. He had never appreciated that before. Once locating his head, Levi rubbed tiredly at his scalp. “I’m alive,” he said firmly.

Erwin let out a small chuckle. “You’re alive,” he agreed. After a few minutes, Erwin cleared his throat. “Uh, your tree is in bloom,” he said awkwardly. “Just thought you should know.”

Levi couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Is it nice?”

 He knew the answer already. Though he had never seen it in bloom, and never would, he just knew it was beautiful. After all, how could something that so many people had cared about so much not be beautiful? It was impossible to think anything so loved could be anything less than breathtaking.

“It’s nice,” Erwin confirmed. “It’s really, really nice.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ENDED A STORY ON A CLIFFHANGER.
> 
> SO MUCH FOR ME BEING NICE.
> 
> No, just kidding, you get a really long epilogue sometime in the next few days. For serious, the epilogue will be a lot better than this chapter. I'm not about drama, so I tried to play this as realistically as I could. I'm happy with it anyways.  
> All of your questions will be answered in the REAL final chapter, which I hope to put out by the end of the week. That one will be a long one.
> 
>  
> 
> Anyways, enjoy your week, stay tuned for our epilogue/real final chapter and thanks as always for the ridiculously awesome support I get from you guys.
> 
> Cheers.


	28. Only Assholes Don't Supply an Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW. This took longer than I thought.
> 
> Here we go folks. Last chapter. I'll have most of my notes at the end.
> 
> Also, a change in point of view. wink.
> 
> Cheers.

 

 

_1 year later_

It hadn’t been easy, that was for sure.

For the first week, Eren was pretty sure he would feel less dead if he were pulse-less and ten feet below the ground.

But he wasn’t. For better or for worse.

Waking up was like sinking in a pool of quick sand and then being dragged out by a noose, up through miles of thick sludge and crushing pressure. When he finally awoke, though, it hadn’t been much better.

More than confused, he was lost. Subconsciously he knew that some amount of time had passed since arriving at the construction site more than six months prior – he just didn’t know how much. It was like waking up from one of those rare dreams where you aren’t exactly sure why you’re in bed at all, at first, because to you the dream had been more of a reality than the reality waiting for you back in your bed. Only, this had been about twenty times worse.

The doctors had tried to explain to Eren that he had been in a coma for the past six months after having suffered a major head injury at the construction site. It was utter nonsense of course, except for the weird feeling Eren got that he really _had_ been lying in a bed for the past six months. That was only a physical feeling though – emotionally, he felt as though he had been preoccupied with something unrelated to his life prior to the accident. That was apparently impossible, though.

But it wasn’t nonsense. Eren had spent six months in a coma. The doctors were right, of course. Eren blamed his brain. His brain did a lot of stupid things now, so he attributed it all to the injury.

He got pissed off a lot. Rehab and physical therapy had been infuriating because of his impeded brain processes. At first he couldn’t hold onto thoughts for more than a second or two, and had issues forming coherent strings of ideas at all. He knew what he wanted to say, but it was gone before he could say it or even halfway through saying it. And that was what pissed him off.

He forgot a lot of things too. The doctors had to re-explain everything dozens of times in the first week, because nothing stuck. They thought he had some form of mild short-term memory deficiency. Fortunately, it got better. He still forgot a lot of things and it still pissed him off, but he was getting better.

Everything had to move too damn slowly. Before his accident, Eren was impatient and unable to take things slowly. After, it only got worse. He knew that Mikasa and Armin were trying to help him when they talked slowly or gave him too much time for simple tasks, but it still pissed him off. It pissed him off that it pissed him off, too, because they were just being considerate. And it pissed him off most of all that he really _did_ need that extra time and slow speech that they reserved for him. Admitting he needed help wasn’t something Eren was great at – especially to himself. He knew that, but changing who you are never goes quite like you think it will.

Despite it all, Eren felt himself slowly falling into a more normal routine. The hospital paid off all of his bills due to some nonsense about misdiagnosis and malpractice. Armin had taken care of it all, showing an oddly combative side when he threatened the hospital to take them to court for pronouncing Eren brain dead when he wasn’t.

Eren didn’t really understand it all, but he couldn’t help thinking that the hospital was right. He _was_ a little brain dead. He probably always would be. But hey, free medical bills weren’t something to turn down.

The hospital had given in without a fight. Eren’s doctor, Dr. Smith, had put them on his medical malpractice insurance before the hospital could get into it with Armin, shouldering the blame before a fight could form. That seemed to please everyone. Even Dr. Smith seemed fine with it – he insisted on it, really.

So Eren attended his free physical therapy and cognitive therapy, trying his best not to lose his temper and making improvements all the while, no matter how modest. It was slow, but at least it was forward movement.

Because his job wasn’t a particularly mentally challenging one, Eren was cleared to return to work after six months of physical therapy. He continued the cognitive therapy, but they worked out his schedule with the hospital so he could work and continue his recovery.

Everything felt oddly normal.

Really, there were only two things that were out of the ordinary.

The first had been a short, irate man in a hospital gown who had entered his room and placed a sizeable, suspiciously clean boulder on his bedside table. They had stared each other down for a few minutes before the man had seemed to note the confusion in Eren’s eyes. With little explanation, the man had extended a hand to Eren, introducing himself as Levi. Eren had taken his hand and attempted to introduce himself, but Levi cut him short, saying he already knew Eren. Apparently Levi had been Eren’s nurse while he was comatose. Eren didn’t really consider recording numbers for an unconscious body as “knowing” someone, but he didn’t want to be rude. The man oddly intimidated him, anyways, so he kept his mouth shut. The weirdest part was that Levi never seemed to be able to look at him. The whole experience was just another confusing event in Eren’s recovery, so he tried not to let it get to him.

The boulder was weirdly comforting anyways. Eren kept it buckled into the passenger seat of his car – after he was finally cleared to drive again – and while it started as a joke, he wasn’t sure he could ever bring himself to remove his boulder companion from his car. Eren chalked it up to the brain injury. He was pretty sure Mikasa and Armin did too, but they would never say as much.

Levi hadn’t returned to Eren’s room after that. Part of Eren wanted to find the man and thank him for the boulder, but he never saw him.

The second odd occurrence was the delivery, quite out of the blue, of an incredibly gorgeous piano right to Eren’s apartment. Eren was sure it was some kind of mistake, but the delivery man insisted that he had been instructed to bring it to that address, have an ‘Eren Jaeger’ or (and he struggled to remain serious here) ‘Little Shit’ sign for it, and leave the piano there free of charge. Eren wasn’t sure if he should be confused, grateful, or insulted. In the end, he settled on a strange mixture of the three.

The frustrating part was that the delivery man was explicit in the fact that the donor remain anonymous. Eren tried to bully him into revealing the identity of the mystery person, but the man was clearly more intimidated by whoever had hired him than by Eren. The only clue with the piano was a short note tucked between two of the polished, ivory keys:

_Practice more, you sound like shit when you don’t practice. Congrats on winning the bet. Don’t fuck it up._

_-L_

 

What an infuriating, kind person.

Eren decided just to be mildly pissed off. It was his go-to response those days, anyways. Something tugged at the back of his mind, though, at the bold scrawl, and he tried to grab a hold of whatever was pulling at his thought process. Like most things, though, it scattered from his brain before he could grab hold of it.

The piano was really quite beautiful. Eren kept meaning to play it, but every time he got home from work, he’d sit down at the piano, look at his dirty hands, consider the perfectly polished wood and shining keys, and decide against it. It just didn’t seem right. Mikasa tried to get him to play, insisting that he used to love playing piano. Eren didn’t have a good response to that, though. It just didn’t feel right.

That night, however, Armin dragged out a large box of sheet music from their small storage closet and thumbed through some of it, trying to find something that Eren might like to play. Armin was always good at deducing things, and after pulling out all of the most worn and used music, he had settled on Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata as the most loved piece. It was so faded from countless handling and pencil scratches and erases and transport that it was barely held together anymore.

Staring at the old music, Eren felt something sprint through his thoughts, trying its damndest to escape him. He latched onto it, though, and wrestled around with the memory in his brain until a flickering bulb lit up in his skull. He could play this one. He didn’t even need music. He was good at this one.

Wasn’t he?  
He was decent at the piece before his accident.

He was better at it now, though? For some reason?

Stupid brain.

He tried not to let it get to him, but sat down at the piano for the hundredth time in the last month. This time, though, he would play it. After a few tentative taps on the keys, Eren began an unsure rendition of the piece. As he played it became less tentative and more practiced.

In fact, it was incredibly practiced. He had played this song a thousand times. Why had he played it a thousand times? There was some black hole of anxiety and blocked memory crushing his skull from his confused brain and Eren had to stop abruptly in the middle of the song. He had developed a monstrous headache from the attempt to breach the wall in his mind and was forced to turn in early. Mikasa seemed concerned, but Armin just seemed curious.

Lying in bed Eren knew he had forgotten something. It was the same anxiety of forgetting to turn in something important, forgetting a friend’s birthday, or leaving something precious in a public place. This was a lot worse, though.

He had forgotten something major.

 

\--

 

The feeling didn’t return to him in the morning. Eren was kind of hoping that he could return to the edge of the wall in his mind in the morning so he could attempt to mentally climb it again. It was gone, though. He couldn’t even find the wall.

“You sounded nice last night,” Armin said politely over his breakfast, breaking the silence over the shared meal.

Eren nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah,” he agreed. Why had it sounded so good?

Armin smiled. “You should play more. Mikasa was right: it’s probably good for you.”

Eren furrowed his brow. It was good for him. It made him happy. That piano in particular made him happy, because…? It wasn’t just pianos in general. There was something else. There was something about that particular piano. “I suppose,” Eren finally managed.

Nodding encouragingly, Armin excused himself from the table to clean his dish. Eren remained, frowning at his eggs. “I’m not going to work today,” Eren declared.

Mikasa appeared from the living room, looking mildly concerned. “Are you feeling alright?”

Eren shook his head. “I’m trying to remember something,” he said vaguely. He knew he sounded stupid, but that was the best he could come up with. “Just not today,” he clarified. “Work, I mean. Not today.”

Boy had he nailed the whole intelligence thing.

Neither Armin nor Mikasa called him out on it.

They both headed off within the hour – Armin to work and Mikasa to her classes – and Eren was finally left alone. Tentatively he sat down at the piano and stared at its keys. Without playing a note, Eren rested the pads of his fingers on the keys, willing something to trigger a recoverable memory.

Someone should be sitting beside him?

Maybe.

He should practice more?

Definitely.

Jazz.

Jazz music?

Eren didn’t play jazz music. Did someone else play jazz music?

His hands seemed to suggest otherwise. For whatever reason, Eren started playing a simple, cycling chord progression. Something was missing, though. Eren was sure more than ever that someone was supposed to be sitting next to him.

The solo part was missing.

Eren stopped playing and glared at his hands. Letting out a sigh of frustration, he pounded halfheartedly on the keys, producing a loudly jarring, dissonant chord that echoed through the apartment.

Suddenly an image of an unfamiliar apartment sprang into his mind. The piano seemed more at home in that memory. There was someone sitting beside him. Eren was playing jazz music. But Eren didn’t play jazz music?

According to that memory he did.

Ah fuck it, he was nuts anyways. Better not to try too hard. Eren launched into the Moonlight Sonata because it was comfortable and didn’t require too much thought. Brainpower wasn’t something that Eren had much to spare of these days. The familiar song put him at ease.

 

\--

 

The weird memories became more frequent for Eren. In all of them he felt like he was chasing some truth he hadn’t arrived at. He wished he was smart like Armin so he could figure out what the hell he had forgotten about. Armin could have done it.

His first big breakthrough came when he had abandoned his normal routine after cognitive therapy and decided to take a walk at the nearby park to try and rid himself of the mental fatigue that the intensive brain exercises always seemed to cause him. The park was nice, with a small mirror-like pond overshadowed by a massive, ancient willow tree.  It was while he was admiring the tree that he spotted a small apartment building nearby. Eren wasn’t sure of very many things those days, but he was definitely sure that he had been to that apartment building before.

He had been there a _lot._

With little additional thought, Eren headed for the familiar apartment complex. He didn’t know what he planned to do when he got there, but he could only hope that something about the building would remind him of enough information to set him on the right path.

In that regard, Eren had been mostly right. Once inside the complex, his feet carried him up a flight of stairs to one of the corner doors. He had to stop himself from just walking in. Part of him thought it would be natural for him to do so, but he had to remind himself that it would definitely _not_ be normal.

Should he knock?

Fuck it. He knocked.

“I don’t want any,” someone shouted, muffled by the door.

Eren blinked. “Any what?”

No response.

Oh. The resident thought he was a salesman.

Stupid.

Eren shook his head. Now what?

“ _Anything_. I’m really fucking happy. I don’t want anything, my life is wonderfully complete, now leave.”

“Oh,” Eren supplied lamely. He made no move to leave, though.

After a few moments, Eren heard shuffling inside the house. The resident must have run into something, though, because he swore loudly after a loud banging noise. Much to Eren’s surprise, the door swung open suddenly, revealing an extremely unhappy looking man.

Hold up.

That was Eren’s nurse from the ward. That was the man that had given Eren a boulder with little explanation.

Eren stayed silent.

“What?” Levi asked dryly.

Still, Eren didn’t open his mouth. Levi was dressed in a smart suit, wearing black slacks and a black button-up accented by a white, silk bowtie. His hair was slicked back and his eyes were blocked by a pair of odd, perfectly round, shaded glasses.

Levi stared ahead at Eren’s chest from inside his apartment. He didn’t seem to notice Eren at all. “Say nothing if you understand me,” Levi muttered. “Ah fuck it,” he concluded to himself. “I can’t be late for this gig.” With that, Levi shut the door on Eren.

Eren would have stopped Levi, but it was like someone had flipped a switch in his brain. There was no real trigger, but a neat bundle of memories clicked into place and Eren felt foolish for not remembering it sooner.

He knew all of it.

The ward, Reiner, Bertolt, Annie, Connie, Sasha, Jean, Ymir, jazz music, Levi’s apartment, pinning Levi to the ground when he was too drunk to swing straight, robbing a convenience store, attending a symphony, visiting a church, Levi’s weight pressing on him, planting the redbud tree, arguing, laughing, and crying. It was just there. It had never been gone.

And while Eren knew he should probably knock on Levi’s door again, he just stood there. He stood there for nearly an hour. Eventually the door swung open and Levi closed it behind him, a dog at his heels, locking it while Eren stared at his back and the dog wagged his tail happily. Eren was caught offguard when Levi turned around and ran right into him, like Eren hadn’t been there at all.

The dog barked once and Levi frowned down at it. “Oi! What do you think I pay you for?”

Barking once more, the dog continued looking happily up at Levi.

Levi nodded. “Alright, I don’t pay you. Fair enough.” Turning to Eren, Levi shrugged apologetically. “Sorry.” He waved a hand in front of his eyes. “Didn’t see you there. Well, actually, I wouldn’t have seen you anywhere.”

Eren frowned. Levi was blind? No, that wasn’t right.

Words wouldn’t come out of Eren’s mouth.

Instead, he walked quickly away from the situation, heading out the front doors of the complex and back through the park.

 

\--

 

That night Eren ran through all of his newly retrieved memories. He had been dead. Right? That was what that was?

No. He had been a ghost?

Something like that.

Against all odds he had woken up. Just him.

The other 6th ward patients had died like they were supposed to.

Eren couldn’t help but chuckle sadly to himself about how, even in death, he was never able to do what he was supposed to.

The piano was Levi’s. He knew that now. He had woken up, won the bet they had made, and Levi had still made good on it, even though Eren didn’t remember it at the time.

What was Levi doing now?

He was blind.

What do blind people do? Eren had always assumed they did nothing. That couldn’t be true, though, because Levi was always doing _something_.

Perhaps Levi was still working at the hospital. Was that even possible? Eren didn’t think he had the social grace to return to Levi’s apartment out of the blue again, but decided that the next time he was at the hospital, he would inquire as to Levi’s status of employment. Seeing Levi at the hospital would be a lot less awkward than knocking on his apartment door.

 

\--

 

“Levi?” A tall, bespectacled woman in nurse’s garb poked her head around the corner of the service desk where Eren had been attempting to talk to a plump woman with curly hair and a warm, customer service smile. “That old, blind son of a bitch?” She grinned at Eren.

Hanji. That woman was Hanji, Eren noted. He knew her.

“Er, yes?” Eren smiled apologetically at her. “Does he still work here?”

Hanji frowned, a light tone of irritation in her voice. “Yeah, you bet he does. And now, he makes more money than me and has the best damn hours in the whole fucking hospital. Sign _me_ up for being blind. Eyesight isn’t worth the hours I pull here.”

Eren wasn’t really sure how to respond, so he just nodded politely.

Seeming to sense Eren’s confusion, Hanji grinned at him. “If you’re looking for him, his next class is starting in about ten minutes. Why don’t you head down to the 6th wing, room 2123 – giant lecture hall, can’t miss it. It’s his first class of the new semester, and I think you’ll enjoy it,” she said, winking.

“Uh, thanks. I think I will.” Eren bid farewell to Hanji and headed off toward what he assumed to be the renovated version of his old ward. So, Levi had become a teacher. Fancy that.

The new ward was a hell of a lot nicer than the one Eren had been confined to a year prior. They had nearly completely rebuilt the wing, replacing the rows of small rooms and nurse’s station with a giant auditorium and a daycare center for hospital employees and visitor’s children. It was quite nice.

Eren located the auditorium with little trouble, and made his way inside. There was a surprising amount of people in there. They all looked to be about college-aged, and were murmuring amongst themselves before class started, building a dull roar in the cavernous room. Picking out a seat near the front – one of the few left – Eren made himself comfortable for the lecture. What was the harm in it?

At exactly 2:00, the door at the side of the bottom level of the lecture hall, right by the chalk board and podium, swung open and Levi himself whisked into the room. Following at Levi’s heals, was a brown and white marbled dog – some sort of Australian shepherd, Eren thought. It was a happy looking dog, but well behaved and extremely conscious of Levi’s movements.

Without an introduction, Levi headed to the blackboard and wrote the words ‘Doctor’ and ‘Professor’ on the board, before turning to face the large crowd. He looked so different than Eren remembered. He had put on weight and seemed a lot healthier than before. Despite Eren’s doubts, he also looked like he belonged lecturing a class. Levi was pressed into a neat shirt and bowtie, with a nearly comically academic argyle sweatervest. The look was polished off by the clean white, perfectly ironed doctor’s coat that brushed at his knees. Without a word, Levi stared unseeingly at the class from behind his small, round, tinted spectacles. It didn’t take long for the class to fall into a respectful silence.

“Hi,” Levi said shortly. The class didn’t respond.

Levi gestured at the board behind him. “I am not a real doctor. Nor am I a real professor. But you can call me either.”

There was a bit of nervous laughter in the auditorium.

“This,” Levi continued, “is my dog. His name is Dog.”

A little more nervous laughter.

“Dog is here because I’m blind as shit, and he isn’t. Say hello Dog.”

Dog said hello with a single bark.

Levi made a dismissive gesture with his hand and Dog left to curl up in the corner at the edge of the blackboard.

With surprising confidence, Levi made his way to the counter beside the blackboard and pulled a small bucket from underneath it, setting it gently on the table. “I asked my terror of a friend, Hanji, to bring this for me to try and knockout any sense of formality in this classroom before it has begun.”

There was some confused, mildly concerned murmuring.

Levi smirked at them all, the first break in his composure since arriving. “Catch,” he said simply, reaching into the bucket. He pulled out what appeared to be a human brain and lobbed it expertly into the sea of expectant college students.

Various screams and gasps of surprise erupted as the wet mass of human brain tissue was juggled between mortified students. Levi was still smiling wickedly, clearly enamored with the sounds of distress. Eventually an excitable male student in a hockey jersey had claimed the brain and was waving it around triumphantly.

Levi sensed this, and held out his hands expectantly. “Alright, toss it back to me.”

There was a moment of hesitation, as the student seemed to consider tossing something at a blind man. He decided not to toss it, and held onto it.

Nodding, Levi clapped his hands a few times. “Well then. You are actually the first class to not try and throw a brain to their blind professor. Ten extra credit points to all of you for not engaging a blind man in a game of catch.” There were a few woops and high-fives at the news. “On the other hand, ten extra credit points deducted for not taking your one opportunity to throw a brain at your professor with no real penalty.” This was met with some laughter and joking groans. “You’re all pathetic.”

The laughter in the hall was genuine now.

“Alright, alright,” Levi said, turning back to the board. “I don’t get paid to throw things at you. Let’s learn some shit.”

The rest of the class was quite interesting, Eren thought. He didn’t follow a lot of it, but Levi was a surprisingly good teacher and seemed adept at keeping everyone focused and entertained. Dog eventually resorted to pacing around and decided that Eren would be a great place to take a nap. Eren had always liked dogs, though, so he allowed Dog to climb onto the seat next to him and rest his head on Eren’s lap. Stroking Dog’s soft ears was a lot easier than paying attention anyways.

Dog fell asleep there and when everyone else was filing out of the auditorium, Eren remained, petting Dog’s head absently, while Levi meticulously cleaned the blackboard, having to cover every inch just to know he had gotten it all.

“Oi! Dog! Where’d you go?” Levi finally asked, turning to the empty hall.

Dog’s ears perked up and he barked once.

Levi frowned. “Let me guess: someone let you freeload on them and now you’re in love.”

Eren cleared his throat. “Er, sorry. Your dog is uh, really nice.”

Levi cocked his head to one side. Eren figured his voice sounded familiar. “Thanks. And you are?”

Now or never.

“Uh, Eren.”

Say something, dumbass.

“And, uh, thanks for the piano, Levi.”

Levi’s eyebrows shot up toward his hairline, but he didn’t say anything.

“It’s good to see you,” Eren added hastily.

Finally, Levi managed a slight smile. “A bet is a bet, kid. I’m an asshole, but I’m an asshole of my word.”

Dog was looking excitedly between Eren and Levi like he was missing something really great.

“So I’m not crazy,” Levi concluded. “You remember, and I’m not crazy.”

Eren shrugged. “Or we’re both crazy.”

“Or we’re both crazy,” Levi confirmed.

“You look good,” Eren said warmly, gesturing vaguely at Levi’s person.

Levi chuckled. “You mean I got fat,” Levi returned goodnaturedly, patting at his slightly more filled-out frame.

“No,” Eren said hastily. “You just look good.”

“So do you,” Levi joked.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, Eren cleared his throat. “So, uh, have you stopped playing piano?”

Levi shook his head. “Nope. I have a few regular gigs at some of the local banquet halls and clubs. Now that I’m only lecturing three times a week, I have time to do that kind of shit.”

“I’m glad,” Eren said earnestly. He meant it. Levi looked really good.

 He just seemed really good.

“Me too, kid.”

Dog leapt off of Eren’s lap and plodded over to Levi, pushing his head into Levi’s hand. “Alright, alright,” Levi said, patting Dog’s head. “I’ve got to go get ready for a gig right now, actually.”

Eren wasn’t really ready to see Levi go yet.

Levi paused. “You can come if you want.”

 

\--

 

Levi had gotten better, if at all possible. Eren, as he had sat at the bar listening to Levi’s music, had felt a ridiculous sense of jealously. Levi would always be better than him, he noted. At least at jazz.

Afterwards, Eren had gone back with Levi to his apartment. It was like returning to a comfortable routine. Surprisingly little had changed about the complex. The only real difference was that the area where Levi’s old piano had been – the one now residing in Eren’s apartment – there was a brand new piano. It was another Steinway that was quite similar to the old one, but maybe even a little more beautiful.

Eren whistled upon seeing it. “Damn,” he whispered.

Levi smirked. “Damn is right. You can thank my new salary for that one.”

“And here I was feeling bad about taking your piano,” Eren grumbled.

Shrugging, Levi excused himself to the kitchen. Predictably, he only came back out when he had secured a generous glass of whiskey.

“Some things never change,” Eren laughed. “Part of me thought you would have had some inner revelation and kicked the habit.”

Levi snorted. “Yeah, right. Did _you_? You almost died, too. What was _your_ big revelation?”

Holding up his hands in surrender, Eren plopped down on Levi’s couch. “Alright, you got me there. Still working construction, still a dumbass.” He paused a moment. “It’s funny, but the other day I forgot my hardhat again. And I couldn’t help but think about how some people just never learn. You’d think I would be the most careful about that kind of shit. I’m just not, though.”

Levi sat down next to Eren, surprisingly close, their sides touching comfortably. He smiled a knowing smile. “Yeah, we never change. We’re just chased in circles our whole lives by the same stupid tendencies. Predictable to a fault,” he mused, tossing back the rest of his whiskey.

Eren grinned. “Yeah, but who cares?”

Removing his spectacles, Levi began polishing them absently on his sweater. He was still smirking, though. “Fair enough. So I’ll keep drinking too much, and you’ll keep being a dumbass then?”

“I guess so,” Eren concluded.

Levi frowned into his empty glass. Without a word, Eren took the glass from Levi’s hand and hauled himself off of the couch to refill it. Levi must have sensed Eren’s intentions, because he didn’t protest. Instead, he waited silently until Eren returned and held his hand out for the refilled glass.

When they were both situated again, neither made a move to initiate another conversation. It wasn’t particularly required. It never really had been between the two.

They stayed mostly silent for the rest of the night, until Levi decided to stumble off to bed, doubly impeded by the combined consumption of too much alcohol and his disability. It was kind of amusing, but Eren didn’t point it out. He just helped the older man to bed and climbed in wordlessly on the other side. Neither of them mentioned the return to habit.

Instead, Levi just patted Eren’s head drunkenly while Dog curled up at the bottom of the bed. “I’m glad you’re alive,” Levi slurred.

“Yeah. Goodnight asshole.”

Eventually they both drifted off to sleep, Levi deciding in his drunken stupor that draping himself perpendicularly over Eren’s midriff was a good idea, and Eren a bit too tipsy himself to care. Halfway through the night, Eren was pretty sure he had shoved Levi off of him. The man was heavy.

And that was about it.

Sometimes a return to normalcy, or the next thing closest, is about all a person can hope for. Neither of the two found a problem in that.

Eren still forgot things, he still got pissed off when his brain couldn’t connect synapses or finish his thoughts, and he still had cognitive troubles. Levi still drank too much and ran into more things than he used to. Mikasa and Levi bickered almost as much as Eren and Levi did, and Armin would watch them all fondly. Their weird quasi-family outings drew stares and looks of confusion as the four of them (sometimes five if Hanji materialized to make Levi miserable) seemed more inclined to argue and harass each other than participate in any form of bonding.

It seemed to suit them all just fine, though.

So that was it.

Eren was probably right: endings just kind of sucked by definition.

On the other hand, Levi thought that _he_ was right: endings only sucked because a story had been so damn good.

Most of all, though, they all seemed to agree that Annie had been right:

It was good.

All of it was good.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Done and done.
> 
> I always pictured having something great to say in my last bit of author's notes, but I feel like i've said everything I want to say? I'm just glad you all stuck with me through the end. I hope you all have a good year and good lives, filled with things. Not just good things. I hope it's filled with happy things, things that make you angry, things that make you cry, things that make you miss people, and things that confuse you. Life is best when filled with all kinds of things.
> 
> So enjoy all of your things. I hope there are lots of them.
> 
> Your comments are all beautiful and kept me writing. I read every single one of them and enjoyed them all. Feel free to hit me up on tumblr if you ever need to drop me a line, because I would be more than happy to hear from you.
> 
> And that's about it.
> 
> Indigo out.
> 
> Cheers.


End file.
